i want to destroy my flesh prision from the inside

refusal to be fathomed, desire to become pronouns it/its, legal adult

[antifathomable-shapeshifter]

hello.

get to know me, stranger (carrd)

BYF: I may post triggering things. this blog is for my darker thougths and identity feelings (which are intertwined with my mental health). mentions of violence and horror elements are present in my original posts, and may be in what i reblog.

this blog is also for (most) of my political tumblr stuff, and my spirituality/learning of the occult.

DNI: idc. if i don't like your blog or how you interact with my blog, i'll block you. feel free to block me if you don't like me/my blog.

feel free to ask for any specific tags to be added for my original posts. i won't tag my reblogs, aside from commentary, so be aware.

-also, i tag things just as #[thing] with no tw/cws because there's too much variation. block [thing] in tumblr's Filtered Post Content if you want to really make sure it won't get by your filters. (FPC searches the entire post, including the tags). i can explain how if you can't figure it out.-

this is a side blog, so i can't follow from here. i may follow you from my main: @yesicanbelieveitsnotbutter.

---

i am on ao3 writing porn of fucked up men (&other things): leothelion333. if you like this blog, you have a higher chance of liking my writing.

[lost-where-the-forest-would-grow]

I just got described as an "ad hating commie" by someone because I said a minute of youtube ads is unpleasant. fully spent 5 minutes arguing and defending youtube ads. insane stuff

[daovihi]

reblog if you are an ad hating commie

[taylortut]

the “sexy lamp test” but for disabled folks: if you can replace your disabled character with a beloved pet dog that needs an expensive surgery to survive then you have to throw out your manuscript 

[rouge-wall-enthusiast]

“The Family Dog” by Deaf artist Susan Dupor, 1991

[anistarrose]

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

[brainrockets]

Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!

[eptck]

you have to be kinder to people with memory issues.

you have to be kinder to people who are slow processors.

you have to be kinder to people who don't understand your jokes.

you have to be kinder to people who forget important dates.

you have to be kinder to people with cognitive decline.

you have to be kinder to people who were always this way, too.

you have to be kind. you have to be kind.

[pigswithwings]

the fascinating thing about being abused is that years later youre gonna be there sitting around going "okay so what now". cause like theres no instruction manual is there

[pigswithwings]

youre gonna be buying groceries and then youre gonna remember you went through all that for literally no good reason and youre gonna go Oh Okay and put paper towels in your bag or whatever

[fforsythiaaa]

Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as “problematic” in class and our professor was like, “That’s cool, but ‘problematic’ doesn’t really mean anything. It means that the thing you’re describing has a problem, and in and of itself that’s not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else it’s not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like you’re trying to say that this is bad, but you don’t want to say ‘bad.’ Is that right?”

So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”

Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.

Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I can’t help but think of this professor being like, “Good starting point, now let’s get specific.” I think when we have to commit to saying “that’s ___” it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever we’re claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes it’s art, and it should be full of problems, because that’s what art is.

[longsightmyth]

I bring a real 'actually people who are pregnant do deserve some special consideration because they are effectively at least temporarily disabled if not permanently after some complications' vibe to the party that a lot of people don't seem to like

[elementop123]

This is real. Also, I had periods for about a decade pre-transition, and those can be debilitating, too, and should be given special consideration if the person having them experiences things like severe pain, heavy bleeding, issues with things like cysts, extreme nausea or fatigue, etc.

[redstonedust]

ive been thinking about how some trans spaces and media lack representation of bottom surgery and itd be nice if we could talk about and depict it more. but my attempts to formulate this into a coherent thought lead me to standing in front of the microwave idly thinking "we should normalize men with penises" as if thats a brave new frontier nobody has ever considered.

[sodomit]

I like this post. Because it shows that sometimes, what at the surface sounds like reinforcement of the norm, is actually necessary for a minority that's not included in the norm.

Y'all have seen this post, right?

It was a vaguepost of a trans man who complained about feeling pressure to be feminine. Yet people refer to it completely outside of queer context.

[wizardarchetypes]

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

[carolinalaurel]

One summer I was running ferry rides across a lake so people could see the waterfalls without walking 6 miles when a guy snapped my bra strap as he was boarding the boat. So i immediately threw him off, he started yelling for my manager, my boss cheerfully informed him that, yeah, she’s the captain of the boat and she can kick off anyone she wants. He goes to storm off, looks expectantly at his girlfriend, and she just goes, “Well, I’M not walking six miles, Michael! I’ll meet you back at the car!” and sits right back down!!!!

The expression on his face when he was told that he couldn’t get on the boat, then immediately told that his girlfriend was ditching him? PRICELESS. he just blinked at her and then stormed off like a child. I gave her a free hat and was like maybe rethink this relationship…….

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

i once had this fucker come up to order a beer. while i pour it he shows me the wanky fucking chemical structure tattoo on his arm and he’s like “hey. you know what this is” i was like “nah sorry” (never cared abt chemistry in school, plus having to look at a some rando’s pretentious tattoo gives me the douche chills). he decides to respond with “heh. you must not read many books”

i immediately stop pouring his beer. i reply: “heh. you must not want this beer.” thirsty boy immediately starts groveling like a worm “please please no i do want the beer im sorry im sorry” believe me when i say it was one of the most pathetic things ive ever witnessed

[lezbadeez]

gotta love people immediately backpedaling when they realise that there are Consequences To Being Mean

[lastvalyrian]

I genuinely believe that part of why it has become so normalized to be openly callous and evil in politics is that customer service culture has trained affluent people that they can treat everyone they consider beneath them however they want and still be treated kindly.

[whitefangthefightingwolf]

It's also crazy how much more polite people are when they know they are talking to a government employee. Once a week I staff a state "wildlife support" phone line, and very rarely do I ever have a negative interaction, even though MOST of my job is telling people "no we don't perform that service, and there is no agency that does." "no, we can't help that animal, and neither can you, as that is illegal." I tell people "no" up to 30 times per day and I've only had a prickly customer about 3-4 times, and properly yelled at only once. (And if I get yelled at I am allowed to end the conversation.)

Meanwhile, when I worked at PetSmart grooming, I got yelled at MULTIPLE times EVERY day. Over a dog's haircut that I didn't even do.

[therapatical]

I think before you're allowed to argue about whether trans people who can get pregnant are vulnerable to state-sanctioned violence in ways that trans people who can't get pregnant are exempt from (even if they are vulnerable to different forms of violence! they are still exempt from this one thing), you should be required to watch a vaginal delivery as well as a cesarean delivery. on video. full video. there are plenty of educational videos online where you can do so. if you have never seen a birth, I do not want to hear about how trivial of a violence you think it is. I really don't.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Also the permanent changes it can cause to your body.

Like yeah, body hair for transfems for some is INCREDIBLY dysphoria inducing. Now imagine if a transfem was banned from ever shaving anything ever, and was forced to have a beard and shag carpet of chest hair. Would make you wanna die right? Now imagine how trans guys who are dysphoric around their hips and waist and chest feel when they're forced to become *more* feminine looking and permanently unlike being able to shave. You can't shave off those changes.

[insomnia-cat]

Also I know it’s not the popular viewpoint, but stretch marks related to pregnancy are Also Permanent, for most people. I thought for the longest time that I was a bad person bc I didn’t feel empowered by my “tiger stripes” or my “battle scars” or however cis people try to paint the physical signs your body carried a baby. I genuinely thought I was monstrous bc whenever I look at the stretch marks I specifically gained from pregnancy I experience plummeting, horrible feelings in my stomach. But like. Birth for me was traumatizing. It wasn’t easy or magical or fun. I had an emergency c-section for my first child and thought I was going to die. Trauma + dysphoria + social shaming means this is the first time I’m talking publicly about how it feels to have marks on my body that won’t ever go away unless I elect to have expensive surgery, and if I have that surgery I am immediately ostracized and painted as shallow for not being able to overcome my trauma/dysphoria bc “girl power” or whatever (and no, saying “well I’m not a girl” does not stop this behavior.)

Birth for people who can have it but are dysphoric about it, can be a permanent trauma on their body in so many ways. It’s okay to acknowledge that and it doesn’t make a person bad for feeling those things and it doesn’t make us ungrateful when we do feel dysphoric over it.

(Obviously neither of you were saying that, but I have seen many who do and it’s always terrible when I do.)

[kriosv]

[genderkoolaid]

tbh my opinion isnt so much that trans men cannot have male privilege. its that the way we understand male privilege is based in cis women, specifically otherwise privileged (esp. otherwise-gendered privilege, i.e gender-conforming/straight/perisex) cis women's understanding of gender as something static and inherent to who you are, rather than something fluid which is, in part, constructed by society and placed onto you separately in every moment.

can a trans man experience (cis) male privilege? yes. can a trans woman? yes. and so can a cis woman! hell, a femme perisex cis woman with a gender neutral name could if she's assumed to be a cis man on a resume. male privilege is not an on/off switch. the idea that it is stems from cissexist understandings of male/female as entirely separate and static categories which everyone can and must be understood through. trans people in feminism are expected to constantly defend and deflect accusations of being Privileged Male Oppressors by promising cis perisex women that our experiences are just like theirs! we don't have any scary opinions that don't align with their worldview! we swear we won't ever make them have to reflect on how being cis+perisex has biased them and potentially made their analysis of gender at all inaccurate! trans experiences are only considered valuable to cisfeminism to the extent that they reaffirm what cisfeminists already hold true. thats why they only ever want to talk about a very simplistic narrative around wages pre/post-transition. its extremely unthreatening to cis people because it presents transness in patriarchy as just going from one cis role to another; it doesn't ask cis feminists to expand their paradigm to include the ways in which trans people are treated as a class and their own complicity in transphobic oppression.

which is why trans men have been getting fucked over by trans-affirmng cisfeminism. because by virtue of having our gender acknowledged, we are expected to forfeit our place in the feminist movement and adopt the role of outsider along cis men*. and its also why trans women and MTX people get fucked over the minute they cannot or refuse to describe their experiences through the one or two approved narratives. cisfeminism cannot tolerate transness-as-transness. it has to be compressed and reduced and diluted into something that fits within a cis-centric framework. we aren't allowed to have nuanced and intersectional conversations about trans men & other trans folks relationship with male privilege, the things we have to sacrifice to there, how fleeting it can be, the fact that for some of us being read as "biologically male" is actively more dangerous than being read as female... if it isn't familiar to cis women, then it means you aren't really oppressed.

*cis men should not be outsiders in feminism either btw but thats another post

[sailatina3]

[getvalentined]

The Weather Channel's AQI is broken (apparently the entire planet is hazardous to breathe right now, oops) but the scale only goes up to 500 so I am in tears at how the little indicator loads in upon a refresh.

[roguemonsterfucker]

Love when the “I’m going to shame disabled people into having better hygiene practices” person shows up on my dash. 🙃

[roguemonsterfucker]

Shaming people into taking better care of themselves doesn’t work. Making fun of them for not doing laundry as often as you think they should is just cruel.

You know one reason people may start falling behind in care tasks? Depression. You know something that can cause or worsen depression? Shame.

[roguemonsterfucker]

Okay so I’m gonna make this the positivity post.

You’re doing fine. It’s okay.

Do what you can when you can and that’s fine.

But also, if there’s someone in your life that can help, please don’t let shame or embarrassment prevent you from seeking that help. If you genuinely can’t keep up with certain tasks, please consider asking a trusted person for assistance.

And don’t listen to anyone disparaging you. They don’t know your life. They aren’t in your shoes. They can’t understand the difficulties you face. And ultimately, your actions don’t effect them.

Do what you are able to do when you are able to do it. Seek help if you are able and need it. You’re doing your best and that’s all that matters.

[gaypornvideoswebsite]

mid-way pride month check-in

[gaypornvideoswebsite]

just saw someone comment under a videoclip of the sylvia rivera interview where she insists on the modern (circa 2001) pride movement being a capitalist smokescreen, a “straight gay” movement that worships the almighty dollar, that:

and this person is likely quite young but this really really really captures the limited imagination of capitalist neoliberal indoctrination around freedom and liberation. radical queerness treated as a paintjob over a prison as opposed to the bulldozer that tears the prison down. we have to dream for so much more and endure the pain of dreaming.