okay fuuuuuuuccckk i have an angst idea; an au where humans are 'improved' to be able to live in earth.
basically, the world is so messed up that you can't live without being 'upgraded'. so what is the story here? a love story, of course, but it wouldn't be angst if it doesn't end in pain, no? (and i feel like xiao is fitting for this scenario)
you're in love with him, that much is pretty obvious — well, to everyone else but him. whether it's because he genuinely does not know or he's ignoring it, nobody will know.
that is until you made the decision to tell him.
his reaction was not something unexpected, it wasn't something that you haven't already known, you got rejected of course. he 'didn't feel the same way', as he phrased it. you weren't stupid, you already know the sky the two of you would look in your time of break wasn't the pink tinted sky you hoped it was — but you can't lie that you've hoped for at least a sliver of crack on his walls that you could hopefully slither your way in. but alas, snakes are not a very appreciated creatures.
but what exactly drove you to confess despite your knowledge of his feelings? it's time.
and you're running out of it.
as a human that is a 'late model', you don't have a lot of time to spare in this world. it's sad, but, it's the truth; you're not 'upgraded' like everyone else — an error in the system, they said. the doctors told you there was something inside you that was incompatible with the gene they've created; that you're rejecting the mutation. they tried, of course, to create something for you. but they wasn't able to, couldn't figure out what's wrong. and, with great sadness, they decided to mark you as part of the 1% of the population that wasn't able to mutate properly.
the result is pretty clear; you're dying.
your body can't handle the harsh conditions in the world, your body isn't made to battle all of it.
you're just a normal human.
the doctors said the longest you'll live is up until you're 11, but i guess miracles does exist because here you are, still alive in your 20s — well, not for long.
it was a brash decision, but a good one nonetheless. at least now you wouldn't regret not telling him when your time has come.
one thing that didn't cross your mind after the rejection was him asking you if you could still be his friend. and what are you if not desperate? so you said yes, with red rimmed eyes threatening to release the growing lake in your eyes — he didn't notice.
you could feel it as you passed day by day; how your breath is getting fainter — harder to swallow and deeper to process, how your heartbeat is slowing down — quicker than it does before, how your headaches isn't the result of staring for far too long at the screen anymore.
hutao was there, to console you — well, confront, in her perspective. she had asked why you did that, despite knowing your condition and his reaction. and you can't forget the way her face contorted as tears fall endlessly after you told her, "it's stupid, but i want to do something that fate wouldn't let me, so i took the chance." you had spent the day drowning inside her embrace after that.
its selfish, you know; to confess your feelings despite knowing you'll be gone soon. you know that it'll hurt xiao, if a little, once he finds out that you're gone — and the confession would worsen it.
but you can't help feeling fulfilled, selfishness be damned, you're living on counted time, you're not one to be picky.
besides, xiao isn't one for blaming himself for something that couldn't be intercepted — he's not that naive.
but i guess miracles does happen, because his amber tinted eyes are letting out streams of endless tears after hutao came delivering the news to him with tear streaked face and stuttered breaths.
i guess miracles does exist; for the realization dawned on him no longer than a minute after the tears was dripping down his cheeks.
but i guess life is just not fair; for you're no longer here to listen to his confession anymore.
..... of course you'd send me crushing angst. of course you would.