A Weird.

ash | mom | lgbt+ | 29 | Kawasaki

[fiftyshadesofselfdestruction]

[perfectfeelings]

[heavyrain-dc]

“If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.”

— Tony Gaskins

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

A tall man who thinks being 6'4" is a personality: I’m 6'4" Me, leaving them on read:

[crazyshitisay]

Yeah but I haven’t needed a claw to reach the top shelf since I was 7 so stay mad about it shrimp

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

And I haven’t needed a 6'4" man since I got my reaching claw.

[bilbananna]

My cat has never properly meowed in his life, but he makes those squeaks that I wanted to share with the world.

[dangerousvikings]

[danzai]

my last two brain cells

[notthestalelesbian]

Are you a “ I need to sit in a girls lap” lesbian or a “I need a girl in my lap” lesbian?

[unefemmenommeekat]

I’m a pick my girl up and put her in my lap kind of lesbian.

[jewlsies]

those little things on ur nose aren’t blackheads, don’t try and get rid of them they’re sebaceous filaments and they’re permanent and literally everyone has them

every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected don’t try and get rid of ur pouch

ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isn’t gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise

if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, it’s not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u don’t see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine

no one’s stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic

no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine

sometimes u just gotta get over urself

[night-stars-eternal]

I always read this post as a person with most gentle, soft voice telling me get over myself and honestly it helps me cause it’s not ‘it’s all in your head’ but more like ‘ik you think you have unrealistic expectations to live up to because of the subtext in the mass media but you’re actually pretty dope babe’

[of-aurora]

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

[amerlcanapparel-deactivated2020]

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

[straighthater]

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

[timelordpillbug]

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

[hikingnerd]

When Russia sends you nudes

[dr-thackery]

[dismantlerepaired]

[ilovepretzelrods]

[thegingerbalrog]

[onwardwall]

[miss-jaxon-flaxon-waxon]

#what the fuck happened here

[her-eyes-dared-me-with-danger]

This is my favorite post in all of tumblr

[kyloschuyler]

reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia

[tree-of-blue-squirrel]

reblog it, because Russia can´t

[maradaisykat]

Thanks Obama 

[my-sisters-eyeball]

Wtf

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

When Russia makes this post illegal

[earthnicity]

I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS

[docwhofans]

THE POST, THE P O S T

[valtsv]

*slowly removes my heart-shaped sunglasses* i beg your fucking pardon

[outta-siightt]

Santa Monica Pier, California

[eggsquad]

[lesbiansitara-moved-deactivated]

I am yelling I landed on a Christian article about Florence & The Machine 

[birdschoolforbirds]

this is honestly probably the best review florence welch has ever received

[thelibrarina]

This is the horniest condemnation I’ve ever read.

[sailor-arashi]

This is originally from Christwire.org which is, of course, a satire site.

[heathens-and-kings]

“I want to speak to a manager,” the middle-aged woman said in her stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago voice, looking down at me over the top of her Gucci reading glasses.

A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of hot wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.

I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my head and I growled,

“I am the manager.”

[owawaaa]

a thing for one of my favorite posts on this site

[porterr-robinson]

[azuretheshitposter]

i almost fucking gagged laughing so hard

[dankmemeuniversity]