[thoughtcascades]

I'm so ready to move and not tell nobody where I live.

[draintheblood]

heard porn bots might be following you guys again. sorry about that. but in some good news i have been gaining many new followers who are real stunningly beautiful women. welcome ladies :)

[despazito]

[creepy-mcnightmare]

ITS 👏🏼 OKAY 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 DUDES 👏🏼 TO 👏🏼 BE 👏🏼SOFT 👏🏼 AND 👏🏼 SQUISHY!

WE 👏🏼 DONT 👏🏼 ALL 👏🏼 LOOK 👏🏼 LIKE 👏🏼 STATUES 👏🏼 OF 👏🏼 GREEK 👏🏼 GODS 👏🏼

You are beautiful and perfect king the way you are!

[werewolfffff-deactivated2021082]

one! one thing wrong with me. two! two thing wrong with me. three!

[luobingmeis]

a guy walks in with two puncture wounds on his neck like “u should see the other guy” and then a vampire walks in covered in those cartoony lipstick kiss marks

[miscgoth-deactivated20230115]

gonna knock our heads together like a cat

[laughconfetti]

head bonk (intimate)

[jive-turkey]

[sethms1]

Sham Hatwitch

[an-alarming-number-of-bees]

I say this with complete sincerity: this is peak character design.

[970317980622]

“Woaah look at the moon” Me literally every night no matter what phase the moon is.

[foodffs]

[autopsy]

kiss your cats head for me

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

earlier I was making pop corn and I put too much in the pot and then all the popcorn overflowed and one kernel landed on the stove burner and caught fire which was promptly smothered with a dash of salt so all in all a mundane experience

But as I experience things I just talk about them out loud to myself in a total stream of consciousness without really acknowledging my own thoughts

So Brie came downstairs like “are you....okay?” And I was like yes why? And she said she just heard the gradual sound of popping getting louder followed by me yelling “OH NO....I POPPED TOO MUCH CORN”

And then extremely calmly “ah. We have a small fire” bc that was apparently not the real issue

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

honestly the phrase sums up my week so i have committed this one to paper 

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Why did I get a therapist when you’re out here validating me in a way no one else ever can or will

[booksandcows]

Way too relatable lmao

[5oil]

[butchspace]

Heterosexuality?

No thank you!

[vampryn]

nobody has bitten my neck this october and that is frustrating

[tealesbian]

this is the funniest thing i’ve read all year