* asterisk

what do you want me to be?

[astericsk]

📱: dad

yori: vi usefd to take buzefezd quizes to qprove ot my mo thiat gi was boy

yori: you rae spelaci enough to amlke tme drink watexr

eric: u shouldnt have to prove shit to ur parents ever

eric: good! drink lots of water & eat ur toast

eric: u need to take better care of urself

[astericsk]

📱: dad

yori: no ocne geso naeur mgy stuff

yori: rand you never turn yoff youcr computer you fgotta take thhose buzzfede quizes

yori: ci gont my toast thats aell that matters

eric: im insulted by the implication that i take buzzfeed quizzes

eric: ur special enough to make me turn my computer off

[astericsk]

📱: dad

yori: i may rbe crossed but ymou catn do shit tuo my systeim you littlme shi

yori: oh arent you ifancy?

yori: haha ifancy im goign tvo paple with ajn jidea im makimng bank

yori: what toaster

eric: ok new idea i'll set rome and athens loose on your computer and let them chew the cords

eric: or just turn my computer off that works too

eric: i'll take that as a no

[astericsk]

📱: dad

yori: fuck oyu telul mme abcout ur familqy d

yori: i iwll lock yowu ouut of your owln desaktop do nhot tesgt me young man

yori: kfuck toaast cis so fkicung goyod eim gtonna bust a whoel nut

eric: cant lock me out of my desktop if i lock u out of ur stuff first

eric: also it's not a desktop it's a laptop connected to three monitors

eric: have u fixed the toaster yet

[astericsk]

📱: dad

yori: you thave grandpairents

yori: telgl mme about them

yori: i just udnbre omy hand itime ot dei

eric: i'm only going to tell you about them if you focus and fix the toaster issue first.

eric: also ur not getting sympathy for that, u caused the problem in the first place

[astericsk]

lincoh‌.

closed starter for @astericsk !!

“ i have the receipts , eric , you totally called me a baby ! “ the sentence is spoken with a pout as dennis pulls out his phone to reread the text messages . you would think one would protrude more of a mature style of confrontation when being considered a child by the other . “ if anyone here is the baby , it’s you little aussie with your tiny , greasy ,  raccoon hands . “ the drag is playful , more teasing since the younger ( dennis ) actually liked eric . a smile begins to grow even though the male tries to stop it by looking upset , “ plus i’m turning nineteen this year so who’s the fool now huh hacker baby ? “

“ never said i didn’t, ” eric says, rolling his eyes. “ but– hang on, that was when i meant to text dambi. i called dambi a baby. i called you a child. there’s a difference. ” he knows dennis is just kidding, but he can’t help himself. “ i don’t have raccoon hands, raccoons are american. you’re so rude, you can’t be a baby. babies are at least not rude. ” he sticks his tongue out, doing his best to look petulant without laughing. “ you’re still, like, seven months younger than me, ” he adds.

[astericsk]

📱: hacking mini #2

yori: i ropened up poweotipnr pon mny laptop hokw zis xthis supposed to xehlp

yori: ooooh are yoou taelking abotu the buutton

yori: i dont even lkie toast fuckqthis we are burning the place doown

eric: yori PLEASE

eric: pull the plug out of the wall

eric: and dont touch electrical appliances when you're drunk

eric: drunk u is worse at technology than my grandparents

[astericsk]

📱: dad

yori: how cdo yoqu tumrn a toaters off

yori: i todl it to stop

yori: please compe helmp pi cant start anotzher fier or gabe lwill take gmy pills awayn

eric: turn it off at the powerpoint

eric: or just pull the plug out altogether

eric: or there should be a cancel button somewhere

[astericsk]

📱: dad

yori: dmude i think fi mright have fuekdc up belday

yori: fuck futck fuck

yori: dfo uoy know how to get bread out of ia toiaster?

eric: is the toaster on?

eric: if no just tip it upside down till the bread comes out

eric: if yes turn it off and then turn it upside down

eric: and next time don't try to do stuff when ur drunk

[astericsk]

⁇ # ツ

?? : DRUNK

[  to: cereal child  ] :  wh r u so Tiny[  to: cereal child  ] :  howm i oldr thn u[  to: cereal child  ] :  do u wanna kno a secret

# : RANDOM

[  to: cereal child  ] :  oi do u want snacks? or do we need any groceries?[  to: cereal child  ] :  i missed my train im not trying to be nice to u im just bored

ツ : EXCITED

[  to: cereal child  ] :  i found the best shop ever today !!![  to: cereal child  ] :  its so cool u’ll love it[  to: cereal child  ] :  remind me to show u next time neither of us has anything to do

[astericsk]

bloomsfull‌.

   𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢   :   turn   on   ur   location   u   tasteless   motherfucker    𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢   :   don’t   talk   2   me   about   diverse   with   ur   plainass   cereals    𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢   :   fruitloops   created   this   fuckin   country   from   the   ground   UP    𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐢   :   toucan   sam   fucking   BLED   for   this   country

eric     :     yeah but can u put chocolate on them??? no eric     :     can u pass them off as healthy and then douse them in brown sugar? no eric     :     froot loops arent Diverse u can eat them like one way n thats It

[astericsk]

?? / $ / ツ

?? : DRUNK

[  to: gadget baby  ] :  do u think penguins get ptsd from being so cold all the time?[  to: gadget baby  ] :  or r they emotionally equipped to deal with cold[  to: gadget baby  ] :  what if penguins made global warming so they wouldnt b so cold all the time?

$ : ACCIDENTAL

[  to: gadget baby  ] :  stfu ur a baby[  to: gadget baby  ] :  wait oops wrong child[  to: gadget baby  ] :  if u see dambi tell him i said hes wrong

ツ : EXCITED

[  to: gadget baby  ] :  i had! an idea![  to: gadget baby  ] :  oh crap hang on gimme a sec i forgot how to spell the word

[astericsk]

☎ / ツ

☎ : RUSHED

[  to: dad  ] :  can u pls feed rome n athens[  to: dad  ] :  i frgot n theyll chew the cables if they dont get food[  to: dad  ] :  im abt to miss my train bye ty in advance

ツ : EXCITED

[  to: dad  ] :  so i had an idea![  to: dad  ] :  we shld hack russian twitter bots n give them some personality!!![  to: dad  ] :  the opportunities r limitless!!!

[rpmememaker]

Send “✆” for a MORNING text. Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. Send “☎” for a RUSHED text. Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text. Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text. Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text. Send “#” for a RANDOM text. Send “@” for a SCARED text. Send “&” for a LOVING text. Send “%” for a CURIOUS text. Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text. Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text. Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.

[astericsk]

sweet pea / petal / wild thing

sweet pea    :    what’s your favourite flower?

“ billy buttons ! they’re so cute and bright ! ” he grins.

petal     :    what’s your favourite smell or perfume?

“ flowering eucalypts, definitely. ” he has a jar of ironbark honey that he brought back from australia last time he visited, and it reminds him vividly of home.

wild thing    :    what’s something about you that surprises people?

“ i’m actually at uni and not failing. people always expect me to be in high school or some kind of delinquent who never shows up, but i’m one of the best students in my entire course. i didn’t even need to hack anything to pass my last few electives ! ” he did hack the mandatory course results, though, but those are so boring.

[astericsk]

30 9 23 16

do you think you’ll be happy later in life?

“ uh– yeah? probably? unless i make some huge mistake one day, but that’s pretty unlikely. not to brag, or anything. i just can’t see myself getting arrested, and other than that risk there’s not much that could ruin my peace of mind. ”

what are your favorite pet names?

“ i dunno... depends on the pet...–oh, you meant that kind of pet names? uh– anything, i guess? except honey or sweetie, those just sound like something a fifty-year-old woman would say to a random kid on the street. ”

do you have a significant other?

“ would you like to give me one? ”

have you been cheated on?

“ my best friend in high school ditched watching age of ultron with me in favour of playing call of duty, does that count? ”

[astericsk]

bubba & baby !!!

bubba    :    tell me a funny story from your childhood.

“ so. there was this old esl teacher at my primary school who was a... i mean, we didn’t use bitch back then, we used much milder words, but that’s probably a fair description of her– which is fine, right? i’m already a fluent english speaker, i’ll never have to talk to her?

well, sike, ‘cos reading comprehension is a thing we need to be tested on in like– kindergarten, because the australian education system is so garbage that you won’t learn anything without being tested every two seconds. or, i dunno, maybe they think that enough pretty graphs will make up for their shitty bio teachers.

oh, and she’s also the playground duty teacher like... all the time, so we were graced with her presence then as well.

anyway, she got real pissed at some kids ‘cos they were running around and yelling ( as if that’s the worst thing kids are capable of ) and then while she was yelling at them the rest of us snuck around behind her back and climbed trees and then eventually she took notice of those kids laughing at her for missing us doing that and then she yelled at us and– i remember the principal had to come out, and she looked really annoyed that she had to come out just because mrs –we called her mrs bin, ‘cos she was as likeable as a trash can– wouldn’t shut up about us. and like, i got detention, but annoying her? worth it. still makes me laugh to this day. ”

baby    :    what makes you feel better when you’re down?

“ pissing off world powers and watching them try to catch me. probably a bad coping method, but it’s not hurting anyone. just annoying a bunch of rich chinese politicians. ”