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Janaina Medeiros
hello vonnie
Misplaced Lens Cap
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Game of Thrones Daily
Kaledo Art
roma★
YOU ARE THE REASON
#extradirty
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Not today Justin
Show & Tell
Three Goblin Art
Discoholic 🪩
Monterey Bay Aquarium
One Nice Bug Per Day
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
blake kathryn
@theartofmadeline
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@dalniente
“Love could never make me hate you” FLY is a story where Black boys lift eachother up. We deserve spaces where we can be embraced for the soft and strong parts we share with eachother. Follow FLY on Kickstarter for more 💫🪽
A coming of age story about Black kids who finally have power to fight back against systems designed against them.
You don't have to laugh at "girl math" or "girl dinner" or "I'm just a girl" jokes. You don't have to laugh at misogynistic humor that demeans women. You don't have to go along with it. You don't even have to sit there awkwardly pretending you didn't hear anything. You are allowed to speak up and say something.
You don't have to be a jerk about it. The most effective yet civil way of dealing with harmful "humor" is just pretending you don't get the joke and asking them to explain. "I don't get it, what's girl math? What's a girl dinner? What do you mean by you're just a girl? Can you explain the joke to me?"
And if you're feeling bold, you can just say (or follow up with) "I think that's misogynistic". That's allowed. You don't have to quietly endure misogynistic "jokes", you can call a spade a spade.
It really does feel like we've done a massive backsliding in gender stereotyping over the past few years and it's honestly alarming.
Not just the "girl x / boy x" like "girl math" to mean being stupid and bad at math, or these "lol girl dinner" posts where it's a can of energy drink and half a jar of olives.
But it's also this "pink this" and "blue that", like girls and women posting tiktoks like "being well behaved in the blue store in the hopes he'll take me to the pink store 😇" and 'blue store' meaning, like, a hardware store or a sporting goods store, and 'pink store' meaning a makeup or clothing store, and uh, hello?? Why is this so prolific right now?? Why aren't more people questioning or calling out how grossly sexist this all is??
#or when owners think their boy cats are the best in the world#while demeaning their girl cats#cats dont have gender they all get spayed or neutered anyway#theyre just animals#the memes about kind boy cats and awful girl cats need to die
You know human sexism is out of hand when we have to project "boys are silly lovable goofballs, but girls are cold and mean" onto animals who have no concept of and absolutely do not adhere to human gender roles and stereotypes.
The sad thing is that this has real world consequences for these animals. On average, male cats and kittens have shorter stays at shelters due to being adopted quicker than female cats and kittens. I have no concrete proof that this is due to stereotypes of boy cats as lovable goofballs but girl cats as cold and mean, but my own lived experience is that I know several people who have prioritized adopting male cats and kittens due to this (incorrect and sexist) assumption.
Of course cats all have different personalities, if you've ever had cats you know this. But it has no basis in gender roles or stereotypes. I've had boy cats who were aloof and unfriendly, and I've had girl cats who were sweet little cuddlebugs with everyone they met.
Again, animals are animals, they really have absolutely no concept of human gender roles and stereotypes.
I remember my coworker would make a stupid husband joke and I'd be like... Is he okay? Shouldn't you take him to the hospital?
She stopped because I wasn't laughing. (Also he turned out to have a heart condition so it was good that I told her to get him to the hospital)
(Edit: sorry didn't finish my thought)
Like there's so many "jokes" that just aren't funny once you need to explain them. It really makes people think a bit harder. Like old coworker saying "my husband is an idiot, he keeps falling asleep on his tractor" or "my husband is an idiot he fell asleep in his chair and spilled his beer"
Or the people who say "well my husband can't do chores right, aren't men stupid" and my reply is, well you are going to have to teach him and deal with some terribly folded shirts for awhile while he learns. And they look at me like I'm insane. I'm sorry I think my husband is capable? Like the weird sexist baseline some people have is utterly baffling.
I think more of these "idiot husbands" are actually perfectly capable of folding a shirt, but weaponized incompetence is a thing.
Although that's not to say that weaponized incompetence is the culprit every time. For example, in my family and among my in-laws there are plenty of men who genuinely want to do more of the cooking and/or baking for family gatherings, but their girlfriend or wife doesn't allow it because they want everything to be perfect, and think allowing a man in the kitchen will result in less than perfect food that doesn't wow the guests the way she wants. (Yes, even here in supposedly oh-so gender equal Iceland people get weird and sexist about things like this)
Honestly no one cares if your cream puffs or whatever are less than perfect because you allowed your boyfriend to do his part of the holiday cooking and baking. You're just unnecessarily making more work for yourself while being unfair to your boyfriend or husband.
Oh my husband definitely suffered from a mom who would not let him do chores. He had to start from scratch when we first started living together (like 3 months before we got married). He was so upset that I just... Knew how to do the chores? Now he does most of the housework because I have the full time job.
My uncle has weaponized incompetence. He used to break the lawnmower so he wouldn't have to mow the lawn. After the third time my Gramma made him fix it. He's still sexist as hell randomly but when he says something and I reply, no wonder you're divorced, he gets really quiet. (Especially if he says something to my husband like an hour later, looking for support, and my husband is like... Oh yeah it's not surprising you're divorced).
Thankfully I grew up in a household that had very nebulous grasp on gendered roles so I didn't "learn" the sexist things until later. Gramma was the one who fixed stuff and grampa cooked.
I'm also pretty lucky to have grown up in a household where my dad was the main cook, cleaner, and sewer of the household while my mom did most of the sweaty yard work traditionally done by men, so I feel like I didn't internalize this sense of gendered housework the way a lot of other kids did.
Children are very "monkey see, monkey do" when it comes to these things. It's not enough to simply tell children "boys can cook and clean too", it actually needs to be modeled to them.
Most people have absolutely no fucking empathy for the way it affects you to survive an abusive relationship. Most people have absolutely no fucking empathy for what the symptoms of PTSD do to you.
I had to work various food service and retail jobs right after I escaped a violently physically abusive relationship, and that mixes together just about as well as having to work a strenuous physical labor job right after having both your arms broken. But it was my only option if I wanted to pay the bills and keep food on the table.
Of course customers would get aggressive and hostile with me, of course customers would scream while their faces were red with rage and slam their fists on the counter or even try to physically threaten me. And of course given my very fresh and very untreated PTSD I'd freeze and/or fawn and break down afterwards. Even just moderate aggression like a raised voice or a forceful attitude could send me into freeze/fawn because my brain had just spent years being taught that even something as moderate as a raised voice or a forceful attitude meant I was in physical danger if I didn't back down.
And when my co-workers would witness me freeze up in front of a screaming hostile customer the reaction would range from anywhere from annoyance at how pathetic that was of me to later bragging to me about how much better they would have handled that because they're so much tougher and more assertive than me and needed to preen about that. Instead of even bothering to think about why I might be reacting the way I was or trying to empathize they could only jump on the opportunity to judge me as weak to make themselves feel better about themselves.
Or a friend of mine who I distanced myself from after I saw how she reacted to her sister's behavior after leaving an abusive relationship. Her sister was of course afraid of her abuser and afraid of confronting him about custody matters, and my friend would always talk about how frustrated she was with her sister for being "so childish and such a scaredy cat". She knew her sister had just been abused, but all she could do was judge her sister for being "weak" and get mad at her sister for her "weakness".
I have spent years in therapy and have regained a lot of my confidence and assertiveness that I'd lost from the abuse. But it still stings in all sorts of ways when I think of how people reacted to my behavior after I'd just escaped the abuse. How everyone's, and I mean everyone's, reaction to seeing me freeze or fawn or break down when I encountered aggression or hostility was to judge me as weak instead of having any understanding at all, and this includes people who knew I was fresh out of an abusive relationship.
If someone had just broken their arm and couldn't carry anything with their freshly broken arm, any normal decent human being's reaction would be to understand why they couldn't carry anything with a freshly broken arm, and any normal decent human being wouldn't expect them to. It's widely understood that if you judged them as pathetic and weak for not being able to carry anything with a freshly broken arm, and if you started preening about how you're so much stronger and better than them because you can carry things with your unbroken arm, that this makes you a colossal fucking asshole and a generally bad person.
Imagine if we could actually approach mental/emotional injuries, like PTSD from a physically violent relationship, with the same understanding.
[ID: Screenshot of a Facebook post, author unknown. Post reads, "Why should coal miners pay for PBS"? This was an actual question asked by the Trump administration yesterday. Obviously a blatantly stupid question. We have questions too. Why should a poor Black family in Detroit pay for the President to go golfing? Why should a single mother of 3 who's working 2 jobs in Louisiana be denied health-care so that the CEO of Aetna can get a tax-break? Why is the guy washing dishes in Baton Rouge paying for the President's wife's secret service protection so she can live comfortably in NYC? We could do this all day. But here's the real question the Trump administration and the Republicans who empower him need to answer: Do you have a heart? Did no one teach you to care about your neighbors? Do you know what "empathy" means? Did no one ever teach you to "share" when you were in kindergarten? Have you never heard the phrase "do unto others"? I can't think of a group of people who need to watch Sesame Street MORE than the Republican party. Perhaps they would learn some common decency." End ID.]
We write for ourselves, but we post for others.
(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)
So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,
and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing
but i also think:
“i write for myself, but i post for others.”
because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.
people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,
and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:
“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”
especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,
and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.
And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,
and then it’s like,
does anyone see me? does anyone even care?
I fucking hate that I cannot talk about my favorite piece of local public sculpture without doxxing myself. Because y'all would fucking LOVE this thing.
DM me and I'll send you a picture of The Best Statue
Actually I can at least say. It's one of Peter Reiquam's public installations, which are all absolutely delightful:
i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it
Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”
Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”
@sineala
#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan
“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”
*prolonged silence* “oh my…”
“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”
*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”
The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.
actual footage of first contact makeouts
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew it (via kittykatthetacodemon)
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: don’t tell me how to do my job
This is my favourite Star Trek post, complete with headcanons, corrections, the truth coming out of her well to shame Spock even. Seriously perfect fandom work.
there will never be anything as funny as the mutual disbelief between long form and short form fic writers about each other's style.
short form writers look at people writing 100k+ fics as though this is some sort of talent given as part of a fae bargain, that the commitment required shows some sort of ungodly mental fortitude.
meanwhile long form writers look at people writing 1000 word one shots like god I would cut off my left nipple to be able to say anything concisely. i would love to play with multiple ideas. free me from the shackles of this child I have birthed. i love them but I now must take them to t-ball and doctor's appointments and they're going to destroy everything I own.
Important Fox Update
So a few days ago I noticed a fox friend running through my yard. I was able to snap this photo.
I called him Milo.
I thought he was a lone wolf who chose my neighborhood as his domain.
But Milo is not alone.
Milo is a papa.
He and his lady fox have three little foxes!
I went from never having seen a fox to FIVE foxes playing in my backyard.
The three kiddos were wrestling. Their opening move is to do this cat-like superjump and then dive bomb into their sibling. Then they roll around. And then a high speed chase ensues.
One of the little foxes came near the house and I got a few closer photos.
I love the little black socks.
I'm going to need to figure out a lot more fox names.
Okay... I've thought about the names.
Papa Milo and Mama Mia.
And for the kits... Marian, McCloud, and Michael J.
i get why people don't believe in marriage as a social construct but legally it is the best and easiest way to say "this is who i trust to take care of me when i can't take care of myself" and i'm so glad gay people fought for that right bc when shit gets scary at least i know im in good hands
I laughed so fucking hard at this
what is with the cop hate??
Oh sorry for the confusion. It’s because I hate cops
All it means when people say “you’re speaking from a place of privilege” is that you’re likely to underestimate how bad the problem is by default because you are never personally exposed to that problem. It’s not a moral judgement of how difficult your life is.
^^^^^^ read it. say it out loud. keep repeating it until you understand.
you cannot make a post about how men put women in certain boxes without someone going "but what if i love the box? what if i've decided that it's comfortable in the box? are you gonna tell me i'm not ALLOWED to like the box? not very feminist of you to police a woman's decisions... maybe you'd be less ugly and miserable if you stopped talking about the box LMFAO #Girlboss #MyBox<3"
#and its like. 'what if ive decided its comfortable to be in the box' it is always going to be more comfortable to be in the box #they will reward you for staying in the box and punish you for trying to leave it #that doesnt mean the box is like. a good place to be — @butchfaith
Sometimes you step out of the box, and you're free of the box, and you're out of the box, and you realize you are fairly box shaped. So you sit down, and you do a lot of introspection about whether or not you were always box shaped, or if you grew into the shape of the box after being forced into the box for so long, and whether or not there are stunted parts of you, that might grow, now that you're out of the box, or if you should just maybe wear the box around as a fashion accessory that conveniently makes life so much easier while living among those who expect you to be in the box, and in the middle of your naval gazing someone always shows up to try and put you back in the box.
And you realize that regardless of whether or not you actually fit in the box, it's dark in there.
yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.
I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.
small tips for Enjoying Being Alive from someone who went from wanting to die to genuinely loving life. these won't fix your life but they'll make it a lot easier to want to live day by day. I promise.
tell yourself things you do not believe. it feels stupid at first but I've done this for years and now I believe it when I say "I'm good at this" or "I love myself" or "I deserve good shit!"
make a note of every mundane good thing that happens to you. mental or literal notes! could be as little as "the sky is a nice shade of grey, it's calming" or "I ate a piece of fruit today, I'm looking after myself" or "I talked to a friend". again, feels stupid at first, but I genuinely believe this is part of why I have so many "good days". trick your brain into storing things in your long-term memory that you wouldn't otherwise remember.
diet deficiencies can make you properly miserable. your physical health impacts your mental health more than you'd think. get some vitamins, some omega-3s and so on. whether from food or supplements. they can make quite a difference! your brain is responsible for a LOT of the way you feel, and giving it the fatty acids it needs to function at its best can go a long way.
I know these all sound like stupid junk people who have never wanted to die tell you. I know they sound like dumb "self-help" tips written by people who have suffered mild anxiety at worst.
they're coming from someone who had multiple daily panic attacks for half a decade. someone who genuinely felt like he did not deserve to live. someone who hated himself so much he convinced himself he was irredeemably evil. someone who loves being alive these days, even though it's difficult sometimes.
you truly don't have to follow any of this advice. but just read through. store it in the back of your mind. come back to it when you want. best of luck. [:
These are genuinely great! If I can add a small comment it would be to try to change scenery every now and then, take a different route home and go for walks. And make appointments to meet your friends!
ABSOLUTELY. anytime I feel myself descending into a slump where everything feels wrong and bad and gross and hard, I go on a Weird Walk. I choose a familiar destination (the dairy, the beach, a specific hill) and intentionally choose a route I've never tried before. it's crazy but it makes me feel better almost instantly, even if the new walk is worse than my usual route. your brain CRAVES new stimulation! you are a member of a species with one of the most active brains in the animal kingdom. please try not to live like a hamster.
I don't think cis men commit 90% of violent crimes because they are naturally more violent than cis women. I think cis men commit 90% of violent crimes because they are afforded more opportunity and leeway by society to do so.
I think there's an incredible correlation between insulating cis boys from the consequences of their actions and the prevalence of violent crime.
I think we teach cis boys from a young age that violence will be tolerated from them as long as they perform masculinity to society's standards.
That second part is the salient factor here. Because we also teach them that violence will not be tolerated from them if they defy society's standards of masculinity, even if it's self defense. If they're picked on for defying those standards, it's the violence against them that's validated.
I think cis boys who are performing masculinity to society's standards get in no real trouble for snapping their classmates' bra straps or pulling their hair or whatever else gets written off as "he likes you" & it sets them up for a life of violence.
It doesn't guarantee it. But it raises the probability that they will continue to express their desires via violence when they're adults.
