after falling behind a bit in my DA2 character positivity posts iâm finally getting around to varric tethras. honestly i had to cut a lot out of this list because he appears in two complete games and gets along with just about everyone so i trimmed it down to stuff relative to his appearance in DA2. so here are some really awesome things about my favorite dwarf companion:
varric is the younger of two brothers, and he was born on the surface in kirkwall after his family was banished from orzammar. as a result heâs really not much into dwarven culture.
varric gives a nickname to every companion with the exception of hawke, aveline, and the inquisitor. when aveline brings this up, he suggests calling her âredâ which she dismisses as too common.
however, varric can give hawke a nickname in the mark of the assassin dlc depending on their personality type. blue hawke is âwafflesâ, purple hawke is âchucklesâ, and red hawke is âkiller.â
if varric is not in the party and hawke gets in a fight at the hanged man, varric will join the brawl and help hawke alongside isabela.
the hanged man is varricâs favorite place in kirkwall.
varric hates the outdoors:
âOh hey, nature. Iâve heard about this. Thought it was just a rumor.â
varric plays diamondback with hawkeâs dog:
Varric: You know, you play diamondback better than my cousin Vidar.Â
Varric: You wag your tail whenever you have a good hand, though. Might want to watch that.
Hawke: Is it brilliant or horrible that you play diamondback with my dog? (humorous) / Itâs a short tail. Iâm sure nobody notices. (diplomatic) / He doesnât take well to having his flaws pointed out. (aggressive)
Varric: All Iâm saying is, heâd be up more than two sovereigns if he watched his tells.
Varric: My Uncle Emmet has a whole pack of rat terriers who play every week.
Varric: Theyâre a cutthroat bunch. Youâve got a long way to go to be their quality.
Varric: Now donât take it badâyouâre still better than Anders.
Varric: Coming to the Hanged Man later?
varric runs a spy network that he uses to keep his friendsâparticularly anders and merrillâsafe.
Varric: Daisy, for my sake, please quit cutting through the alleys in Lowtown alone at night.
Merrill: Nothing ever happens. Iâm perfectly safe, Varric.
Varric: Yes, I know. And that nothing is costing me a fortune.
he plays cards with fenris, anders, and donnic.
he also invites carver out for drinks at the hanged man.
varric will tell fenris that the hanged man got its name because they used to hang men there by their feet.
varric will ask fenris and anders about the smutty details of their relationship with hawke so he can put it in his book later.
he also writes smutty friendfiction with isabela:
Isabela: Psst. Iâve got some of it written down now.
Varric: âHer breasts strained against the leather jerkin like two wild stallions corralled against their will.â (Chuckles)
Varric: âShe pouncedâthe smooth moves of a jungle catâand locked her thighs around Donnicâs waist. Heââ
(If Aveline is in the party)Aveline: What?
Varric: Isabela just thought sheâd celebrate your love affair with a⊠written dedication.
Isabela: Itâs âfriend-fiction!â I do it out of love.
Aveline: I will never, ever be clean again.
if hawke is in a romance with merrill, varric bribes the gardeners in hightown to keep quiet because she constantly trespasses and steals their flowers.
varric is an extremely forgiving person, especially with bartrand.
varric will side with hawke regardless if they side with mages or templars, and this is due to the fact that he doesnât have a strong opinion on them either way.
he is also arguably hawkeâs most loyal companionâso much so that he even lies to the inquisition about hawkeâs whereabouts to keep them safe.
if varric is taken along during the legacy dlc, he is one of three companions who will comfort anders when he hears corypheusâs voiceâthe other two being isabela and bethany.
as everyone knows varric considers hawke his best friend, and they have some of the most amazing banter:
Hawke: Iâd like to know who this âCorypheusâ is. With a name like that, I know heâs bound to go âMuahahaâ at some point, I just know it. And really? More blood? Why canât it ever be spit or a lock of hair?
Varric: You really want to encounter a spit mage?
Hawke: For variety, sure.
Hawke: Iâm surprised you agreed to come, Varric. You hate being underground and you avoid the Carta the same way you do the Merchant Guild.
Varric: Thereâs no way Iâd miss watching you make these motherless nug-lickers cry. If you wanna punch a few stalagmites on the way there, thatâs good too.
varric is also the worldâs greatest hypeman for hawke:
Cassandra: Varric, does Hawke ever autograph books?
Varric: Why? Doesnât your copy of the âTale of the Championâ have a big hole in it?
Cassandra: Yes⊠but it could also have Hawkeâs signature on it.
Cassandra: Hawkeâs taller than I imagined.
Varric: âŠcough. Thatâs the first thing you said to him/her isnât it?
Cassandra: Not the first thing.
Varric: Tell you what Seeker. Next time you make me tell a story at knife-point Iâll make the hero sound taller.
despite the fact that varric is connected, he doesnât spread rumors about hawke and their LI. however, isabela is the only LI who wants him to spread rumors for fun.
varric gets along with just about everyone and seriously has some of the best banters with each of the companions:
Varric: So a human, an elf, and a dwarf walk into a barâŠ
Anders: The human says, âYouâre lucky youâre so short. That hurt like mad!â
Varric: You could have just stopped me, Blondie.
Anders: Why waste a perfectly good set-up?
Varric: So what do you do in that gigantic house all day?
Fenris: Dance, of course.
Fenris: I run from room to room, choreographing routines.
Varric: Youâre actually joking. Alert the Chantry! They need to put this on the calendar!
Fenris: And you thought I was always serious.
Isabela: Come to me, and Iâll take you to places youâve never beenâŠ
Varric: Isabela⊠Are you talking to Bianca?
Isabela: I think she deserves to feel a womanâs touch on her trigger, donât you?
Varric: Bianca responds to my touch. Sheâd never give it up for you.
Isabela: Thatâs what they always say, and I always prove them wrong.
Varric: Stop it. Youâre confusing her. And me.
varric is on such good terms with anders that anders will try to give him his motherâs pillow, which is the only thing he has left of his family before he went to the circle.
varric is also one of the few companions who tries to comfort anders post dissent.
varric later becomes viscount of kirkwall and returns to the city to attend to matters with hawke.
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