the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time
another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world
the exercise lady whose videos I follow says things like "Exercise is a celebration of what you can do, not punishment for what you ate" and "Think of some small thing you've wanted to change, and try making that change just for today so you don't stress yourself out over a major change" and "The brain craves blood"
Hey i’m a fashion design student so i have tons and tons of pdfs and docs with basic sewing techniques, pattern how-tos, and resources for fabric and trims. I’ve compiled it all into a shareable folder for anyone who wants to look into sewing and making their own clothing. I’ll be adding to this folder whenever i come across new resources
Updated just now with new hand sewing resources (mainly buttonholes) and textbook pdfs on fashion history, fashion illustration, and thinking through designs!
"i don't want to be a burden" you're worth carrying. i don't care if you'd be worth it to you; you're worth it to me. i smile every time i think of you. and buddy you're just gonna have to figure out how to cope w that <3
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I had to get used to this with my wife. She has parents that were very supportive of her emotional well-being as a kid, and thus cries easily because she was never shamed for it.
Don’t shame people for showing their emotions. I get it, I do: my instinct when someone cries is to freak out because a) in my family the only way you were allowed to cry was if you were Really Badly Hurt, so seeing someone else cry sets off alarms in my head and b) my other instinct is to stop her from crying before Someone Else Sees, because they’ll be angry and mock her for it. But that’s my shit! I gotta deal with that! Her crying is lovely and wonderful because it means she feels safe enough in the world and with me to express those emotions.
(ALSO: if you are like me and just Can’t Fucking Cry, even when you’re really upset, you gotta find other ways to communicate that to someone who is used to crying. Because like, they’re used to people crying as an indicator of upset, and if they don’t see that, they’re maybe not gonna know that you are! I’ve gotten in the habit of saying aloud, “if I could cry, I would be crying right now.”)
I'm sure others have made the point by now but also: being calm and respectful about someone crying is also the perfect counterspell to performative/manipulative crying anyway.
If someone is in the middle of an argument and they start crying as an involuntary stress response, they'll probably be pretty relieved to be respectfully asked, "Do you need a moment to collect yourself?"
If they were seeking a fawn-response or an "automatic argument end/win," they're not getting it, but in a respectful way they'd have to really work to feel victimized about.
And if the truth is (as is so common) somewhere in between, it gives them a chance to step back sort their shit out--which is not a gift offered by either "I gotta make them stop crying (fawn version)" or "I gotta make them stop crying (angry version)"
having audio processing issues is so humiliating like yeah i heard you and yeah i was actively listening but the problem is i dont know what the fuck you sayed
