Bring consent out of the bedroom. I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the line “it’s not okay to force someone into sexual activity” is that in many ways, forcing people to do things is part of our culture in general. Cut that shit out of your life. If someone doesn’t want to go to a party, try a new food, get up and dance, make small talk at the lunchtable—that’s their right. Stop the “aww c’mon” and “just this once” and the games where you playfully force someone to play along. Accept that no means no—all the time.
The Pervocracy: Consent culture. (via notemily)
it’s especially important to practice this with KIDS. Kids need to know it’s ok to say no to giving auntie a hug and kiss. it’s ok to say no to getting up on stage at a children’s show or activity. it’s ok to say no. please teach your children this!
A recent Huffington Post article shed light on the University of Kansas and their inability to handle sexual assault cases. In a recent case, the rapist was only sentenced to a ban from student and fraternity housing, and he had to write a four page essay. Community service was considered “too punitive.”
In response, a campus group known as the September Sisters held an open forum, in which students, faculty, and survivors of rape gathered and gave input on the situation. A photo booth at the event allowed for attendees to share their thoughts on this case as well.
More photos can be found here
Information about the September Sisters and updated info on the case
A video with more information can be found here, major trigger warning for rape and abuse
If you know anyone in the Lawrence, KS area, urge them to vote on this issue. KU has become #aGreatPlaceToBeUnsafe
i REALLLLLLLY love this post because its giving awesome resources for male rape survivor while NOT putting down women rape survivors which is what a lot of these types of post do. like they cant uplift male survivors without putting down women ones. i love this yes
we need to stop idealizing “speaking out” to the point where victims/survivors feel coerced to share their traumatic experiences around sexualized violence because they feel like they need to prove that they deserve support for being “brave enough” to speak...
It’s okay to change your yes to a no. Yes’s aren’t permanent. They’re something we choose again and again, each and every day. Something we have the right to recall and reconsider as soon as saying yes no longer feels conducive to our wellbeing and happiness. It doesn’t matter whether you said yes to a job, a date, a relationship, sex, a favor to a friend, a social endeavor, or a vow of silence — you don’t ever have to commit to something that forces you to compromise who you are and what feels right; especially if it’s something you agreed to under pressure, intimidation, or force. Changing your yes to a no might make people angry. It might hurt their feelings, cause them to see you as a flake, and result in lost connections. But if saying no means staying true to yourself, honoring your feelings, and making self-care a priority, it’s worth it. You are worth it. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
a little over a year ago I got drunk at a party and my then-boyfriend sexually assaulted me. I was lucky, unbelievably lucky, that I was able to get out of that situation before he was able to rape me. but he still hurt me. I was so so afraid, I couldn't move or breathe, he shoved his fingers into me and it hurt so much. I haven't told many people what happened ever, because when ever I do they say "but you weren't raped, so why are you so upset?" is it okay for me to still be upset over this?
YES. You are absolutely allowed to still be upset. You are allowed to take as much time as you may need to process the assault and you are allowed to take however long to heal. It’s bullshit that there are people in your life who are attempting to qualify assault. Having said that it’s also not a shock that there are people who think like that because of how our culture addresses rape and sexual assault: it tries desperately not to.
Please remember that nobody but you can define that experience and that nobody has the right to attempt to do so. Surround yourself with folks who are supportive and willing to help you process your healing on your terms.
"Consensual sex" is just sex. To say that implies that there is such a thing as "non consensual sex", which there isn’t. That’s rape. That is what it needs to be called. There is only sex or rape. Do not teach people that rape is just another type of sex. They are two very separate events. You wouldn’t say "breathing swimming" and "non breathing swimming", you say swimming and drowning.
Low estimate of the number of women , according to the Department of Justice, raped every year: 300,000
High estimate of the number of women raped, according to the CDC: 1.3 million
Percentage of rapes not reported: 54 percent
A woman’s chance of being raped in the U.S.: 1 in 5
Chances that a raped woman conceives compared to one engaging in consensual sex: at least two times as likely
Number of women in the US impregnated against their will each year in the U.S. as a result of rape: 32,000
Number of states in which rapists can sue for custody and visitation: 31
Chances that a woman’s body “shuts that whole thing down”: 0 in 3.2 billion
Rank of U.S. in the world for rape: 13th
A woman’s chance of being raped in college: 1 in 4 or 5
Chances that a Native American woman in the U.S. will be raped: 1 in 3
Percentage of women in Alaska who have suffered sexual assault: 37 percent
Number of rape kits untested by the Houston police force: 6,000-7,000 (Texas ranked second in nation for “forcible rape”)
Number of adult men accused of repeatedly gang raping 11-year-old girl in Texas: 14
Quote in the New York Times regarding the rape: “They said she dressed older than her age.”
Age of woman raped in Central Park in September, 2012: 73
Number of rape kits left untested in Detroit, listed by Forbes as one of two the most dangerous places for woman to live in the US: 11,303
U.S. state in which, in September 2012, mentally disabled rape victim wasrequired to provide evidence of her “kicking, biting, scratching” in objection to her rape: Connecticut
State seeking to reduce childcare welfare benefits to women cannot provide proof of their pregnancy-causing rapes: Pennsylvannia
Percentage of sexual assault and rape victims under the age of 12: 15 percent
Percentage of men who have been raped: 3 percent
Percentage of rapists who are never incarcerated: 97 perent
Percentage of rapes that college students think are false claims: 50 percent
Percentage of rapes that studies find are false claims: 2-8 percent
Number of rapes reported in the military last year: 16,500
Pentagon’s estimated percentage of military assuaults not reported: 80-90 percent
Percentage of military rape victims who were gang raped/raped more than once: 14%/20%
Percentage of military rape victims that are men: 8-37 percent
Percentage of military victims who get an "involuntarily" dischargecompared to percentage of charged and accused who are discharged with honor: 90 percent involuntary to 80 percent with honor
Chances an incarcerated person is raped in the U.S.: 1 in 10
Increase in chance that LGTB prisoner is raped: 15x greater chance
Number of men raped that could be counted as legally raped before the FBI changed its definition in December of 2011: 0
Number of rapes noted in commonly used World War II statistics: 0
Number of rapes of WWII concentration camp inmates: Untallied millions
Number of rapes of German women by Russian soldiers at the end of WWII: between 1m and 2m
Number of women raped in 1990s Bosnian conflict: 60,000+
Number of women raped per hour in Congo during war: 48
Country where 12 year old was forced to participate in the rape of his mother: U.S.
Country where women are imprisoned for being raped: Afghanistan
Age of Moroccan rape victim who committed suicide after being forced to marry her rapist: 16
Worldwide number of “child brides” under the age of 18 forced to marryevery day: 25,000
Ages of girls forced to marry a 59-year-old at the Tony Alamo Christian Ministry in Arkansas: 8, 14, 15
Estimated number of people, primarily children, sexually abused by priests in the U.S. versus the number of senior Catholic officials found guilty of sexual abuse related crimes in the U.S.: 10,667 to 1
Chances that a woman in the U.S. is raped versus gets breast cancer: 2 to 1
Chances that a victim is “Emergency Raped" by a stranger versus percentage of victims who consider their rapes emergencies: 7 percent versus 100 percent
Percentage of victims of rape who report the use of a weapon: 11 percent
Prison sentences for four men found guilty of participating in gang rapes of two teenage girls in France over two years: one year, six months, suspended sentence
State where in 2012 a doctor is facing the loss of her medical license for providing an abortion to a pregnant10-year old incest rape victim: Kansas
Country where doctors (but not the rapist) were excommunicated for performing a life-saving abortion to nine-year-old incest rape victim: Brazil
Country where major party’s vice-presidential candidate wants to criminalize all abortions including rape-related ones, because rape is just “another method of conception”: U.S.
Last week, Woody Allen was nominated for his latest Oscar. But this time, I refuse to fall apart. For so long, Woody Allen’s acceptance silenced me. It felt like a personal rebuke, like the awards and accolades were a way to tell me to shut up and go away. But the survivors of sexual abuse who have reached out to me – to support me and to share their fears of coming forward, of being called a liar, of being told their memories aren’t their memories – have given me a reason to not be silent, if only so others know that they don’t have to be silent either.
Today, I consider myself lucky. I am happily married. I have the support of my amazing brothers and sisters. I have a mother who found within herself a well of fortitude that saved us from the chaos a predator brought into our home.
But others are still scared, vulnerable, and struggling for the courage to tell the truth. The message that Hollywood sends matters for them.
What if it had been your child, Cate Blanchett? Louis CK? Alec Baldwin? What if it had been you, Emma Stone? Or you, Scarlett Johansson? You knew me when I was a little girl, Diane Keaton. Have you forgotten me?
Woody Allen is a living testament to the way our society fails the survivors of sexual assault and abuse.
So imagine your seven-year-old daughter being led into an attic by Woody Allen. Imagine she spends a lifetime stricken with nausea at the mention of his name. Imagine a world that celebrates her tormenter.
Are you imagining that? Now, what’s your favorite Woody Allen movie?
If your partner is consenting, you will see them meeting you halfway on stuff, responding to your touch, touching you back, making approving noises, positioning their body helpfully, making occasional eye contact, smiling, giggling, kissing you, smelling your skin.
If your partner pulls away, flinches, draws back, goes still, goes limp, freezes, is silent, looks unhappy, starts holding their breath, goes from meeting you halfway to merely allowing your touch: stop and check in with words. Maybe they’re ticklish? Maybe they want to stop.
Let’s talk about consent in practice. | Disrupting Dinner Parties (via brutereason)
I am surprised by how much sex I have had in my life that I didn’t want to have. Not exactly what’s considered “real” rape, or “date” rape, although it is a kind of rape of the spirit - a dishonest portrayal or distortion of my own desire in order to appease another person.
I said yes because I felt it was too much trouble to say no. I said yes because I didn’t want to have to defend my “no,” qualify it, justify it - deserve it. I said yes because I thought I was so ugly and fat that I should just take sex every time it was offered, because who knew when it would be offered again. I said yes to partners I never wanted in the first place, because to say no at any point after saying yes for so long would make our entire relationship a lie, so I had to keep saying yes in order to keep the “no” I felt a secret. That is such a messed-up way to live, such an awful way to love.
So these days, I say yes only when I mean yes. It does require some vigilance on my part to make sure I don’t just go on sexual automatic pilot and let people do whatever. It forces me to be really honest with myself and others. It makes me remember that loving myself is also about protecting myself and defending my own borders. I say yes to me.
Margaret Cho, “Yes Means Yes” (via thewastedgeneration)
Gentlemen. This is what rape culture is like:
Imagine you have a Rolex watch. Nice fancy Rolex, you bought it because you like the way it looks and you wanted to treat yourself. And then you get beaten and mugged and your Rolex is stolen. So you go to the police. Only, instead of investigating the crime, the police want to know why you were wearing a Rolex instead of a regular watch. Have you ever given a Rolex to anyone else? Is it possible you wanted to be mugged? Why didn’t you wear long sleeves to cover up the Rolex if you didn’t want to be mugged?And then after that, everywhere you go, there are constant jokes about stealing your Rolex. People you don’t even know whistle at your Rolex and make jokes about cutting your hand off to get it. The media doesn’t help either; it portrays people who wear Rolexes as flamboyant assholes who secretly just want someone to come along and take that Rolex off their hands. When damn, all you wanted was to wear a nice watch without getting harassed for it. When you complain that you are starting to feel unsafe, people laugh you off and say that you are too uptight. Never mind you got violently attacked for the crime of wearing a friggin time piece.Imagining all that? It sucks, doesn’t it.Now imagine you could never take the Rolex off.
The Wretched of the Earth: On Rape Culture (via exoticwild)
if sex isn't consensual.. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG @areyoudoingitwrong - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
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