[eshpur]

✣ Medieval Jimothy ✣

[lasagoofs]

x

[phantomrose96]

That thing where milkmaids were often immunized against small pox because they'd already contracted the weaker cow pox earlier in their lives. That's Tumblr, to me, against whatever the hell social media landscape is happening in 2026.

[phantomrose96]

"TikTok Instagram Youtube-Shorts Share-Your-Whole-Life Influencer Social-Media Online Online Online" it cannot affect me. I was already a weird online 16-year-old all so many years ago. You cannot grab me raw and unfortified with these poisons. I inoculated myself when glomping was a thing. I am still on Tumblr making text poasts.

[redstonedust]

put rainbow laces on all my shoes recently which is fun and sexy but has the side effect that i have gotten multiple "i like your shoelaces" from strangers and like. i cant NOT "i stole them from the president" in return. just in case. but its recieved mostly awkward laughs and looks of confusion. embarrasing myself in public out here over my damn shoelaces.

[redstonedust]

[chronicillnesshumor-deactivated]

[anew-jackson]

every thing i see about horses ever: the average horse eats at least one baby a year and will die of malnutrition if it doesn’t, horses can understand latin but only the demonic kind, horses bones are made of eggshell and they are known to cause psychic disturbances to pregnant women

every thing i hear about donkeys: donkeys are actually known to jump in front of bullets aimed at their owners during robberies and their favorite pastime is cuddling. donkeys favorite food is strawberries and they also can beat video game levels you struggle at for over an hour. they make great best men at weddings, and like to watch LOTRs extended edition

[depsidase]

[thirdwizard]

redraw

[donald-trump-official]

“The average US president has been charged with 1.54 felonies” factoid isn’t true. The average US President has been charged with 0 felonies. Donald trump, who has been charged with 71, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

[donald-trump-official]

Felonies Donld is now up to 79 felonies, for a statistical average of 1.71 felonies per president

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

[donald-trump-official]

Update:

With 91 felonies, felonies Donld has now broken the 2 felonies per president average average (2.02 felonies per president)

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

[shrimpfajitasalacarte]

I’ve been waiting for this post since I read the NYT headline this morning!

[weantuniverse]

[guerrillatech]

[ravenkane]

As someone who has mispronounced so many words because I never actually heard them. I appreciate this post

[nakamatoo]

Across the spider verse 

[urban-trek-thru-middle-earth]

Incorrect Lord of the Rings Quotes

[mirubida]

Hi my name is Cruella Dark’ness Dementia Raven deVil and I have split dyed ebony black hair (the other side is as pale as my skin) that reaches my shoulders and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also an orphan because Dalmatians pushed my mom off a cliff. I am gunna b a fashion designr.

[616nightcrawler-deactivated2021]

granted i havent read lotr since i was 13 but the way legolas joins the fellowship always cracks me up, like hes literally a prince but they sent him as a messenger to basically tell the council like "whoopsiedoodles we fucked up and gollum is gone, that's what you get for entrusting him to the party elves of mirkwood you know how we get" and he feels SO bad he joins this super deadly quest like imagine you're thranduil and you're like "hey son can you go to elrond's house and tell him we fucked up royally" and your son is like sure pops can do but then you don't hear from him for like two months so you call elrond like hey e-dog what's good have you seen my son. and elrond is like. well i dont know how to tell you this but he went on a homoerotic voyage to the most dangerous place on earth. id be so mad

[the-goldengirls]

[penis-hilton]

EVERYTIME I SEE THIS POST I’M AFRAID TO SCROLL TO THE END OF IT BECAUSE I ALWAYS THINK BETTY WHITE HAS DIED

[thedarkmatteralchemist]

Betty White, last of the jedi.

[sfreeborn]

Reblog Jedi Betty for good luck now and forever

[notvoid]

[singoallala]

This is a hilarious mistranslation actually. I suspect it originally said something along the lines of "Impregnerad mot vatten", i.e. "Water proof".

Impregnering is the process of making a material resistant to water/heat. The swedish word for water (vatten) is similar to the word for goblin (vätten) so I guess there was a mixup.