Shie

AMA TESTESSO🥀

[khaineto-deactivated20260527]

Happiness is a trap.

It can’t last forever.

Let’s say you meet the love of your life, well, it’s still gonna end.

It’s inevitable, whether by the slow pull of a disease, or the shock of loose footing on a hiking trail, whether it be the corrosion of two personalities that reshape each other until they’re incompatible, or maybe the old stranger in a bar who says the things that need to be said, to that person, that night.

The point is, happiness always ends. Best case scenario, think about this. Best case is that you die at the same time.

[seaphine]

isn't it funny how we all wanted to be professionals with degrees and high paying jobs but now we just want slow mornings, good coffee and a regulated nervous system.

[khaineto-deactivated20260527]

It is this silent nights that makes you yearn.

[marialigaya]

there are still things i don’t understand, things i might not accept, and wounds that leave me feeling empty. there are also people i may not be ready to forgive yet and others who have caused me pain. but despite all of this, i know there are reasons behind it all. someday i will be okay. i will heal and all of this will make sense. someday...

[hxbromqnia]

I'm so tired of hearing unsolicited advice from other people. Honestly, it's exhausting. I don't understand why everyone feels the need to point out that I'm thin or to suggest that certain clothes don't look good on me because of it. Do you have any idea how much mental and emotional effort it took me to finally accept my body the way it is? Gaining weight has never been easy for me, no matter how hard I try. And after all this time, I finally reached the point where I can accept myself, love myself for who I am, and not feel ashamed of my body. But instead of supporting me in that, you're just coming in with your comments, crushing any shred of confidence I've built. It’s incredibly hurtful, and I’m just so tired of hearing it. It’s not your place to say how I should feel about my body, and honestly, it’s getting exhausting having to constantly defend myself against these remarks.

[inkskinned]

i don't know what else to tell you except to be brave and to be kind. take it day by day. go outside and watch the clouds paint the sky. call a friend.

we are still here, and furious. you are still here, and that matters. you can still do and make and be something important. i promise. stay alive. it matters, and you matter. i know it is easy to succumb to anxiety and exhaustion and defeat.

communities can start with tiny ideas. google "dnd meeting near me" or whatever your interest might be. google "volunteering near me." google "support groups near me." start journalling. start a discord. start a book club.

when you close your eyes and hear hamlet, answer his prayer: it's better still to be.

[thedorkreadstheworld]

Happy International Women's Day to all the Mothers, Daughters, and Sisters who make the world so beautiful and special!

I declare more power to all the the women out there!✨

[hoihoiikrista-deactivated202506]

Once you lose access to me... don't expect the same me I gave you in the beginning.... expect the version of me you deserve. From the energy YOU created.

[resiliencewithin]

Babe, uncomfortable feelings are a part of life. They will come, as they have right now. They will go, as they always have. Then they’ll come back again, but they’ll also go again. There is no ‘peak existence’ that doesn’t include emotional discomfort. So, make some space for it, watch your little show, eat a little treat— a little enjoyment can co-exist with your discomfort. Try again tomorrow.

[feelingsoftheday]

i feel so detached from people after i remove myself from them... it feels like whatever relationship we ever had didn’t even happen and whenever I think about it, it feels fake. like it was a dream or something. what is that??

[dakilanggerlpren]

I’m feeling 2023 all over again and it’s not good.

[selfproclaimedselfapologist]

i wish i could protect my siblings forever; it makes me bone-deep sad that i can't keep them like they are now until eternity.

[markjoliveros]

As I was about to recall what was this year taught me, I never realize that time is nothing when you're drowning in the sea of sadness and dealing with a whole bunch of adult stuff that no one has prepared you to because you really don't know the value of time until it becomes the last thing you'll ever have in this world that it sucks that it's never gonna change everything but to let your mind accept that things just don't go how we want them to be.

But hey, choice was never ours. It was all by force that brought us to where we are now. No, you can't qoute me on that.

Whatever it is, skip those "we're all in this together" line because we are all so good at hiding our struggles... Or why should it ever there a need to broadcast? It's shameful.

This is why we lost so many beautiful lives because we never really cared until we see the person lying in the casket. And we start jarring and act with full regrets for not being on their side the whole time.

Depression, self-harm, anxiety and panic attacks are the enemies and it's not shameful when one wants to admit that they're dealing with it.

[spilledgravy]

God knows you’re tired. He knows it’s hard for you. But know that God will never put you in a situation you can’t handle. Your struggle has a purpose. Your pain has a purpose. Your blessings will come soon.

[resiliencewithin]

Babe, uncomfortable feelings are a part of life. They will come, as they have right now. They will go, as they always have. Then they’ll come back again, but they’ll also go again. There is no ‘peak existence’ that doesn’t include emotional discomfort. So, make some space for it, watch your little show, eat a little treat— a little enjoyment can co-exist with your discomfort. Try again tomorrow.

[lookingforann]

Minsan iniisip mo na kapag ikaw ang mas nagbigay, ikaw ang nawalan. Kapag ikaw ang mas nagsakripisyo, ikaw ang kawawa. Kapag ikaw ang mas nagmahal, ikaw ang talo.

Pero sana maisip mo na sa bawat bagay na binigay mo, sa bawat oras at pagkakataong sinakripisyo mo, sa bawat pagmamahal na pinaramdam mo — sana maisip mo kung gaano kalaki ang puso mo, at gaano ka kalaki bilang isang tao.

Hindi lahat ng tao kayang magbigay ng malaki, magsakripisyo ng malaki, at magmahal ng malaki. 

Kaya hindi ikaw ang nawalan.

Hindi ikaw ang kawawa.

Hindi ikaw ang talo.

‘Yan ang tandaan mo.

[yellowband-aids]

Dear Ma,

Its been 5 months but it still feels like yesterday. I never really get the chance to process my feelings. Ang bilis. Sobrang bilis. Parang nagising na lang ako, wala ka na. Literal na paggising ko wala ka na. Parang kasama mo ring namatay yung isang parte ng pagkatao ko.

Ang daya mo, Ma. Sabado pa yung huling pag uusap natin. Sana tumawag ako ng Linggo sayo. Sana naisip ko na bago ko pumasok nun Lunes kinausap kita. Sana bago ako natulog nun Martes naalala kong kumustahin ka. Sana nun pinaaala sakin nun boss ko yung annual check up natin nun Miyerkules, nagtext ako sayo. Medyo nag away pa tayo nun March 17 dahil sa utang ko sayo. Sana hindi na lang kita inaway 'non. Sana, nun March 18 mas kinausap kita kesa kinausap ko yung mga kaibigan ko tungkol sa naging ganap nun kasal ni Roda. Huling yakap na pala natin nun Linggo, Ma. Sana mas tinagalan ko yung yakap ko sayo, huli na pala yun.

Ma, ang hirap pala na wala ka. Mas naintindahan ko na kung bakit lagi ka nagagalit sa akin kapag puro palabas yung pera. Sana andito ka pa, Ma. Wala ako mapagsabihan nang nararamdaman ko. Wala nang nagagalit sa akin. Ang bigay ng responsibilidad ko. Pakiramdam ko mag isa ako, Ma. Hindi ko na alam if nabubuhay pa ba ako or I'm just living for others.

I just want to disappear for a while. To rest, to process everything, to let myself feel the pain of losing you, Ma. But I can't. Sina Kuya, mukhang nag move on na sila sayo, Ma. Pero ako Ma, parang kahapon lang nun iniwan mo kami.

Pag naaalala ko yung mga huling sandali mo, gusto ko magalit sa sarili ko. Kasi wala kang kasama nun, Ma. Hindi ko alam if okay ka ba nun nawala ka. Kung nahirapan ka ba. May masakit ba sayo? Mainit daw sobra nun araw na yun. Walang nakaramdam, Ma na aalis ka nun. Ikaw ba, naramdaman mo ba na iiwan mo na kami? Wala ko maalala nun araw na yun. Kailangang asikasuhin lahat. Yung utak ko parang nablangko.

Nung mga oras na yon hindi ko alam yung mararamdaman ko. Akala ko, Ma kapag nawala ka, magiging okay ako. Kasi sabi ko magiging malaya na ako sayo. Magagawa ko na yung mga gusto ko. Pero bakit ganito? Bakit sobrang sakit ng pagkawala mo, Ma. Nadudurog yung puso ko. Ilang beses kong tinangka na sumulat sayo pero hindi ko ginagawa kasi sabi ko, strong ako. Kaya ko ito. Parang nun nawala lang si Papa ito. Alam ko na yung dapat gawin, pero heto ako nagback to zero.

I feel betrayed, Ma. Ang dami pa nating pangarap. I feel like a failure. Puro lang ako salita. Wala man lang ako nagawa para sayo, Ma. I'm a mess. I hate myself. I don't know if I can forgive myself for all the things I missed. Hindi pa ako nakakabawi sayo, Ma.

Actually, Ma, hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko. Paano ko magsisimula para sa sarili ko. Gusto ko naman sana unahin yun sarili ko pero hindi ko magawa. Iniisip ko na lang, nakakatulong ako. Masaya na ako para sa iba. I guess?

I miss you so much, Ma. I miss how you always scold me even the tiniest thing. I realize that I appreciate that. But I'm too late. No amount of money can replace you. To all the opportunity I had, I just let it slip away. Sana nun naglambing ka sakin na sa Batangas na ako nagwork, sana pumayag na ako. Sana nun nagbibiruan tayo na baka any time kunin ka na ni Lord sana sineryoso kita. I wish I paid attention to all your pains and struggles.

I just wish I'm beside you that day. I wish I told you I love you more than everything. That I'm so proud that you are my mother. But you were gone. Forever. And I'm still here, hoping that this is just a dream.