history of the entire world starters
snippets from bill wurtzā history of the entire world. feel free to add to this, amend and generally do what the heck you like with these man :^)
āYouāre on a rock, floating in space. Pretty cool, huh?ā
āI canāt even get from here to there without buying a boat.ā
āHow did this happen?ā
āLike I said, it didnāt happen.ā
āNothing was ever anywhere.ā
āForget this, I wanna be something, go somewhere, do something.ā
āI want things to change.ā
āI want to invent time and space, and I know itās possible, because everything is here.ā
āTry to stick together, because the world is going to get bigger, and emptier.ā
āSome stars burn out and die; bigger stars burn out and die with PASSION!ā
āHoly shit, we just got hit with anotherĀ ball of flaming rocks.ā
āWeather update; cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava.ā
āSomethingās alive in the ocean.ā
āTired of living at the bottom of the ocean?ā
āWow, thatās animals and stuff.ā
āTHE SUN IS A DEADLY LAZER.ā
āAnd thereās no food yet, so I donāt care.ā
āLearn to use an egg.ā
āOh fuck, now everythingās dead.ā
āYeah it broke apart, donāt worry about it, it does that all the time.ā
āItās mammal time.ā
āLook at those breasts.ā
āThatās a human person, and now theyāre everywhere.ā
āFuck it, time to plant some grass.ā
āNow everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.ā
āComing soon to a dank river valley near you.ā
āWhy is all my metal so lame and lumpy?ā
āI donāt know, my dealer wonāt tell me where he gets it.ā
āThey wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff.ā
āYou can make a religion out of this!ā
āOops, China just broke.ā
āIt was a great ideaāhe was great, but now heās dead.ā
āWill you get the hell out of here if I give you 500 elephants?ā
āHell yeah! Now weāve got business.ā
āIs loving Jesus legal yet?ā
āYour gods are all fake.ā
āYou can make a religion out of this, and maybe conquer the world as well.ā
āWanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?ā
āLook at those mounds.ā
āI always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.ā
āIs it Tonga time? I think itās Tonga time.ā
āLook at this Chadāthat means lake.ā
āSo you think you can conquer the Byzantine Empire?ā
āHey Christians, do you sin?ā
āThatās bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, thatās a scam.ā
āFuck the church, hereās 95 reasons why.ā
āNope, but at least thereās beaver.ā
āWhy didnāt we think of this before?ā
ā_________ lives in Zanzibar now, thatās just where s/he lives.ā
āWell, blame something on them and go to war!ā
āLook at those guns, itās gonna be a great war.ā
āExcept Turkey, Turkey makes a brand new Turkey.ā
āLetās unite all the nations and have some world peace.ā
āIāll race you to space!ā
āWanna print a brain?ā
āSome people have no friends, some people have no food.ā
āThe globe is warming and the ocean is full of plastic.ā
āLetās save the world!ā
āBy the way, where the hell are we?ā