repetitiously confused

[whitepeopletwitter]

[revenantbird]

[cartoonfreack]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[cephalophor]

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

[nakedinasnowsuit]

God: where’s Abel?

Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him

[thewitchway]

It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.

God:  Where’s the Sheepkeeper?

Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper? 

[careful-crow]

God: hey where’s Abel???

Cain:

[adventuretfox]

He killed his yonger brother in cold blood because he was jealous of him. There is in no way anything funny about this. No hesitation just poped a rock over his turned head, droped his body over the edged and tried to lie to god about what he did. FUCK YALL CRAZIES!!!

[funkyness]

oh are those the receipts, Cain is problematic now?

[bprinny]

Cainceled 

[lmaonade]

What's your Homestuck sign

me winding up to break your fucking legs 

[lmaonade]

wait this is the wrong ask 

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

No you got it

[whitepeopletwitter]

[angelbabyspice]

This is too fucking real

[suigintou]

every mario 64 speedrun trick works in real life btw 

[venef0]

oh shit I’m late for class i gotta hurry *backs up to staircase* ya ya ya ya ya ya yayayaya yayayayayayaya yayayayaya yayayayayay YAHOO YAHOO YAHOOYAHYAHAYHAYAHAYAHAYAHYAH okay i made it

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

just found out today that moths can make their genitals vibrate to throw off a bat’s sonar

[venacavo]

we can too you’re just not skilled yet

[pileofknives]

Me helicoptering my dick so the cops can’t triangulate my cellphone signal

[amusementforme]

[hammer-and-tales]

everybody gets one Taz crack theory and this one's mine:

Festo is short for "Communist Manifesto"

thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[bunniope]

oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

[animalcrossingmemes]

[angelicguy]

unfortunately, on this platonic male outing at outback steakhouse, my partner has ordered a “blooming onion”, transforming this once casual affair into a romantic tryst

[universal-invariants]

[capacity]

This is the most legendary tweet I’ve ever read to this day

[humorstaff]

[quasi-normalcy]

[angrylittletogepi]

I’m actually going through a withdrawal

[bewbin]

Why do you want to be a comedian?

the free stool with a glass of water on it