This is just major head canon shit based off of Canon observations. If I don't preface it with 'in canon' it probably didn't canonically happen. You have been warned.
I have a head canon that Azula was forced to kill at a very young age. Ozai was obviously a monster, he burned off a part of his son's face and banished him onto an impossible mission. He bought, and abused his wife, he orchestrated his father's death to crown himself and his wife's disappearance. He sends his 14 year old to capture her own brother and praises his 15 year old son for murder of a 12 year old. He attempts a GENOCIDE!
We can all reasonably look at this man and go, "Yea he'd force his young daughter to kill a person." So my opinion of Azula having been trained, or forced at a young age to kill someone is not at all far fetched.
Now, canonically within avatar Azula as a princess attends an academy for young girls, the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. It is canonical that within this school agni kai's would be held, and that sometimes they would result in "accidental" deaths. It is very obvious that she is used to manipulation, violence, and the occasional murder.
When she deals the blow that Aang technically died from she did not hesitate. She is at least comfortable enough to kill a 12 year old and threaten death upon others. So how did she become so comfortable with death and assassination?
Well this is where the head canon's come in.
I am of the personal opinion that after Zuko's banishment, and the reason for it Ozai didn't want a repeat of that mistake. What was the original cause of Zuko's banishment at it's core? His unwillingness to allow an entire division, the 41st division of young soldiers, to die. That is canonically what begins the agni kai that leads to his banishment, his unwillingness to allow senseless death.
Now canonically Azula is who gets Zuko his boat and who gets Iroh to get him a crew. So Ozai must have known that his daughter helped her recently disgraced brother. His prized heir is weak. Weak like her mother, her uncle, and her brother. So what does Ozai do to purge her of this weakness?
He takes her to the dungeons and forces her to carry out executions. At first it is traitors, a man who attempted an assassination on himself. Someone she will be slightly okay with killing for her father's safety. The man is a traitorous radical, he was sentenced to death for the attempted killing of the firelord.
And 10 year old Azula who knows why the agni kai happened, who knows it is because her brother simply spoke out against senseless death, follows his orders. At least this man is actually guilty of a crime. As time goes on she is ordered to carry out more executions, and they get less and less guilty.
It starts with the man who attempted to assassinate her father, but within a year it is simply a boy who's only charge is allegedly earth bending in a colony where there is a ban against it. A young boy who is shaking and crying and begging. A boy who reminds her of Zuko. A boy who she cannot spare no matter what she wishes.
There are guilty people, and there are innocent people who have been found guilty by a court. There are guilty people who claim to be innocent until the time her flame consumed them, and there are innocent people who pled guilty to save others. It never matter in the end. They all meet their end at her hands.
Some days she uses a knife to make it quick so she doesn't smell the scent of burning flesh as they scream. Most times she is told to use her flame to kill them so she never hesitates when she has to in battle.
She gets good at telling the guilty from the innocent. She sees it in their eyes, in the way their voice carries when she asks for their final words. She gets so good at telling whether the person she is killing is actually guilty of the crime they were sentenced of.
That day on the boiling island with that prisoners reminds her of the executions. A man tied to a chair in a prison cell, swearing he is innocent. She's seen the look in his eyes in so many others. This is an innocent man, and she has the warden release him.
Eventually she finds Zuko and his little friend. They fight, and Mai and Ty Lee betray her. She has them thrown in cells and prays her father doesn't have her execute them as well. She has the warden keep it quite, it is his own neice after all.
Very few people know of how often she is ordered to execute criminals. The list of people is enough to count on her hands. Her father, herself, the executioner who is not called for when executions are ordered, and four separate generals who are all aware of her father's orders, the man who clears the cells of the dead bodies, and the scribe tasted with documenting her kill count for historical purposes. The record is sealed and only the immediate royal family and the scribe are allowed to access it.
Only 9 people know how high a kill count she carries. Only 2 are allowed to access the complete number. 4 years pass like that. Execution after execution. She learns to smile by the 30th execution. Within a year she appears numb to death, just as Ozai hoped.
She doesn't every look at the record herself. She hates the blood on her hands. Hates the smell of pork and burnt flesh. She hates burns and char. She hears their screams at night. Every time she closes her eyes to sleep she hears the sound of their screams as the flames crackle and pop as it burns them alive.
Zuko carries a burn on his face, he knows the smell of burnt skin, but not like her. She hoped every day he didn't worsen his punishment somehow and her father order her to finish what he began. She has nightmares of it.
After her agni kai, and her imprisonment the scribe brings fourth the record to Zuko. Zuko reads it in horror. He has the record permanently sealed unless accessed by a fire lord or lady whom rules. He orders the scribe and all others silent. Only 10 people know how many people Azula has ever had to kill. And the official number was lower than the actual number. Only one person knows how many kills went undocumented, and that girl never wants to know the true number.
(This is entirely a head canon and is not at all canon, nor do I wish it to be! There are enough people calling her evil and unredeemable. If you know a fanfic like this drop a comment.)
I need Spider and Neytiri to such a complex relationship
Like she hates him. He is a pinkskin and the son of the demon and she hates him! He is constantly around her people and her children and her hatred of him knows so little bounds. The only thing she has yet to do is kill him at this point.
Yet she is so proud of him. She is proud of him against her will. He is strong, and capable and he resisted and fought the demons. He is such a good shot with his bow. He resists using metal weapons unless it is out of desperation.
His faith in Eywa is absolute. For a boy who could not connect to the Great Mother his faith in her is absolute. His Na'vi is clear than Jake's occasionally.
He is a demon and she hates him. She hisses at him and demands he not be in the Marui unless eating or sleeping. She hates how he lives among her children. She hates how they smile at him despite him being a demon! She hates how he seems to mourn her son. A boy he has no right to mourn. No skyperson has the right to mourn her child! Especially not the son of his murderer.
Yet when she hears whispers of distrust regarding the boy she feels anger strangely enough. The boy has done nothing to harm these people! He fought and bled for them! He hunts for them and learns their ways!
He is a child, and though she feels anger towards him and used to believe he needed to be with his own kind she has always known him loyal to the Na'vi. This boy with kind eyes and calloused hands that has never raised his voice at anyone is distrusted by him.
This boy who has saved her children's lives time and time again is judged and hated by these people, and they have no right. But she will not speak against the rumors. The boy has lived 16 years as the demons son. He can put up with the stares while he lives here.
In the mean time she changes how she cooks so he can eat the food. She helps craft a blanket while Kiri and Lo'ak and Tsireya weave him a sleeping hammock.
She knew what he looked like before his capture. She knew how he moved and acted and joked. She used to watch him in order to ensure he was not straying from Eywa and the Na'vi. To ensure his demon blood was not taking over.
He was changed by his time with them. Nearly 9 months with those demons had left litteral and spiritual scars. His body was littered with scars and as was his spirit and personality.
She hates this sky person, and yet can not help to be proud of him and all he has overcame.
Azula is getting a redemption in the comics at 16-17. Let's talk about how she didn't get one in the show.
At that time in her life there was no way anyone could have reached her. Zuko knew he was being abused, he knew Ozai and the fire nation were in the wrong because he got to leave and go see it for himself. He got away from Ozai's influence and realized just how horrible the man was.
He got to learn with Iroh's guidance and people's forgiveness. He made mistakes, and betrayed Iroh. And without even knowing is Zuko had done anything worthy of being forgiven, when he saw Zuko he brought him into his arms and for gave him.
Azula never got that chance.
She was a trapped 14 year old girl who was abused every day of her life but had no way to compare it to anything else so she did not realize it, nor could she see that what was happening to her was wrong. 'I don't have sob stories like the rest of you.' This line from her chilled me.
Because she is wrong. She does have a sob story, arguably the sadest one, because while Zuko was imperfect and allowed to make mistakes and grow, she was the "perfect one" which meant Ozai found her useful, and no one could get close enough to help her. Her own mother made no attempt to shield her. Ursa(her mother) actively laughed at a genocide joke written by Iroh. She made no attempt to sheild her daughter from Ozai or his cruelty.
I understand that she herself was a victim but she was so quick to always hug and love Zuko. Azula was aware of her mother's perception of her. Azula was 9 when Ursa left. A 9 year old was aware her mother thought she was a horrible monster. As a child, a 9 year old child she knew her mother preferred Zuko and obviously carried it with her into her teens.
Azula was aware of Ursa's favoritism towards Zuko. But, there were 2 parents. Ozai was constantly seen praising a much younger Azula. He praises her bending and her very birth. 'Azula was born lucky, I was lucky to be born.' Is a supposed quote from Ozai.
So, mother who despised her, war lord uncle who sent her a dead girl's doll, and a very outwardy proud father are her choices.
(The atla universe is also very sexist and Iroh is not a perfect old man and is seen to be sexist and possibly perverted at least once within the show.)
But we aren't going to get into that. Azula was favored by Ozai, neglected by Ursa, and resented by Zuko. She was doomed the second she became a prodigy and earned Ozai's favor.
Jake and his truly horrible habit of throwing away Spider
Let's talk about this.
In the comics Jake canonically tells Spider to circle back and rejoin the RDA. To go live and surrender to the RDA. They all managed to escape, Jake's children included, from an RDA attack and the first thing Jake does is to tell Spider to abandon his friends, loved ones, and all he has ever known to surrender and work with the evil colonizers.
And not even in a spy way! He isn't becoming an inside man for the rebellion, he is just straight up told to go and live with them! Jake just genuinely thought Spider would be willing to turn and betray everyone he loves. He thought so little of this boy that he expects Spider to join the RDA immediately after he was almost died in an attack on his friends. Spider has to get back to high camp all on his own!
When Spider is taken there is no concern for the 16 year old child. He is not worried for theboy he has watched grow alongside his children. He is not worried for him or his life. He is only worried about what Spider might tell the RDA. What this boy who is brave and loyal might give to the RDA.
There is no effort to save him. There is no effort to bring this child home. Jake knows how evil the RDA was. He betrayed the Na'vi for them. Yet this traitor looks at a child and believes him to be as much of a traitor as him. When Spider is returned there is no talk of happiness at his safety. There is no relief this child lived. There is only grief and blame to be found.
When he is taken a second time so is Jake. Jake knows that he was also taken. When Spider somes to save him he does not attempt to save Spider. There is no discussion of having to also find Spider before escaping. He is shocked when he sees Spider, and makes no move to stop him from jumping in front of aircrafts with loaded guns.
He takes the cover behind this child, who is brave enough to save his life. He lets this boy shield him from bullets with a body the size of his 7 year old and does not flinch. He allows a child he would havemade no attempts to rescue save his life.
Then the forest scene.
It just fills me with so much rage that it is unbelievable.
Damian Al Ghul Wayne became Robin at 10. Some runs or fics have him becoming Robin as young as 8 or as old as 12. But canonically he has lost baby teeth as Robin in a comic run that was written after his death. Damian Al Ghul Wayne went to hell before he lost all of his baby teeth.
He is seen saying to super boy, super boy prime I think, that he just assumes everyone hates him. This is a child who has been blamed for his grandfather's death, been forgotten by the one family member he could trust implicitly, and killed since most likely before he could speak.
"Some children were given raddles, I was given a knife."
If I am remembering right that's a direct quote from one of his animated roles. This is a child who within his own home has been shown open animosity from at least one person no matter what time in his stay. A boy who as soon as he was given a chance decided he never wanted to kill ever again. That child died, and not just died, he went to hell.
He is shown to remember it. He knows what hell is like because before he even lost all of his baby teeth he was sent to hell.
Stop hating on my son. Please I beg you just let this kid be happy DC.
Hear me out real quick. Au where Spider and Vanrang meet when Spider is like 13 and alone in the woods.
He's 13 when they first meet. He is running through the forest happily. He carved himself a new bow last week after Neytiri accidently broke his last one. New bow, new day. It's a family day for the Sully's. A family hunting trip, so he's on his own today.
He loves going South of the village. Far away from the old battle sites and all human technology, old and new. He likes to hunt where the small river flows. It is to small to keep anything but a bit of fish in it, which means most people leave it alone.
He's hunting for a while before he gets something. A big something. A thanator. He shouts in excitement and runs to go give it a quick death. He isn't paying as much attention as he should admittedly. It's one of his best ever shots, the thing was chasing prey after all! It was running!
When he breaks through the bushes to collect his kill he finds four Na'vi standing around it. They aren't Omatikaya, and they aren't the few smaller branch clans. Animal bones litter their bodies and ash coats their skin. They smell of rot and their ribs are so visible they must have been starving quite some time. That means their desperate. He only has a bow, 8 arrows and 3 knives. This isn't going to end well.
One of them lunges for him and that begins the fight. By the end of it 2 of the Na'vi are dead and he is kneeling infront of a large fire. A na'vi woman, their Tsahik lifts his head to stare at him. She cradles his face in her hand, she could crush his scull if she tried to.
He doesn't want to die like this. Please not like this Eywa.
"It was you who shot the thanator?"
Her voice is almost melodious, like it was meant to entice you, to bend you to her whim.
"Yes."
She tilts her head to the side and pokes and prods at him a bit more. She lifts his head left and right roughly. She taps the glass of his mask and yanks him closer to her wide yellow eyes.
"Can you hunt more things?"
"Yes. I could. I've been haunting for years."
"You know the forest well then. I shall spare your life, and you shall hunt food for us."
He nods. He can hunt for her clan. That's easy. He'll shoot down a couple of animals and be done. He knows this part of the forest like the back of his hand. So she has him cut free and followed. She and 3 other warriors follow him and collect the 9 animals he managed to hunt before the sun has almost set.
She tells him the will do this again in 5 days, in the same place he met her. She says he will hunt for her people of she will burn down the forest. He thinks she's psychotic and knows she is not bluffing. So he agrees to meet her there again.
And so he does. For years he meet her in the same spot every five days. He teaches her warriors to hunt better, to be quieter in the forest. He weaves them nets to fish in the ocean with, he helps them forage for fruits to eat and fibers to craft with.
Only certain people are allowed to learn from him. He never leads them close to the clan village, and he and Varang come to an agreement that she will not harm any of the clan children she comes across. He feeds hundreds of her people, feeding her clan and teaching them how to hunt in the forest.
After 5 months Varang begins to give him small gifts. Animal bones to craft with after he tells a fellow warrior how much he enjoys to craft jewelry. The bones get bigger and eventually he starts giving her some of the jewelry he makes.
They keep giving each other gifts. He finds himself enjoying that day. Neytiri is glad that there is an entire day where he is nowhere near her family, and honestly he enjoys being around Varang.
A year after they first met she gives him a dark red shawl with gray details. It is obvious that time and effort was put into it. He takes it with a genuine smile. He is 14 and has found more acceptance from a woman who was hates Eywa and loves destruction and fire and the misery of others than he has anywhere else.
When he told her that his father was the one who burnt down home tree she smiled in glee, and said he came from a very strong warrior. He didn't like how much she enjoyed his father, but he did like that he was not met with hate upon her learning who his father was.
Varang was kind to him, and taught him how to carve more intricate bows in her clans style. He spent less time hunting for her people and more learning from her the ways of her clan.
After his 14th birthday she took hours taking down his dreads and re-styling his hair. The sides were shaved and long braids decorated his head. Kiri had smiled when she saw his hair. She knew he was meeting with the Ash clan but had agreed to keep it a secret so long as the Ash clan kept far away from the clan hunting grounds, which he had ensured.
Because they did not use their kuru and connect to Eywa during their Rite of Passage he passed his at 15. He passed his for the Mangkwan before Neytam passed his for the Omatikaya. He'd never seen Varang so proud of him then when she had smiled down at him as she painted his face with their clans markings. He knew the only reason he hadn't relocated to live with them was because he couldn't breath their air.
5 weeks before his 16th birthday an Taleim warrior attacked her. She won easily, gutting the man and taking his kuru as she did. When she was done she beckoned him closer and smeared him in the man's blood.
"That's an family tradition."
Maybe it was different for the Mangkwan, though she had said something about smearing family in blood.
"Yes."
He looked up at her confused. Why would she be smearing him in her enemies blood then? He meets he eyes and realization dawns on him. He is her child. Then his eyes grow sad.
"You'll out live me. You're only 58. Even if I reach the oldest human age I will only make it too 98. You'll be 156. That's another 50 years for you."
Her jaw clenches at that. Her hand moves to his face.
"I know. But you are my child. Parents lose children all the time. 80 years with you as my child is better than never claiming you."
He smiles up at her. She brings him into her arm and walks him back to the edge of the clans hunting grounds. He slams into her waist with a hug. She is his mother, even if they only see each other every other day.
Neytiri's eyes always tracked him. From the day he was first found her eyes had stayed on him. Norm had informed them at once when he was found, and she had been interested. A lone human boy born on Pandora? Fascinating, Jake had said the humans were not supposed to be having children right now.
Pregnant with their own child she watches this tiny bubbly thing smile. It has beautiful golden curls and a sweet little smile. His little hand reaches out and Jakes dread looks like a thick rope in his tiny hand. The fact that he is a baby almost out weighs his human ness. To see how small her Jake would have been is endearing.
The next day Norm tells them of his parentage. He is the son of the demon! The son of Quaritch who she shot dead. His blood lives on through this child. The child's blood carries evil through it's body. She wishes never to see him again. The humans and Jakewill not kill him, for he is a boy. She does not wish his death for he is a child but she prays that he does not grow to be like his father.
She does not see him for another five years. She knows he is alive, Norm updates Jake every so often. She knows he was placed with the McCosker's. The couple has never felt genuine to her. The man was always to quick to anger and the woman was always so fast to make a cutting comment. Perhaps they will be different with a child.
By the time the boy is 7 he is friends with her children. Her eyes track him always, hating that he runs around with her children. Jake always accept it, preferring to ignore the demon who plays and runs about with her children. Kiri is attached to him and the boy is almost always kind and gentle with her children. Even when her children are rough with him, having not thought to account for his smaller and more easily hurt body.
He is more often then not bruised and scrapped when playing in the forest. His smaller body makes it harder for him to run about their forest like her children do. She watches how often he is left behind and hopes it makes him leave in anger and frustration, perhaps never to reenter her forest hopefully. But lunch is not on her side. The child adapts, he grows stronger and faster. He studies the smallest animals in the forest and learns to run about like they do. Taking large leaps and swinging on vines that would never support a Na'vi child of his age.
He makes his disadvantages become advantages when hunting. Smaller and so much quieter than any other Na'vi child. Blue paint is thick on his skin as he blends into the Forest, the only noise being his breathing mask as he stills and waits.
She hated the day he began to learn to hunt from those old earth video's. The resistance still had an archive of old video's and from their the boy taught himself many things. The boy carved a bow and taught himself to shoot and hunt. She and all the other adults were unaware of this development until all the children brought their bows to go on a small hunting trip with the clan warriors for practice. A teaching moment for the young children. Kiri and Lo'ak threw a fit to ensure the boy be allowed to come like all the other children and so she and Jake begrudgingly allowed it.
The boy came with them, a bag over his shoulder and a human sized bow in his hands. They watched the child hand Kiri the bag when she reached for it. She handed him his arrows and kept hold of the rest of the bag's contents, digging into it and pulling out a snack.
As the day went on she and the other warriors watched him hunt in an efficient way. A way no one had ever taught him. The boy taught himself. It was only Kiri laughing with him and Jake pulling her into his arms that kept her from seizing the bow and snapping it in her hands. For weeks after the clan would whisper how much of a threat the demon was if he was able to so easily teach himself to haunt at only 8.
Years go by and he us still nothing but kind and gentle. She can not help but hate him. She hates that all her children love this boy, even when Neyetam begins to scorn him out of loyalty to her. The demon is on all of their song chords, he is intertwined in their lives in a way nothing can get rid of.
Tuk loves him. He adores Tuk, this child who even though just born 9 months ago he can barely hold easily. He is always vigilant for any threat when she is near. Always following her as she toddler about and helping her learn to walk. She glares at him whenever he touches her and she knows the boy feels her gaze.
She does not send him away as early as she used to when Tuk was newly born. She'd only allow him in the village for a few hours before telling him to go to his home. He would stiffen, lower his head and be gone. The next day he would return for his few hours with heavy eyes and many scrapes and bruises on him. The child was not clumsy, he traversed the forest better than some Na'vi children those bruises were not from his journey to and from the forest.
They were deliberate. But who would bring hands to a child? Who would harm a young one in a way that makes the boy lock up as he does? Perhaps a scientist who has always been angry at Quaritch and is now more angry that the humans have once again returned?
She begins to allow him to stay later and later until he is back to staying as much as before she became pregnant with Tuk. He is looser, smiles easily. His bruises are less frequent but they still appear, as does the occasional thin line that joins as a scar on her back. Jake had told her corporal punishment was a thing with humans even if the Na'vi would never raise a hand to a child. She assumes it is just that and does not find concern with it.
When the boy is 12 the McCoskers betray them and head back the the RDA. Spider is found in the center of their destroyed living room bruised and beaten. His head is bleeding and there is a broken gun in the corner of the room.
Apparently Spider came home early to the McCoskers attempting to flee. Nash pulled a gun on Jim and Spider fought him so as to not get shot. Based on the footage Nash was very lucky Mary smashed a vase over the boys head before he broke Nash's bones.
The boy is patched up but the McCoskers and their son are gone. Weeks go bye and the child never does wander in with a bruise of another scared line across his back.
It was them then. So evil they would harm even a child. Horrible parents to be sure. She is never told if someone else takes in the boy to be his adoptive parents again. He keeps smiling, and eating, and looking happier than he ever has so she assumes he is just fine.
When he is 16 he keeps all her children from being taken by the RDA. Jake has them run so that when the boy gives them up they will not be where he tells the RDA. She has never likes the boy but even she knows he would never give them up without a fight, but Jake quietly tells her that night that he knows what horrible things await the boy.
The RDA is horrible, as is the newly back Quaritch. He whispers that they will break him to get the information they want. Even if the boy fights with all his has it will probably not be enough. The RDA will break him and take what they want. She has watched him for far to long to believe he won't fight them with all he has. If not for being good, for his love of her children.
To hear it from her children he ensured they ran infant of him to insure he could fight off anyone who caught up wit them. He will give it his all, but who knows if his all will be enough? Who knows what information they will steal from him with their evil ways. So her family must flee, she is not pleased but it is what must be done. They can not save him, and he can not save them.
8 months latter she sees the child again. He is covered in her son's blood as he stares in horror, desperately trying to stop the blood from flowing in-between his fingers. He does not even let out a sound as she moves him in a way that is extremely rough. She hears his body hit the rocks with a hard thus and knows it must have hurt, but her son is dying. His injuries or the fact that he is miraculously alive is not of concern, her son is.
The next time she sees him after her son is dead he has even more injuries and what she assumes are more people's blood on his hands and body. He is begging for her daughters life. When she holds a knife to his neck he complies. He does not struggle and he does not beg for his own life. He winced when she slashes his chest but stays pliant. He allows himself to be a bargaining chip against Quaritch while he pleads for Kiri's release.
He is in Awa'atlu in her family's Marui struggling to breathe at night. She hid his mask just enough so she might convince Jake to send him home. It works and they all begin the flight to the Forest with the Taleim. Then they are attacked and once again the next time she sees him he has blood on him and scrapes and minor bruises. Most importantly his mask is gone.
Many days later he is once again taken, as is Jake. When she sees him again he is saving Jake's life. He joins them on her ikran and they all leave. He sleeps against her back and she realizes it is the second time she has ever touched the boy. The fact that he sleeps against her so easily instead of feeling terror in her presence is astonishing.
They land and Jake tells her he must kill him. She begs him not to. The boy is kind, and loving, and so very good. He has been blessed by Eywa, and he has constantly and without fail always protected their family even at risk of himself. Just hours ago he jumped in front of loaded fighter jets to save Jake's life with a smile and a joke.
Jake does not head her words and as she kneels in the river and watches the paint flow from her hands red like blood, she remembers the last time she saw him after his capture. Horrified and close to tears as he whispered reassurances she knew he did not feel confident in as her sons blood ran like a river through his fingers as he desperately attempted to stop it.
She runs through the forest. She prays she makes it in time and when she reaches them and touches him for the third time ever she has never been so grateful. She sees him. He is not her child, and she does not quite love him yet, but she does see him. She accepts Spider, he is a part of her, just not truly like her children are.
Days later during the battle he calmly walks towards a demon to trade his freedom for she and Tuk's safety. Spider, a child, has always protected her family and he is doing so once again. Again he is putting himself in danger to save her family from coming to more harm. He does not flinch when Quaritch grabs him, he does not struggle when he begins to be dragged towards the demons ikran.
He takes off his comms and tosses them her way. He smiles sadly, and she cradles Tuk and Pril closer. She can not react, because doing so would put Tuk and Pril in danger, she has to watch as this boy that is hers gives himself up, bringing harm upon himself so her family is not harmed further.
Jake rushes after them and Kiri rushes to get she, Pril and Tuk off the ship. The next time she sees Spider he is laying on a rock, breathing heavily as if coming down from a panic. Jake and the Demon both have hands on him. When the Demon jumps from the cliff her attention turns to Spider.
His head is cut open, his hand are burned and bruised. He has minor burns all over his body. His torso has a large bruise and his back is bleeding. He participated in the fight between these men more than he ever should have had to.
She worries it will never stop, his willingness to be put in danger so that others are not. For now she treats his injuries and watches as he allows Tuk to steal food from his plate. They have a long recovery ahead of them.
Man. This was really long. Thanks if you read it all.
I want to one day find a fanfic where the bat family time skips from shortly after Bruce was found alive, and pretty much everyone openly hated and/or treated him poorly to see older Damian. Damian who pulled back and patrols less, Damian who is now a respected and beloved doctor, a Damian who has grown up to be kind and loved.
A Damian who knows that while his family is flawed and was traumatized the way they openly and continuously spoke poorly, abandoned, and emotionally abused him was not okay. How, while he very obviously loves his family, is distant with them to a degree. A batfam who only know certain details because they still investigate him as is needed due to how much he just doesn't really talk to them outside of his rare patrols as a vigilante.
A Damian who doesn't forgive Bruce for blaming him for the brutal murder of the man he named his SON after. A man who was killed in front of him, a flawed man yes, but a present and loving grandfather.
A Damian who is truly and completely changed by growing, and being able to adjust and love. To no longer be seen as a killer and a trained weapon, who no longer carries Bruce's heavy words of suspicion so deeply. Who is no longer seen as angry, or a killer who they have to lock away to keep him from killing again. Who is more mature, and kind, and who had to distance himself from his family to become that way.
A batfam who has to stare at this 20-30 year old Damian, who is so good, better than them all, but is so far away from them all. A batfam who has to question if they are truly helping if he is so far away but so much better as a person. As if the further he is the healthier he becomes.
A batfam who has to watch this grown Damian look at them with eyes filled not with anger or hate, but grief. These people have yet to do everything that made him leave. Alfred is alive and well, and they all have over a decade of hardship ahead of them.
A Damian who knows their coming grief, who knows they will make his life harder before he changes it for the batter. A Damian who looks down at his 10 year old self clad in his Robin uniform, a body that held the same sword and wore a league uniform just 9 month prior.
A grown Damian who knows what all he will have to go through. He will bleed, and die, and make sacrifice after sacrifice for this family, and they will watch on, thank him once in a quiet voice, and the very next day call him a demon and say he will never amount to anything more than the killer he once was.
A Damian who left his family, not out of anger or hate or even not loving them. A Damian who left out of grief and self preservation. A Damian who knew he needed to distance himself before he began to believe their words once again.
And an older batfam who know their mistakes. Who know what they did wrong because someone (Jon) sat them down and point by point told them every single thing they did to Damian. A batfam who Jon did not want to do that with but who was sick of hearing them speak of Damian the way they did after he chose to start to keep distance out of self preservation.
A batfam who stares at this younger boy, this child they allowed to go through so much, this child they did so much damage to, knowing what is to come. A batfam who stares at their younger selves, because truly none of them helped him, not even Dick, Duke, Jason, or Cass, and stare in anger.
Because they looked through old photos after Jon sat them down. They watched video's and looked through his old room he never set another foot in. They did so much wrong to this boy. This child who was never taught better, this child raised on violence and murder and taught to be proud of it.
This child they did not take the time to teach differently, and even when he learned on his own still spoke horribly about him. Still doubted, and belittled, and verbally abused him.
They watched him grow up to be better than all of them and knows it was in spite of them.
At 16 years old this boy is kidnapped. Taken by people he is taught are the incarnation of evil. And Spide agrees, they are evil and he hates them, and more importantly he loves the Sully's and the Omatikaya clan and all of Pandora. He loves Eywa herself, he worships her.
He knows that anything the RDA has in store for any of them is not good, especially not with the four of them being Jake's children. So he gets them all in front of him. He makes himself a target. If they were to capture anyone it would be him. And it works far to well.
He gets taken, captured by Quaritch and his fellow soldiers and taken back to their base. He quickly makes peace with what this means for him. He'll die before he tell the RDA a damn thing about the clan and their home. He'll be killed brutally before he becomes the reasons hundreds will die.
He knows there will be no rescue team sent out. He knows there is no holding out for hope, that he will not see the outside of this base ever again. He may taunt Quaritch every now and then, but he knows the truth. Jake won't plan a rescue for him, there is no getting out of this. He'll die before he gives them up.
His plan is chugging along. He's being tortured and it's the worst thing he's ever imagined. He has never been in so much pain. It is melting his brain very slowly according to the general. It speaks up every time he fights against the machine, so he fights harder. The sooner he dies with a melted brain the better. No one will ever have the satisfaction or sorrow of saying he betrayed the Na'vi, that he betrayed Pandora.
He plans to die in that room, at only 16. He plans to die protecting his friends, and a clan that has never, and will never accept him. Protecting people who will only ever see him as Quaritch's son. He'll die loyal, but at only 16.
Then he lives. And he is on a boat in the ocean, and he is watching there horrible things happen. He is watching Tulkun be killed and he prays for them. He is dragged village to village and forced to translate for Quaritch and his men. He begs them to spare people.
He begs, with tears in his eyes that Quaritch not kill all these innocent people. He begs, freshly tortured, still a captive, and only 16, that Quaritch spare them all. At only 16 he convinced a monster to spare hundreds of Na'vi he otherwise would have killed on any other day.
He at 16 tells the Tsahik he is sorry. He sobs as Quaritch burns their homes and shoots their animal. He watches in horror as he tries to tell the Tsahik how sorry he is as the RDA destroyed the homes of hundreds. Yet no blood was shed. No Na'vi died that day. At 16 he asked they be spared and they were, with Quaritch's clear disappointment. At 16 he saved hundreds.
At 16 he allows Neytiri to hold a knife to his throat so they can save Kiri. He knows Neyteme is dead, he knows she might actually kill him. But Quaritch is no a man who is merciful, and he has a knife to Kiri's throat. He loves kiri with all that he us, and Neytiri cutting him for her safety is an easy trade off in the moment.
Less than a year later, still 16, Spider kills a full grown Na'vi, and spends time on a burning ship protecting Tuk and Kiri. His spare mask is inaccessible. He'll die without it, he should be conserving his energy and oxygen, but there is no time for that. They are in danger, and that is the threat at the moment.
That is his priority, keeping them safe and alive. His mask is gone, they don't have a third. If it melted in those flames he is going to die. But that doesn't matter, the Sully's will be alive.
Still at 16 he gets Kiri safely out of the woods even when he himself is captured. He knows that once again no one will be coming for him. He sees Jake and know his plan to once again die before selling anyone out has now changed. Someone will come for Jake, all he has to do is make sure the rescue plan succeeds and he hitches a ride.
So he does. He breaks out of his cell, he steals clothes from who knows where, blends into the crowds and finds a way to Jake. He jumps in front of a gun to save Jake's life. He knows they're been ordered not to shoot him. He hopes this soldier doesn't receive different orders soon.
It works, they don't get shot and he hitches a ride with Neytir and Jake to leave this place. At 16 years old, and a captive himself, he saved Jake's life and got al 3 of them out safely.
Then, still 16, he convinces Quaritch on several occasions to spare the lives of the Sully's, his enemies, just because Spider asked. He traded himself, and his subsequent captivity for the Sully's once again. He knew no one would come for him, he'd been proven it twice over. He'd stay and find a way out himself again.
He is a hero, and he always will be. I just feel not enough people discuss this.
My teeth are not sharp like a wolf's, and I do not growl at you. My ears do not pin back and my snarl is not impressive. I am not a wolf who hunts for food, pouncing on it and ripping it apart with my teeth. Blood has never dripped from my jaw as I eat my meal of flesh. I do not howl at the moon or run long nights. My ears do not pin back when you approach me, and I do not lunge forward to a peirce your flesh with my teeth for I am not a wolf. I am not hunted down, my head is not mounted on walls to boast about an impressive kill. Because I am not a wolf.
I am not a sheep. My fur is not wool andI do not follow my shepherd without question. I do not graze pastures, and I do not need a human to cut off my wool. My fur is useless to you, and I am not the most common sacrifice. I am not pure and white and I do not let myself be led to the alter. I am not quiet as my blood leaks onto my wool for I am not a sheep. You do not count me to feel calm, and I am not soft and quiet and useful. I am not pure for I am not a sheep.
I am a goat. My horns are sharp and tough. When I run towards you you run from me so I do not trample you. I am fast and agile for I was born to climb the mountains, I was made for the uphil battle.
Even without the sharp teeth of the wolf you know to be weary near me. I can not tear open your flesh with my teeth, but I will injure you just the same. Your flesh will turn dark even as it does not grow wet with rivers of red.
When you pet my head you are weary of my horns, no matter their length. You are cautious of me because of my horns, yet still I am used. I am used before I am born so my mother produces milk for you to drink. I am used when I am alive you use me to teach responsibility to others.
When it is my time to die you tie me up and drag me to the alter. I do not go without a fight. You carry bruises on your core, and rope burns mark your hands, for I would never die without a fight. You struggle as do I, for I do not wish to die like this, not at the hands of you, not for your cause.
It will take three people and a very sharp blade, for I am not a sheep, I will not die silently. My blood stains your white robes for I am not a sheep, my pure wool will not keep your hands clean. I yell for all to hear for I am in pain, for I am dying. It is not the loud howl of the wolf at the moon and it is not the silence of the sheep.
You use my death for your own purpose, and even after that you use me. You use my body as your meet. You use my flesh as your hide. You use my horns as storage.
I was not a sheep to be used, not a wolf to be feared. I was neither and yet I was both. You fear me until I am useful. My life was hard work until you took me from the mountains and put me in the pastures. I was high in the mountains where you were not able to climb. You took me from my home and put me in the sheep's.
Spider gets a concussion and losses his memory. Pre Quaritch's return.
He's running about the village with the Sully kids, hopping from tree to tree like any other day. He is 14 and happy and free. Neytiri has yet to even come over and snatch up little 5 year old Tuk who is happily chasing him, laughing with joy.
A small Na'vi child runs in front of him, maybe only 4 or 5 years old. He has to think quickly and move so he doesn't accidentally run into them. He turns his entire body and jumps in order to not run over this kid.
He succeeded in not hitting the kid but he didn't consider how he would land, and he is headed towards the ground head first.
Next thing he knows he's waking up in a medical bed and his head is killing him. He doesn't know where he is, or even who he is. A man is calling him Spider, and asking how he feels.
He asks the man what his name is, and why is he here. The man introduced himself as Norm and said he had a concussion. He's told he was running around with his friends and he hit his head hard while trying to avoid hitting a small kid.
He doesn't remember a thing so he goes with what he is told.
3 days later when he is let out of his medical room his hair is down. The thick heavy dreads are weighing down his head and causes his head to hurt even more. None of the scientists will help him cut them, despite them being matted badly and being dirty. They say he has always worn his hair like that and they wouldn't want to make him upset by cutting it.
Except he doesn't remember why he wears his hair like this. He has no memories of loving this hairstyle or why it is so poorly maintained. So later that evening he swipes an electric razor and cuts it all off. He carefully combs out the remainder or the hair. It is very short, but the weight of the hir is off his head and the relief is instant. It doesn't cure the headaches of course but it does lessen their intensity.
They said he would gradually get his memories back over the course of months. If he remembers why he wants his hair in dreads he'll grow it back out and redo the hairstyle, but for now he likes how the short hair looks on him.
His room is freezing, so he requests to borrow some clothing from the other people here in hells gate. Norm drops his mug when e sees his new hair cut but does lend him some clothing. It feels odd to wear so much fabric, perhaps becaus of his years of not wearing human clothes apparently.
He goes through the things in his room, hopping to jog his memory. Days go bye until the scientists deem him well enough to go back out side in an air mask. Four Na'vi children, the Sully's who he apparently loves based off of his journey are waiting for him outside.
It takes 30 minutes in the mask for a large headache to form. He heads back inside to rest in his room. He is spending more and more time inside because of just how fast his headaches form. He's started doing more things in the lab to help the scientists. It is one of the few things he remembers most vividly, being in the labs and helping out so he must do it often, despite what his journey says about spending most days outside.
He picks up his jobs easily enough. Tuk, a little 5 year old girl comes to talk to him quiet often, as do a 13 year old girl Kiri and a 11 year old boy Lo'ak. They visit Dr.Graces Avatar and then move to talk with him. Despite how he has no memories of them the brush it off and speak with him anyway. It is nice.
Their mother and father come to get them late into the evening once. They both freeze upon seeing him. It is his first time meeting the since his concussion so he introduces himself, even though they already know him and he knows vaguely who they are.
Their mother, Neytiri?, hisses at him and grabs Tuk. She calls him a demon and Jake leads her put of the room, calling for their other children. The other two apologize to him but he shrugs it off and tells them to go with their dad. He's confused as to why Neytiri is upset but that is her business. He goes back to his work in the lab.
This is mainly just me on my bullshit. Just headcannons.
That's his little sister. The little girl that came 7 years after Lo'ak. The kid that is almost his height. He is so willing to bend to her whims that whenever Jake or Neytiri tell her no she goes to Spider.
Does she want an extra serving of desert but Neytiri said no? Her head whips over to Spider who is already scraping half of his onto her plate. Is she cold? Spider's shawl is now wrapped around her shoulders.
Does she want an new necklace? Does she want to learn how to weave it herself? Spider is carving out time in his day in order to take her foraging and searching for the materials, and taking pain staking time to teach a young child a complicated weaving technique. They now have matching necklaces.
Spider is always 3 steps ahead of her mentally. He knows what parts of the forest that trips her up when climbing. He knows how long she can hold her breath in the small lake he taught her to swim in. He knows what snacks she prefers after a day of adventures. He is always attentive.
Every time she pulls a prank she knows Lo'ak will want revenge to she pulls off the prank and runs to hide behind Spider. Spider laughs when he sees them both running to him. Depending on the prank he will high-five her and give her even more of his dessert at night. It almost always makes her smile.
That is her big brother who would lay down his life for her. She knew he would kill for them. He tells her so often and it is an honor to have such loyalty. She has never gone a day of her life without her big brother bending to her every whim.
Until the first day she does. Freshly chased through the forest, watching as Spider is beaten for raising his bow in defense of her. A man who has just pointed a gun at her calls Spider a name no one dares to utter in Neytiri’s presence. Miles. The man call Spider his son and Spider tells him to go to hell. Threatens them all with a very painful death if they keep hurting them all.
They get released, Spider bargains for their lives, gets himself kidnapped and stabs a man in the leg. Not in that order but still. He is taken away to a big flying machine called a chopper and tells them all to get home. He yells over the blade how he loves them all and that they better stay safe. Then her big brother is gone. For the first time in 7 years she is without her big brother.
Then her dad is calling him a traitor. He is not saying her brother was taken, and so the need to go get him. Instead he is telling her that her brother, Spider who loves her more than his own life, will sell her clan out. Will let them die to save himself. But that is not her Spider. Her father is a lying liar who lies! He is a coward who will not save her brother. For the first time in her little life Tuk has a reason to be mad at her father.
She runs off to hells gate, her eyesite bluring with tears. Where Spider has a room and the things smell like him. He's banned her from it for the last week because he was working on something for her he wanted to be a surprise. Something for all four of them actually. She runs to his room and surrounds herself with his things.
Because for the first time in her life Spider is not an easy walk away. Her father can not call Norm or Max to send him to the village. He can not make her her favorite snack or hug her tightly. He can't sing her favorite song, or take time to teach her new weaving techniques before anyone her age starts to learn them.
Her big brother who loves her more than his own life has been taken and her dad, Toruk Makto, says he will not waste resources to go get him. Her dad is a mean bully who let's her mother hate Spider because they are meanies!
So she enters Spider's human room, her Navi air mask in place like Spider drilled into her. She finds the necklace obviously meant for her and lays on his bed. It has such soft plankets that he made himself.
She lays there and goes to sleep, hoping it is Spider who shakes her awake, saying she fell asleep while he was reading something to her in his room.
The mycelium within him is changing him. It's changing things within him of course, but also other things. He's grown a kuru, and it works. It connects to Eywa like all others do.
The mycelium is not truly just a plant, not really. It almost has a mind. One that melds with his own. It doesn't quite speak, but he understands it all the same. It is almost like when you bond with an animal and feels it's body as yours, except this was always his body, it simply has a new resident.
It runs through his memories and makes it's displeasure known. It doesn't like Jake, or Neytiri, or mostly anyone to cause him harm. It hates the McCosker with a passion. He hates them along with it. It hates the RDA and it dislikes Quaritch some.
It has likes as well. It has favorite foods and smells. Has favorite places to be. It's favorite place is always connected to Eywa. No matter where he connects it is happy. So happy that is accidentally keeps him there for hours on end.
Jake banned him for going alone after he accidentally stayed there for nearly 8 hours one time. It was not apologetic when he got in trouble. One of the bonuses of the mycelium and it's connection to Eywa is that he can almost always direct who he speaks to when connected. While everyone else is simply directed as the Great Mother wishes he mostly gets to request Neyetam, and Neyetam he shall have.
It has spread all throughout his body, and dislikes the Norm, Max and all their tests. When they attempted to draw his blood the mycelium would not allow it at first. He had to ask politely for it to allow it to happen.
"You are an organism now in my body, this has never happened in the history of humans. I know you keep me well, as does every Tsahik who hasseen us, but they do not know that. Please let these scientists run their test."
He made the request to it and it spoke back.
'The other scientists did not stop at blood. How are these ones different'
"Because these ones care for me. You have spent many nights going through my memories, these ones care for me, and therefore they care for you. They just need to make themselves comfortable. This is new for us all."
And so it allowed his blood to fill the syringe. They had many conversations to that effect. It was not used to being around people like this, but he wasn't quite used to it either, so they learned together.
He didn't like calling it an it. He didn't like that it had no name. Something he could speak with deserved a name. It existed, and it was capable or thought?, maybe? It needed a name was the point.
"Do you have a name?"
He asked it one night.
'No.'
"Would you mind if I gave you one? I can speak to you, you deserve a name."
'I would be open to a name. I am not really Eywa, but we are conected.'
"What about Mescalito? It's from an earth book, the name is from a teaching diety that takes people to another reality to teach them lessons."
'I like it. Mescalito, sounds like mycelium a bit. It is a good name for me.'
And so now it is Mescalito. Mescalito is within him, and Mescalito loves being alive within him. It enjoys life and all that walking on two legs offers. Mescalito keeps him alive and healthy, and in return he helps keep Mescalito happy.
I don't write about the encanto universe often, I just need to know if anyone else caught this. Y'all know the scene Alma tells Pedro she's pregnant right?
This one? How did she know it was going to be triplets? As far as we know this was like around the 1950's, and ultrasounds were around in the 1950's. So it is possible for her to have gotten an ultrasound. Did Alma go to a doctor and get an ultrasound? Did she have access to modern medicine and then have a kid who's entire thing was magical healing? Was that fucking wild for her or what?
