A Place to Store My Thoughts

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

I just want to run through the meadow with a paintbrush throwing color on the voices

-LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Sometimes i awake and stare

Blankly at the wall

The ceiling

The window

I'm lying still

Cacooned in blankets

Damp with sweat

Still

Yet

In my mind

I'm in the current

In the tidal crash

Cartwheeling though weightless abyss

You cannot hold onto the sea floor as you would grass on the hill

Slips

You fly

Tumble tumble tumble

Foam

The ground

Or sky

It doesn't matter

I'm in my bed

Yet my mind is drowning

The tide is too strong

I blink

Cat meows

Dog growls

I'm in my bed

And no one knows I'm drowning

-LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

They cooked me like a frog.  Slowly,  over many years,  until I no longer knew I was boiling, but had lost all feeling of warmth. 

LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Like sun first peak above horizon of bare earth

Like snow falling on mountain peaks

Like mist forming above the trees

Like rain flowing from stream to river, to ocean

Like buds on branchess opening

Like wombs growing and swelling

Like eyes peeled open and bulging

Like animals running

Like animals killing

Like animals dying

Like freedom in cages

Like death for money

Like maggots on a bone

Like worms in the refuse

Like ants in the dirt

Like a mine shaft through the mountain

Like oil slicks on saphire tainted shores

Like floating cities in the face of crumbling glaciers

Like landfills with food and plastic and clothes

Unopened. unused. Unworn unworn unworn.

The earth wears everything

The flash floods of liquid sand

The hurricanes on foreign paths

The fire that burns endlessly unceasingly

The cloud that bears no rain

The cities fingers' reaching towards the sky

The veins of tar and steel and glass

The rivers that they rob

The mountains that they minimize

The oil that they ooze

The pangea they poisoned

They're machines. Their machines.

Gone

Gone

All gone

-LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Works done I'm done took an edible

Hard gummy chewy it's unspreadable

Sugar coated cherry crystal cubical

Laid down to take a nap and that's regrettable

Spent the high in a dream unforgettable

Running through the rooms ah there she go!

I live in a cloud when it rain gets wettable

Grey all around year round it's depressable

Swamp in the woods dark shadow straight infestable

Covid got the whole world cancelling the festivals

1 day alone with my thoughts is rechargeable

30 days alone with my thoughts is maniacle

Had a pair of glasses but they broke. Now a monacle

dont need both to see what's happened is unstoppable

Can't tell you what I fear thats irrational

Conversations in the mirror. 2 sided? Thats debatable

One of us is lying and that makes you hypocritical

One of us keeps trying same outcome, you commitable?

Always on the outside, never been groupable

outlier on the graph, intensions are unchartable

Push that feeling down it goes, how relatable

Are you crying, mid day, at the thought that you are unsolvable?

Inside. Outside.

never the same...

Inside. outside.

Gather then store, forever.

The shame.

-LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

In the game Smite; the sound of Zeus' lightning strike, is the perfect sound to describe my anxiety.

It hits me in my throat, from the hollow in my clavical to the base of my skull. Thats where my anxiety lives. In the sound of striking lightning.

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

My fear of the end and transitions and finality are so terrifying to me, when using mundane tools for ordinary happiness, whether art or food, or love; I am incapable of giving it all. I savor every morsel while I indulge in sinfull guilt of gluttony, every swipe of this colored pencil is an act of anarchy against my internal and almost overwhelming fear, if I'm not careful... if I use too much.... this color will be gone from my hands forever...and that loss I dont have space to feel. Not right now. I'm an anarchist.

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Maybe we're sad, not because we need to find ourselves, but because we already did, and I'm not who I wanted to be.

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Standing in my kitchen talking to myself I realized that I'm crazy for talking to myself so I begin to explain to everyone else why I know that I'm only talking to myself and not someone else which in and of itself is crazy cause I think I'm explaining to other people why I'm not crazy for doing the crazy thing that I'm doing right now.

Anyways, what I was trying to tell myself was; I put too much lime in this rum drink and there is not enough coconut in the world to fix it.

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

When I was little you told me I spoke too much.

You told me I overshared.

I was chastised for my intrigue.

Confined for my wandering.

And now you wonder, why you dont know me at all.

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

The loudest sound you'll ever hear is your own sanity breaking...

It's starts a dull roar of wrong you quiet with good intentions.

No one really knows how it ends.

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Your soul is heavy from a childhood timeline of injustice after injustice. You overcame obstacles many cannot. You became self sufficient younger than most. You are alive. Many did not make it this far. You may have come from something you hold a grudge against, but that is not where you are now. Can you find no peace in the present? No reason for joy in today? Or are you consumed by your past? Are you only surviving until tomorrow? Unable to think into the future because.... you never thought you would make it this far.

But you did. And you will keep going. Keep growing. Keep learning. Keep improving, all the things to keep you moving. You're proud of where you are but find pride shameful. You are a paradox. An unsolvable riddle. Both the ying and the yang attempting to dominate a small circle, but the world is bigger than that. Not everything is black and white.

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Punk's not dead. We just lost. Changed our name.

Stopped doing drugs found jobs with the same

Responsibilities we used to say "fuck the man" man I'm raged

Now we're at a protest to turn back climate change

We have childish leaders while the children lead the way

We all know it's wrong but rapers still get away

We need to vote em out those who try to take away

We dont realize after one day it fades away

Punk's not dead. We just lost. Changed our name

Take a moment sit in silence, if you pray, pray

maybe they can keep the orange in the everglades

Standing onna corner holding 'times have changed'

Flipping coins into bins every one a hunger pang

you still go to church does the choir still sing?

Have you called your mama does her phone ever ring?

I know you're mad but at what? here's the catch here's the thing

The times were never good when you live in poverty

Punk's not dead. We just lost. Changed our name

Those lyaticians 4 year story never stays the same

They keep putting money into winning with no gains

You could spent a half a billion 100 million ways

Yet none that money gonna trickle down into our graves

You give it to your fuck trophies who you gave your name

Many little bastard babies made for status elevate

Now we call them idols and those idol's fame

Has caused an apocalypse of modern human shame

Punk's not dead. We just lost. Changed our name.

"Punk's Not Dead, We Just Lost"

-LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

If everyone would take a second realize

that all were given in this life is two tries

Yet Ironically we're only given one life

To prioritize

those things in life

we find to be more fine

Then those in kind

and my finance

says we fine

but I'm not trynna

be blind

to those in homes on loans with no moans to self woes cant go slow or be towed for road obstruction

you in my view of the globe yeah that's my ocean.

Park it in the back So the rich cant see you

We need the park looking like an unused tissue

But it's a magic trick and the only risk you

Take by believing that was ever on the menu.

Get your mind straight

Get rid of pointless hate

Cleanse your self cleanse your aura

Smelling fauna, is that your flora?

You disgust me get out my face

In fact get out the way

this ain't your place

If we all stare straight ahead

no face in front of your space

We all running towards that line

Bitch, we in the same race

Stop holding others back cause you trynna get head

All you do is Break the line and create dead ends

The news

shouldn't be about views

when the press interviews

the few old white dudes

on the state of dues

that the youth

owes you?

Bullshit.

I can't find it anywhere in that book that we are all supposed to read

that says your soul will be saved if you live unto this creed

I've search the highest mountains, every cranny filled with nooks

never saw much good In greed, I wont live my life a crook.

it's those who give that paved the way

For those who live today

Those who find voice to sing

you seek ghosts for comfort

Yet ignore warm blooded things?

You pop'd the clutch and got us stuck in several feet of muck

All the storys getting more deep

insubordinate the whole heap.

That aint no balloon! fighter jet bout to peak

Hit that sound barrier knock you off your feet

We thought it was an earthquake and then we hit the deck

Hiding faces under pillows praying someone save our neck

After all the dust will fall and that's my call to summon all into my arms you will be saved this he promised end of days bodies laid in mass graves.

How

many

Died

While the signs you disregard?

It's the hunger games sound alarm they drew your card.

Running and gunning you're spinning to winning no back track taking awaken to objects that offset the rythm and beat you gotta keep your feet on the street in a repeatable beat. It's called run.

Breathe

And run

Breathe

And run

Breathe

Breathe

And run

Just run

"Run"

-LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

When it's your time

you feel it in your soul it's time to go

Now don't throw knives

I know that shit ain't real That's just a tool

And it ain't right

You acted like a fool 'fore it was cool

Not here to fight

I'll just take my stuff you boxed up from my room

Sealed up tight

Probably gonna throw it down a flight

Of stairs, perfect height

Tape burst

Out pours

All our things

Mine and yours

Memories

In times of war

With all those empty words

of course

I filed divorce

Papers signed

stamped and stored

In a folder

in a cabinet on record

Cause I got bored

And being bored

is such a chore

When you're ignored

you're unheard

And You say words

That hurt the worst

It's a curse

no one's ever satiated my thirst

Deep inside

It's hard to find

no one ever fucking let me be first

now's my time

I feel it in my soul it's time to go.

Let me shine

I never play the wild rover no more

Cause I got pride

A cloth of many colors, all adored

Eyes wide

You act like god hates them in the order

That makes light.

Clouds break

Illuminate

No shade

Light streaks

Dissipate

All the hate.

You created

A Silent fate

With your fake

Commemorated

It's tolerated

But don't get complacent

Or be berated

By those you wasted

In a haste of

Choices left unmade.

Tastes the room it's palpable

I told you I was powerful

"Don't Throw Knives"

-LB

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

We did not burn the witches

We saved them from the stake

Woman saving woman

With water from a lake

On its shores were dandelions

Grown from faerie dust

In the water was the beast

Its bones the color rust

When we were young We made a dare

To swim inside the bones

I gave up trying half way in

Fear turned me cold as stone

For in the darkness grew my fear

Imaginations bred possibilities

I kicked off and was froze in place

By the hand with brittle scales

On my skin there stained a mark

A swirling nebula of light

Yet only I could see

The rest of you are blind

By chance or choice I cannot tell

If my lingering was self made

I could not move my eye to blink

Nor bid their grip to break

In the water red as rot

I sigh and float away

We did not burn the witches

We drowned them in the lake

[aplacetostoremythoughts]

Do you yearn to travel the world, but even going to the grocery store is exhausting? If I cant even stand the presence of my friends and neighbors; if the familiar smells are overwhelming outside my home, the thought of new people and their smells brings me great anxiety.

I want to travel the world, but I cant even leave the one I created in my head.