BRO I MISSED YOU OMG I HATE MY COLLEGE FOR KEEPING ME SO BUSY HOW ARE YOU??
Haiiiiii celestea, it's been a while ^^ arrghhhh I'm so gonna kill college for keeping you busy, stupid school. Glad that I'm on summer break and still in high school lol
I don't really know how to answer the question about how I am, mentally, so I'll just go with the good Ole good, how bout u? Well, I have been for a while getting pain in my back teeth, and I thought it was a cavity, and ur girl decided to tough it out, cuz whatever time i have left to live, I'm pretty sure I can just tough it out until I die. 40 years? 50? Eh we all die anyways.
But then it started getting real bad and I was haunted by all those stories of people who get pain but ignore it then it turns iut to be something like cancer, so I got my mom to book me an appointment.
The doc checkled my teeth and Dan da da daaannnn, my wisdom teeth were coming in! Sideways. Stupidest wisdom teeth ever. Anyways, she said it was natural and to come back after 6 months to remove em before they crush my other teeth. Very nervous.
But ye generally it's summer break, I'm taking it easy, working on projects I've been wanting to work on, trying to get my parents off my track cuz bro do I always gotta spend summer doing something useful? I'm already going to the mosque and learning Spanish, I think that's enough useful stuff. What do you mean drawing comics isn't a valuable way to spend my time?
Anyhoo, thanks for checking up on lil ol me :3 Hope college gets easier
JIRAIIS OF TUMBLR! I FOUND A NEW GEM! EVERYONE GO WATCH CHAINSMOKER CAT
Everytime I see a raw depressing depiction of mental illness, an angel gains its wings 😞 to the people who hate on this anime, go f off. It ain't for you. We need to stop trying to make our struggles easy to digest and nice to see.
I like to imagine his name js something like Sheldon Percival, and people nickname him Shelly, and he hates that name so he's always like "I AM NOT SHELLY, IT'S SHELDON, HAVE SOME RESPECT"
Anyways, I'm a disabled Smarty truther. Also I wanna shed light on how expensive aids are. We need more people talking about how we live in a world that doesn't help people who are different.
I've been wanting to do this painting for a while, and while it is good art, one of the best I've created, i hate that it exists. I hate that I had to suffer for this to be made. Here's the story if anyone cares to listen.
It was 3? A.m, and I was just finishing up on an hour long meltdown. I went to the bathroom to clean up and I looked into the mirror. To say I was horrified was an understatement. What I saw in there wasn't me. It wasn't me.
This isn't new to me, as everytime I look into the mirror I don't see the same face. The main features are the same, but the smaller details shift ever so slightly. That's why I struggle with self portraits. That's why everytime I draw myself, I just blank out the face. I don't know what I look like.
But this was different. The shift wasn't subtle, everything was different. It was ugly, disgusting, vile. A creature that tried mimicking humanity but failed. An uncanny valley. That wasn't me at all.
I was silently screaming, hands in my hair, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. Every second felt like torture. Finally I was able to run out and fall onto my knees in my room. Safe to say I was launched into an extra 30 minutes of meltdown.
During that, a thought came to me. What if what I saw just now was the real true me, and all the faces I saw Dailey weren't me? What if my true ugly nature finally showed itself? I don't like it, but the more I think about it, the more it feels real.
This never happened after a meltdown before. When I looked into the mirror, it was my usual features, a bit red and tearstained. I'm scared it might happen again. I'm scared.
Also the white streaks are meant to make it look like a dirty mirror, as the mirror was very dirty that night.
Decided to do the @shencomix thing with my yumeship lol. I dunno why, but I just can't really enjoy the food without getting all messy. It satisfies a primal urge in me.
Tag game, so everyone can show me their variation: @idunnoyet111 @delulutoonz @elodameiaazul @killmendle
While on my 4th princess tutu watch, I just noticed this 💀 AW HELL NAWWWW, WHAT IN THE SHOJO INBREEDING IS THIS!? LOOK AT HIS LEGS 😭😭😭 Why they so long!?and his feet too!
Hey! You! Yes you! Are you wanting to read my self-message to my future, upcoming senior year of highschool?
I had a random thought in my head… and I went: “Wow, am I really about to be a senior this year?” Everyone was so excited for me. From my parents, siblings, and everyone in my community. After attending school for 11 years, this is my final year. But, here’s my message to the teachers who told me to keep it pushing.
To elementary, thank you to my 6th grade teacher! That Louisianan, accented lady made me smiled, assisted me through the days I broke down in tears. And to this day, I love the ironic line she said everyday: “Move with purpose!”
My middle schooler years were… at their lowest I will admit. But, that didn’t stop me from having the upmost respect for my teachers! Throughout 7-8th, thank you to my English and Reading teachers. You reminded me that I am making an effort! My 8th grade, reading teacher reminded me to advocate for my education in high school—and she was right. Most teachers would keep it pushing, but I was a fighter.
Freshman year… where to I do start? My experience with going to high school was amazing and not at the same time. But this particular teacher, my Physical Science teacher, something about her amazed me. And knowing me, I was so “terrible” at learning science. And I honestly didn’t like learning it; I always thought it was never good at learning anything according to my educators—but that was all a lie because this teacher was far more interested in my intelligence than the other students who complained her work was “too advanced” for them. She told me I loved learning science the old way and taught properly. Sure… I was a nerd…
Nice, Energetic, Resilient, and Determined… that is a N.E.R.D. Before she left my school, I reminded her how proud I was for her getting her masters degree in AP Biology. And she smiled back at me.
Now comes sophomore year… my “favorite”. Not the best year, but I got through it. Biology kicked me in the ass real hard but I managed to get both B+ in both semester. My biology teacher was a tough gal, but she treated me with the upmost respect and kindness—and she had the audacity to say I was the best student in my class, and I’ll take that as a compliment! Not to get too cocky, but I had my skills at Biology… sometimes! Shoutout to her, and she worked in the USDA? Props to her! But unfortunately, she moved to Arkansas, but I plan on emailing her just to say “Hi again! From your favorite student!”
Here’s the big boy year… 11th grade. I honestly cannot fathom my enjoyment and absolute disappointment. But other teachers were great; however, let’s talk about my Astronomy teacher. That man was awesome! That was the first science course that I actually found passion in. Sure, Sociology is okay and Psychology, but I was not interested in attending those classes. Astronomy stood out to me more. Who doesn’t love learning about space and cool aliens?
But seriously, a big thank you to that teacher. Everyone said his class is ‘hard’… nah, it ain’t. He is not this grumpy teacher, he is this nerdy, sweet guy who cares for his students. And believe me, I cried. I generally cried when he was worried for me. Most teachers aren’t allowed to show their gratitude—but he did. The way he lectured us about learning about the planets and stars. It was like a fever dream. And the crazy part about to… he’s a Doctor Who fan like me! But in all seriously… thank you, Astronomy teacher. I loved your class. I loved the way you taught me and my peers.! I’m not just a a student. I’m an A+ student, even if I’m lazy sometimes.
Am I finished? Uh uh, keep reading! It’s not polite to scroll! Before I unfortunately go… I know, I’m annoying, but here’s a little message to my upcoming senior year:
Zarah, you are a smart individual, regardless of how people see me, your peers aren’t like you, your teachers aren’t like you. You’re not a statistic just because your education is ranked last in education. You are not a failure… you’re a future scientist! Just like Ryland Grace… and as always: ‘Fist My Bump!’
Thank you <3!
Since you refused to believe me, @not-a-flushing-chair , here it is.
This is a photo of the time Smarty Pants, while on low battery, somehow ended up tied up in Christmas lights to the horse's tail and he got dragged throughout the entire ranch. Fun times.
During a convo I had with @idunnoyet111 , we made a joke about gangster Zion, so I immediately got to work lol. For added experience, search up "British raps be like" and enjoy the chaos.
Just watched toy story 5, i am in on the Smarty Pants sauce I fear 😞 Jessie loyal af i would've done crazy. Also i really enjoyed the message, instead of demonizing tech they just showed that like all things, there's good and bad and that all toys are toys. Love me a nuanced film.
So my cousin studies in English linguistics and translation, and she said one of her professors (who works with them on translating poetry) said to bring any poems of their own for her to read. So my cousin, who knows I write, asked if I wanted to have mine checked. I was a bit hesitant, but I agreed. So I gave her all my newer poetry (now old. So it sucks. I don't care if it's good. It's old so it sucks.) And printed them out and gave them to her professor. Months passed, and I forgot about it entirely.
Today she handed me the papers and said that she had a note for me. My hands were shaking and I couldn't even open it 😭 I was so scared she was gonna say it's mid or something. But after calming down, I read the note. I still can't believe she said that.
I guess I should be proud of myself but my insecurities are telling me she was just glazing cuz I was younger and a stranger and that she meant none of it. But I try pushing them away. Cuz being told your words deserve to be heard is a special kind of compliment.
yesterday we got our test papers back and I asked if we're gonna be keeping them. The answer was yes. Then I asked if I can do anything with it. The answer was yes. Then I asked if I can eat it. Whe looked me in the eye and said sure. So I did. I ate the test paper. Right there and then. The reaction was mixed, but she didn't even flinch. She just chuckled and continued with her work. Yum yum.
