What it’s Like to Be Aromantic
The original flag was made of four stripes: green, yellow, orange, and black. However, due to some cultural and sensitivity issues, it was changed to the current flag. Green is the opposite of red, which is traditionally a romantic color and is represented as such on the flag. The two shades of green show that being aromantic is a spectrum. The white stripe represents platonic relationships. The grey and black also represent a spectrum, but for sexuality.
What does aromantic mean?
Aromanticism is feeling little to no romantic attraction to someone. Romantic attraction is the desire to be in a romantic relationship. “Aromantic” can be used as both a specific identity (someone who experiences no romantic attraction) or as an umbrella term for someone who identifies as being on the aromantic spectrum. The aromantic spectrum includes a number of identities that fall between “experiences no romantic attraction” (aromantic) and “experiences romantic attraction” (alloromantic), such as people who experience varying, little, or infrequent romantic attraction. Those people can identify as “aro-spec” or simply as aromantic in addition to a more specific label.
Myths and Misconceptions:
People often think/confuse us for robots, being repressed, being scared of everything, being sad and lonely, needing to be fixed.
One myth is that aros are still straight. Aros are not straight. I am not straight. At all. In any way, shape, or form. Heterosexual Aros are not straight. Anyone on the aromantic spectrum is not straight.
A lot of people think being aromantic is the same thing as being asexual, but it’s not at all! Many people are aromantic without being asexual, and many people who are asexual without being aromantic.
There are a number of misconceptions about aromantic people. Apart from mixing up asexuality and aromanticism, people often think that we have no emotional attachments or feelings at all, since we don’t feel romantic attachments. That isn’t true! A person’s romantic orientation is simply one part of their identity and aros are no more inclined to be loners or unfeeling than anyone else.
Aros who aren’t asexual are often called predatory or manipulative for having sexual attraction towards people without romantic attraction towards them. That is untrue. Aromanticism is not a character flaw, and a person who experiences sexual attraction without romantic attraction accompanying it is no more likely to be manipulative or hurtful than anyone else.
What is it like to be aromantic?
For me, being aro is looking at your friends and thinking and feeling that is the end. There’s nothing stronger for me than what I feel for my friends. Thinking of trying to give more is overwhelming or even frightening. When I am expected to feel anything more than that, I feel sick, mostly because I know that I can’t reciprocate that for them. Genuinely, the deepest bonds I’ve ever had have been the ones of pure friendship.
Personally, I don’t feel the need or want to date, kiss, or do conventionally romantic things with others. I do not desire a partner, and I’m told that alloromantics get butterflies in their stomachs? That sounds uncomfortable. This is by no means a universal experience. Aromanticism is always having your orientation autocorrect to its exact opposite. When people flirt with me, I shut them down. Hard. I can usually tell when people are flirting with me, but I also usually interpret flirting as aggression. I don’t flirt with other people. Note: Aromanticism can be influenced by past experiences or neurodivergence, as well as not. They are still valid. At any rate, it’s none of your business unless the individual in question feels you should know. The first time I came out, it was to my mom. She told me I was too young to know, and that I should wait until I turned 21 to decide. She tried to be supportive otherwise, thought, by replacing “when you get married” with “if you get married” when talking about relationships. Coming out got easier as I did it more. I’m out to most of my friends, but not all of my family or church. If I wanted romance, I’d get it. I’m just not remotely interested and honestly kind of bored by the whole idea. My aromanticism and my asexuality are not linked to each other. They are two separate identities which coexist. I don’t like romance music/shows, however, I do ship fictional characters. A lot. When you come out, you’re gonna have to give people vocabulary lessons, so prepare yourself for that. You don’t have to come out of course. I’m lucky enough to have friends who understand and care enough to learn stuff about me.
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