OFFBEATSTUCK !!

Ask our super rad homestuck au creators -> @harpyomlets @plutosforks silly art made on magma !!

[ask-offbeatstuck]

Four young friends stand on your dash!

Welcome to OFFBEATSTUCK!!

If you'd like to start at the beginning of our journey, head on over here to meet the young man in the fedora!

Before you interact, >look at our rules and guidelines: You can also check out our StrawPage to learn about what this even is,

[ask-offbeatstuck]

==>

(minor flash warning)

Okay, you think it might be high time to finally get the mail. The rain's probably stopped, right? You (tragically) have to take off your fabulous garb, but a big ol' swig could lift any girls spirits, right?

==>

ehehehe... This stuff is a little strong.

>Raye: go for the door.

You reach for the handle. Drunk? Who's drunk? certainly not you. You are the soberest girl on the block. Reaching for the door handle is a perfectly coordinated breeze for a frequently sober girl, such as yourself.

==>

The door handle promptly flies open without the tips of your fingers even reaching it. Crap, crap crap crap. Either you are profoundly ignorant of your surroundings, or you were too busy in your sipping and puttering to notice her footsteps. Or a secret third option, she is a ninja and silent as the night itself, and your bewilderment is of no fault of your own! She definitely does not look happy with you, though.

==>

Look, even her precious 'Little Cal' is pissed at you. Look what you did, nosy girl.

==>

[ask-offbeatstuck]

Hi! Are we allowed to intervene and influence the story or do you already have a prewritten story in mind?

(Me really wants to interact!! But me wants to know if it's okay with you!)

YEAH, WE ACTUALLY DO. IVE MADE SO MANY TIMELINES AND LISTS THAT I SHOULD BE FINED. OBSIDIAN HATES TO SEE ME COMING. EVEN THOUGH WE DO HAVE AN EXTENSIVE PLOT WRITTEN OUT, WE LOVE TO INSPIRE PARTS OF IT OFF OF THE ASKS WE GET. SO IF YOU HAVE ANY SORT OF IDEA. SEND IT IN. WE DONT BITE.

(BEFORE YOU SEND ANYTHING, >LOOK AT OUR RULES AND GUIDELINES:)

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>Set some mood music:

You figure you'll just grab the one from her desk. You haven't seen this one before, but then again you normally just grab the record closest to you. wonder what it'll sound like....

>Take a big 'ol listen:

Holy shit this is so ass. scratch that, you will NOT be listening to this. How does your mom even bear to listen to this stuff??? There's no way. yeah, you think you'll rather stick to silence.

>Rummage through her dresses:

ohoho this gets you EXCITED!

>Enact a fashion show like the model you are:

Why yes, you CAN sign an autograph, how nice of you to ask sir! The cover of vogue? why, you'd be honored! but you aren't sure if you can fit it into your schedule with all these gigs you already have! Ahh, such is the life of a model. Which is something you definitely are. You only wish you had the, erhm.. 'assets' to fit these dresses properly. the illusion works so much better when they fit right... Wait. one of them does? That's weird. maybe its a present you weren't supposed to know about yet? oopsies.

==>

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>Enact your top secret plan:

Alright! your mom's liquor cabinet should be where it normally is........ Yes! Your destination reaps rewards! Its not moved! You're not sure why it would be moved, but you're relieved it's still there regardless. After all, if it was gone, where would you get your alcohol from? (...Besides your sylladex.)

==>

Woah, she's totally stocked up since you last did one of your little raids!

There's so many different kinds! It's mainly wine, but there's some rosé , a bit of vodka, some gin and flavoured liquors, and... tongsul. Uh. It's untouched, but you're still confused as to why she'd have something like this. Totes not her style, and nasty to boot. Maybe it's for a guest? But then again you don't have people over... like... ever... With some careful maneuvering you select a bottle of rosé from the back with your nimble thieving digets. Something your mother will be less likely to notice.

>Get up and take scope of what you could have fun with:

You get up to take a proper look around the room. It's been a while since you've tried on one of her dresses, and that record player sure looks mighty empty without one of those records in it.

>Set some mood music:

[ask-offbeatstuck]

can we get hints about the kids classpecting?

alright! here, have an incredibly vague riddle thing i made in like five minutes! it should help you figure out some things, but i kept it pretty unclear on who was who and what was what. all for story integrity, you understand.

ARE YOU SPOILING SHIT AGAIN YOU FUCK???

no, idiot. i'm answering an ask! and i'll have you know i was as unclear as possible! you never let me have any fun….

[ask-offbeatstuck]

is Joel's name pronounced joe-el or Joel like in The Last of us???

HOPE THIS CLEARS THINGS UP.

[ask-offbeatstuck]

hiii im currently loving how this AU has been going but ive been wondering why dont you use beta!jake's canon kid design? the current one kinda makes him look like john

BECAUSE HE'S NOT JAKE HARLEY.

REALLY, NONE OF THE KIDS - OR THE GUARDIANS - ARE EXACT CLONES. THEY'RE JUST INSPIRED RATHER CLOSELY OFF OF CANON. (HENCE WHY RAYE IS NAMED RAYE AND NOT ROXY)

ALSO, WHAT?

HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE JOHN.

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>Instigate operation sneak into your moms room:

You generally try to go through this hallway as fast as possible, it kind of creeps you out. Though, so does the rest of your house. You always feel like the paintings are looking at you, but maybe that's just your nerves speaking.

Don't tell her you said so, but your mom's obsession with her hand puppet is a liiitttle off the rails? Totes overkill.

>Observe the worst painting of the bunch:

Now this one just looks kind of tacky in your opinion. You're sure your mom finds some meaning in it, though. She has a bit of an odd sense of humor. Not that you don't, you just don't really understand the punchline of all this.. Maybe there isn't one? Maybe that's the joke...

ow. Trying to decipher your mom's whims is giving you a headache.

==>

Odd mom humor aside, you're finally at your destination!

The door isn't locked (thank goodness) so you can just take a liiitttle peek through the crack, and…….

Nobodies there, phew. Time to enact your top secret plan!!!

>Enact your top secret plan:

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>go check the mail:

Jeez, you don't know if you're too keen on going out there...

==>

You just KNOW if you go out into that storm that you'll be miserable!

Your driveway is a SUUUPER long walk. Plus, it's raining like crazy!!!! Your hair's gonna get totally ruined, and you spent so long doing it! As if you're gonna let that go to waste, It takes like a miiiiilllllion years to get it back into shape after getting it wet.

You figure you'll muck around for a while until the rain stops. Surely AC has enough patience to wait, right? He's a big boy!

Plus, you have plans to have some fun first...

>Instigate operation sneak into your moms room:

[ask-offbeatstuck]

Raye when are you planning to confess to Joel? ✧⁠\⁠(⁠>⁠o⁠<⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠✧

Hmmmmm, you aren't sure..

While you very much want to, it's all a matter of waiting for the right time! You can't just confess your love on any old day, no no no…. it needs to be special.

You think you'll save it for when you finally meet in person! (whenever that is...) You'll take his hands, look into his eyes, and profess your undying love!!! And then he'll confess that he's loved you forever and ever…..

at least, you hope!

[ask-offbeatstuck]

Raye, gurl. Have you even seen Joel before? Like do you even know how he looks like??

Of COURSE you do!!!!

He sent you a picture of himself for your birthday last year, because he's just the most gentlemanly man EVER!!!!! His pop took it for him, so it's like... a liiiittle blurry, but you treasure it anyways.

It's kept safe and sound right under your pillow so your mom doesn't find it. She's…. uh, she's not the best when it comes to handling your personal belongings. It's not that you don't trust her, you do!!! You just… don't wanna risk it.

(OFFBEATSTUCK HAS A DISCORD SERVER! get to it if you wanna chat and get some behind the scenes art, folks.)

(DM US FOR THE LINK!)

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>WISH YOUR VIEWERS A BELATED HAPPY HALLOWEEN:

this wig is itchy as hell...

THESE HORSE BLINDERS ARE MAKING ME SWEAT LIKE A PIG.

[ask-offbeatstuck]

ridiculous. simply ridiculous. Smile? What smile? Im not grinning and giggling at this lunatic. Hehehe. He should do a dance

That's an easy request! You think dancing to a little music makes everything a lot more fun.

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>look at our rules and guidelines:

We thought we'd lay out a few guidelines to take into consideration when interacting with our posts, just to make things easier,

When you send an ask, open it addressing the character(s) you'd like to send it to. Thus far you can ask the Narrators (Pluto and Harpy), Joel, or Raye (though you may MENTION characters who haven't been formally introduced using their chumhandles)

preferably make your asks decipherable comments, or answerable questions. ALWAYS include the name of whom you're addressing it to.

Don't interact with our posts if you're into proship/darkship

Don't send asks that are just blatantly weird, you know what i mean.

Don't go mentioning any canon homestuck characters, they don't exist here and nobody knows who you're talking about!

As for anything else, we will answer most any questions you have! Please send us asks, we love asks.

if you don't meet the criteria tho, you probably wont get a reply.

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>Flop on the bed and kick your feet like a schoolgirl:

You flop on your bed and kick your feet like a schoolgirl, all lovesick-like. In all honestly, the schoolgirl part feels a little redundant, considering you are thirteen years of age and by that standard automatically in the schooling system, but who cares. Certainly not you. You have other things to think about, like your beloved Joel.

>lose yourself in your romantic fantasies:

Ah, Joel Egbert. Dear sweet Joel Egbert.

The most perfect man in the world, right after the stunning Leon Kennedy. One day you and he are gonna get married, you just know it. It's gonna be so beautiful. There'll be flowers everywhere, and he'll make a gigantic cake, and CA will be your best man. That is, if you can drag him away from strifing for that long. It's gonna be so awesome, and perfect, and-

==>

Oh goddammit. Of course it's this guy. Always ruining the mood, like a shitty mood-ruiner. Boo.

You reluctantly decide to humour AC anyway.

-- ableChasseur [AC] began pestering tabbyTequila [TT] -- AC: I thought I would wish you a proper morning. Or afternoon. Or evening. Or whatever time it is for you. AC: since my hunting time has been interrupted, I'll interrupt it again myself. TT: hey ac TT: didja need something? TT: cuz i'm kiiinda in the middle of something here AC: yes AC: CA is prattling on about the game again, apparently he's going to be my host. AC: i don't see why I can't just get myself into the fucking game, frankly, but whatever. AC: This game is confusing and I haven't even found a copy yet. AC: Do you have anyone to get you in. TT: i don't have my copy yet either TT: it's supposed to come in the mail today tho TT: so i should be getting it soonish TT: and uh TT: no, i don't have anyone to get me in AC: I could do it TT: are you like TT: sure? TT: yaknow, it's a lot of work i think TT: or something AC: do you think I can't get someone into a video game AC: I'll get you into the game. AC: I just have to find a copy. TT: yea ok sure TT: yk now that I think about it TT: the mailman should probably be here by now TT: I'll go check AC: okay. AC: I'll search for a copy. If I have one. TT: later -- tabbyTequila [TT] ceased pestering ableChasseur [AC] --

>go check the mail:

[ask-offbeatstuck]

>affectionately smooch your poster:

Oh Leon Kennedy you are so dashing. Truly no one could compete with your handsomeness. Your eyes. Are an ocean. Your tits. Are also an ocean. Ah, if only you were real.....

==>

Hold on. Someone's pestering you. Apologies Leon, but you'll need to wait a moment. Don't worry, your beautiful beau will return posthaste.

(open pesterlogs we've already read:)

tobbaccoApprentice [TA] began pestering tabbyTequila [TT] -- TA: HELLO RAYE. TA: HOW ARE YOU ON THIS LOVELY DAY? TT: heyyyyyyyy TT: im doing wonderful thank u TT: u? yr dad make you watch any more terrible movies with him or whatever? TA: I AM DOING SWELL. TA: ALSO, MY FATHERS MOVIES ARE . . . . WHILE NOT TO MY TASTE, CERTAINLY WELL MADE. TA: I THINK. TA: I MUST CONFESS I HAVE NO IDEA HOW FILM MAKING WORKS. TA: PERHAPS I SHOULD ASK OUR PUPPET-LOVING FRIEND? I AM QUITE SURE HE WOULD KNOW A THING OR TWO. TT: uuuhhhhhh TT: hes TT: not available at the moment TT: i think hes beating up his brother or something TT: again TT: still not sure if i believe him about that tbh TA: HM. TA: WHILE I WOULD NORMALLY ENCOURAGE SUCH VIGOROUS EXERCISE, I DO BELIEVE HE MIGHT BE A BIT . . . OVERLY AGGRESSIVE ABOUT THAT. TA: I HAVE HEARD DESCRIPTIONS OF THEIR FIGHTS ON OCCAISION AND I MUST SAY, I SOMEWHAT FEAR FOR HIS BROTHERS HEALTH. TT: . . . . . . . TT: im sure hes fine TT: . .probably. TA: . . . TT: . . . TA: . . . TA: WELL, ANYWAYS, ONTO THE THING I CAME TO ASK YOU ABOUT INITIALLY. TA: HAVE YOU RECIEVED YOUR COPY OF THE GAME YET? TT: not yet TT: the mail guy will be here like any minute though so itll probably be here soon TA: THAT'S GOOD! TA: I DO SO HOPE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO PLAY WITH ME WHEN THE TIME COMES. TA: YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE MOST RELIABLE OUT OF OUR GROUP. TT: awww ur gonna make me blush TT: but yea id be happy to play with you TT: the game just has to get here . . . TA: WONDERFUL! TA: YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND RAYE, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! TT: haha friend yes totally TT: oh i think CA is online TT: you should probably pester him TA: YES, I SHOULD! TA: THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER TA: FAREWELL! TA: UNTIL NEXT TIME, RAYE! TT: yup laterrrrrrrr -- tobbaccoApprentice [TA] ceased pestering tabbyTequila [TT] -- TT: <3 -- tabbyTequila [TT] ceased pestering tobaccoApprentice [TA] --

>Flop on the bed and kick your feet like a schoolgirl: