Recovery is not some pill that you take & magically things get better.
Your traumas, understandably, have over-activated your body’s survival system, and the ONLY ANSWER IS FOR YOU to re-calibrate them: all those hormones involved in depression & anxiety.
I promise that I will not give up. I understand that my body is pre-programmed and will want to automatically reset to the default setting when challenged. This does not mean failure but a needed test on my road to more effectiveness.
I promise to remember this process is more like building a muscle than a magic pill that makes everything better.
I completely agree & understand that ONLY I CAN make this work through repeated repetition when things are calm & then during practice events. No one can do this work for me.
So I haven't been on Tumblr for a year then get an email saying that I reblogged content from fake accounts belonging to Russian hackers and that my info wasn't compromised and all I gotta say is.. internet wild...
Nomonde Mihlali (“Mickey”) Meji is a program associate for Survivor Initiatives at Embrace Dignity in Cape Town, South Africa. Embrace Dignity is dedicat...
Nomonde Mihlali (“Mickey”) Meji is a program associate for Survivor Initiatives at Embrace Dignity in Cape Town, South Africa. Embrace Dignity is dedicated to ending all forms of sexual abuse of women and girls through legal advocacy, public education and exit services for trafficked and prostituted women. Mickey sat with me in New York during the UN Commission on the Status of Women in March 2017 to discuss her activism, from endorsing the full decriminalization of the sex trade to now advocating for a law that calls for its abolition.
You have an extensive presence on the Internet as a “sex work” advocate but you now have joined the abolitionist organization Embrace Dignity. What was your journey?
During my time on the street, one of my main concerns was police harassment. I needed to make money for my children and the only group working on police violence was the Sex Workers Education and Advocacy Task Force (S.W.E.A.T.) They introduced me to the term “sex work,” which I had never before heard. The concept was attractive at first because I felt they understood our dire situation. “Sex worker” sounded more dignified than the dirty-sounding “prostitute,” so it fed into my activism against relentless police brutality. The prostitution itself didn’t change though, therefore I never believed it could ever be work. I still couldn’t tell my daughter what I was doing; the shame and stigma were still there.
How did S.W.E.A.T. recruit you?
The leadership, which at the time was mostly white and headed by a white male, recruited me aggressively. When an acquaintance was stabbed to death by two women, including a pimp, S.W.E.A.T. provided transport to the prayer services. I didn’t want to drive with them, but needed a ride. They spotted me as articulate, so for two years kept asking me to join them. They hired me as a peer educator to distribute information about human rights, as well as condoms and lubricants for safer sex. They then moved me to the African Sex Workers Alliance (ASWA) where I was country coordinator for South Africa, and then Sisonke, another “sex worker” group. They flew me around the world, from Mozambique, for the launch of ASWA, to New Zealand. Then S.W.E.A.T. wanted someone who could present their policies at the highest levels, so they appointed me Networking and Parliamentarian Liaison Officer. Everything looked legitimate. […]
The problem was that the S.W.E.A.T. leadership was so keen on pushing for full decriminalization that they only wanted information about the women’s right to work in the sex trade and develop harm reduction policies. I support harm reduction policies, but we can’t stop there. I realized that S.W.E.A.T. was fulfilling the funder’s agenda and was willing to sacrifice the lives of these women. Everyone knows that human rights violations are perpetrated against women in brothels by everyone involved. Even if you no longer fear the police, what about your vulnerability with a client, who could kill or maim you? Or the brothel manager who can force you to have sex without a condom for the right price? Once I saw that funders required a “sex work” framework that would only legitimize exploiters, I got angry and left S.W.E.A.T.
What happened next?
I started looking for an organization that empowers women and found Embrace Dignity, but given that I was so publicly linked to full decriminalization efforts, they were reluctant to bring me on board. I needed time to reflect and created the Survivor Empowerment and Support Program (SESP). I started studying the laws European countries like Sweden, Norway and France enacted that protect prostituted women, while providing them with services. They call these laws the “Nordic Model,” which also focus on prevention and criminal liability of male demand for prostitution.
Do you think South Africa will pass such a law?
We call it the “Equality Model.” We are advocating for the South African government to enact this law, which will protect prostituted women from arrests and police brutality. On the other hand, it will penalize sex buyers for the harm they cause. Without the clients, there would be no sex trade and consequently no sex trafficking. The government must also invest in services and exit strategies for the women. Intergenerational prostitution is a reality in South Africa. I don’t want my daughters or future granddaughters to be in a position where having a vagina is the only qualification they need for a job or to pay for their education. The challenges are significant since the “sex worker” movement has considerable funding and Embrace Dignity does not, but the women are hungry for the Equality Model. We launched a Change.org campaign to put pressure on the government to pass the law and invest in ending violence against women. The South African constitution codifies our responsibility to attain equality for all.
Do you see a link between prostitution and gender-based violence?
The vast majority of my SESP sisters tell me they were first bought in prostitution as young teens, 14 or 15, which is paid statutory rape and sex trafficking. Violence against women and girls in South Africa is an epidemic. We are raped by our fathers, uncles, stepfathers, neighbors, teachers. We are thrown into polygamous and arranged marriages. Men’s abuse of women is so normalized. Our energies must focus on pressuring the government to pass laws and policies that end these abuses, not embolden them. None of the women I work with recognizes prostitution as work. They see how many of us are dying young. They need care and love, not the legal status of “sex work.”
[…] My former bosses at S.W.E.A.T. now accuse me of working for the right wing and say that taking away decision-making from women is dangerous. What is dangerous is white and privileged men and academics promoting the sex trade as a way of life for poor and Black women. When you leave home for work, you should be able to have some certainty that your children will see you again.
This is the third installment of a series on prostitution-related legislation in South Africa. Part One. Part Two.
This judge had exactly the right reaction to the shameful way nonviolent prisoners are treated in US jails
A woman was denied pants or tampons after being arrested for not completing a diversion course that was part of her sentencing from a shoplifting charge. But see how the judge reacts when she finds out that the prisoner’s humiliating treatment is apparently routine.
i noticed this thing with a lot of men. they tend to be really generous and kind only to women they’re attracted to. duh, obvious statement to most of you but it’s jarring when you see it first hand and it’s so prevalent and insidious to the point that it feels uncomfortable accepting help from a strange without thinking of the possibility of him having ulterior motives. and it’s disheartening knowing that if you’re in a position needing a man’s help, a lot of times it will depend entirely on whether or not he’s attracted to you. and the problem is that they think this goes both ways. i can show a simple gesture of kindness and a man will take it as me coming on to him. me letting you go in front of me on the checkout line because you have one item, me offering change because you don’t have any, or anything other well-intentioned act of kindness results in a man trying to eventually make a move thinking that it’s mutual. how sad it must be to think that there’s no kindness for the sake of kindness. that all good done in this world is based on sexual impulses instead of the desire to help another human being just how you like to be helped.
step mom, step sister, lesbian, and ebony. women in porn are literally nothing but categories for men to choose from like they’re buying socks or tee shirts. look at this from a males perspective:
step mom: fantasizing about dominating a woman who is supposed to be “in charge” of them, basically “showing her her place” because men hate when women hold any degree of power over them.
step sister: taking advantage of a girl who has no escape, dominating a girl who has no real power to fight back.
lesbian: exercising power and control over the one thing in the entire world that doesn’t include men: lesbianism. fantasizing that lesbians are just preforming for men, because men are threatened by women living lives that that don’t cater to men. they hate women who refuse to play into male’s perceived “superiority.” men truly believe that their dicks are so great that lesbians are living unfulfilled sex lives without them.
ebony: exploiting women who have exactly 0 institutional power to fight back. fetishizing black women as “exotic” and exerting dominance over women they perceive to be subhuman.
it’s all about male dominance. they feel the need to exercise control over women, because they believe our existence is solely to make their dicks feel good. with things like “step mom” it’s about putting women in our places. with things like “lesbian” it’s about making themselves feel better, because the sole idea of women living happily without men is emasculating. with things like “ebony” it’s about white male superiority and the need for them to, for lack of a better term, stake their claim on everything they touch.
do you really think that these men give a shit if the actress they’re watching was “empowered” by getting slapped and spit on? do you think they care that the vast majority of porn actresses have to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol just to be able to make it through a scene? do you think they care about the pain and trauma that these women face in this industry? no. they don’t. this shit isn’t ~*~empowering~*~. it’s not healthy, it’s not harmless, it’s not natural. it’s fucking sick. it’s rape on tape and it needs to fucking end.
all porn does is justify men’s beliefs that women are nothing but a set of holes to cum in, and allows them to fantasize about our exploitation and degradation.
I’ve asked this before and you’ve never answered- what the fuck is your basis for calling queer theory pedophilia other than not agreeing with it and wanting a shock-word to use?
I think it might have something to do with the new wave of paedophiles considering themselves “queer”? And with the idea that “queer” means “non-normative sexuality” so it’d include that. I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that people like Foucault (whose ideas shaped queer theory) supported it.
i love the shrews and the fact these messages are getting out there however a few of the porn / rape related stickers ive seen have made me feel very uncomfortable.
turning your head and just see the words rape or paedophilia in a public space is confronting for someone who has experienced sexual assault..
i dont know if im just too sensitive and this is just my issue..
I also worry that someone could take the way these messages are worded and get a lot of the people putting up stickers in trouble..
romaincrisis
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