Serious Comedy

Hey, I'm Ben. Just a 30+-yo guy taking life one day at a time.

[craicchapel]

me every day on this website

[frangipani-wanderlust]

Crab Day Thoughts

In the wake of Crab Day, and if it has turned out to be the success we hoped, I'd like to propose @staff do two things for the userbase so that we know how much we need to pitch in to keep the lights on around here.

Publish, somewhere super obvious, how much is your annual budget that you have unaccounted for so that we know what goal to shoot for with Crab Day type donation drives. I don't mind pitching in to keep the site running, but the clearer the goal is, the easier it is to meet. Particularly if you can break that down with how much you already have of that amount accounted for in ad-free subscriptions, gifts, merch, badges, and Blazes. Genuinely, don't keep this secret.

Let us know a good point in your fiscal year to hold Crab Day or a similar donation drive. July 29 was a nice organic day this time around, but perhaps that's not the best day going forward. Let us know this.

If the userbase knows these things in advance, we can plan the best ways to help y'all out.

EDIT: As with so many things in my drafts, this got lost for a few years. However, as Crab Day this year was only a few days ago, and neither of these things have happened, @staff, I am still recommending these changes.

[frangipani-wanderlust]

Crab Day Thoughts

In the wake of Crab Day, and if it has turned out to be the success we hoped, I'd like to propose @staff do two things for the userbase so that we know how much we need to pitch in to keep the lights on around here.

Publish, somewhere super obvious, how much is your annual budget that you have unaccounted for so that we know what goal to shoot for with Crab Day type donation drives. I don't mind pitching in to keep the site running, but the clearer the goal is, the easier it is to meet. Particularly if you can break that down with how much you already have of that amount accounted for in ad-free subscriptions, gifts, merch, badges, and Blazes. Genuinely, don't keep this secret.

Let us know a good point in your fiscal year to hold Crab Day or a similar donation drive. July 29 was a nice organic day this time around, but perhaps that's not the best day going forward. Let us know this.

If the userbase knows these things in advance, we can plan the best ways to help y'all out.

EDIT: As with so many things in my drafts, this got lost for a few years. However, as Crab Day this year was only a few days ago, and neither of these things have happened, @staff, I am still recommending these changes.

[throo]

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

[throo]

We could have been eating him

[aseriouscomedian]

Wishing my fellow Americans a happy Fourth of July.

[staff]

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

[werewolveswithagenda]

I think Tumblr will love this

[i-am-shitpost]

For the love of GOD turn the volume on

[the-real-seebs]

every day someone thinks of an art form no one did before

[zero1infinity]

[tsukiyamas]

why does this have 32k notes? it’s just a picture of a knife in a ranch bottle, is there some unspoken joke that 32 thousand people share? what is going on here, i dont get it. it’s just a fucking picture of a knife in a ranch bottle. is there some spiritual connection people have to this picture? is there some ominous and mystical reasoning that this has 32 thousand notes? do people reblog this because it makes them look like some indie blogger? or is there just something funny to this? someone please explain

[diggly]

no one tell him

[rhube]

This is it, lads. The post that started us on this path 9 years ago.

I sure hope no one told him.

[skellydun]

????? march ?????? again ??????

[darnitjack]

When you're tired of being in the army

[mannazandwyrd]

Happy March 4th, the date that’s also a command

[lysershine]

I don’t have tiktok so I had to find this like a mole digging for worms and nothing could have prepared me for the actual video itself

[aseriouscomedian]

It's the weekend, y'all. I can't find this classic on Tumblr, so have a link here.

[iguanamouth]

I really like winnie the pooh, Can you draw winnie the pooh pleaseeeeee

[thetyrannosaur]

Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

[skiingcows]

#really cannot emphasize enough how much iguanamouth changed the site’s sense of humor and therefore the timeline of the western world

[zootycoon-archive]

i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

[loseremo]

[syzygy-yzygy]

THE ORIGINAL? ON MY DASH

[this-too-too-sullied-flesh]

this post led to a series of events that had martin scorsese himself reacting to his alleged movie goncharov and it has less than 400k notes almost 3 years later?

[rylandsgrace]

#Merry crisis

[immortalbeingz]

[charlataninred]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[meraarts]

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

[eater-of-hopes-and-dreams]

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

[blitzlowin]

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Goblin Men (Canines)

[charlataninred]

I am in love with you /p

[the-thread-of-the-infinite]

What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time

[death-of-the-endless]

Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells

[death-of-the-endless]

Adding a few more I remembered:  28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests  32. A Faerie taking a Name  33. The Dragon on the Farm  34. Synovus & Menace  35. Raising the Anti-Christ  36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved)  37. Doctors without Borders…in Space!  38. The Villain-Wrangler  39. The Last Contact  40. The 100 Parent-Point Children  41. And the Heavens Wept  42. The Night Gentleman  43. The Serpent God and their Priestess 

[teaboot]

I love that I share my house with one of the most efficient apex predators millions of years of evolution could produce. I love that two of nature’s most prolific machines met and were like “hmmm. We should lay around and do nothing together”. Now we’re both fat and happy and full of meat. The hedonism of it all

[teaboot]

Humans keeping cats and dogs as family members is like three prodigy assassins being introduced in the back of a shady nightclub and 45 minutes later they’re 6 crunchwrap supremes deep passing a blunt in the back of a shag carpeted Volkswagen microbus rating Oreo varietals by fuckability

[miseria-fortes-viros]

tumblr users have the unique ability to string together sentences never before seen in all of human history and yet they conjure up such specific visceral imagery that you can’t help but be a little in awe. and i think that’s beautiful