crustyjpeg

supposedly existent person. i play music and draw and stuff, and should probably share that on here more often. they/them pfp by my dear friend uki! (i don't believe she's on tumblr or any other big social media for that matter)

[tendebill]

[part 1] [part 2]

rocky learns about the Denmark incident :]

[mochiiknight]

Stop asking me for vending machines on my beaches!!!!! This is not design by committee!!!!!!!!

[phantomrose96]

I want all animals to become sapient enough to produce art specifically because I want to see what sort of sex homunculus caricature each species would create if given the ability to draw

[phantomrose96]

Like we've already got the anime waifu with the needle-waist and watermelon-bazonkas and borzoi-legs and bug-eyes. Now show me a fucked-up stupid beetle as drawn by a horny beetle. I want to see what a cartoonishly sexy lion looks like according to lions. I want to see the most ridiculous drawing of a peahen that would have the peacocks squaring up by the fountain.

[phantomrose96]

We give this power to ostriches and they just start drawing people

[timberwind]

you can post on tumblr even when you're trying to take a break from social media it literally doesn't count. it's like pepsi max, or pescatarianism

[juicydangler]

[cheesefags]

2-YEAR CHEDDAR

from GRAFTON VILLAGE

I usually try to review cheeses virginally - that is, ones that I’ve never had before. In this case, this is a cheddar I’ve had many times before. But I couldn’t leave it off the blog, what with its obvious appeal to leather and rubber fetishists.

As far as cheddars go, Grafton’s 2-year aged isn’t going to shock you. It’s mild, light on the salt, with a slightly sweet and grassy flavour. It’s got a nice texture. It’s dense, more moist than I expected, and smooth.

So what is the deal with the gummi suit on this cheese anyway? Well, cheese has obviously been around a lot longer than fridges. Fresh cheeses like mozzarella are too moist to last very long outside of a cold place (bacteria and fungi do so love damp places), though I don’t think anyone was too mad about eating that stuff quickly. But cheeses that have been aged (and dried) more have some more preservation options, which is where cheese wax comes in. The wax is a physical barrier, stopping fungal spores from landing, and also blocks moisture and air, making the cheese a pretty unfriendly place to grow. Even drier cheeses can be bandaged in cheesecloth and then slathered in lard to preserve them while allowing some ventilation.

I gotta admit: hot wax isn’t really my thing. But cheesecloth bondage and grease… it has potential.

[dumbpuppyfag]

this site used to be awesome

[abosl-deactivated20201212]

*does the anime character with glasses thing*

[punkmonksteven]

Does that really work though?

What…?

[micropet-deactivated20150708]

that’s so cool i wanna do it too!!!!!!

ok here goes

NO

[nickdiminico]

Okay, there’s no way that works.

Let me try this out.

[rabbitrecycle-deactivated202206]

I’m kinda skeptical about this? Can it really make you anime.

Guss i’ll give it a shot

ABORT ABORT

[hootyhoocatsinsuits]

yeah right, like that really happens

hmmm….

maybe I should try-

HOLY SHIT

WHAT THE FU 

[alwaysinternalyscreeming]

No way this can’t be real

Hmm

Meh let’s try it

Ok one more small push and-

G’DAY !!!

WTF… tumblr I don’t know what magic you have…

But I’m not complaining *dosent work* SHIT!!!

[quixylvre]

Forever a classic

[sauragnmon]

Indeed, this should never die.

[da-7-kings]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[skiimble]

heard about this guy who we're all headcanoning as aroace. say less

[dogpuppy]

[plantbard]

Believe women

[frogmoss1]

If I was there she’d have 39,999 cugarwtes

[frogmoss1]

40,001

[frogmoss1]

If I was there she’d be S13 Ep19

[frogmoss1]

40,002 cigaretws

[valeriapryanikova]

THE BUTCHER / THE BUTCHERED

[slutdge]

"make an account to-"

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[lostsometime]

ok sorry to double reblog BUT I just looked him up and he does these fantastic videos where he breaks down HOW he actually mimics the other artists’ styles. Like for ed Sheeran, he explains how he brings his voice forward in the mouth, while Adam Levine sings in the back of the mouth, stuff like that. It’s SO COOL, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone actually break down how to do this sort of thing, as a skill, instead of just treating it like a neat trick they just happen to be good at. https://www.tiktok.com/@justinjmooremusic

Check him out he’s so cool

[alleesaur]

the productivity creatures

[sunderwight]

Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.

[rahatlin]

@evilwizard are you in that?

[evilwizard]

i should sell this

[byjove]

June is also men’s mental health month so I’d like to drop in and say that mine is not so good. It’s also Pride Month so I’m going to be treating the problem with yaoi.

[great-and-small]

Yeah sorry wasp haters but y’all don’t know shit. Have you ever even seen the cuteness of Bembicini?

[silvermothsio-reblog]

What's little buddy doing?

[great-and-small]

It’s probably a female digging a burrow for her eggs :)

[little-miss-rasputin-pageant]

in almost every other children's book where the main heroine is swept away to a land of whimsy she's shown having a lovely time; braving dangers occasionally, trying to find her way home, sure, but ultimately delighting in the magic around her. meanwhile alice spends her entire time in wonderland like

[roach-works]

look, here’s the thing: alice in wonderland’s enduring fucking charm is that it perfectly captures the vibe of being a very tired and annoyed child who is nonetheless required to play along with adult nonsense.

alice is dragged from place to place without warning, forced to play stupid games with no good prizes, grilled over her schooling and manners and recitation and dress, scolded, judged, insulted to her face, sent away, given gifts she didn’t ask for and doesn’t like, corrected incorrectly, been subject to shifting and arbitrary rules, and then when she gets snappish with all this bullshit everyone acts like a little girl’s temper is the end of the fucking world.

alice in wonderland isn’t a drug trip or a nightmare or a metaphor, that’s just what being ten years old is LIKE. that’s why kids love it so much. even if they can’t quite articulate how, they recognize themselves in it.

[trans-pickles]

I'm gonna go ahead and add - the reaction image is barely even a joke. This is the original illustration of her at the Mad Hatter's tea party.

look at how fucking angry she is

[marzipanandminutiae]

"19th century child points out what a load of bullshit expectations for 19th century children were" is the most enduring type of 19th century children's book for a reason 

[achronalart]

Having read a bunch of other (deservedly forgotten) 19th century children's books, no lies detected.

[ryan-sometimes]

LMAOOOO

[furnishedfurnace]

"I have a problem with my trans son. Not because he's trans, but because he inhaled all our food like fucking Kirby."