saying my piece now and then i will forever hold my peace..... not really but i am just saying random stuff because i am nervous and a little bit scared because what if all of this blows up in my face and i am doxxed and stalked (and all of the other bad things the internet can do to me) for talking about someone who has kept me in this constant terror..
if you've heard negative things about me, please keep reading so that i might clarify my side of the story. if you're just curious, go for it... ok goodluck!
ok. so. in late december, my friend venus ( @withluvvenus ) and i created a public server intended to be a fun space for people to talk about their drs and ask for tips/help if they wanted it,, but mostly to talk and just drpost and make connections within the shiftblr community. i felt that all people did on shiftblr was stay in their niche circles and not really interact with anything that wasn't a success story or a shifting method. nothing wrong with that, we just wanted to create a space in which people could branch out from that.
fast forward, the server was very dry. like,, you could see a tumbleweed passing through the screen. not actually. sorry. again,, very nervous. i (as a co-creator of the server) along with mods, periodically sent out inactivity purge announcements. for those of you who have lives outside of your phone: it's just a check to people are active in the general chat before popping into their forums so that they don't get kicked out along with people who were not active in the server as a whole. idk it's a courtesy thing. there was one group in specific who was "holed up" in their forum titled "7 wheelchairs against pandora." do with that what you will. personally i think it is offensive to refer to mobility aid users as 'wheelchairs,' but i am neither a mobility aid user nor am i unbiased in this situation. anyways, this group had not participated in general in a long time, and amongst mods and admin we thought it would be more courteous to give them a warning regarding activity rather than plainly kicking that group from the server for not interacting with general, as the norms of inactivity purges dictate. we thought it would be civil to do so, given that we knew they were active in the server.
so i set slowmode on the forum, and i truly only meant for it to grab their attention. i thought i had set the slowmode to last for five minutes while i typed out a quick message in announcements. i had accidentally set the timer to one hour. this was my mistake and i own up to it entirely. almost immediately there were messages from the members of this group (notably mae, aka @easyboyrecliner ) in general-chat, asking why they had been put on slowmode. screenshots of the ordeal can be found on my friend élise's ( @why-steria ) post. afterwards, i sent a personal apology to the mae, to which they replied "It's okay, don't worry. I am not angry or anything. [...]" (this is only part of their response to my apology, screenshots can, once again, be found on élise's post. i don't mean to cherrypick, this is for word count's sake). i thought, in my naïve teenage mind, that it was the end of the issue. later on, they left the server and many people followed suite, and i thought it best to delete the server altogether because there was no activity anymore.
later on, on february 10, i found out that élise had made a new shifting server and because she is my friend and i wanted to find friends within the community i joined it via a link on her public post about it. mae was in this new server. i chose to open a can of worms and search up my name in the server because i am paranoid and i was nervous that mae had been talking about me negatively without my knowledge. originally i had just been looking for messages pertaining to me, but whilst i was reading through them, i found messages from mae referring to venus under a codename ("banana fishy," i think it's an anime reference, i'm not really sure what it's meant to mean.......). there were other messages (please find in élise's post) saying i was being manipulated and lovebombed by venus, alongside being diagnosed with "stockholm syndrome." an outdated diagnosis, by the way. obviously, i was offended by these messages and talked to venus about the messages about how people were spreading (what in my opinion were lies) their opinions about our friendship.. and we also talked about the messages about venus. venus would later join this server. mae got upset over the fact that we were in the server, as is their right to, and tried to pressure élise into kicking us out. the full timeline can be followed on her post (also linked above). the server was eventually deleted and i blocked mae on any platforms we were previously mutuals on and i thought that was the end of it.... ... i was wrong.
recently, mae has been using this situation as a reason to unfollow people. on the basis that they do not feel comfortable being mutuals with people who are also mutuals with myself or venus. which is fine! that is a respectable boundary. what i do not understand is the need to drag unrelated people into an issue that took place around five months ago, nor do i think it is respectable to only share their side of the story without screenshots as proof, or, cherrypicking screenshots.
for example: mae has been going around telling people that i made jokes (which i prefer to call inappropriate comments, given that it is what they are) about jeffrey epstein. these jokes included me saying there was a lego piece i ate when i was seven that contained epstein's soul and saying that "we were buddies in a past life." clearly, these were not appropriate or sensible comments to make, and they were insensitive given the gravity of jeffrey epstein's crimes and the harm he caused to his victims and survivors. i take full accountability for the ignorance and lack of decorum, and have taken the time since then to educate myself as well as spread awareness about the topic.
however, i have a bone to pick with mae. i am unsure as of right now whether or not they have shared this with the people they drag into this "drama," but mae was not the one to call me out on my inappropriate behavior. it was a mutual friend, who many will recognize as @deepinthegroves , who sent me a private message explaining to me the severity of my comments and who gave me resources to educate myself. they were entirely graceful and courteous, and, well within their rights, blocked me. as a result, i was unable to send an apology as a response nor a thank you message for giving me a 'wakeup call.' i received no such message from mae. they have continued to invoke this incident when discussing me with others, despite never making an effort to comment on or correct my behavior. they never expressed concern at the time, but months later began using it when talking about me. in addition to this, they are only focusing on three people of color (myself, venus, and élise) in this smear campaign, despite a number of people not limited to the three of us being involved in the making of and amusement of such comments. @asishiftss has also taken responsibility for their involvement in this issue, but has not received messages calling for accountability and awareness (please note that they do not identify as poc). i can't speak to mae's intentions. however, the people who have been the focus of this campaign are myself, venus, and élise--all people of color--while at least one non-poc participant who has acknowledged their own involvement has not been subjected to the same calls for accountability. readers can draw their own conclusions.
i want to say this to you, mae, if it reaches you. accountability should be consistent. just as i have openly acknowledged that my own comments about epstein were inappropriate and have taken the time to educate myself, i hope you are willing to reflect on behaviors of your own--such as referring to mobility aid users as "wheelchairs" and the patterns i have noticed of targeting poc. while i cannot speak over people who use mobility aids, i have seen many express that this kind of language is dehumanizing. and i can speak, partly, on behalf of poc in the shiftblr community. given the size of your platform within the shiftblr community, to create an unsafe space for three of us is an affront to your following--please take the time to consider how you and your behaviors might impact minorities in the community. i hope you will extend yourself the same opportunity to learn, grow, and set a positive example that you have expected from others.
to end this long overdue rant: i am so sorry that it was brought to public. i am ashamed on both my part and the person who has dragged the topic ceaselessly. i am not the same person i was five months ago. i made mistakes, i was called in by someone who treated me with kindness, and i chose to learn from it. i don't regret taking accountability; i regret that accountability has been turned into something that follows me long after i've changed. i hope this post provides enough context for people to make informed opinions rather than relying on rumors..... this will be the last time i speak on this situation. i am not asking anyone to pick a side, nor am i asking anyone to dislike mae. i am simply asking that if people are going to continue discussing me, venus, and élise months after the fact, they do so with the full context rather than a selective version of events. i have taken accountability for the things i said, i have learned from them, and i will continue to do so. all i ask is that the same standard of honesty and fairness be extended to us. thank you. again, i'm so sorry. it's just tumblr
i doubt anyone will see this but i just wanted to discuss my involvement and clear things up a bit. yes, i did make some inappropriate "jokes" about epstein, it was not funny and i regret it. i have educated myself on the topic since and have come to realize nothing that is as serious as epstein and his crimes is a joking matter, but regretting what i said in the past does not change the fact i said it. what it does change is what i am willing to say in the future, and this is not something i have done since or will ever do again. i have learned from this and i believe elise, venus and soph have as well.
with that being said, i was not asked to take accountability, nor was i aware until last night when i read the above post by soph as well as venus' and elise's posts that they were held accountable for their comments. based on what they said, they have been continually shamed for their actions by mae long since the discord servers were deleted, and i have neither heard from mae nor been called out or shamed for my actions by anyone in any way. because of the fact venus, elise and soph are all people of color and i am white, by not holding me accountable it appears as if racism may have played a part in deciding who to call out. i believe i should be treated the same way as my friends who identify as poc, and that should mean me being held accountable for my wrongdoings just the same. i am upset by the idea that i may not have been held accountable because i am white, and sincerely hope that is not why. though i am not here to accuse, all i know for sure is what i did. whether or not this was intentional i cannot say, all i can say is what it looks like, but i do hope it was unintentional.
besides this, i do not remember much of what else occured in these servers, so i cannot comment on the rest of what happened. what i can say is that i am disappointed this couldn't have been dealt with privately as soon as it started. something that happened 5 months ago in a discord server should not be continuing to affect people on tumblr to this day.
i have taken the time to reflect on my behaviour and i hope, if there was any intentional racism involved, that mae reflects on their actions as well, and that in the future everyone involved in a situation is called out equally for their actions. an inappropriate comment is an inappropriate comment regardless of how anyone identifies and accountability should be accountability regardless of how anyone identifies. racism, or any type of discrimination for that matter, has no place in the shifting community.
please do not take any of this as me downplaying the severity of my own actions by saying someone else's actions were worse. two wrongs don't make a right, i was wrong to say what i did, and, if intentional, mae was wrong to not call me out for it as they did venus, soph and elise. and in the future if anyone notices i have something insensitive, please tell me! i want to know if i have accidentally said something i shouldn’t so i can educate myself.
i feel like a CCCHUD because i wasnt tagged to this but im GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY OKAY.
its just 🤩🤩 so peak 🤩🤩
btw if @therealjayvikfanchild, @nachimbagjwi and @sadollzie dont do this they HATE ME and want me DEAD and its the same if YYYYOU dont do it either okay
Tags (no pressure): @smallbutcertain @viajera-entre-realidades @la-vie-en-luna @doni-tello-shifts @damixo @vwellouria @itsangelicasworld @shiftingwithmars + anyone else who wants to join!! (And sorry for all the tags I wanted to post my drafts)
Thank you for the tag to @allssswelll and @yextheshifter <3
(I suddenly remembered that I have art for this DR)
loose-leaf tea / rainy weather / any song from Zwyntar's "На іншому боці ріки" album / apple, citrus & cinnamon / drawing / sage & burgundy / borscht (or cheese pasta with chicken) / early mornings / any field wildflowers (especially cornflowers, poppies & clovers) / eagle (or irbis) / eagle necklace / chocolate fondant
Tags ° @snowangelslibrary, @wyldeshifts, @marvelshifter111, @sun4snakes, @honeybunshifts, @sixfeetblw, @kxienverse, @realitycanbewhateveridesire and anyone who wants <3
caraval dr self : tea , rain , "a little death" , foggy mornings , collecting trinkets , whatever food the other performers make , dark red , dusk , white aster , crows , keeper pendant , cookies
tyy for the tag @reyaint! doing this for my house md x ouat dr
house md x ouat drself: green tea , thunderstorms , "fetch the bolt cutters" , rain on pavement , cheerleading/tumbling , purple , grapes , sunset , lupins , swans , swan necklace from my sister , sugar cookies
my tags! : @withluvvenus @universalrayven @easyboyrecliner @serenvious @avaslosthermind @echarynes @elyslabyrinth and anyone else who wants to join!
hi !! for the summer breeze & wind chimes ask game (for any reality!): skates on gravel, boombox, & heatwave •ᴗ•
skates on gravel ⚹ marvel dr
what’s your favourite summer activity that makes you feel alive? is it a tradition? is it solitary or not? if not, who’s involved?
every summer, the avengers somehow find time for a road trip. they're not very long, but it's a nice break from our responsibilities. it's always quite chaotic but in a disorganized way rather than an aliens descending upon us from space way.
heat wave ⚹ house md/ouat dr
do the people you’re usually surrounded by feel the same way you do about summer? why or why not?
i like summer, not for the heat but for the vibe and how there's so much more to do than in the winter. emma shares my perspective, and we make an effort during the summer to do stuff together outside of work. house hates summer, because summer means more clinic duty because we end up with quite a few kids who hurt themselves doing something stupid. chase loves summer because he uses it as an excuse to take time off, citing various family visits and vacations. and lastly foreman doesn't really like summer, but mostly because he's mad that his landlord won't let him put a heat pump in his apartment.
boombox ⚹ house md/ouat dr
is there a song (or a few) that specifically remind you of summer, which you’d love to blast with the windows rolled down? how does it make you feel?
i have to admit, i'm not big on driving around windows down volume up, but emma is. i find it super embarrassing (and that might be part of why emma likes it, she loves to embarrass me) emma's into rock music, and while i am as well, a lot of what she listens to doesn't really remind me too much of summer. though i will say, smells like teen spirit by nirvana definitely does have a bit of that vibe. besides that, my favorite songs to listen to in the summer include lost boys by phoebe bridgers and everybody scream by florence + the machine.
tysm for the ask!! these were kinda hard tbh but it was super fun!
i was listening to subliminals to go to sleep so i put one earbud in and put my phone and earbud case beside me on my bed. i have a little book holder pouch that hangs from the side of my bed (i have a bunk bed) and i put my phone in there sometimes, but i did not put it there last night. when i woke up this morning, my phone and earbud case were in the pouch and both earbuds were in the case, and that was not how i put it when i went to sleep. my youtube tab was still open on my phone though but i was like really confused when i woke up LOL
a different kind of violence requires a different kind of medicine. enya meets every problem with the same solution: trying to fix it completely. but some problems cannot be fixed completely, some must be lived with and adapted to.
enya and emma recently moved from new jersey to massachussetts, as they were finally financially stable enough to, not to mention becoming frustrated with house. kath loved this because she was able to get a job in forensic pathology, and emma found a job that she found more fulfilling (probably because she wasn't being yelled at by her boss as much). while they were there, they encountered a child from a small town in maine who claimed emma was his biological mother (and he was right), and they brought him back, but his town was... strange, to say the least.
medicine and violence are opposites, but they overlap in the specialties of one new jersey doctor. enya iris swan is a recent addition to gregory house's diagnostics team. enya is a forensic pathologist who couldn't find a job nearby in forensics (as there are few labs in the country and she didn't want to move) so she mostly does clinical pathology for house but is called often enough by the local police for help with crime investigations. she loves her job with house, but she much prefers the forensic aspect of pathology.
the 27 year old pathologist's work life is arguably more interesting than her home life. she, as lame as she is, still lives with her sister, emma swan. they rent a small apartment in a building in a residential area of princeton, nj.
enya has curly brown hair and green eyes. she considers herself to be somewhat tall, somewhere around 5 foot 7 but she hasn't measured herself recently. she spends most of her time at work, but when she's home she enjoys baking and playing video games on her laptop. she is an observer, and notices little changes in her surroundings. as boring as her life seems, she takes pleasure in those boring little things.
not my usual post but i wanted to talk about manifesting for a second because im loving loa lately. the idea that if you assume you have it that you will get it is something i've always been interested in, but i've only really heard it in the negative (eg. if you say you'll fail that test you will fail it) and have been loving seeing this as a positive thing that you can use to benefit yourself.
law of assumption can really be used to manifest anything, no matter how small or how big, and i love that too. it also helps me to think more positively about things i might otherwise think quite negatively about, for example my exam last week i thought at first i would fail but after putting in some work and continually telling myself i would pass it i feel way better about it.
lately i've had both really big things and really small things that i want. and i have been doing the same no matter how big or small: telling myself that i have them. i personally don't use subliminals or anything from this, just assuming i have the thing i want.
some things im currently manifesting!! some are little and some are big
♡ my cold goes away fast
♡ i make the travel cheer team i'm trying out for && get to go to summit in april (update i did not make it but ill have more opportunities to try in the future)
♡ i pass all 3 of my ap exams this year && earn capstone
♡ i keep my spot in the top 15 in my class (maybe even get it higher from my exams)
♡ and of course that i will shift!
some things i've already manifested!!
♡ i accidentally manifested a role i wanted in a show once (catherine of aragon btw)
♡ manifested a speaking part in a play this year (it was small but still... little victories)
♡ manifested a 100 on a couple tests i didnt feel prepared for in the least bit
♡ manifested a 100 on my bio exam last semester
just finished studying for ap calc ab so after tomorrow morning my fate is between the universe and the ap graders but i can still manifest and i'm gonna pass it anyway and im gonna get capstone.
i would also really love to talk about the role i accidentally manifested at some point but i feel like the story, as interesting as it was, would reveal too much about my school because the show in question is something unique so i shouldn't say too much about that but i did manifest that shit
anyway t-9.5 hours until ap calc exam so i'm signing out but this post was fun and i will talk about loa again sometime
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
amandla
theartofmadeline
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
tangentwithtanner
