The Lightning-Speed Waltz

Being the random posts and reblogs of a ♀ gay married older than dirt hiking-obsessed crybaby. 

[sailor-arashi]

Maximum Comfy.

[punishedsaints]

[anachronic-cobra]

I cannot emphasize enough how exactly accurate this is to working in production

[victusinveritas]

This was one of my introductions to military history. I was 14 and haven't ever really looked back. Big fan of star forts and Vauban.

[hbbisenieks]

Star forts like this were constructed after gunpowder became common in warfare! The elevated position plus the angled walls were designed to make it harder to just blow a hole in the wall with a big cannon, which is what happened to a lot of pre-gunpowder fortifications.

[voidpaws]

ok anyways. post this beast

[foxonrollerskates]

I HAVE THE OTHER PART TO THIS PHOTO

[mydogtige]

Sorry, but I'm Not into Yuri

[newtypezaku]

I'd collapse if it'd get me out of a tea party

[qqchurch]

[yanguang]

things you can find on taobao:

dongfeng intercontinental ballistic missile plush bolsters very 安全 much 安全感

[evilwizard]

idc about fluoride in the water supply im petitioning my congressman to add a drop of that mysterious green fluid that emits a ghostly green skull when you put it in

[evilwizard]

just one☝️drop a week could turn everyone sickly

[mooglythegreatandgoogly]

boss, is this stuff supposed to make pink smoke hearts?

[evilwizard]

wuhoh

[souperluminal]

05.08 - It’s Monday

[rozzed]

why not have the reader re-read a sentence now and then? it won't hurt him....

[ostolero]

announcer ritually chanting the horse's name "GOD I NEED A FAVOR"

[ancientorigins]

Bird Nesting At The Temple Of Horus, Egypt.

[nealashitposts]

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

[nealashitposts]

I suspect they were trying to keep me busy and distracted while they cleaned up the corpse in the living room?!?

[nealashitposts]

someone said tumblr nuked this post, but I could never be so lucky.

[stuckinapril]

I’ve had tumblr for 4 years but some of you bitches have had it for a decade. It’s time to seek penance

[stuckinapril]

wait I’m curious now . Reblog this with how long u’ve been on tumblr for. Dating back to ur oldest blog ever !!!

[platypusinplaid]

Everyone please look at this snapping turtle, walking to the pond outside my house, still groggy from a 6-month nap.

[saint-batrick]

the music made this one of the most hilarious things i have ever seen, thank you so much.

[theinfiknight]

GJJGJRKGNH THE MUSIC GOES UNDERWATER WITH THE TURTLE

[lapithae]

Vegeta: please bulma my people are dead just let me give my daughter a saiyan name

Bulma: