I feel wounded

[agentgrahams]

[doctorshephards]

Where Did We Go Wrong | Jack & Alana

[doctorshephards]

Jack couldn’t help a slight smile as he shook his head at himself for being so serious; so dramatic. He tended to be something of a pessimist, although he thought of himself as being realistic. But with her words there was certainly a weight lifted: as the uncomfortable tension seemed to have been drawn away, if only for a moment. 

"I have to stop being so serious all the time," He said, grinning. The fact of the matter was, he realized, that he was so much more serious than he had been when he was with Alana. While he did certainly have friends (even at the hospital), he didn’t have much of a social life outside of work without her and there wasn’t much to break up the blood and the tears which were a part of his everyday.

And while he felt more relaxed than he had, he wondered just how he should answer her question. Because when Alana asked the how are yous and how do you feel, it wasn’t like a normal person asking. Even if she didn’t mean to, she even sounded like she was speaking to a patient and just like that, the memories of what had driven them apart came flooding back. 

But wasn’t this just how a conversation with an ex would go? Filled with the memories of the good, as well as the bad, leaving you unsure of how to proceed. There was a reason exes weren’t friends and, when they were, people tended to think it was odd. 

"Oh, you know," He said, brushing off the question. "Same old, I guess." The truth was, there wasn’t much to his life outside of work and he wasn’t about to tell her about the man who was paralyzed or the young girl who had been beaten within an inch of her life by her abusive boyfriend. His life wasn’t built for small talk. 

But then, he supposed, neither was her’s. And even though, when they were together, they didn’t often talk about work, they were able to understand each other, even when they didn’t say anything at all. 

"Still haven’t heard anything from my dad," He volunteered. Some how this topic had seemed better than work, but that didn’t make it something he wanted to casually talk about with his ex-girlfriend. Not to mention his psychiatrist ex-girlfriend. Jack knew he had issues with his father: they had been there his entire life, way before he had to turn him in for drinking on the job. 

Luckily, she had asked about his day off, too, and smiling, he said, teasingly “Yeah, I’m still not 100% sure how those things work.” 

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

For half a second, time felt like it had stopped. That maybe the past few months of awkward encounters in grocery store aisles or fumbling gestures across crowded rooms had all been nothing more than a bad dream. When that faint grin spread across Jack's lips, for just a moment Alana could believe that they were back at the beginning again.

It had been so long since she had seen him smile.

"Serious suits you." She replied in a matter-of-fact tone, raising an eyebrow at the man across from her. Yet, a small smile full of warmth did flicker its way across her own lips. "Though I will say I think it suits you far less than the alternative." Alana's head tilted slightly as she watched Jack.

He did seem tired despite the seemingly cheery banter he was offering up to her. Moreso than she remembered at least. They both were in professions that always seemed to result in tiredness becoming just the base line for everyday life. But Jack didn't look just tired... Fatigue seemed etched into every line of his face, and it was all Alana could do not to comment on it. Not to reach into her bag of tricks and open him up to figure out just how to turn Jack back towards the light.

...But she couldn't do that. Not again.

So instead she fell back onto pleasantries. Playing at small talk with Jack, which always felt like defensive maneuvers on both their parts. Don't talk about that day so long ago. Don't talk about it, don't think about it, leave it alone... Maybe if we just smile and talk about nothing of importance it'll just go away.

"I suppose in your line of work, no news is good news, at least." Alana finally replied after a moment or two, taking a sip of her tea. "Being able to say that everything is 'same old' can often feel like a relief to people in high-stress jobs." Too close to patient talk again... a small voice of reason whispered to her, forcing Alana to take a breath and offer Jack a teasing smile. Distract from her inability keep from jumping into her comfort zone in this most uncomfortable situation.

"If they're giving you days off, though... Wonder if perhaps they're trying to send you a message. Telling you it's time to lay off the stress if you can. I hear Hawaii is beautiful this time of year." A gentle laugh bubbled from her lips. "I've been trying to schedule a vacation for years now. Perhaps I'll only ever be able to take one vicariously."

For a few seconds longer, Alana was quiet, the laughter still sparkling in her eyes as she wondered exactly how to broach the subject she was most worried about. Had been worried about since hearing that Jack's father had been dismissed from his practice.

"...So Christian still refuses to talk to you, then?"

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

bamlawyered replied to your post “.”

AHH NO DON'T STRESS. just do what you feel inspired to do and save the rest for wheneves.

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

carolineofriverrun replied to your post:.

I know that feel, man HAHAH No worries!

like literally, I did the Marian x Killian post and then my mind was like: "AND THAT'S YOUR QUOTA FOR THE DAY."

And I keep trying to like re-find old posts that I have to respond to, thinking that maybe even just ooc posts would be okay....

nope.

my brain is not having even that.

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

.

[bdewitt]

hannibal meme | [01/03] ships ↳ Alana/Hannibal

[kimburgess]

[doctorshephards]

Where Did We Go Wrong | Jack & Alana

[doctorshephards]

Jack was beginning to reevaluate his decision to ask her to eat with him. He had asked her because he thought it would be less awkward this way, but Alana wasn’t so sure of this, herself. Even if she hid it behind a smile and a joke, Jack could tell that she didn’t think actually “behaving like rational adults” was the best thing for them. And there she sat, feet planted firmly on the ground without a sign that she was going to accept his offer. In fact, she seemed already decided against it; the only thing holding her back was trying to find the right words to say no. 

As to why, it could have been a number of reasons. Maybe she didn’t want to go down this road again: being friends with your ex always opened up doors that sometimes are better left closed. Then again, she could be genuinely finished with him. They had broken up, after all, and wasn’t that what you were supposed to do with her ex? Be finished? Forever. That was the first time he had thought about their relationship like that: finished forever. Not that he was planning on rekindling anything or even being friends again, just friendly.

Or maybe she was just teasing him. It was funny how you could know someone so well and then one day you find your questioning everything.

He straightened a bit, tensed, but still smiled. “We’ve always been rational adults about everything else,” He smirked, shaking his head, “So I guess we get a free one with this.” He nodded his head his head in her direction, “Enjoy your sandwich.” 

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

"It was a joke, Jack... I was teasing." Alana said quietly, her smile widening a bit as she shook her head and looked away. It had been a terrible idea to come in here. She should have turned around, driven to McDonalds or something to grab a disgustingly fast burger or something. Hannibal would have had a fit.

But instead she managed to pull herself back together, watch Jack for a moment, and then, with a quiet reminder to herself that this was the most terrible idea she'd had in ages, Alana slung her purse over her shoulder and shoved her napkin and silverware in the front pocket. She picked up her tea with one slender hand and balanced her sandwich plate in the other, heels clicking quietly on the tiled floor as she moved to sit across from Jack.

Alana raised an eyebrow at the man as she set her things down on the table. "Plus, I was suggesting that rational adults would know better than to actually eat together, you know..." She shifted the plate, napkin, silverware, and cup ever so slightly, trying to mimic Hannibal's beautiful tablescapes--sort of a way to try and ground herself in this scary venture. "After all, we've never quite been able to have a full conversation not filled with 'um's or 'uh's or quickly pieced together excuses. And I'll even admit that most of them were on my part." She finally could not find a piece of her table setting out of place... She had to look at him again.

The woman took a quiet breath and looked back up at Jack, her hands folding perfectly in her lap. Per usual, she was falling into the comfortable postures of the psychiatrist to protect herself around Jack. She tried so hard not to analyze him. After all it was part of what had pushed them apart before. So instead she fell to analyzing herself within her head. Quietly reminding herself that the two of them were over. They had broken up. Jack was her ex. She had to remember that. Especially when she felt herself already beginning to stumble into the grey-green of his eyes.

"How are you, Jack?" Alana said finally, her smile lifting a bit as she shivered once, trying to pull herself from within her own thoughts. "Will say that I'm surprised to see you here right now... Day off? I know those are a rarity for you."

[doctorshephards]

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

Where Did We Go Wrong | "whatever happened to us, Alana?" "what always happens to people like us. we choose certainty over love." | A Welcome to TV Land mix | {listen}

i. Skinny Love by Birdy

"Come on skinny love, what happened here?"

ii. Talking in Code by Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

"And your voice cracks like a piano, you keep moving, but where are you going? Baby, we're long gone. Yeah, we're long gone."

iii. Porcelain Fists by Ingrid Michaelson

"Take my hand, you're treading water. And I feel the sand slipping away under my toes. Nobody knows... where is it she goes?"

iv. Dance on Our Graves by Paper Route

"I need you now, I need you more than ever before... before..."

v. Breathe Me by Sia

"Hold me, wrap me up... I am small and needy, warm me up; and breathe me."

vi. You Were a Kindness by The National

"It doesn't work that way. Wanting not to want you won't make it so."

vii. I Gave You All by Mumford & Sons

"And you rip it from my hands, and you say it's all gone. And you rip it all out just to say that you've won... Well, now you've won."

viii. Gravity by Sara Bareilles

"Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone."

ix. Sacred Heart by The Civil Wars

"Je vais t’attendre là. Viendras-tu pour moi? Je vais t’attendre là, seulement toi" [ I'll wait for you there, Will you come for me? I'll wait for you there, only you. ]

x. Heart's a Mess by Gotye

"Love ain't fair. So there you are, my love. Your heart's a mess."

xi. I Was Broken by Marcus Foster

"I was broken, for a long time, but it's over now..."

xii. If You Were a Stone by Ron Pope

"And I wish that we could both find a simple way just to make it by. Right now I'm alright if you're just fine."

xiii. Can't Help Falling in Love with You by Ingrid Michaelson

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin; if I can't help falling in love with you?"

xiv. Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by William Fitzsimmons

"So for once in my life. Let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time."

xv. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

"Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more."

Bonus Track:

xvi. The Story of Us by Taylor Swift

"How'd we end up this way? See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy; and you're doing your best to avoid me... Oh I'm scared to see the ending, why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how, I've never heard silence quite this loud."

[rosensberg]

[alxvse]

Alana Bloom |  1x01/1x13

[lifeisourcause]

w o u n d e d

[northern-boy]

-  I guess you dodged a bullet with me. - I don’t feel like I dodged a bullet. I feel wounded. Will & Alana

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

An IV Drip of Coffee | Alana & Lorelai

[wafflesveryhappy]

Lorelai had just gotten off of work at the Independance and between work and heading over to the college to take her evening class, she planned on stopping by Luke’s for a sandwich and, yes, about as much coffee as she could drink in the forty-five minute period, because the coffee at the school’s cafeteria was horrible and this was coming from Lorelai who, while sometimes a coffee snob, would gladly settle for most inferior brands if she had to, would not drink it if she could help it.

She was supposed to meet Rory, but it turned out that Rory had a project to work on after school and their schedules wouldn’t align, so she was glad to see Alana looking for some company, especially since eating alone always meant she’d just pester Luke for company, but when he was busy he didn’t always make for the best conversationalist. 

"Alana, hey. How are you doing? You look … exhausted. But that’s nothing a cup of Luke’s coffee can’t cure," She said, teasingly, "Especially since it’s extra strong ever since I’ve been a customer." She grinned, but then, looking more serious asked, "But hey, you’re doing okay, right?" She asked. Alana was a good friend and they often were able to make light of things when they were together - mostly because that’s just how Lorelai got through life - but she did worry about Alana, because her life was almost always serious and while that alone would  be enough to drive Lorelai crazy, she couldn’t even imagine what half the stuff Alana must be dealing with could even be, let alone what it’d be like trying to live through it. 

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

Alana laughed gently at Lorelai and her jokes, already feeling her muscles relax a bit with the combination of caffeine and a friend close by. "Yes, thank you for convincing Luke to up the coffee's strength to something like concrete. It's saved me more than once, and I'm sure he knows it." She turned to look at the man behind the counter, throwing him a wink before looking back to Lorelai as she slid into the seat across the table.

"But as for if I'm okay, I'll let you know once I know." She said. Alana stirred her coffee lazily, liking the way that the barest drop of creamer she put in the muck made abstract designs that helped her disassociate a little. "It's just been a stressful week, and it doesn't look like it'll stop any time soon. Lots of students unhappy with how I've been deeming their progress, Crawford has me working on some new profiles and I'm having some trouble with patients." A weak smile traced over her lips before she shook herself a bit and seemed to shimmer into 'friend mode.'

"But really, it's not to terrible. I've been through worse. Tell me about how your week had been, Lorelai. I feel with how busy I've been I haven't talked with you in AGES! How's Rory? How's everything going with you?"

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

OOC: Marshall & Alana

[bamlawyered]

THIS. 

Okay, so wow I think if Alana ever said that he’s the funniest/sweetest lawyer she knows, he’ll be like DAMN STRAIGHT. And like, it would make him really happy to hear that. Like he’s all about being different from most big shot lawyers and is like HELL YEAH, I’M GONNA SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT. 

Also, yeah they could totally run into each other there. And probably even met there through Ted? And I think Marshall would really like Alana, too. I mean, he gets along with most ppl, plus he’d be all MAJOR RESPECT, YO b/c Alana’s job is all about helping others, too. So yeah, THIS FRIENDSHIP NEEDS TO HAPPEN. XXD

[aprofessionalcuriosity]

AWEEEE... MARSHAAALLLL... :DDDDD

Alana would totally just laugh a little and be like: "I like this. I have resolved to be your personal law-career cheerleader, Marshall Erickson." And thus an epic friendship would be born in which Alana leaves lots of inspirational notes and probably food treats for Marshall all over campus.

And gr8. I think campus would probably make the most sense for where these two run into each other. Maybe they meet through one or both of them needing to talk to Ted about something/Alana's leaving a quick meeting with him and runs into Marshall/something? And also ALANA WOULD SO BE FLATTERED ABOUT ALL THE MAJOR RESPECT. Like she'd be all: "hella yeah, i'm a boss-ass bitch, thx for noticing, sir." Haha.

FRIENDSHIP FOR EVERYONE.

[mylostprettythings-blog]