King Thranduil of Mirkwood

INDEPENDENT RP FOR THE ELVEN KING OF THE GREENWOOD / MIRKWOOD THRANDUIL TRACKING: ASKTHEELVENKINGTHRANDUIL CURRENT M!A: NONE

[unpretty]

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

[gothams-booty]

Is this Bruce Wayne?

[unpretty]

we’ve come full circle

[fillingboxes]

Send me a ✢ for my muse's reaction to seeing yours standing on their doorstep soaking wet in the rain.

[spideriish]

[murkhith]

SEXUAL SUNDAY, INVADE MY ASKBOX

[renegadememes]

Send me a ♀♂ for a starter with my genderbent muse.

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

Spring Awakening Sentence Meme (a few nsfw)

"Who made me so sad?"

"Nothing is okay unless it's scripted in their bible."

"It's the bitch of living."

"Let me teach you how to handle all the sadness in your soul."

"This can't be it."

"It's like I'm your lover."

"I love when you do stuff that's rude and so wrong."

"Touch me."

"Just too unreal, all of this."

"I just play along."

"Not like it's even worth the time."

"It's broken inside."

"There's nowhere to hide from this ghost in my mind."

"We're not supposed to!"

"It's just me."

"There is love in heaven."

"All will be forgiven."

"And now our bodies are the guilty ones."

"Wake me in time to be lonely and sad."

"I don't do sadness."

"What are you looking for?"

"By the time you wake up I'll be lying in some trash heap!"

"So dark, so dark."

"All the things he never did are left behind."

"There's a moment you know -- you're fucked."

"You're fucked if you speak your mind."

"Did you write this?"

"When we look back thirty years from now this night will seem unbelievably beautiful."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Such a shame. Such a sin."

"He touched me and I let him love me, so let that be my story."

"All shall fade."

[huntingandorgies-deactivated201]

Based on my writing style who else do you think I could pull off?

[rpmemes-gallery]

MUSE IS UNDER TRUTH SERUM FOR ONE HOUR. ASK ME ANYTHING. NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS AND EVERYTHING MUST BE ANSWERED. GO!

[infractxs-archive-deactivated20]

     do you ever see someone who is just so fucking good at roleplaying & amazing but you’re scared to approach them even though they probably would love to rp with you but you just can’t muster up enough strength to talk to them so you just sit there looking at their blog like

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

"I don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect."

// A BARD. OMG A BARD. excuse me but after botfa i have lots of feels about these two ><

The king cocked his head to the side, gazing down at the human in front of him. “Thank you, Master Bard, although I recommend that you set your standards for perfection higher. I know what is said of me and I do not deny that most of those words are true. Why would you think me perfect?”

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

The king listened to the story, taking small sips of his wine. He could not fully sympathize with the bowman, since he had been unable to move on from the passing of his wife and he still lived his life haunted by what happened. “What is it that makes you happy now? Is it your family? Is it being a leader of your people?”

[beardedbowman]

"I love my family," Bard sighed in defeat, "but they are a constant reminder that she is no longer with me. Being king is not at all what makes me happy; I am not fit for a king. It is…" He hesitated, looking up at the other, "it is something else. Someone else.”

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

A very small frown marred the king’s features. To gaze upon someone and remember the one whom you have lost… he knew the feeling too well, he experienced it every time he laid his eyes upon his son, who had retained so much of his mother’s look. The truest memory he had preserved of her… "You are a good leader for your people, I believe", he spoke sincerely, gazing deeply into the human’s eyes. "Who makes you happy if not your family?"

[beardedbowman]

"You do not wish to know, my king. It will only cause problems if I were to tell you, I feel." He smiled bleakly up at the Ellon. "Thank you for your kind words…"

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

"I have asked, have I not?", the king replied. "You need not answer, if you feel that you should not but be careful not to regret your choice later. "

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

"I don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect."

// A BARD. OMG A BARD. excuse me but after botfa i have lots of feels about these two ><

The king cocked his head to the side, gazing down at the human in front of him. “Thank you, Master Bard, although I recommend that you set your standards for perfection higher. I know what is said of me and I do not deny that most of those words are true. Why would you think me perfect?”

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

The king listened to the story, taking small sips of his wine. He could not fully sympathize with the bowman, since he had been unable to move on from the passing of his wife and he still lived his life haunted by what happened. “What is it that makes you happy now? Is it your family? Is it being a leader of your people?”

[beardedbowman]

"I love my family," Bard sighed in defeat, "but they are a constant reminder that she is no longer with me. Being king is not at all what makes me happy; I am not fit for a king. It is…" He hesitated, looking up at the other, "it is something else. Someone else.”

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

A very small frown marred the king's features. To gaze upon someone and remember the one whom you have lost... he knew the feeling too well, he experienced it every time he laid his eyes upon his son, who had retained so much of his mother's look. The truest memory he had preserved of her... "You are a good leader for your people, I believe", he spoke sincerely, gazing deeply into the human's eyes. "Who makes you happy if not your family?"

[bemamar]

Sentence Meme: Send one for my muse’s reaction NSFW

"Ah! Slower… I want it to last."

"Can you really just walk away from this? Maybe I’ve miscalculated this lingerie’s power after all."

"Come on, let’s do it all over again. Slower this time. I wanna feel you twitch/squirm."

"Do you like it? How much would you like it off of me?"

"Do you think there’s such thing as too much sex?"

"Do you think they heard us? Maybe we should give it a second round. Louder this time, just to be sure."

"Do you wanna call him/her? Maybe we could all have a little party together."

"Do you wanna cum? Ask me nicely."

"Don’t be gentle. I need all of it."

"Easy boy/girl. We have time."

"Fuck me. Fuck me like I do her/him."

"He/she doesn’t have to know."

"How much do you care about the safety of your desk?"

"I don’t care about your sob story. I just want your dick."

"I don’t care if they watch."

"I like your toys. Can I have them in me?”

"I might be straight but no one can overlook that ass."

"I’ll pay you anything, if you just give me one night."

"I’m a bad girl/boy. So treat me like one."

"I’ve agreed to be your roommate, not your booty call."

"I’ve had the worst day of my life and you fucking me/fucking you till we can’t walk straight is the only thing that’s gonna make it better.”

"I’ve waited so long for this. It’s even better than I imagined. You’re even better.”

"If I fucked you, would you leave me alone?"

"If I get on my knees and pray, will you absolve me?"

"If I’d known being with another girl/boy would be this fun I’d have started much sooner."

"If you call me by his/her name, we’re done here."

"If you just get in me right now you can even walk me on a leash later for all I care.”

"If you want me to keep quiet, don’t make me have to tell you to go faster."

"If you pull out, I swear I’m fucking killing you."

"Just close your eyes. Imagine I’m him/her. It couldn’t be hard. We are brothers/sisters after all."

"Just hold my hand if I thrash. Don’t stop."

"Let’s pretend I’m in heat. Just fuck me till I drop."

"Oh, you’re not getting anywhere near there. Not tonight."

"Oh no, you’re not sleeping. Not now. Sex first. Sleep later."

"Please don’t take your mouth from there."

"Pool sex was the worst idea we’ve ever had. Now fuck me right. I can’t do this soft thing."

"Shut up, let’s sleep. You can do your walk of shame later."

"So you’re at work, you’ve got bathrooms there too, don’t you?"

"That was… Wow."

"They’re amazing. I could suck on them forever."

"Was this what you wanted? Well you can collect it now."

"What if we get caught? I don’t care, do you?"

"You won’t get another shot at this. So make it good."

"You. Strip. Now."

"Your fingers are almost as good as your mouth.”

"You’re so big I think you might break me. I can’t wait."

[memesforu-blog]

Send me anons as my muse's child.

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

The Morning After Sentence Starters

"Get out, get out, get out, get out!"

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Why are you in my bed?"

"I'd offer you breakfast, but I think I'm too sore to move."

"So.. Was it good?"

"Who topped?"

"I thought you'd be gone by the time I woke up..."

"I should go."

"This didn't mean anything."

"We shouldn't have done this..."

"Of course I'm freaking out! You're my friend!"

"I'm guessing this was a one time thing?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know how this goes. I'll grab my clothes and get out of here."

"Good morning, hope you don't mind me borrowing your shirt.."

"I made you coffee, did you want some Aspirin?"

"This stays between us."

"Congratulations. You actually convinced me to sleep with you."

"Are you sneaking out on me?"

"So, how much for last night?"

"Holy shit! she's on her way over here right now, she/he CANNOT see you!"

"Don't answer it!"

"Do you have any idea how wrong this was?"

"We're cheaters. We're horrible people. Oh god my mother would be so ashamed of me right now."

"..Do you wanna do this again sometime, maybe?"

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

Are you a barduil shipper

Yes, I am

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

The Rise of Erebor

THE BEGINNING OF A NEW ERA...

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES ENDED DIFFERENTLY...

A year after the Battle of the Five Armies, all is well. Under the guidance of King Thorin II Oakenshield, Erebor is slowly being rebuilt. Dwarves from Ered Luin, the Iron Hills and other dwarf kingdoms are travelling to the Lonely Mountain to help the rebuilding process.

Nearby, the city of Dale is also being rebuilt. With the aid of the dwarves of Erebor, the city is slowly rising from the ashes. People are returning.

The darkness alleviates in Mirkwood following the departure of the Necromancer. Thranduil and his kin return to the surface and the elves begin to heal the forest. The spiders remain, but the elves are quickly killing them off. Radagast the Brown continues to watch the forest.

In Rinvendell and Lorien, things continue on as they have always gone. Elrond and Galadriel watch and wait... knowing that now Sauron is back, things have changed.

And in a hole in the ground, in the kindly Shire, there lived... a Hobbit.

With Erebor prosperous and the world at relative peace, Gandalf the Grey has taken an interest in Bilbo's funny magic ring. What he discovers will change the course of the future.

The Rise of Erebor combines both book and movie canon.

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

"I don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect."

// A BARD. OMG A BARD. excuse me but after botfa i have lots of feels about these two ><

The king cocked his head to the side, gazing down at the human in front of him. “Thank you, Master Bard, although I recommend that you set your standards for perfection higher. I know what is said of me and I do not deny that most of those words are true. Why would you think me perfect?”

[beardedbowman]

"I have thought that since the," Bard paused to clear his throat and averted his gaze, "since the moment we met. I think you’re brave and kind and, well, misunderstood."

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

"Misunderstood?", the king repeated in his soft voice, pouring himself some wine. "Pray, master Bard, tell me… do you presume to understand me?"

[beardedbowman]

"Hardly," Bard laughed, shooting the other a smug grin, "you are by far the most complicated being I know but, well, I think I understand you more than you think. Or… I’d like to get to understand you."

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

The king arched his brow, keeping his eyes on the bowman as he poured him a drink of wine as well - a rather small one, as Elvish wine would be too strong for a simple human. He picked up the globet, holding out for Bard to take. “May I ask what you understand about me? I admit that I am now curious if you have read me well”, Thranduil replied, moving to sit, taking a small sip of wine. For the moment he chose not to address the comment regarding Bard wanting to understand him.

[beardedbowman]

"Your pain," said Bard simply, taking a sip of wine as he gazed into the king’s eyes curiously. "I know that to lose the one you love leaves a scar, and that- while moving on is possible- there will always be a part of you that wishes she was here. That it was her you were holding, not yourself."

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

Thranduil leaned back in his chair, hiding his frown behind the goblet which he raised to his lips. Ah, how well the human had read him - although he would not admit that to him, no. His pain was only for himself to bear, for no one else to witness and pity. “Interesting… I take it that you have lost someone dear to you?”

[beardedbowman]

"My wife," he started with a heavy sigh, that which resembled defeat and loss of willpower, "I know all too well the pain one feels when their loved one is dragged from their arms and up to the heavens." He took a small sip of wine and looked up at the king. "Moving on took some time, I’ll admit. I love her, and always shall, but no longer does it hold me back from being happy." Despite having said that, Bard knew that he would always have sleepless nights and unforgiving nightmares.

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

The king listened to the story, taking small sips of his wine. He could not fully sympathize with the bowman, since he had been unable to move on from the passing of his wife and he still lived his life haunted by what happened. "What is it that makes you happy now? Is it your family? Is it being a leader of your people?"

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

"I don't care what they think, to me, you are perfect."

// A BARD. OMG A BARD. excuse me but after botfa i have lots of feels about these two ><

The king cocked his head to the side, gazing down at the human in front of him. “Thank you, Master Bard, although I recommend that you set your standards for perfection higher. I know what is said of me and I do not deny that most of those words are true. Why would you think me perfect?”

[beardedbowman]

"I have thought that since the," Bard paused to clear his throat and averted his gaze, "since the moment we met. I think you’re brave and kind and, well, misunderstood."

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

"Misunderstood?", the king repeated in his soft voice, pouring himself some wine. "Pray, master Bard, tell me… do you presume to understand me?"

[beardedbowman]

"Hardly," Bard laughed, shooting the other a smug grin, "you are by far the most complicated being I know but, well, I think I understand you more than you think. Or… I’d like to get to understand you."

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

The king arched his brow, keeping his eyes on the bowman as he poured him a drink of wine as well - a rather small one, as Elvish wine would be too strong for a simple human. He picked up the globet, holding out for Bard to take. “May I ask what you understand about me? I admit that I am now curious if you have read me well”, Thranduil replied, moving to sit, taking a small sip of wine. For the moment he chose not to address the comment regarding Bard wanting to understand him.

[beardedbowman]

"Your pain," said Bard simply, taking a sip of wine as he gazed into the king’s eyes curiously. "I know that to lose the one you love leaves a scar, and that- while moving on is possible- there will always be a part of you that wishes she was here. That it was her you were holding, not yourself."

[asktheelvenkingthranduil]

Thranduil leaned back in his chair, hiding his frown behind the goblet which he raised to his lips. Ah, how well the human had read him - although he would not admit that to him, no. His pain was only for himself to bear, for no one else to witness and pity. "Interesting... I take it that you have lost someone dear to you?"