Untitled

[humbugify]

people don’t really post edits on here but i quite like how this turned out

[carfuckerlynch]

if music is sex and machines r sex than surely the boombox is the most erotic item made

[carfuckerlynch]

[ID: tags reading “i mean there is that whole trope of holding the boombox outside someone’s window.” /end ID]

i get what u mean but i do mean that i want to fuck the boom box

[the-haiku-bot]

i get what u mean

but i do mean that i want

to fuck the boom box

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[dividusyliaster]

Mason was curious what I was unwrapping and it was bubblegum, so i let him sniff aND HE REALLY DIDN’T LIKE IT

[dividusyliaster]

D I S G U S T

[kaylewiswrites-deactivated20180]

How I think I’m writing: Using eye contact, or lack thereof, to display emotions such as intimacy, shock, denial, or nervousness. 

How I’m actually writing: She looked at me, and I looked away. I tried to look back, but she was already looking at the sky. “Look,” she sighs, looking back at me for a split second. “I don’t know how to say this.” We looked at each other and time stopped, but then she looked her lookers at something else to look at, looking tired. 

[myedol]

[mysoleisred]

Things I want in the next 5 years

- a stable job that i love

- enough money to live comfortably and travel

- a fulfulling relationship

[gif87a-com]

[whothebuckisfuckybruh-deactivat]

me realizing my experiences with sewing have been a lie this whole goddamn time:

[fuzipenguin]

I don’t know about human surgeons, but that’s a suture pattern I use to close skin all the time and you can see why.

[cappucino-commie]

I forgot vets existed for a moment and that comment made me wonder what Cryptid had gotten a doctorate and was performing surgery.

[yeah-yeah-beebiss-1]

bad things to say when you nut

whoopsie-doo, here comes the goo

it’s slime time

have some brogurt

a shot of goo from me to you

gonna splurt the ‘gurt

[firebreathingeli]

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

[mordication]

i do bite my thumb, sir

[firebreathingeli]

Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?

[mordication]

is the law on our side if i say ay?

[firebreathingeli]

No

[mordication]

no, sir, i do not bite my thumb at you sir; but I bite my thumb, sir

[firebreathingeli]

Do you quarrel, sir?

[mordication]

quarrel, sir? no sir

if you do, sir, i am for you: i serve as good a man as you

[firebreathingeli]

No better

[mordication]

well, sir

[firebreathingeli]

DOST THOU WANT TO FUCKING GO, SIR?

[mordication]

DOST THOU THINK THOU CAN FUCKING TAKE ME, BRO?

[firebreathingeli]

DOST THOU EVEN HOIST? OUT TO THE COURT YARD, WITH HASTE.  

[classannalampost]

The Shakespeare fandom is out of control

[badluckbadger]

The sound my stupid cat makes when I move him from his favourite spot (on top of my jackets)

[hhjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhksl]

what kind of camera are you using this is like movie quality god damn

[sugarpiss]

HE SOUNDS SO SAD PUT hIM BACK

[kaijuno]

[blackfemmejeanvaljean]

[drdelphinecormigay]

There is categorically no trend on Twitter that will ever ever ever beat this ‘girls do it better’ thing we’ve got going because honestly it’s just meaning we’re getting photos of beautiful girls recreating this look and my lesbian ass is living for it

[drdelphinecormigay]

Seeing as you guys are loving this as much as I am, let me bless your eyes with some more beautiful girls creating this iconic look. Creds of course to all of these wonderful ladies

[hannahhillam]

I threw a dog on the ground today 😭😭😭

[coffeeandstring]

I am embarrassed by how hard this made me laugh.

[fatsexybitch]

…..does this mean cat people hurl cats at the ground?

[hollowedskin]

you just kind of… open ur arms and they sort themselves out. if you try and place them down they get mad and wiggle and make everything worse

[everydayconman]

[shotfromguns]

some friends of mine have the most un-cat-ish cat i have ever met

my quintessential example of this:

i was holding him in my arms petting him while we were picking out what games to play that night. when we’d decided on a few, i needed to put the cat down in order to, you know, carry boxes. so i started letting him down, expecting that he’d eventually do the cat hop thing… but he never did.

i ended up lowering him all the way to the floor. and even then he never got his feet under him. i just sort of… plopped him down on his side as he stared up at me like a betrayed sack of flour.

[thecheshirecass-deactivated2018]

I saw this so clearly in my mind and I’m never going to stop laughing at betrayed sack of flour.

[carbonoid-reblogs]

He wasn’t done being held!!!

[pettycentral]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

earth sign antics

[cyborgsmanifesto]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[4velitta4]

I feel like this could be useful in my future

[astrologypixies-deactivated2016]

REBLOG THIS. I CANNOT STRESS HOW IMPORTANT THIS GUIDES ARE, BOOST THIS SHIT

[getupoffyourcassbutt]

If I don’t reblog this one of these things is definitely going to happen to me

[ruffsketches]

[pressurizedpleasure]

The punchline of this comic is the truest thing to ever exist.

[pr1nceshawn]

How Food Looks Before It’s Harvested.

Sesame Seeds

Cranberry

Pineapple

Peanut

Cashew

Pistachio

Brussel Sprouts

Cacao

Vanilla

Saffron

Kiwi

Pomegranate

[biochromium]

exactly 1 minute ago i had absolutely no idea what the plants sesame seeds and peanuts came from look like and i am shocked and surprised