Bitch, I might Be

amber is the name and crying about tv shows, movies and books is the game.

[classycookiexo]

[capricorn-born]

Oddly specific. Got a deposit for 6,837 today

[weaselle]

fuck it, i never ever do those “reblog for X, this one really works!” posts, but this one doesn’t have any of that BS, this is just straight up wishing us good things; and then the comment doesn’t even say any of that either. Zero claims on this post, all positive vibes

May you end this week feeling ever more certain of a future you’ll love

[vmohlere]

May you end this week feeling ever more certain of a future you’ll love

[guiltyiove]

Nobody should have to experience googling their disorder for help and support and exclusively find articles about how neurotypical people can “deal with them”

[asapbur]

RIP peggy carter. i know you would have loved to beat John Walker’s ass. 

[asapbur]

rip peggy carter. I know you would have loved to smack the shit out of sharon carter.

[asapbur]

RIP peggy carter. i know you would have loved to beat John Walker’s ass. 

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P E R F I D I A

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♪  Nadie… Comprende lo que sufro yo  ♬

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The person he left so many months ago no longer inhabited his soulmate’s body. The person who found themselves unable to go down the stairs was someone who had become bitter and disenchanted with life. He did not know her as well as he thought he did anymore, but that was the point of her shutting him out. It wasn’t just shutting him out; it was killing almost every emotion, only allowing herself to fee when needed to, only allowing herself to think of her family or school work. By limiting herself on these things, Lo thought maybe she would cope better now. Life now was so different, so much colder than she had ever imagined it to be.

Shutting him out meant so much than just not visiting him, allowing either of them to access to one another. It meant self harm. The pain of separation could be described as the pain of a dull knife - Lo often described it as a sort of pain that is similar to the pain of the nerve damage from her hand and wrist, but much fainter. Visitation could make it easier on the soulmates, as it also made it much easier when there was access to one another. Kahlo’s actions couldn’t be confused for anything but self harm. This was different than when Benji forced her out of his life, even if he did his absolute best to block out his soulmate.

As she watched him make his way up the stairs, Lo crossed her arms, hugging her silk robe closed to her. He may have promised that he would be in Barcelona, but that was a year ago. So much time had passed since that early morning when they laid in bed once again discussing bringing him to her home. He was only there now, because he simply did not have access to her anymore.   That was nearly forgotten the moment they touched, the moment he kissed her.

This was just for a moment, but after that she caught herself from allowing the walls to come down and melting into him. Lo dropped her hand, just as she pulled her head back the slightest. “If you would like to attend the award ceremony for papa, you may, if not you can stay here,” she informed the German, seeming as though they had not kissed at all. “but I need to get ready.”

“Lio!” she called out, “let Benji and Pattie the extra outfits you brought if they don’t have any!” then she turned to make her way back up the stairs to her room.

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People spoke about heartbreak as if it were a singular event. All it took was one, horrible thing and your heart was shattered. So, that was a fucking lie. Heartbreak was something that happened consistently. It may have taken one hard blow, but once the first hit is made, it’s that much easier to pile on more and pile it on it did. Samaire couldn’t help from showing the disappointment on her face when he mentioned a date. She recognized he was showing off and showing out, making sure she heard. If anything, that only made it worse. He was trying to hurt her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him after what she did, but she couldn’t stop the awful feeling in her stomach.

Attempting to maintain an air of normalcy, she wiped any emotion from her face, watching her daughter bring her ex-boyfriend next to the fireplace. She simply nodded in response to his greeting. Not only was she avoiding speaking to him again, in fear she would say the wrong thing or burst into tears, but she was avoiding a scolding from Roe. Samaire sat uncomfortably, barely able to hear the words her daughter was sounding out slowly, eyes glued to the floor. Even when Sally came in and placed a plate of her brownies on the coffee table, she couldn’t muster a measly thank you. A small jab in her side brought her back to her daughter’s big, blue eyes. Samaire could get lost in those eyes. So full of wonder, of innocence. Nothing was wrong in Ronin’s world.

“Brownie?” Ronin questioned, making Sam smile, not wanting to signal any sort of distress to her child. “Err- I- May I have a brownie?” The five-year-old was clearly pleased with her correction, looking to her father for praise.

Once her daughter’s attention was off her, the façade fell immediately. She did, though, bring the plate of brownies to the floor, splitting one in half for her and her daughter. Fighting her lack of appetite, she nibbled on the dessert, focusing in on the murmuring voices of their families coming from the kitchen. I wish they’d all leave, she thought, almost trying to manifest it. This would certainly be easier without an audience. The one saving grace was at least they’re keeping their distance.

“Sorry about this,” she apologized, her words quick and only for Ryder to catch. “Not how I would have liked it, either.”

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What he did surprised him and he was sure would surprise Samaire: “No,” he shook his head, leaning back into the bench. “you wanted to talk about this, so talk.” Licking his dry lip, he multitasked, watching their daughter to ensure she was not doing anything that could get herself harmed. “You probably won’t get this opportunity again, so I really don’t know why you’re not taking it.” 

It was true. This was not something Ryder was willing to do very often. He did not like discussing his relationship with Sam, even if it was with her. There was too much there that he did not want to unload, but that was only because he knew that he was in love with her still. Even if he had complicated feelings for her, that was always going to be there. He would be lying if he said that he did not want her back, if he did not sometimes think about going back to her. Half of the time when he woke up, he thought he was going to find Samaire laying there. 

Ryder was much too damaged from his parents’ divorce and his own breakup to open himself back up completely. Hell, half of the time Ryder would not even admit that he had his heart broken by Samaire.  Most of the time people thought it did not enough affect at all. He just completely refused to talk about anything. After she turned him down, that was when he decided it was best to not talk about his feelings for her again. No one knew that he asked for her back when she left and their relationship ended for good, it was something he had kept a secret since it had happened. It was then he decided it was best to just stop thinking about their relationship or the possibility of them getting back together. 

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People spoke about heartbreak as if it were a singular event. All it took was one, horrible thing and your heart was shattered. So, that was a fucking lie. Heartbreak was something that happened consistently. It may have taken one hard blow, but once the first hit is made, it’s that much easier to pile on more and pile it on it did. Samaire couldn’t help from showing the disappointment on her face when he mentioned a date. She recognized he was showing off and showing out, making sure she heard. If anything, that only made it worse. He was trying to hurt her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him after what she did, but she couldn’t stop the awful feeling in her stomach.

Attempting to maintain an air of normalcy, she wiped any emotion from her face, watching her daughter bring her ex-boyfriend next to the fireplace. She simply nodded in response to his greeting. Not only was she avoiding speaking to him again, in fear she would say the wrong thing or burst into tears, but she was avoiding a scolding from Roe. Samaire sat uncomfortably, barely able to hear the words her daughter was sounding out slowly, eyes glued to the floor. Even when Sally came in and placed a plate of her brownies on the coffee table, she couldn’t muster a measly thank you. A small jab in her side brought her back to her daughter’s big, blue eyes. Samaire could get lost in those eyes. So full of wonder, of innocence. Nothing was wrong in Ronin’s world.

“Brownie?” Ronin questioned, making Sam smile, not wanting to signal any sort of distress to her child. “Err- I- May I have a brownie?” The five-year-old was clearly pleased with her correction, looking to her father for praise.

Once her daughter’s attention was off her, the façade fell immediately. She did, though, bring the plate of brownies to the floor, splitting one in half for her and her daughter. Fighting her lack of appetite, she nibbled on the dessert, focusing in on the murmuring voices of their families coming from the kitchen. I wish they’d all leave, she thought, almost trying to manifest it. This would certainly be easier without an audience. The one saving grace was at least they’re keeping their distance.

“Sorry about this,” she apologized, her words quick and only for Ryder to catch. “Not how I would have liked it, either.”

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It is these moments that Ryder wished he would allow himself to smoke around his daughter. A burst of nicotine withdrawal had hit him throughout Samaire’s sudden confession to him. This was why he avoided being around their families and well...her. It always involved talking about feelings and the future. It always made him actually think about his feelings and the future, which was the absolutely last thing he wanted to do. You see, the way that Ryder processed his emotions, such as anger, frustration and resentment were very much so different than other people. While, yes, he did get better about it since high school, he was still sometimes struggled. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, the twenty-five year old asked, “You want to hold my hand again?” He was unable to really process that this conversation was actually happening right now. Somewhere right now Harloh was doing her happy dance. 

Ryder would be a liar if he said that he never felt that way. There were so many times that he wanted Samaire back. How could those thoughts have not crossed his mind? He spent years with Samaire; he had a child with the young  woman. He had proposed to her, but she was the one who decided to leave him and end it. 

“Do you remember when you came back for Christmas after your first semester?” Ryder knew that she would remember. “I asked for you to come back home, even after you still left when I told you I couldn’t be with you if you left. I held your hand when I asked you to, but you know who pulled away? It was you, Sam. You let go of my hand and told me you wouldn’t come back home.” 

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People spoke about heartbreak as if it were a singular event. All it took was one, horrible thing and your heart was shattered. So, that was a fucking lie. Heartbreak was something that happened consistently. It may have taken one hard blow, but once the first hit is made, it’s that much easier to pile on more and pile it on it did. Samaire couldn’t help from showing the disappointment on her face when he mentioned a date. She recognized he was showing off and showing out, making sure she heard. If anything, that only made it worse. He was trying to hurt her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him after what she did, but she couldn’t stop the awful feeling in her stomach.

Attempting to maintain an air of normalcy, she wiped any emotion from her face, watching her daughter bring her ex-boyfriend next to the fireplace. She simply nodded in response to his greeting. Not only was she avoiding speaking to him again, in fear she would say the wrong thing or burst into tears, but she was avoiding a scolding from Roe. Samaire sat uncomfortably, barely able to hear the words her daughter was sounding out slowly, eyes glued to the floor. Even when Sally came in and placed a plate of her brownies on the coffee table, she couldn’t muster a measly thank you. A small jab in her side brought her back to her daughter’s big, blue eyes. Samaire could get lost in those eyes. So full of wonder, of innocence. Nothing was wrong in Ronin’s world.

“Brownie?” Ronin questioned, making Sam smile, not wanting to signal any sort of distress to her child. “Err- I- May I have a brownie?” The five-year-old was clearly pleased with her correction, looking to her father for praise.

Once her daughter’s attention was off her, the façade fell immediately. She did, though, bring the plate of brownies to the floor, splitting one in half for her and her daughter. Fighting her lack of appetite, she nibbled on the dessert, focusing in on the murmuring voices of their families coming from the kitchen. I wish they’d all leave, she thought, almost trying to manifest it. This would certainly be easier without an audience. The one saving grace was at least they’re keeping their distance.

“Sorry about this,” she apologized, her words quick and only for Ryder to catch. “Not how I would have liked it, either.”

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He always wondered what it would be like if his own parents hid their relationship issues from their children, but he knew about them since he could remember. Everyone else he knew hardly knew anything about their parents’ issues with one another until they were grown, but Ryder was almost sure that he knew almost everything about his parents’ problem. That’s why he was trying so hard just to save face in front of his child as he had before, but this time it was different, he was actually in front of Samaire this time. This wasn’t a FaceTime call. He had to really put his money where his mouth was this time around. 

Ryder only wished that he brought Brody along for this walk and trip to playground. Hell, he would have even appreciated Savannah being there as a buffer. There were so many times that they walked down this same path and none of it was stiff and awkward. He just couldn’t really get back out of his shell in front of Samaire without it resulting in anger or anything else. At least anyone else would have been able to lighten the tension and get Ronin’s innocent attention off of their living circumstances. 

As he watched her run ahead of them to the playground at the park after seeing a playmate already there with their mother, Ryder took his usual seat on the bench, knowing that Samaire would follow in suit. “Not yet?” his dark brow raised curiously to his ex-girlfriend, clearly having not let her previous answer slip. 

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People spoke about heartbreak as if it were a singular event. All it took was one, horrible thing and your heart was shattered. So, that was a fucking lie. Heartbreak was something that happened consistently. It may have taken one hard blow, but once the first hit is made, it’s that much easier to pile on more and pile it on it did. Samaire couldn’t help from showing the disappointment on her face when he mentioned a date. She recognized he was showing off and showing out, making sure she heard. If anything, that only made it worse. He was trying to hurt her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him after what she did, but she couldn’t stop the awful feeling in her stomach.

Attempting to maintain an air of normalcy, she wiped any emotion from her face, watching her daughter bring her ex-boyfriend next to the fireplace. She simply nodded in response to his greeting. Not only was she avoiding speaking to him again, in fear she would say the wrong thing or burst into tears, but she was avoiding a scolding from Roe. Samaire sat uncomfortably, barely able to hear the words her daughter was sounding out slowly, eyes glued to the floor. Even when Sally came in and placed a plate of her brownies on the coffee table, she couldn’t muster a measly thank you. A small jab in her side brought her back to her daughter’s big, blue eyes. Samaire could get lost in those eyes. So full of wonder, of innocence. Nothing was wrong in Ronin’s world.

“Brownie?” Ronin questioned, making Sam smile, not wanting to signal any sort of distress to her child. “Err- I- May I have a brownie?” The five-year-old was clearly pleased with her correction, looking to her father for praise.

Once her daughter’s attention was off her, the façade fell immediately. She did, though, bring the plate of brownies to the floor, splitting one in half for her and her daughter. Fighting her lack of appetite, she nibbled on the dessert, focusing in on the murmuring voices of their families coming from the kitchen. I wish they’d all leave, she thought, almost trying to manifest it. This would certainly be easier without an audience. The one saving grace was at least they’re keeping their distance.

“Sorry about this,” she apologized, her words quick and only for Ryder to catch. “Not how I would have liked it, either.”

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Ryder was so lost in his thoughts as they walked down to the park, resenting that he couldn’t drive. If he had been able to drive, he would have been able to put on Roe’s Disney music to secure silence in the car, aside from Ronin singing along to the lyrics. He would have been able to save himself from any awkward conversations. He also would have had a moment to collect himself properly to interact with Samaire without being too stiff and obviously uncomfortable in front of their daughter. He was trying his best to make sure that it was at least going to go smoothly in front of his daughter, regardless of how discombobulated he felt by being blindsided by her arrival. 

But, no, he relented to his daughter and walked with the two. He licked his lower lip, listening to the crunch of snow under his boots. He was hoping to god that his anxiety would just fade out the more time they spent together, but he was scared that it wouldn’t. His only saving grace was his daughter. 

As he watched as his daughter flexed her arms for her parents, a wide smile spread across Ryder’s face as he also flexed for her. This was an inside joke between the two of them. Since she was younger, she always found it to be so funny how her father’s arms would just go up-up-up when he would flex his arm. Though at the time, she was not aware that it was called flexing or that you do it when you’re showing off how strong you’re getting. Eventually the amusement she found in the muscle definition was a great way to motivate her to eat her vegetables so she could grow up big and strong like daddy. 

The twenty-five year old settled his arms back down to his side as she ran back up to them, holding both of their hands as they continued their walk. “Do you think mommy eats her spinach?” he asked Ronin. 

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People spoke about heartbreak as if it were a singular event. All it took was one, horrible thing and your heart was shattered. So, that was a fucking lie. Heartbreak was something that happened consistently. It may have taken one hard blow, but once the first hit is made, it’s that much easier to pile on more and pile it on it did. Samaire couldn’t help from showing the disappointment on her face when he mentioned a date. She recognized he was showing off and showing out, making sure she heard. If anything, that only made it worse. He was trying to hurt her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him after what she did, but she couldn’t stop the awful feeling in her stomach.

Attempting to maintain an air of normalcy, she wiped any emotion from her face, watching her daughter bring her ex-boyfriend next to the fireplace. She simply nodded in response to his greeting. Not only was she avoiding speaking to him again, in fear she would say the wrong thing or burst into tears, but she was avoiding a scolding from Roe. Samaire sat uncomfortably, barely able to hear the words her daughter was sounding out slowly, eyes glued to the floor. Even when Sally came in and placed a plate of her brownies on the coffee table, she couldn’t muster a measly thank you. A small jab in her side brought her back to her daughter’s big, blue eyes. Samaire could get lost in those eyes. So full of wonder, of innocence. Nothing was wrong in Ronin’s world.

“Brownie?” Ronin questioned, making Sam smile, not wanting to signal any sort of distress to her child. “Err- I- May I have a brownie?” The five-year-old was clearly pleased with her correction, looking to her father for praise.

Once her daughter’s attention was off her, the façade fell immediately. She did, though, bring the plate of brownies to the floor, splitting one in half for her and her daughter. Fighting her lack of appetite, she nibbled on the dessert, focusing in on the murmuring voices of their families coming from the kitchen. I wish they’d all leave, she thought, almost trying to manifest it. This would certainly be easier without an audience. The one saving grace was at least they’re keeping their distance.

“Sorry about this,” she apologized, her words quick and only for Ryder to catch. “Not how I would have liked it, either.”

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Hesitation was clearly written on the man’s face the moment she begged him to accompany them. Was he ready to do something like that today after already being blind sided by her presence? Ryder wasn’t sure, but the sight of his daughter’s protruding lip as she did her best version of the puppy dog expression, he sighed. He sometimes he resented having such an intelligent child who could recognize when he was about to say no to something and knew how to get him to say yes to things. 

“Fine.” The construction worker stood to his feet, readjusting the coat he had not taken off since he originally thought he would be in and out of this house without having to spend too much time with meddlers and the ex-girlfriend who walked out on him. 

If you would have told Ryder that his own family would end up like this, he would have not believed you. He did not think he would have ended up with a significant other who would leave their family after he spent so long telling himself that if he ever did have a family it would never end up like his childhood. He would not have believed that his child would live apart from their mother like he lived apart from his father, but that’s what happened. Roe still had a mother who loved her, and her father would do absolutely anything for her, but her parents weren’t together. Not only that, but her father was also traumatized by his own heartbreak that he shut down completely. 

Ryder was a coward in his own right, but one wouldn’t know that by the way he guarded himself from others around him. He refused to let Samaire back in and he refused to give her an opportunity to believe she had a way in. “I can drive.” he offered Samaire, hoping that she did not intend on walking or driving them. Driving was the only way he was able to calm down. 

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People spoke about heartbreak as if it were a singular event. All it took was one, horrible thing and your heart was shattered. So, that was a fucking lie. Heartbreak was something that happened consistently. It may have taken one hard blow, but once the first hit is made, it’s that much easier to pile on more and pile it on it did. Samaire couldn’t help from showing the disappointment on her face when he mentioned a date. She recognized he was showing off and showing out, making sure she heard. If anything, that only made it worse. He was trying to hurt her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him after what she did, but she couldn’t stop the awful feeling in her stomach.

Attempting to maintain an air of normalcy, she wiped any emotion from her face, watching her daughter bring her ex-boyfriend next to the fireplace. She simply nodded in response to his greeting. Not only was she avoiding speaking to him again, in fear she would say the wrong thing or burst into tears, but she was avoiding a scolding from Roe. Samaire sat uncomfortably, barely able to hear the words her daughter was sounding out slowly, eyes glued to the floor. Even when Sally came in and placed a plate of her brownies on the coffee table, she couldn’t muster a measly thank you. A small jab in her side brought her back to her daughter’s big, blue eyes. Samaire could get lost in those eyes. So full of wonder, of innocence. Nothing was wrong in Ronin’s world.

“Brownie?” Ronin questioned, making Sam smile, not wanting to signal any sort of distress to her child. “Err- I- May I have a brownie?” The five-year-old was clearly pleased with her correction, looking to her father for praise.

Once her daughter’s attention was off her, the façade fell immediately. She did, though, bring the plate of brownies to the floor, splitting one in half for her and her daughter. Fighting her lack of appetite, she nibbled on the dessert, focusing in on the murmuring voices of their families coming from the kitchen. I wish they’d all leave, she thought, almost trying to manifest it. This would certainly be easier without an audience. The one saving grace was at least they’re keeping their distance.

“Sorry about this,” she apologized, her words quick and only for Ryder to catch. “Not how I would have liked it, either.”

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When Samaire had left to Oxford, it was easy for him to shut down and enter a bubble with their daughter. All this time, he only felt safe with the small child; she would not judge, hurt or leave him, and even if she did, then he would still love her unconditionally. She was everything that was good about him. Ronin was pure, innocent - she was love. So it was easy for him just to remove himself and only come to know his identity as a father. There was no heartbreak. There was no meddling. He was able to protect himself from all of it, just as he was able to protect Ronin for the ugliness that came with life.

He only wanted to protect Ronin from things that he had not been protected from at her age, but this also meant that he was trying to protect her from the disaster that had transpired between his parents every time they were around one another. It was why he tried to remain civil when he had to interact with Samire, but if he could, he did avoid her for his own sake. It was hard to be reminded of his heartbreak every time he saw her, but he would do it then necessary and only for Roe - not when their meddling families decided it was time.

But he recognized the signs of Samaire’s discomfort, even when others couldn’t. There was little she could do to hide from him unfortunately. “Where did mommy go?” the small brunette asked her father after she had been gone for some time now.

“She’s gonna come back, baby.” Ryder assured her, but when her attention was off of him, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

His blue eyes lifted and met his mother’s eyes when she had entered the room with Sally and their husbands. “So, is still worth it?”

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People spoke about heartbreak as if it were a singular event. All it took was one, horrible thing and your heart was shattered. So, that was a fucking lie. Heartbreak was something that happened consistently. It may have taken one hard blow, but once the first hit is made, it’s that much easier to pile on more and pile it on it did. Samaire couldn’t help from showing the disappointment on her face when he mentioned a date. She recognized he was showing off and showing out, making sure she heard. If anything, that only made it worse. He was trying to hurt her. She supposed she couldn’t blame him after what she did, but she couldn’t stop the awful feeling in her stomach.

Attempting to maintain an air of normalcy, she wiped any emotion from her face, watching her daughter bring her ex-boyfriend next to the fireplace. She simply nodded in response to his greeting. Not only was she avoiding speaking to him again, in fear she would say the wrong thing or burst into tears, but she was avoiding a scolding from Roe. Samaire sat uncomfortably, barely able to hear the words her daughter was sounding out slowly, eyes glued to the floor. Even when Sally came in and placed a plate of her brownies on the coffee table, she couldn’t muster a measly thank you. A small jab in her side brought her back to her daughter’s big, blue eyes. Samaire could get lost in those eyes. So full of wonder, of innocence. Nothing was wrong in Ronin’s world.

“Brownie?” Ronin questioned, making Sam smile, not wanting to signal any sort of distress to her child. “Err- I- May I have a brownie?” The five-year-old was clearly pleased with her correction, looking to her father for praise.

Once her daughter’s attention was off her, the façade fell immediately. She did, though, bring the plate of brownies to the floor, splitting one in half for her and her daughter. Fighting her lack of appetite, she nibbled on the dessert, focusing in on the murmuring voices of their families coming from the kitchen. I wish they’d all leave, she thought, almost trying to manifest it. This would certainly be easier without an audience. The one saving grace was at least they’re keeping their distance.

“Sorry about this,” she apologized, her words quick and only for Ryder to catch. “Not how I would have liked it, either.”

[asapbur]

Ryder, despite his discomfort, felt lost in thoughts of nostalgia. He used to spend hours and hours in this home, sometimes even sleeping there behind the backs of of her parents when she was in high school. How many times had he spent as a model for Samaire, whining that he did not want to be her model for her homemade Marvel costumes, but secretly he enjoying it each and every time? The twenty-five year old had lost count, yet could remember each time so vividly. The hours they would spend sitting in this very living room, hanging out with her parents. 

Just as he had when at nineteen years old when they started dating, he sat across her on the floor. This time around the man only tried to avoid looking at her as he knew that it meant that it would only complicate his feelings even more than they already were. Confusion was something that seemed to be a constant in his life. Confusion came from when his parents were fighting, and the boy couldn’t understand why they were fighting, The confusion settled him when Jeremiah never returned home The feelings he had for Samaire only confused him. There was so much in him that wanted her back and wanted to stop this awkwardness between them, but there was also so much in him that never wanted her to give him the opportunity to hurt him again. 

There was only so much he could do to avoid looking at Samaire, because the moment he looked at her again, he felt like his soul ached, but Ryder hid it, like how he hid all of his feelings. Nobody seemed to ever know what was going on in his head.  

“Eat over the plate, Roe, please.” the man asked of his daughter, leaning back on his hands, just before he responded to his ex-girlfriend. He gave a small, casual shrug. “Probably won't be the last time they’ll do something like this again.” 

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“A day to myself?” Ryder shook his head, his hands shoved in the pockets of his  jacket. “I guess mom must have forgotten I said I had a date.” The statement was intentionally loud enough for Samaire to hear. 

“Oh, silly me.” Harloh remarked sarcastically, shooting a scowl to her stubborn oldest. 

Ryder couldn’t stop thinking about how differently this entire situation would be going if they had simply warned him ahead of time that Samaire had returned home just so they could at least give him the choice of being there or not, but no one thought do that. It wasn’t the first time he had decided to be around his ex-girlfriend when she was in town and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Why the two families thought ambushing him was the right way to go, he would not ever understand. 

You know, you would think that his mother would know him by now, but apparently not. Harloh knew that his daughter came before him. What no one could apparently grasp was that he did not want to be bothered with his daughter’s mother unless he absolutely needed to be. 

The man masked his frustration with his own family and Sally’s attempt of a warm welcome by offer up an artificial smile to the other adults in his view. But the genuine one only came when his daughter called out for him, wanting him to come to her and Sam, but he couldn’t find it in him to move his feet. He felt like he was frozen there. It may have seemed like anger and frustration because maybe it looked like he was inconvenienced, but really, it hadn’t had the opportunity to talk his insecurities and anxiety enough yet to talk to her, to face her. 

A tiny hand pulled him out of his thoughts  - literally. Ronin had grown tired of her father waiting for him to come and listen to her read, so she had gotten up and decided to take him there herself. Her hand held his as she led him back to the room she had been previously sitting in with her mother. “Daddy, c’mon.” A soft smile spread across his face at the confident, little lady who took a seat again and patted the seat on the floor aside her.  His eyes met Samaire’s for a few moments before he finally greeted her with a simple, “Hi.” but then was hushed by the five year old. 

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Every single day she spent in this damn city she was reminded just how cold it was compared to her warm, beloved Barcelona. Every. Single. Day. It had been about two months since Lo had arrived in Bremen to meet her soulmate, Benji. In all honesty, it hadn’t been the plan for her to stay that long, but these two independent people somehow found it difficult to separate themselves from one another. It was not in a clingy, overbearing way, but it was more that it was time the two of them needed and wanted to spend together. Within those two months, it felt like they had created their world in the comfort of being in one another’s arms. At least in the presence of one another it felt like the rest melted away so easily. The Spaniard and German, of course, discussed with one another whether or she should stay longer which led to the mutual agreement that they did not want to separate from one another just yet. Despite his struggles to be vulnerable with her, Lo couldn’t say that she was any less vulnerable with him and couldn’t be more accepting of him. The twenty year old allowed him to do everything at his own pace. It was not her place to rush and she did not believe he needed to be rushed. But the two of them had become domesticated in the time she had been there. Aside from when he had to go out, they seemed to be happy in his home. There was very little interest leaving the bed for the longest time. Lo had met his best friend a few times since she had been there, and she had gone out on her own (taking the precaution Benji always insisted on given his enemies), but they hardly showed any interest in really going out. After they had gone to dinner with Felix a week prior, Lo was told of how much Benji used to go out with him prior to his discovery of Lo, and that only got Lo going on how much she wanted to go out with Benji until he finally gave in. Kahlo couldn’t lie - she was so excited to go to her first German house club with the actual love of her life and his brother who she hit it off with. Maybe it was how cold she still was in his apartment wearing a slip dress for the night out or maybe it was how excited she was for the night that was making her so jittery. Either way, she continued to file her nails after downing her third shot of whiskey already ahead of the boys as she sat at Benji’s kitchen table. 

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With a beer bottle in his hand, Benji stood against his fridge, body calmed by the low hum it produced. It’s not that he didn’t have money to update his apartment appliances; he liked the old ones. They were louder. It made it easier to concentrate if there was a constant white noise to focus on.

“Ah-ha, you were a Daddy’s girl,” Pattie smirked. “Of course. A rich girl with nothing better to do. A renowned professor’s money must buy good drugs. Did you know…?”

The surprisingly-knowledgeable Pattie rambled on about class and economic inequality, barely pausing even as he drew the powder up his nostril. Benji did what he did best and allowed his friend to say his piece, but that didn’t mean he had to listen to the whole thing. Plus, he heard this argument already. Instead he became intimately tuned in with the hum of the fridge, resting his head back on the aluminum, allowing the sound to drown out any intruding thoughts or feelings. He directed his energy toward Lo, welcoming this interaction through her perspective. The inside of his nose tickled, and an uncomfortable warmth appeared deep in his gut. Ugh, he Hated whiskey. He couldn’t understand how she allowed herself to feel like this. For a moment as Lo poured shots of whiskey for Pattie and her, Benji’s green eyes bore into his soulmate’s. Together they all raised their drinks, but Lo and Benji were making a silent toast with one another. As his lips parted from the bottle of brew, Benji felt like he had just stepped into the bathhouse sauna. He recognized the physical sensation - the heat spreading from his gut - wasn’t his own. The mix of stimulant was starting to take affect in Lo. This way she will be warmer on the walk, at least, he joked with himself.

“So she’s not as innocent as she seems. Who would have guessed?” Benji teased, knowing all too well Lo was no angel. Naive in her own right, but not innocent. “Can we get to the party before I change my mind?”

[asapbur]

The jittery feeling in the pit of her stomach, despite the cocaine and alcohol, had begun to die down. Lo knew that Benji should be credited for this; he was the only person who knew how to mellow her out without trying. As said before, she truly was an bubbly personality and when provoked she could be quite anxious, but Benji always knew how to keep her rational and calm. For instance, when she found out Benji’s true profession she had left his apartment before the sun was even up, yet she was calm and level headed throughout that entire day. Goosebumps arose on her arms as the feeling of aluminum faintly tickled her skin as if she was leaning against the refrigerator. It could just be the drugs, but as their green eyes stared into one another while toasting to one another, she felt her body tingle in a very different type of way.

Licking her lips, her expression brighten. She poured the last round of shots for herself and the lanky German across the table from her. “How far is the walk again?” She asked after finishing her shot. She gathered the two shot glasses and bottle of whiskey, putting the bottle in the cabinet and then putting the shots in the sink. “Why the fuck do you guys like walking in this god foresaken weather!?” The woman grabbed a jacket that had been placed on the chair she was sitting in before turning to Benji, finally a bit taller (but not as tall or taller than him) thanks to the platform heels she decided to wear. Once it was on her, it only matched the way the slip dress seemed a bit big on her slender body; it belonged to Benji and it couldn’t be more obvious by the way it hung on her small body.

Aside from wanting to take in some of Benji’s world, she also just wanted to make a memory such as one that involved them having a good night out, especially with Pattie. In the back of her head, Lo knew that this was going to be the first time she would go to a party with her significant other without being beaten for how she behaved during that night out or who was speaking to her. This was the first time she was able to enjoy herself genuinely with her significant other and friend before her evening out without secretly worrying about how the night could go wrong. Lo was grateful that he agreed to Pattie’s invitation to this party. There was something more than she wanted than to create more memories with Benji.

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The difference in their classes was not lost on Kahlo, but despite how often it was joked about that she was a rich girl or anything in that matter, it was something that Lo often forgot about. The home she came from was vastly different than Benji’s home, but she never noticed. When it was the two of them, it felt like their surroundings melted away and she felt as though she only needed him. But these were all fun and jokes between the three of them. It wasn’t often that she took either of them seriously when they were together. It was also easy enough to tune them out as the warm sensation of the stimulant washed over her, her heart beat picking up along with it. The taste of his brew still on her tongue as her pale green eyes bore into him, seeming darker with her dilated pupils. She only smiled at the both of them before she ushered out of the apartment first.

It rarely ever snowed in Barcelona, but when it did Lo hardly ever went outside to take it in. She would often resort to staying in until it was melted away, leaving behind a muddy mess in its departure. In Bremen, she didn’t have the luxury of doing that. When it snowed in this country, it would stay, and it was something she learned begrudgingly the first week of staying there. She couldn’t count how many times she had been bundled up by Benji with his old winter clothing until she had been able to buy the proper winter attire she needed for Germany in December. But right now - right now, there was nothing that was bothering her as she watched the snowflakes fall from the dark sky. It was a sight that she felt like she hadn’t ever truly seen before. Oh, yes, the drugs were kicking in.

Lo was hardly retaining anything Pattie was saying. The faint sound of a heart beat was at the back of her mind, knowing fully well she was listening to Benji’s. A smile spread across her lips at the sound, laughing a bit. Europhia was just washing over the young woman. It may have to do with drugs, but this was the happiest and safest she had been in a long time.

The only thing that brought her back to the fact she was actually around other people was Benji’s voice and the touch of his hand pulling her out of her thoughts. She almost hasn’t caught his words either. “Good?” She repeated the word in a hum. She shook her dark haired head. “I feel fucking fantastic.”

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Clumsily, Kahlo followed Benji, despite nearly tripping over her own feet. Her vision blurred, colored blurs seemed to have already engulfed the people she was passing, and even the sounds coming from the music and crowd seemed more and more warped to her. For a short a moment she felt almost sorry for Benji, believing that she was only slowing the man down in his obvious, determined quest in finding Pattie.

Benji’s panic began to settle into her. For a moment, it reminded her of Lio’s protectiveness after she settled back in Barcelona. The paranoia and protectiveness only birthed by the feeling of failure to protect his sister from a man who he looked at once as a friend. There had been a single encounter with Diego while she had been out at a nightclub with Lio - an encounter that had happened when Lo had excused herself to the restroom, and once she had been gone too long it was then that the Spaniard found The Mutt arguing with her ex-boyfriend. The usually docile, non-confrontational Lio had never been a physical altercation before that night-out, but it was also the night that created the routine of him now looking for her if she had been gone for too long.

Her pale green eyes were darkened by her dilated pupils, but they still watched him climb up and search worriedly for his friend in the ocean of people of the club. Just as Benji noted before, Lo was a energetic, creative person who shared half of his soul. While his panic did settle into her, she still remained as calm as she could when completely out of her mind and thought about this, and opened herself to him, wishing this would wash over him as his feelings washed into her. There was only so much he could see from that stool at the bar.

She tapped his arm and waited for until his attention was brought onto her to attempt to speak over the music and say, “The bathroom - check the bathroom and then we can check outside!” Her reassuring eyes stared into his blue eyes, just before she turned to make her way to that desired location, not waiting for him to follow her.

As the couple made their way through the Germans and tourists, she adjusted her dress properly. Finally pushing her way inside the bathroom, she grimaced at the smell of urine, only remembering the evening that her jaw was broken. You think of me as your territory, a piece of land you can claim! Why don’t you just piss on me like the fucking dog you are if you think I’m your territory! Diego’s cruelty was creative as well, and even though he had broken her jaw after he was called a jaw, but he never missed out on a dare.

Upon hearing the sounds of pleasurable moans, groans and swear words coming behind a closed stall from a man and woman, Lo recognized the man’s voice. “Pattie?” she called out, only receiving another swear from that voice. Her face flushed again while an embarrassed look spread across her pretty face just as she turned her head to look at Benji.  

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“Why does she always fucking do this?” Ryder groaned rhetorically, growing even more frustrated by the second on that very driveway he used to happily up to see his girlfriend years ago. “She wants me on dates, then she wants me to talk to Samaire to try to get back togethe-”

Brody interrupted his brother’s hushed ranting, “Well, I only told you because I didn't want you to think I was involved!” His hands were held up as if he were motioning he was not doing anything to harm him. After all, the hardest part after Samaire left was watching his brother’s pain, regardless if he claimed he was fine, Brody always knew better. “Mom was the one who wanted to ambush you, so you’re welcome!”

Ryder gave out a flabbergasted scoff before hitting his palm to his forehead. “I’m going to lose my mind with mom. I am.” The first person in the world who taught him what mixed singles were was his mother, the person who said she loved him unconditionally, yet was the only other person who confused this man to hell. Aside from trying to get him to talk about his feelings, she was always pushing moving on from Samaire with other women she was meeting who she thought were just so great for him! Nothing he ever said was good enough for the woman to simply lay off of him.

Both of the Wesley children’s attention was brought off of one another and onto Samson who stood on his porch, watching the two of them. One of the last things he wanted to do was be rude to Samson out of all people after all the help.he and his wife extended Ryder, but the last thing he was willing to do was be ambushed by the woman who walked out on him and her family, and even his. They didn’t understand what it was like when it happened. None of them knew the betrayal he felt not just him but his daughter when he was told that Samaire was leaving them the following day to Oxford. How do you get passed something like that? It was not even a conversation between the two of them. He didn’t even understand why his mother was trying so hard to play matchmaker between them when she knew what it was like to have a child with someone and have them walkout on you.

Dreading the sound of the front door open again as it had when Samson stepped out, he was realized to see Red standing there now beside the other middle aged man, arms crossed as he failed to put on a coat. “Hey, father-of-the-year, you forgot her toy bag.” he called out. “Bring it inside.”

As he watched the older men go back inside of the house, he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. “Hey, you know, you kind of look like the Arthur meme.” Brody’s remark only earned a punch in the shoulder, but he said no further. The man only begrudgingly went to his car to grab the other backpack that was filled with toys his daughter wanted to bring for her sleepover at Sally’s and followed his little brother back inside.

“Hey, I can’t stay for long! I’m running late for thing and I need to get there!” called out the bearded man into the house.

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Every single day she spent in this damn city she was reminded just how cold it was compared to her warm, beloved Barcelona. Every. Single. Day. It had been about two months since Lo had arrived in Bremen to meet her soulmate, Benji. In all honesty, it hadn’t been the plan for her to stay that long, but these two independent people somehow found it difficult to separate themselves from one another. It was not in a clingy, overbearing way, but it was more that it was time the two of them needed and wanted to spend together. Within those two months, it felt like they had created their world in the comfort of being in one another’s arms. At least in the presence of one another it felt like the rest melted away so easily. The Spaniard and German, of course, discussed with one another whether or she should stay longer which led to the mutual agreement that they did not want to separate from one another just yet. Despite his struggles to be vulnerable with her, Lo couldn’t say that she was any less vulnerable with him and couldn’t be more accepting of him. The twenty year old allowed him to do everything at his own pace. It was not her place to rush and she did not believe he needed to be rushed. But the two of them had become domesticated in the time she had been there. Aside from when he had to go out, they seemed to be happy in his home. There was very little interest leaving the bed for the longest time. Lo had met his best friend a few times since she had been there, and she had gone out on her own (taking the precaution Benji always insisted on given his enemies), but they hardly showed any interest in really going out. After they had gone to dinner with Felix a week prior, Lo was told of how much Benji used to go out with him prior to his discovery of Lo, and that only got Lo going on how much she wanted to go out with Benji until he finally gave in. Kahlo couldn’t lie - she was so excited to go to her first German house club with the actual love of her life and his brother who she hit it off with. Maybe it was how cold she still was in his apartment wearing a slip dress for the night out or maybe it was how excited she was for the night that was making her so jittery. Either way, she continued to file her nails after downing her third shot of whiskey already ahead of the boys as she sat at Benji’s kitchen table. 

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With a beer bottle in his hand, Benji stood against his fridge, body calmed by the low hum it produced. It’s not that he didn’t have money to update his apartment appliances; he liked the old ones. They were louder. It made it easier to concentrate if there was a constant white noise to focus on.

“Ah-ha, you were a Daddy’s girl,” Pattie smirked. “Of course. A rich girl with nothing better to do. A renowned professor’s money must buy good drugs. Did you know…?”

The surprisingly-knowledgeable Pattie rambled on about class and economic inequality, barely pausing even as he drew the powder up his nostril. Benji did what he did best and allowed his friend to say his piece, but that didn’t mean he had to listen to the whole thing. Plus, he heard this argument already. Instead he became intimately tuned in with the hum of the fridge, resting his head back on the aluminum, allowing the sound to drown out any intruding thoughts or feelings. He directed his energy toward Lo, welcoming this interaction through her perspective. The inside of his nose tickled, and an uncomfortable warmth appeared deep in his gut. Ugh, he Hated whiskey. He couldn’t understand how she allowed herself to feel like this. For a moment as Lo poured shots of whiskey for Pattie and her, Benji’s green eyes bore into his soulmate’s. Together they all raised their drinks, but Lo and Benji were making a silent toast with one another. As his lips parted from the bottle of brew, Benji felt like he had just stepped into the bathhouse sauna. He recognized the physical sensation - the heat spreading from his gut - wasn’t his own. The mix of stimulant was starting to take affect in Lo. This way she will be warmer on the walk, at least, he joked with himself.

“So she’s not as innocent as she seems. Who would have guessed?” Benji teased, knowing all too well Lo was no angel. Naive in her own right, but not innocent. “Can we get to the party before I change my mind?”

[asapbur]

The jittery feeling in the pit of her stomach, despite the cocaine and alcohol, had begun to die down. Lo knew that Benji should be credited for this; he was the only person who knew how to mellow her out without trying. As said before, she truly was an bubbly personality and when provoked she could be quite anxious, but Benji always knew how to keep her rational and calm. For instance, when she found out Benji’s true profession she had left his apartment before the sun was even up, yet she was calm and level headed throughout that entire day. Goosebumps arose on her arms as the feeling of aluminum faintly tickled her skin as if she was leaning against the refrigerator. It could just be the drugs, but as their green eyes stared into one another while toasting to one another, she felt her body tingle in a very different type of way.

Licking her lips, her expression brighten. She poured the last round of shots for herself and the lanky German across the table from her. “How far is the walk again?” She asked after finishing her shot. She gathered the two shot glasses and bottle of whiskey, putting the bottle in the cabinet and then putting the shots in the sink. “Why the fuck do you guys like walking in this god foresaken weather!?” The woman grabbed a jacket that had been placed on the chair she was sitting in before turning to Benji, finally a bit taller (but not as tall or taller than him) thanks to the platform heels she decided to wear. Once it was on her, it only matched the way the slip dress seemed a bit big on her slender body; it belonged to Benji and it couldn’t be more obvious by the way it hung on her small body.

Aside from wanting to take in some of Benji’s world, she also just wanted to make a memory such as one that involved them having a good night out, especially with Pattie. In the back of her head, Lo knew that this was going to be the first time she would go to a party with her significant other without being beaten for how she behaved during that night out or who was speaking to her. This was the first time she was able to enjoy herself genuinely with her significant other and friend before her evening out without secretly worrying about how the night could go wrong. Lo was grateful that he agreed to Pattie’s invitation to this party. There was something more than she wanted than to create more memories with Benji.

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The difference in their classes was not lost on Kahlo, but despite how often it was joked about that she was a rich girl or anything in that matter, it was something that Lo often forgot about. The home she came from was vastly different than Benji’s home, but she never noticed. When it was the two of them, it felt like their surroundings melted away and she felt as though she only needed him. But these were all fun and jokes between the three of them. It wasn’t often that she took either of them seriously when they were together. It was also easy enough to tune them out as the warm sensation of the stimulant washed over her, her heart beat picking up along with it. The taste of his brew still on her tongue as her pale green eyes bore into him, seeming darker with her dilated pupils. She only smiled at the both of them before she ushered out of the apartment first.

It rarely ever snowed in Barcelona, but when it did Lo hardly ever went outside to take it in. She would often resort to staying in until it was melted away, leaving behind a muddy mess in its departure. In Bremen, she didn’t have the luxury of doing that. When it snowed in this country, it would stay, and it was something she learned begrudgingly the first week of staying there. She couldn’t count how many times she had been bundled up by Benji with his old winter clothing until she had been able to buy the proper winter attire she needed for Germany in December. But right now - right now, there was nothing that was bothering her as she watched the snowflakes fall from the dark sky. It was a sight that she felt like she hadn’t ever truly seen before. Oh, yes, the drugs were kicking in.

Lo was hardly retaining anything Pattie was saying. The faint sound of a heart beat was at the back of her mind, knowing fully well she was listening to Benji’s. A smile spread across her lips at the sound, laughing a bit. Europhia was just washing over the young woman. It may have to do with drugs, but this was the happiest and safest she had been in a long time.

The only thing that brought her back to the fact she was actually around other people was Benji’s voice and the touch of his hand pulling her out of her thoughts. She almost hasn’t caught his words either. “Good?” She repeated the word in a hum. She shook her dark haired head. “I feel fucking fantastic.”

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As the German moved closer to the trio, those heavy lidded eyes lifted now up to the ceiling, amused giggles left her full, smudged glossed lips simply at the sight of glitter falling from the ceiling. Whether there was glitter or it was a gift from the mixture of drugs and alcohol, she was fascinated as it felt, appearing as a rainbow in tiny pieces.

This was exactly what Lo was hoping would happening when she made the mental connection with Benji. The dark haired woman finally was able to see her soulmate let go almost completely. The night before, when they had been in bed together, they discussed the night out that Benji finally agreed to, but they had been discussing Benji’s defensive behavior; she had been wanting to him to let go and to just have fun without worrying too much, and eventually he promised her that he would tone it down so they could enjoy themselves. She wasn’t too sure if “worrying” was the right word. It was more like he was taking a defensive, safety precaution. If the woman was being honest, she appreciated that about him, but this was also someone who was much care-free than he was, often there were times when she wouldn’t understand why. They were from different worlds, but there was no way she could thank the universe for him. There had only been a single serious relationship she had been in before Benji, but there also other people she had been with, and none of them compared to how Benji made her. Eyes now rolling back in an inebriated style as they began to close, an audible moan escaped her lips the moment Lo felt her soulmate’s hands on her small hips, grasping the thin material of her silk mini dress. While she knew that it was her state that made her so sensitive to his touch, it was also exposing how naturally pleasurable she found his touch everyday.

The beautiful rhythm the soulmates moved to could not be interrupted, not even as the glitter engulfed them. There was no one else. Lo was forgetting where she was, forgetting that there was more than just Benji around her. All that went through her mind was Benji, Benji, Benji Benji. Along with the feeling of his tongue entering her mouth, earning another moan from The Mutt. The sensation in the pit of her stomach grew and grew, warming her body, and she hoped that her boyfriend could feel it. Completely consumed by the feeling of Benji and the warmth of drugs, the pleasurable was indescribable. Lo shrugged off the blue haired woman, only interested in the free, dancing Benji, hungrily kissing him back, tongues fighting for the territory of her mouth. Her fingers clumsily unbuttoned a few buttons of his shirt as they continued to move to the music, lips never separating.  Only did she move from him when she licked the sweat off of his curve of his shoulder. Lo leaned up, closer to his face, a bright, high smile playing her lips. “Always so sweet.” cooed the woman in slur, placing a kiss on his lips, then spun around with her back now facing him as she danced with her body against his. The back of her lower half pressed against his front.

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Every single day she spent in this damn city she was reminded just how cold it was compared to her warm, beloved Barcelona. Every. Single. Day. It had been about two months since Lo had arrived in Bremen to meet her soulmate, Benji. In all honesty, it hadn’t been the plan for her to stay that long, but these two independent people somehow found it difficult to separate themselves from one another. It was not in a clingy, overbearing way, but it was more that it was time the two of them needed and wanted to spend together. Within those two months, it felt like they had created their world in the comfort of being in one another’s arms. At least in the presence of one another it felt like the rest melted away so easily. The Spaniard and German, of course, discussed with one another whether or she should stay longer which led to the mutual agreement that they did not want to separate from one another just yet. Despite his struggles to be vulnerable with her, Lo couldn’t say that she was any less vulnerable with him and couldn’t be more accepting of him. The twenty year old allowed him to do everything at his own pace. It was not her place to rush and she did not believe he needed to be rushed. But the two of them had become domesticated in the time she had been there. Aside from when he had to go out, they seemed to be happy in his home. There was very little interest leaving the bed for the longest time. Lo had met his best friend a few times since she had been there, and she had gone out on her own (taking the precaution Benji always insisted on given his enemies), but they hardly showed any interest in really going out. After they had gone to dinner with Felix a week prior, Lo was told of how much Benji used to go out with him prior to his discovery of Lo, and that only got Lo going on how much she wanted to go out with Benji until he finally gave in. Kahlo couldn’t lie - she was so excited to go to her first German house club with the actual love of her life and his brother who she hit it off with. Maybe it was how cold she still was in his apartment wearing a slip dress for the night out or maybe it was how excited she was for the night that was making her so jittery. Either way, she continued to file her nails after downing her third shot of whiskey already ahead of the boys as she sat at Benji’s kitchen table. 

[rp-lizbernation]

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[asapbur]

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[rp-lizbernation]

With a beer bottle in his hand, Benji stood against his fridge, body calmed by the low hum it produced. It’s not that he didn’t have money to update his apartment appliances; he liked the old ones. They were louder. It made it easier to concentrate if there was a constant white noise to focus on.

“Ah-ha, you were a Daddy’s girl,” Pattie smirked. “Of course. A rich girl with nothing better to do. A renowned professor’s money must buy good drugs. Did you know…?”

The surprisingly-knowledgeable Pattie rambled on about class and economic inequality, barely pausing even as he drew the powder up his nostril. Benji did what he did best and allowed his friend to say his piece, but that didn’t mean he had to listen to the whole thing. Plus, he heard this argument already. Instead he became intimately tuned in with the hum of the fridge, resting his head back on the aluminum, allowing the sound to drown out any intruding thoughts or feelings. He directed his energy toward Lo, welcoming this interaction through her perspective. The inside of his nose tickled, and an uncomfortable warmth appeared deep in his gut. Ugh, he Hated whiskey. He couldn’t understand how she allowed herself to feel like this. For a moment as Lo poured shots of whiskey for Pattie and her, Benji’s green eyes bore into his soulmate’s. Together they all raised their drinks, but Lo and Benji were making a silent toast with one another. As his lips parted from the bottle of brew, Benji felt like he had just stepped into the bathhouse sauna. He recognized the physical sensation - the heat spreading from his gut - wasn’t his own. The mix of stimulant was starting to take affect in Lo. This way she will be warmer on the walk, at least, he joked with himself.

“So she’s not as innocent as she seems. Who would have guessed?” Benji teased, knowing all too well Lo was no angel. Naive in her own right, but not innocent. “Can we get to the party before I change my mind?”

[asapbur]

The jittery feeling in the pit of her stomach, despite the cocaine and alcohol, had begun to die down. Lo knew that Benji should be credited for this; he was the only person who knew how to mellow her out without trying. As said before, she truly was an bubbly personality and when provoked she could be quite anxious, but Benji always knew how to keep her rational and calm. For instance, when she found out Benji’s true profession she had left his apartment before the sun was even up, yet she was calm and level headed throughout that entire day. Goosebumps arose on her arms as the feeling of aluminum faintly tickled her skin as if she was leaning against the refrigerator. It could just be the drugs, but as their green eyes stared into one another while toasting to one another, she felt her body tingle in a very different type of way.

Licking her lips, her expression brighten. She poured the last round of shots for herself and the lanky German across the table from her. “How far is the walk again?” She asked after finishing her shot. She gathered the two shot glasses and bottle of whiskey, putting the bottle in the cabinet and then putting the shots in the sink. “Why the fuck do you guys like walking in this god foresaken weather!?” The woman grabbed a jacket that had been placed on the chair she was sitting in before turning to Benji, finally a bit taller (but not as tall or taller than him) thanks to the platform heels she decided to wear. Once it was on her, it only matched the way the slip dress seemed a bit big on her slender body; it belonged to Benji and it couldn’t be more obvious by the way it hung on her small body.

Aside from wanting to take in some of Benji’s world, she also just wanted to make a memory such as one that involved them having a good night out, especially with Pattie. In the back of her head, Lo knew that this was going to be the first time she would go to a party with her significant other without being beaten for how she behaved during that night out or who was speaking to her. This was the first time she was able to enjoy herself genuinely with her significant other and friend before her evening out without secretly worrying about how the night could go wrong. Lo was grateful that he agreed to Pattie’s invitation to this party. There was something more than she wanted than to create more memories with Benji.

[rp-lizbernation]

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[asapbur]

The difference in their classes was not lost on Kahlo, but despite how often it was joked about that she was a rich girl or anything in that matter, it was something that Lo often forgot about. The home she came from was vastly different than Benji’s home, but she never noticed. When it was the two of them, it felt like their surroundings melted away and she felt as though she only needed him. But these were all fun and jokes between the three of them. It wasn’t often that she took either of them seriously when they were together. It was also easy enough to tune them out as the warm sensation of the stimulant washed over her, her heart beat picking up along with it. The taste of his brew still on her tongue as her pale green eyes bore into him, seeming darker with her dilated pupils. She only smiled at the both of them before she ushered out of the apartment first.

It rarely ever snowed in Barcelona, but when it did Lo hardly ever went outside to take it in. She would often resort to staying in until it was melted away, leaving behind a muddy mess in its departure. In Bremen, she didn’t have the luxury of doing that. When it snowed in this country, it would stay, and it was something she learned begrudgingly the first week of staying there. She couldn’t count how many times she had been bundled up by Benji with his old winter clothing until she had been able to buy the proper winter attire she needed for Germany in December. But right now - right now, there was nothing that was bothering her as she watched the snowflakes fall from the dark sky. It was a sight that she felt like she hadn’t ever truly seen before. Oh, yes, the drugs were kicking in.

Lo was hardly retaining anything Pattie was saying. The faint sound of a heart beat was at the back of her mind, knowing fully well she was listening to Benji’s. A smile spread across her lips at the sound, laughing a bit. Europhia was just washing over the young woman. It may have to do with drugs, but this was the happiest and safest she had been in a long time.

The only thing that brought her back to the fact she was actually around other people was Benji’s voice and the touch of his hand pulling her out of her thoughts. She almost hasn’t caught his words either. “Good?” She repeated the word in a hum. She shook her dark haired head. “I feel fucking fantastic.”

[rp-lizbernation]

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[asapbur]

As her vision blurred, Lo completely let go, allowing herself to be swallowed into the shaking of the bass and flashing strobe lights. The sound of the beating hearts replaced the music. The stranger’s hands raised to grab the back of her head, fingers tangling in her long, straighten hair and pulled her body even closer to her. Smiles spread across both of the women’s faces, moving together in some sort of trace. There was something beautiful about this moment - the moment when she closed her eyes and saw the moment she stood across from Benji for the first in her life. The moment their green eyes met one another - the moment their connection was made. At that moment, they were no longer single souls, but were beginning to become one. You see, stitching, while it took its toll on people, was one of the most beautiful experiences she had felt in her life. The warm feeling in her stomach was no longer the alcohol and drugs, but the butterflies she felt the first time she introduced herself to him, the warmth that came from the first time they touched in person. If this is what drugs will do now that they have connected then she would probably use more. 

Like a fantasy in their minds, Lo swayed in front of Benji now, in the space between him and Pattie. She leaned up closer to his face with an easy smirk playing across her lips as their eyes bore into one another. Then mischievously she motioned him to look back to where her body was in their reality. “What are you going to do about this?” she whispered into his ear before breaking the mental connection with him.

But those hands that Benji felt were not ones that were touching him. Those hands were the hands of another stranger who had came up from behind Lo, clearly also inebriated and entranced by the dancing women, but his hands were much bolder than the drug dealer that the boys knew. The brunette’s heavy lidded eyes moved to meet Benji’s own eyes, almost inviting him - or even daring him - to intervene.