Call me Guido

Bellissimo son of a mama posting

[eebie]

yea i’m studying for my master’s degree in elf sex

[contemptible-scoundrel]

goes crazy

[contemptible-scoundrel]

have you seen this yet?

[contemptible-scoundrel]

SHE'S trying to fuck the elf #feminism

[dajo42]

had to tell marge simpson that homer simpson had been murdered, to which marge responded by swearing revenge, and lisa simpson said "but mom, killing for revenge makes you just as bad as them" and marge simpson responded "lisa, if we spend our whole lives drawing lines in the sand to define whats right and wrong, we wont notice the tide coming in" to which bart simpson exclaimed "ay caramba!"

[prohaloplayer-deactivated202601]

honestly for me this situation isnt drawing a single bead of sweat first i grab the tiger's jaw with both hands and pry it open, quickly bandaging the wounds i received (didn't hit anything important) and pushing the tiger away while simultaneously falling into my grizzly bear stance and watching as the tiger scurries away with its tail betweens its legs at the sight of my massive shoulder humps. i roar defiantly and catch three dozen salmon at the river

[thefleetingflashofa-sword623]

I'd summon twin scythes

[prohaloplayer-deactivated202601]

really cool

[roadside--picnic]

[immigrant]

this was tumblr in 2013

[allegedly-human]

This is tumblr in 2026

[baldingfemale]

In my early-twenties I was addicted to photoshopping my nudes into Hieronymus Bosch paintings, though there came a point when the cohesiveness of the end products began to offend me

[glintblade]

going to other people's houses and smuggling their dog out in your backpack and taking the dog home and eating it is punk

[rars]

whatever man *walks outside of your render distance*

[brostateexam]

On Reagan's deathaversary I just want to say:

It rules when homophobes die

It rules when conservative icons drop dead

It Will Happen

[minmos]

i hope tumblr users never stop talking about punk music i think we deserve this

[junkirat]

>new saw game

>new Bloober Team saw game

>new Bloober Team saw game about john kramers ancestor who also did jigsaw shit

[junkirat]

Theyre giving him the riverdale serial killer gene

[segamascott]

awesome

[whosurisold]

billions and billions of WASTED taxpayers money

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Not to mention all the dead and maimed-for-life service personel.

[segamascott]

two prime examples of why people hate americans 👍

[byjove]

*hits the joint* In the Harry Potter universe, Merlin is canonically a Hogwarts alumni and a Slytherin, which is impossible because Merlin predates the existence of Hogwarts by centuries. Of course, JK Rowling didn’t know that because she is a dumb bitch. I’m sorry. Misogynistic phrasing. She is a willfully ignorant and hateful, deeply unlikable and ill-informed, untalented and unspeakably cruel…..person. Seriously, how could you write a series about British wizards without truly understanding THE British wizard. Anyway, Merlin would never be able to attend any sort of organized schooling. He’s definitely self-taught in every universe because he’s the most powerful wizard ever AND he’d have been expelled from any institution before he stepped through the door. The only reason they haven’t escorted him away from Camelot is because he can see the future and he is kind of like the king’s dad. I was so disappointed by BBC Merlin. I turned it on and I was like “What the fuck is this shit, where is my perverted old man?”

[mlarayoukai]

non white friend is making a white oc so he had the Wikipedia article for white people open

[fluoresensitives]

You tell a teacher on tiktok...hey you can't speak to kids like that. you can't discriminate and be cruel to disabled children. Sorry that you're stressed but you have no need to scream at a little child, and they act like you are personally cutting funding for the department of education...like girl, your archnemesis is a 1e year old with adhd whose had covid like six times. Quit your job??

[homoquartz]

i’ve warmed up significantly towards the concept of small talk ever since i learned that its sole purpose is to make friendly noises.

as long as you smile and nod, people are satisfied. it’s just to show that you are nice and there with good intentions. we’re small in a big world and have to rely on other people to be decent to us. so we do our little human dance to each other to say, “i’m not here to hurt you. here’s something we have in common, like the weather or sports or itchy sweaters, so we both know we’re on the same team. we both agree on a basic fact, like that it is rainy or that being itchy is uncomfortable, and this proves we can get along. i’m being light-hearted and non-threatening right now.”

small talk isn’t to get to know a person. it’s just a greeting to affirm you’re buddies in the universe.

i am motivated by wanting the other person to know i am friendly, so i have gotten pretty decent at small talk when i used to hate it.

[piratedgender]

[themisally]

[ars-shitpostica]

No wonder the internet at large hates small talk everyone online is a massive dickhead looking to be validated by other dickheads