title: late night thoughts
pairing(s): dan heng, reader
characters: dan heng, reader, himeko, pom-pom, march 7th
word count: 2.9k
synopsis: a moment of thoughts of dan heng about one of his crewmates.
Beads of perspiration glistened on the brow of the guard aboard the Astral Express, accompanied by his thunderous, labored breathing resonating within the confines of his room. Dan Heng had once again experienced a night that exposed his former life in his place of origin. His evenings were frequently besieged by memories of his past that clung to him relentlessly, as if they were determined to never let go. Despite his earnest desire to break free from them, it seemed an impossible task. For the power coursing through his veins was a living testament to the life he had lived, the person he once was, his essence, and his formidable capabilities.
It was akin to an indelible marker that defied all attempts at erasure, no matter how ardent the desire to do so.
Dan Heng sat upright, his back as straight as a rod, as he massaged his temple. He knew that slumber would elude him once again, fearful that the same old nightmares would seize him anew, keeping him up for the rest of the night. His only recourse was to gaze out the window and behold the infinite expanse of stars that glittered like diamonds in the inky darkness of space.
Whenever Dan Heng was unable to drift off to sleep or would wake up from a nightmare, he would seek refuge in the twinkling stars outside his window. Sometimes, he would occupy himself with his duties as an archivist on the Astral Express, which proved to be a valuable distraction from the memories of his past that tormented him.
But at this moment, he desired nothing more than to remain in bed and watch the stars, as he glanced at the clock and realized that it was the time when most of the crew would be asleep in their respective quarters, save for their adorable little conductor, pom-pom.
Suddenly, a familiar voice from one of his crewmates jolted him out of his reverie, causing him to shift his gaze towards the door as though it was the most intriguing thing in the room.
“Pom-pom, would you like some pancakes?” Your voice rings in Dan Heng’s ears, diverting his attention.
“Pom-pom loves pancakes! I'm hungry, (Name)!” replied the little conductor with enthusiasm, eliciting a giggle from you.
“All right, come along with me to the kitchen,” you said, beckoning the cute little pom-pom to follow you.
The resounding footfalls gradually fade into silence as they move away from Dan Heng's quarters. The melancholic musings that had been plaguing his mind mere moments ago now give way to a perplexing inquiry: what could be keeping you up at this ungodly hour?
Each time he awakens in the dead of night, he finds himself alone in his thoughts while the rest of the crew slumber peacefully in their own rooms.
So why are you still awake?
Dan Heng is equal parts confused and intrigued by the mystery of your own sleeplessness.
In all honesty, when it comes to his other crewmate, he doesn't show any interest or curiosity, but the mere sound of your voice breaks through his trance effortlessly.
Dan Heng couldn't pinpoint exactly when his fascination with you began to emerge, but the moments and days he had spent in your presence had ignited a spark of intrigue. Every action you took seemed to draw him in like a magnetic pull, pulling him towards you, and his gaze would follow your every move with an intense curiosity. He couldn't explain why he was drawn to you in this way, especially since he had never felt this level of interest in another person before.
This enigma puzzled the reserved guard, who was used to feeling captivated by the eccentricities of objects or entities, rather than people with whom he had no particular objectives. Yet, despite the mystery surrounding his newfound fascination, he couldn't deny the pleasure and satisfaction he felt whenever he was around you.
In truth, this noble feeling was something entirely new and delightful, and it left Dan Heng eager to uncover the secrets of this captivating person who had captured his attention so easily.
The memories of your kindness flooded Dan Heng's mind, each one a cherished moment that he held close to his heart. He recalled the small gesture of you showing interest in him, asking questions about his hobbies and passions, and listening intently to his every word. It was a thoughtful act that he appreciated more than words could express.
Others might have found his interests dull, but you were different. You never hesitated to ask him about his otherworldly pursuits, and he would lose track of time as he explained and talked with you. The eagerness in your eyes was a balm to his soul, and he longed to see it again and again. It was a craving that he couldn't ignore, a desire to bask in the warmth of your fascination.
For so long, Dan Heng had felt invisible, like a shadow lurking on the periphery of other people's lives. But with you, he felt seen and valued as an individual. Your interest in him had kindled a flame of hope within his heart, and he was determined to keep that flame burning for as long as possible.
Dan Heng's hometown had been a place of hostility and animosity, where the mere mention of his name elicited hatred and disgust. To them, he was a pariah, a creature to be avoided at all costs, for fear that he would bring death and destruction upon those who dared to engage with him.
He couldn't blame them, not really. After all, he had committed unspeakable acts that had left a trail of devastation in their wake. There was no going back, no way to rewrite the past and change the course of events, like a storyteller tinkering with the plot of a book.
But in his new life on the Astral Express, things were different. Here, nobody knew about his past, and he had no intention of sharing it with anyone, not even you.
He had found a kind of solace in the anonymity of his new life, a reprieve from the judgment and scorn that had plagued him before. It wasn't a perfect existence, but it was bearable, and for that, he was grateful.
There's a simmering unease inside Dan Heng, a fear that you might uncover the secrets of his past life. The mere thought of it sends shivers down his spine, and he can't bear to imagine the warm, accepting gaze that you now give him turning into one of disgust and loathing.
It may seem selfish, but he wants to hold on to this moment of acceptance and generosity for as long as possible, reveling in the warmth of your gaze and basking in your kind regard. He knows that the inevitable reckoning will come eventually, but for now, he wants to savor the sense of belonging that he feels in your presence.
He is acutely aware that he can never truly escape the shadow of his past, that it will follow him wherever he goes until the end of his days. He is resigned to that fact, but he will do everything in his power to be ready for whatever the future may bring, even if it means putting his life on the line.
Dan Heng was once again interrupted from his musings when he heard a gentle knock at his door.
"Dan Heng, are you awake? I made you a herbal tea just in case you want to go back to sleep," you said softly on the other side of the door.
He was momentarily bewildered as to how you could have known he was awake, as he had made no sound. He had been sitting in his bed, lost in his tumultuous thoughts.
Not wanting to keep you waiting, Dan Heng rose from his bed and strode towards the door. As he slid it open, he was met by your kind, smiling face. You held a tray in your hands, with a warm cup of herbal tea made just for him.
His blue eyes instantly met your own (color) ones that sparkled with a mix of delight and concern. It reminded him of how you always looked at him with care whenever he got hurt on his missions, and with joy whenever he returned to the Astral Express.
Dan Heng couldn't deny the flood of warmth that enveloped him whenever you gazed at him with such a caring expression. He treasured every kind gesture you bestowed upon him, for he had never experienced such genuine consideration back in his hometown.
Your presence in his life made him feel protected, like a guardian watching over him, even though he was the designated guard of the Astral Express. It was an irony he couldn't help but marvel at, yet he couldn't deny the comfort and solace he found in your company.
But you are just that kind of person.
Dan Heng admires your intelligence and tactfulness, recognizing your ability to perceive social situations and determine the appropriate actions to take. He admires your awareness of boundaries and social cues, and your ability to communicate in a way that puts others at ease.
He still vividly recalls the day you first met. Despite his reluctance to open up about his past, you treated him with respect and kindness. You didn't pry or press him for information, instead choosing to show him around the Astral Express and help him get acclimated to his new surroundings. Dan Heng was initially surprised that you didn't ask him more probing questions, but he later realized that you were respecting his boundaries and giving him the space he needed.
Over time, Dan Heng grew to appreciate your approach to conversations. While you would occasionally ask him surface-level questions, he never felt pressured or uncomfortable around you. He knew that you were genuinely interested in getting to know him, but that you also respected his privacy. In a world where everyone seemed to have an agenda, you were a refreshing change of pace.
He's relieved that you didn't pry about his personal life. It will be troublesome for him if you were. Hence, he's grateful for that.
From Dan Heng's perspective, you and he are alike in the sense that both of you are guarded about your personal lives. Despite working together for some time, he knows very little about you beyond surface-level information. While he can't help but feel curious about your past, he understands the importance of respecting your privacy.
Even March 7th, who is usually quite inquisitive, has never been able to pry any details about your life before the Astral Express. You seem content to keep your past a secret, and Dan Heng admires your ability to maintain boundaries.
Dan Heng recognizes that it wouldn't be fair for him to know about your past while keeping his own hidden. He appreciates the unspoken agreement between the two of you to maintain some level of distance and respect each other's privacy.
Therefore, he refrains from asking to avoid any sense of unfairness of the situation. Moreover, he finds the idea of prying into other people's business distasteful, and he loathes such behavior.
If someone were to ask him to describe you, he would use one word— mysterious. He finds you to be enigmatic and intriguing, someone who keeps their personal life hidden away.
While kindness is a trait that many possess, he perceives your benevolence to be more exceptional and unique. He feels more drawn to your compassionate nature than anyone else's, and he finds it difficult to resist its allure.
"How did you know I was awake?" Dan Heng inquired with a hint of curiosity in his voice.
"When Pom-pom and I stopped in front of your room, I heard a faint shuffling sound emanating from inside. Hence, I concluded that you were awake," you responded calmly.
As Dan Heng tried to comprehend your sharp sense of hearing, he realized that you were a mystery to him. How could you hear such a subtle noise from inside a room so clearly?
"I should ask you the same thing," Dan Heng said as he leaned against the door jamb, crossing his arms. "Why are you awake at this hour?"
You locked eyes with him for a brief moment before giving him a simple answer, "Nightmare."
That was all you said, but Dan Heng could sense the weight behind those words. He stopped himself from saying that he could relate to you as he pondered the similarities between the two of you.
"Well, you should take this tea. I already finished my fill a while ago with Pom-pom," you beam at him as you hand him the tray and he takes it from you. "I should go. I hope you have a good night's rest."
You say your farewell to Dan Heng and gracefully make your way towards your room. As you take your last step, you glance back at him, and with a gentle wave, you close the door behind you, leaving him to his thoughts.
Dan Heng stands there, rooted in his spot, watching as you disappear from his sight. He can't help but feel a sense of warmth in his chest as he thinks about the kind gesture you just showed him.
As he lowers his gaze to the tray of tea, he notices a thin line of vapor rising from it, indicating that the tea is still steaming hot. He can't help but be impressed by your attention to detail, making sure that the tea was still fresh before giving it to him.
After returning to his room, Dan Heng promptly set the tray down on the nightstand. He let out a faint exhale before lifting the teacup and taking a delicate sip.
As the warm liquid trickled down his throat, Dan Heng sensed his rigid muscles gradually loosen. His chaotic thoughts dissipated, as if they were being purged from his mind.
For Dan Heng, it was a brief yet much-needed pause from the turmoil of his thoughts. There's no noise that could be heard, only the stars beyond his window, and the only company he had for the night was the tea you had prepared.
As he gazed at his teacup once more, memories of your beaming countenance flooded his mind. The warmth of your smile seemed to linger in the room, even though you were no longer there.
It was a familiar pattern, one that you seemed to intuitively understand - knowing just when to offer a distraction or comfort to soothe Dan Heng's troubled thoughts. You were the unassuming hero, saving him from the abyss of his past without even realizing it.
There had been countless times when you had come to his aid, yet Dan Heng found himself unable to express his gratitude. It was as if his tongue was being held hostage by some invisible force, preventing him from articulating the depth of his appreciation.
Even in this moment, as he sipped on the tea you had made for him, Dan Heng was overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude that he was unable to put into words. He was keenly aware of the countless acts of kindness that you had bestowed upon him, and he knew that he owed you a debt that he could never fully repay.
Although it would be easy for Dan Heng to express his gratitude, he was held back by the fear that it would be too little, too late. He knew that time was running out for him, and that he may never have another opportunity to thank you for all that you had done.
Yet, a small voice in the back of his mind urged him to speak up, reminding him that it was never too late to show appreciation for the kindness of others. As long as he remained aboard the Astral Express, and drew breath, there was still time to make amends.
Deep down, Dan Heng knew that his time with the crew was limited. From the moment he first stepped aboard, he had known that he could never stay for long. The conversation he had with Himeko echoed in his mind, reminding him that he could leave the express once he had found his true destination.
It was a bittersweet realization, knowing that his presence could put the lives of those around him in danger. His dark past and the powers he possessed were secrets that he could never share with the crew he had grown to know and care for over the years. And yet, despite the inevitable parting that lay ahead, Dan Heng couldn't help but feel grateful for the moments of peace and companionship that he had found aboard the Astral Express, especially to you.
Dan Heng was acutely aware of the danger he posed to those around him, and he didn't want to put you or the rest of the crew at risk because of his dark past. He knew that you had shown him kindness beyond what he deserved, and he didn't want any more trouble to come your way.
Despite his fear and hesitation, Dan Heng realized that he needed to express his gratitude for your unwavering assistance. He knew that time was running out, and he didn't want to miss the chance to say what he had been holding back for so long.
As he looked down at his tea, Dan Heng felt a sense of calm wash over him. And before he knew it, he had spoken the words that had been on his mind for so long.
"Thank you, (Name)."
