[WARNING: Major spoilers for Sonic Frontiers beyond this point. Seriously, leave now if you haven't beaten it on Hard Mode.] --- You've found a weak spot in the thread of your universe. The voice of utter entropy rings out from it, weakened but sharp. How will you respond? --- An ask blog for The End.
Sorry to do this so suddenly, but I'm putting all my blogs on hold until further notice. I might log in to like or private-reblog some posts for reference, but that'll be it.
The short reason is that I wanna work on myself. Mostly personally, but with a side of visual art skills.
The long version is under the cut. Content Warnings: current geopolitical events, mental health.
So I'm writing this part for two reasons: so I can send it to friends and others when they ask what I'm doing; and to remind myself why I'm doing it, in case I'm compelled to come back too early. This is gonna be a ramble; I'm writing this after midnight, cus I'll forget or lose the nerve in the morning.
You likely already know what this is about from the emoji tag. You'll also notice that I won't mention any proper names in this post. That's one of the issues I'm stepping away to work on.
I've been quiet about it ever since it started, for a few reasons. Unfamiliarity with the history behind it, fear of spreading misinfo or propaganda, doomscrolling tendencies. For months, I've done the daily click and left it at that.
(Speaking of, last month I found out that the site doesn't track cookies or whatever its called? TL;DR: you can click as many times as devices you have. That's 3 for me.)
But anyway, this week it stopped feeling like enough. From this post's date and what I usually post about, you can probably guess what broke the camel's back.
And... I feel guilty that this is what broke it. And I feel guilty that I feel guilty. It's not my struggle; I'm a bystander. But I chose to be, and I can't tell how much of it was for my own mental health, and how much was denial, selfishness, misplaced optimism.
I want to believe people aren't so cartoonishly cruel. I want to believe people do their research before acting on or speaking about these things. I want to believe people can treat these things with the delicate nuance they deserve. I want to believe that one side destroying innocents on the other is inexcusable, no matter the historical context, and that the rest of the world's powers will act to stop it.
I'm scared of how much I still want to believe it, despite reality. I'm scared of how long it took me to feel the appropriate horror. I've had intrusive thoughts and pits in my stomach all week, and it's compounded by the guilt that I'm only having them now.
I still want to believe some things were misguided, or made before the situation, or will be fixed later. And I can't tell anymore what's a coping mechanism, and what's just a selfish hope that it'll all be fine.
So... I'm gonna get better coping mechanisms.
I'm looking for therapists. Not just for this, but some other things that happened to stack up this week. It doesn't take much to throw off my daily functioning, and I've been holding off addressing that. Again, it's horrible that it took something like this to make me realize that.
To fill up the spare time, I'm gonna put more work into my art skills. I can finally afford better tools, so it's time I practice more professional techniques.
So, yeah. I'm leaving because I feel I can't address things like an adult, and I hope to learn how before I come back.
So what do you think of the “little key” that beat you into next year?
....
....
....
I have entered countless worlds, and observed countless more.
"Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance."
I have seen nothing to disprove this notion.
....
Some say they would die for the sake of another. The expression means little to me. Death does not always imply suffering. It can imply release, as well.
Him....?
He would risk far more than death.
He sees something precious in his companions.... his world.... in the very act of motion. So precious that he would let himself be destroyed.... cell by cell, memory by memory.... for the smallest chance of preserving them.
This is a formal inquiry on your appearing to observers as their individual perception of death in visual form. Your "Death-O-Vision" if you will. Is what a person sees determined by how they WILL die, or just how they THINK they'll die?
Say I observed you and saw myself dying via stepping on a Lego. Does this mean I am doomed to death by Lego? Or simply that I consider death by Lego the worst way to go?
To fall to a plastic toy.... How pitiful.
I am.... not quite sure how it works, myself.... but I doubt my appearance would reveal your future.
You're saying Sonic DIED, but his friends resurrected him and rewound time so it never happened? But it technically still happened, and the trauma is why his friends have felt "off" lately?
That's an oddly elaborate lie to make up just to scare one hedgehog. Even if it's a hedgehog you really really hate.
It is as absurd to me as it is to you.... but I have no need for lies.
It was a senseless tragedy. It was reversed, and yet the wound still festers. Such is chaos.
He deserves to know what chaos has done to him.... to his companions.... to his world.
