atmosphere

Ander Whitmore | 19 Astrophysics & Cultural Anthropology.

[adrianafvk-blog]

I honestly can’t believe I’m already in college. I feel like a freshman in high school still. There’s so much to learn. Like, what’s the best place to eat on campus? Or, when’s the first football game? Oh, sorry. I’m Ali. And I’m probably talking your ear off. I do that a lot.

[astroander-blog]

I'm sorry, what? Oh, you really are talking to me. Uh, well, The Bean is decent, the dining hall can be foul, and if you see some tool in Roseton work-out gear, I can get bet good money on the fact that he'll know the football schedule, so ask him. Any other questions? I didn't know I was a student advisor all of the sudden.

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

“You can roll another one. I mean, like, only if you want to… I’m fine with it, I swear,” Winnie rambled as she tried to assure Ander that the smoke didn’t bother her — which was looking to be difficult considering he had just watched her cough up a lung. Winnie looked down at the ground in front of her kicking the rocks below her feet and tapping her fingers against her thighs other the prolonged silence, not sure of what else to say. She looked back up at him as he spoke, shrugging her shoulders. “That’s true, but I don’t know.. Like, I had this one… friend, and he’s going to Harvard. But, I mean, he was, like, insane. And I like Chicago, well, what I’ve seen of it anyways. Thanks, though, you must be pretty smart too then,” she said softly, looking back up to him, giving him half of a smile. “Well, that’s the hope anyways,” it was what Winnie wanted. Maybe she didn’t expect to be rolling a cigarette and rather going to a party, but it’s all something new.

"It's alright," Ander chuckled in reassurance. His mind seemed to always go at an unnecessary speed, comprehending and responding to whatever people said to him, but also observing their patterns. Winnie was a naturally nervous girl, but when she paused before calling someone a 'friend,' Ander couldn't help but raise a suspicious eyebrow. He wasn't going to push it though. Instead, he forced a smile when she called him smart. Bitter words pushed through: "I think my application could have been a pile of dog shit, and I would have still gotten into Roseton, if I'm being honest. The pros and cons of having well-known alumni in the family." He wasn't ready to say who his dad was, but he figured it would have to come out eventually. Nevertheless, it was the truth. Roseton liked Anderson Whitmore because he was the son of a somebody. That was that. Ander glanced down at her, that smile not reaching his eyes even still. "Don't sell yourself short, Winnie."

[antonovs]

unbelievers || chris & ander

[astroander-blog]

Christian froze. The blood in his tangled veins turned to ice, his spine stiffened and even his shivering fingers halted when Ander spoke up, pointing out the elephant in the room that Chris was stupid enough to think could be ignored. He hadn’t even realized that the tears had spilled over, too wrapped up in trying to keep his labored breaths from turning to hyperventilation and the fight was leaving him lightheaded. Drumming his fingers on the thigh of his jeans, Chris sniffled as quietly as he could manage and shook his head, eyebrows furrowing like it was the most ridiculous notion someone could ever have. “No, I’m not crying. What the fuck would I have to cry about?” Still he kept his back to his roommate, trying to make himself look busy digging through his backpack. He knew Ander wasn’t stupid.

A steady inhale supported his voice enough to speak again, brushing his fingertips over the edges of his Chemistry book and closing his eyes for a long moment. “You don’t have anything, like, better to do?” His eyebrows furrowed farther at his own stupidity, shaking his head in some kind of attempt to show that’s not what he meant – sure, he wanted Ander to leave so he could wallow in his own company, but he didn’t want to make it seem like that’s what he wanted. “I mean, I would have like, thought you’d be off doing… something. Soccer practice or. I don’t know.” Trying to cover this up was a lost cause, that was for damn sure.

Pulling the sleeve of his shirt over his hand and wiping beneath his eyes with his fist, the blond finally turned around and seated himself on the edge of his bed, clasping his hands together and setting them on his lap. He dreaded making eye contact with Ander, but even without words from the other he knew the jig was up. He just prayed the brunette wouldn’t mention it further. Red-brimmed blues met curious greens and Christian’s leg bounced anxiously, tearing his blown pupils away to look at something, anything else. How was he even supposed to explain what was happening to him? Why should he have to, anyway? Ander didn’t know him, and he didn’t know Ander. As far as Christian was concerned, it wasn’t any of his business.

“I’m fine, honestly. I’m just not having a very good day. Don’t worry about it.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was further from the truth than he was willing to admit. Again, he tried a smile, one that he wanted to read like a promise but had to come off as a half-hearted lie and screamed ‘Please just drop it.’ Every second under Ander’s gaze made his heart beat another mile faster. “W-what,” he cleared his throat, “what classes do you have today?”

It took everything in Ander not to start another fight with his new roommate. It seemed the two boys liked to argue over petty things. There had even been a silent scuffle that morning, when Christian's alarm went off but was ultimately ignored. Ander had found himself glaring over the blonde, until he was finally pulled out of his beauty sleep and grabbed for his phone. Words weren't exchanged, but the tension had been there. Ander marked it up to roommate things; there were no two people who could harmonize perfectly in one compact space. For two boys like Ander and Christian, awfully similar but worlds apart, they were doing pretty well.

And this, whatever this was, seemed to be one prideful young man attempting to put on a happy face. Ander decided not to take it personally, even though Chris continued to poke, asking Ander if he had anything better to do. He gritted his teeth. Truth be told, he didn't, but it was hard not to say something along the lines of: other than bawl my eyes out for seemingly no fucking reason? The Whitmore boy was glad he didn’t utter a word, considering Christian quickly cleared the air by bringing up soccer practice, his words understood as an apology. Ander spoke evenly when he replied, "I think you'd know if I had soccer practice, considering you'd be running the track at the same time."

He was on edge the entirety of the conversation, until the taller boy turned around and took a seat on his bed, and Ander realized that red-brimmed eyes and a forced smile was a sad look that evoked sympathy even from him. He swallowed hard, their eyes meeting and a silent message getting across easily. Ander looked away quickly, in hopes that Christian understood he got it. He'd drop it. The brunette cleared his throat before glancing down at his phone, noting a response from his supplier but deciding to ignore it for the time being. "I had Theoretical Physics and Intro to Geography. The professor passed out a worksheet asking us to map the Middle East. I fucking hate GE's."

He was going to ask what classes Christian had, but then he realized he really had no idea what had sparked the sadness. For all Ander knew, it had been the stress of classes, and he didn't really want to open any floodgates with a trigger word. But God, how could he talk to the guy if he didn't know what would set him off? Ander glanced at Christian out of the corner of his eye, then back to his phone. It was nearing seven, the glorified cafeteria threatening to close in an hour, leaving nothing but remnants of burnt pizza and a pathetic salad bar. He had had plans to go, but with this turn of events, Ander found himself grabbing his wallet from his desk and putting it in his pocket. "Want to go to dinner? I was about to head out to the dining hall, but I'm not really feeling it. There's a place in the city, almost right off campus, called Geoffrey's. Pretty good shit, if you ask me. It was my go-to last year."

[astroander-blog]

kennedyhart:

Kennedy let a soft gasp escape her lips as he closed the space between them once again, her hands restless in his hair. She ran her hands down his arms feeling the tautness of his muscles, the brick wall rough against her back. She wanted nothing more than to give in, but the thing about Kennedy was that even the smallest inkling of doubt was enough to make her want to flee. She pulled back for the second time, a look of uncertainty clouding her features. Avoiding eye contact, she pulled at a string on her flannel, an obvious nervous habit she couldn’t shake. “But that’s the thing… I don’t know you. And you don’t know me.” she stared into his equally confused eyes, a lump forming in her throat as reality washed over her. “I might just be another random girl you woke up next to, but I don’t think that’s all you could mean to me. That’s the problem, Ander.” 

Confusion crossed Ander's features when she pulled away again. He had a yearning for her, starting from the back of his throat and running down to the pit of his stomach, but she was hell-bent on pushing him away. It was frustrating, considering Ander didn't like to fight, when someone was clearly saying no. At one second, their bodies had nearly meshed into one. The next, she seemed on another world, miles and miles between them, despite Ander being not even a foot away. Her words dropped like bombs between them, causing him to look away in shame. To be fair, Ander had woken up to his fair share of random girls. But she was different. "If you need to hear something reassuring, I don't typically hangout with the random girls I wake up beside the very next day," he countered, but he knew the argument was weak. His heart was heavy with her words; she felt something for him and that was new for the Whitmore boy. It took everything in him to utter out the next words, feeling like it was going against every fiber of his being, but knowing it was the truth: "I don't see a problem if I feel the same way about you, Kennedy." Maybe it was foolish and maybe they wouldn't feel this way a week or a month down the line, after getting to know the other. But something told Ander that wouldn't be the case. It was a feeling he felt in his fingertips, his intuitive side kicking in. And Ander chose to trust it.

[wtf-kh]

When he kissed her, the last of her doubts dissolved. Kennedy could feel herself quavering against him, as though she was overawed by the power that drew the both of them together. She opened her mouth under his and her tongue slowly traced his bottom lip before gently biting down on it, slowly pulling away and resting her forehead against his, the way he had done before disappearing. “And suddenly I find myself wanting to let you in,“ she said, her hopeful eyes looking into his, searching for some kind of sign that she wasn’t making a complete fool of herself. “I don’t even know you, that’s the crazy thing right? But I want to,” she whispered, her voice almost inaudible. She trailed off, not wanting to get carried away but fearing that she already had. Fuck. Who was she and what was she saying? All of her doubts came flooding back almost as quickly as they had disappeared and she went straight back to square one, the wall around her contradicting everything she had just confessed. She had successfully made it through the last two years without letting anybody in, so why should that change now? She knew it would all just end up hurting her in the end. 

[astroander-blog]

Ander felt the tight pull of teeth against his bottom lip, making him want to close the gap again, but feeling content when her forehead found itself against his instead. Their eyes met in pure ecstasy. Ander used her words as an anchor, willing himself to listen carefully so that he could actually fight the craving in him to kiss her again, to push her against the brick and bring her legs around him. It was odd, how their actions were so obvious but their words were so vague. So Kennedy wanted to get to know Ander; it wasn't anything close to her professing quiet feelings. If anything, all it did was make Ander think about how she might flee once she understood his inner workings. His words were carefully chosen, but a grin appeared nevertheless. "I think we've both done crazier things," he muttered, fingers finding her belt loops as he tugged her in for another kiss. If skin touching hot skin was as much confirmation as Ander and Kennedy were getting tonight, so be it. He'd never needed words before, and in a desperate attempt to keep himself together and hold on to this upper hand he'd been playing his entire life, Ander would suppress whatever his feelings were, with roaming hands and dancing tongues.

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

“Oh,” Winnie said, trying to hide the tinge of disappointment in her voice, “nothing’s ever what it’s like in the movies, guess it’s what I should’ve expected.” She shrugged, if things were always how they were in the movie they would have been a bad boy that was just soft for his Winnie, just like the two had talked about the other day. Winnie tended to see life through a romanticized tint, and had to remind herself to not expect too much of things. “That’s good though, that you enjoyed it, at least kind of” she added, her head tilted to rest against the wall, her shoulder leaning against the brick. “Why would coughing be good?” she asked, purely curious. “You didn’t have to put that out for me,” she informed him with a pang of guilt for ending his stress reliever. She didn’t mind the smoke, maybe it didn’t like breathing it in from the cigarette, but she didn’t mind him smoking. Her cheeks flushed a dark shade of red, sucking in her bottom lip. “I mean, yea, I guess that would make sense. I don’t know… I don’t think I’m all that smart,” she shrugged her shoulders. She giggled at his next words, eyes looking up to him as his voice filled her ears. “I guess she wouldn’t have, but I didn’t too great at both of them, and failing at those things is exactly what a nerdy girl would do.”

"It was practically done anyway," Ander lied, leaning up against the wall again and realizing now how cold it was without a cigarette to warm his insides. He glanced down at the girl who was now a bright pink shade, and without the tobacco to pull them together, he realized Winnie and him probably shared little in common. She seemed overly sweet, and around her, Ander couldn't help but feel like the cliche every mother warned their daughter about. He shrugged, shedding a light to one thing they had in common, in response to her claiming she wasn't smart. "Hey, you're at Roseton, right? This place isn't for just anyone. Hear their acceptance rate for this year's class of freshmen was lower than it's ever been, so congratulations." Her laugh pulled through the dark, and Ander gave a smile that matched hers. "Any newbie would fail, not just the nerdy girls. But you know, I believe you'll push through this label. College is the place for good girls to go bad, after all," he said, a wink tying together his statement with a bow.

[astroander-blog]

kennedyhart:

Kennedy’s eyes widened as he asked her to elaborate, and she found herself being thankful for the dimly lit alleyway, hoping it didn’t reveal too much of her confused facial expression. Suddenly what? What was she trying to say, anyways? That suddenly she found herself thinking about him, wondering what he was doing, wanting him? Because truth be told, she hadn’t been able to focus on anything in the last few days without her mind replaying the way he had kissed her, and the way she’d felt watching him slip out of her dorm. Kennedy tried to shake the haze out of her brain and search for the right words, but she couldn’t quite get there. “And suddenly I…” she stammered, part of herself screaming to build the wall higher, the other part telling her to let go for once. As if he could read her mind, Ander reached out to pull her arm down, the wall slowly collapsing along with it. “And suddenly I just keep thinking about this,” she reached both arms out and hooked them around his neck, pulling him towards her and closing the remaining space between them as she gently placed her lips on his.

Ander waited patiently for her to finish her thought, but it seemed she was struggling with it and it was killing him. He briefly wondered if she could hear his heartbeat, because it was echoing loudly in his ears. Mostly though, Ander was standing in front of her, half of him wanting to forget about her thought and kiss her quiet, the other half wanting to flee. He wanted to run, run back to his dorm, run until he forgot Kennedy was a part of his life now, a student at Roseton, an existing person that he couldn't fucking read to save his life. And then the tables turned and it was she who kissed him first and everything melted away. The knot in his stomach untied, his heartbeat steadied and Ander didn't know if it was possible, but somehow she calmed him more than the cigarette. His hands went back to her hips like they had the first time their lips met, tightening his grip on her as their bodies were pushed together. His lips parted, dividing hers as well as he took in that familiar, sweet taste while he had it. He always thought making out behind school buildings was saved for high school lovers, but it seemed him and Kennedy were too far gone on each other to be above it.

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

“Did you like it?” Winnie asked with perhaps too much excitement in her voice for such a simple question and she looked at him with bright, expectant eyes. “It just always looked like so much fun in movies and stuff, y’know. I was just wondering if it was like that in real life,” she added in attempts to make it come off more casual. Winnie’s eyes trailed around, trying to see as much as she could in the dark of the night, still expecting somebody to pop out of nowhere and get the two in trouble for smoking on campus — if you can even called what she did smoking. Her forehead was creased and her face was a little red from all of the coughing she had suffered through as she looked back up to the curly haired boy. Although the coughing was far from over, at least now she didn’t feel like she was going to vomit with every cough. She tried to smile at him, thanking him for the hand on her back that made things feel a little bit better, but it ended up looking like a grimace. “You’re telling me, that something I did there was right?” she asked him, giving him a weary look.

Ander glanced over at her in surprise. It was clearly not what he was expecting, expecting that 'why' to cause him to flee from conversation, tell her what he always told everyone, that he had gone to boarding school to get straightened out and he still didn't know if it worked. But she asked if he liked it and it was something Ander didn't think much about. Did he like it? He hadn't liked being sent away from everything he had known at thirteen, not allowed to leave a small campus for months at a time. But did he like the school itself? Well, sometimes. He glanced at her. "Well, it isn't anything like Dead Poet's Society, if that's what you're thinking. But," he glanced down at his hands, wringing them together in an attempt to not seem so vulnerable, "I mean, it had its ups and downs. Tight knit class, more one-on-one with teachers, a general understanding of not being alone despite being away." He shrugged, clearing his throat then. "It was fine, is all." He noted that she seemed nervous, so he attempted to ease her mind by dropping the cigarette and putting it out with a quick step of his beat up Vans. "Coughing is good as a first timer, so yes, that's what I'm essentially saying. You're the nerdy girl, right? Shouldn't the nerdy girl be used to being told she did something right?" He grinned at her, then, leaning forward a bit as his voice lowered. "But then again, the nerdy girl wouldn't have agreed to roll a cigarette and take a drag. So maybe you're not the nerdy girl after all." He rose his eyebrows at her, but the sly smirk on his face was teasing.

[astroander-blog]

ferozmedina:

Feroz kept their head down as they walked towards their home, mentally cursing themselves for not stopping earlier in the day to pick up a pack of cigarettes. Now all the convenient stores in the neighborhood were closed for the night, and they didn’t have any cigarettes. They were halfway through the alley that led to their apartment when a voice called out to them. “One what?” They questioned, before spotting the cigarette in his hand. “Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course I do. Please.” 

Ander was hardly expecting a direct agreement to a cigarette, but it seemed the person in front of him was a smoker just like he was, sounding almost eager to get his hands on a stick of chemicals. The sophomore smiled; it was nice to have something in common with someone right off the bat. He assumed that's where the commradery of smokers came from. Bumming off a stranger meant ten minutes of peace and generally good conversation before they parted ways, all because of the need for a smoke. Ander, completely succumbing to the social protocal, handed the stranger his already rolled cigarette, "Here." He was digging his lighter out right after, knowing it'd be needed soon after. "Hopefully you don't mind the taste of filterless tobacco."

[astroander-blog]

lolgage:

Gage observed the man run his tongue along the paper of his cigarette as he approached, not really intending to talk to anyone else of course, he was just lolling around the campus, familiarizing himself with the area. He wouldn’t have without Ander speaking up first, luring him into conversing. “Want one?” Ander had asked. It seemed like there was something questionable in the way he had asked. Gage wondered if this was a person he had to be apprehensive around. “No, thanks. I don’t smoke,” he declined politely, before gesturing to the obvious sign above him. “Feeling rebellious, huh?”

Ander glanced up, taking note of the familiar sign plastered on every wall around campus. The same grin he had been wearing earlier simply widened. "Everyone needs to rebel a little, right?" He shrugged then, taking a light to the cigarette and inhaling deeply to let it burn. A line of white-gray smoke exuded from him as he continued on, "It's stupid, anyway. It's legal to smoke within a ten foot radius of any building in Chicago, but campuses are allowed to dismiss smoking completely, and they span over miles. I'm not going to walk into the city for a fucking cigarette. They should expect the rebels." Green eyes darted up to the stranger across from him, observing toe to head. Ander noted the polite decline of his offer, but also the tinge of humor in his statement about the sign. If he had been forced to guess on the spot, the ninteen year old would have pinned the movie protagonist cliche on the young man in front of him -- the generally nice, level-headed guy with a general grasp on wit. But that would just be a snap judgement, and who was Ander to judge. He nodded towards the stranger. "My name's Ander," he said, greeting himself but mostly implying that he was looking to hear the name of his companion in the alley.

[astroander-blog]

kennedyhart:

Kennedy knew she had a tendency to build walls and as she stood there with her arms crossed, she could feel herself doing it. A defense mechanism, but she couldn’t help it. She had thought about it several times - not saving his number and writing him off as just another guy she’d met at the bar. It would surely save her all the trouble of trying to figure him - and all of this - out. She watched as he stood in front of her, his eyes darting across her face searching for some kind of answer. “I just - you know, the other day…” she trailed off, searching for words that wouldn’t come. “It’s just so weird. I went two years telling myself to just get in and get out of this place, never worried about anything besides myself, and then I wake up next to a random guy and suddenly I’m.. I’m. I don’t know, it’s just weird.” Her words flowed freely, one linking itself to the next in an unbroken chain. Her cheeks were heated, flushed, and she stopped herself before she rambled on any longer. “Ignore me, I don’t know what I’m saying,” she nervously chuckled, suddenly realizing what little space was left between the two.

Ander's heart was racing as he tucked his hands into the pocket of his black skinny jeans, her words echoing through the alley. How did people do this? He never got nervous around anyone, especially girls, especially girls he had done nothing but kiss, but suddenly his palms were sweating and his stomach was tying itself in a giant knot. He was anxious to hear what she had to say and that was radically new for him. But her words were vague, and Ander was really just hanging onto 'and suddenly.' He felt his expression betray him, confusion and eagerness crossing his features as he asked, "And suddenly, you... what?" Suddenly, she found herself caring to hear from him, wanting to be around him, wanting to feel his lips against hers? Because truth be told, Ander had felt that way in the days apart. It wouldn't be so easy to get out of him, though, and if Kennedy had proven anything, it was that she was similiar to him. Similar, but better. He didn't know why he was pushing, because he didn't expect her to crack so soon. But maybe she didn't have to say anything. Ander took note of the little space between them, only a gap made by her crossed her arms, and he found himself gently taking one of her hands to untangle her, the wall coming down as he did, the space closing ever so slightly more.

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

Winnie watched the boy take the first puff of the cigarette in what seemed like pure ecstasy. Each drag somehow made him appear calmer, as if his features were softening with each drag. “Right,” she cleared her throat, a tint rising in her cheeks, “yea, thanks for that.” She laughed lightly, a genuine smile tugging at her lips, “yea, I’m sure I’ll be getting a lot of practice with this.” She kicked the rocks by her feet as he kept breathing in the chemicals and blowing them out – in the opposite direction of Winnie, which she was grateful for. “You went to boarding school?” she asked, not necessarily because she was surprised, just because she had always wanted to go. Just because the movies she had watched and books she had read made them look so much fun, although she assumed it would be just like college – but younger. She did understand it as a calming tactic. Maybe not for her, but she has had plenty of odd habits that calmed her down through the years; sure, they weren’t anything like rolling a cigarette and smoking, but it was something. She looked back up at him hesitantly, one puff wouldn’t hurt.. she assumed, having no knowledge on the subject. “Sure,” she finally accepted moments later, talking the lit stick from his hand mimicking the way he held it between his fingers in his own hand. She wasn’t exactly sure what full experience was for, but college was supposed to be about them, so she lift it to her lips. “Just, like, breathe in, yea?” she asked him for reassurance. The smell of the smoke became dormant in her nose before she even lifted it up to her lips. She cautiously lifted it up to her mouth, her pink lips surrounding it. With a deep breath in, the smoke filled her mouth before quickly being rejected down her throat, leaving the girl in coughing up a storm. The grey smoke returned back to the space between them in a fit of the younger girl’s coughs. “How do you do that?” she asked as she shook her head, her question punctured with a new round of coughs.

"I did," Ander said evenly, eyes glancing towards the empty night and away from the girl beside him. He didn't like to talk about himself all that much, but he especially liked to stray from the topic of boarding school, because the next question typically was 'why.' Ander didn't like to venture in the 'why's of his own life. It would end in him talking about his father, attempting to keep a front up, a front he'd had up since he was a child and was taught that faces in politics had to smile with gritted teeth. He was happy when the small girl finally accepted the cigarette, because the tobacco was something he actually enjoyed and watching her take her first drag was decently comedic. He expected the coughs, but was laughing nevertheless as light gray smoke exuded Winnie, her lungs desperate to get any trace of the chemicals out. "Like I said, practice makes perfect. But hey, good for you. Most people don't inhale properly on their first try," he explained, letting one of his large hands gently rub circles into her back as she continued to lurch forward with every cough.

[astroander-blog]

ok, I have work until 8pm pst and i'll do all replies then and reply to starters and everything! so hopefully i'm coming back to a full dash :-)

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

Winnie’s orbs remained attentive on the older boy’s hands, observing how easy it looked like for him to, somewhat, fix the mess of a cigarette she made. In the end, it didn’t look half bad, nothing that a trained smoker would want and nothing compared to the one that was tucked behind Ander’s ear, but still better than she had expected she would be able to do. “I wouldn’t trust myself to smoke that thing, I probably would’ve somehow messed it up terribly,” she replied, returning to her spot next to him on the wall. She glanced over at him, he seemed rather relaxed, an attribute she was jealous of, and she assumed it was partially because this wasn’t very foreign to him. “Um,” she started, clearing her throat, “not really all that different. I mean, a little I guess because now I can say I’ve done it, not well, but I did it. Mostly just feel like I should learn how to make my hands stop shaking.” She added with a laugh, threading her fingers through her long hair. “Oh, yea, that’s fine with me,” she said, eyeing on how it would light. “Why do you roll them instead of just buying them at the store?” Winnie piped up after a moment, her voice genuine with curiosity.

With her permission, Ander lit the cigarette between his lips and inhaled deeply before exhaling the smoke in a thin line. He was careful to make sure the stream of second-hand chemicals didn't waft around her completely. "I steadied your hands as much as possible," he smirked, glad she could joke about it. "I think you're a natural. Just need to cement it, make it second nature. Practice makes perfect, after all." He knew she wouldn't, knew that this was probably a rare occasion for Winnie, but if she wanted a grade or instruction, that was his assessment. He took another drag as she questioned rolled over pre-packaged, smoke rising around him as he glanced towards the cigarette between his fingers. Ander shrugged. "They were a favorite at my boarding school. It gave us something to do. Now, I think it's just habit. I like rolling them, it's part of the experience, the calm." He looked over at her, smiling now, white teeth shining along with his green eyes. "Plus, they're cheaper." With the Chicago winds, the cigarette was burning fast, especially at the rate Ander was smoking it, but with the smoke drifting away from them, he couldn't help but notice something about Winnie. Something like curiosity, hesitant but willing. He knew he had offered before, but with the shift in mood, Ander figured it wouldn't hurt to ask again. Offering the lit cigarette to her, he asked, "Want to try? I know I said you didn't have to, but if I'm being honest, you're not getting the full experience without a drag."

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

“But, if you don’t expect me to, how am I supposed to know if I’m doing it right?” Winnie asked him, voice filled with genuine concern. She knew that we wasn’t expecting her to be able to do this, honestly she wasn’t expecting much of herself either, but she didn’t like the idea of complete failure, even if it was her first time. The girl turned a darker shade when his hands met hers again. They were still a bit shaky — they always were when the attention was focused onto her, especially considering they were both staring at her hands struggling to roll the cigarette — and she was positive that if he didn’t notice before, he definitely had noticed now. Her mind wandered to why he took his guiding hands away if it was the hardest part, getting more anxious over the eyes watching her. She tried to move her hands along with the instructions he was speaking, however it didn’t turn out too well. She was too caught up in her movements to listen to the next stage he was explaining. She tried her best with some of his words that she caught ‘resembles something close to a cigarette’ which is really all she could hope for at this point. There was no way this was going to be actually usable, instead she rolled the paper, to the best of her abilities — which were rather lacking — and ended with a very loose cigarette that, if held the wrong way, could fall apart. “I, uhm, I don’t really think I did it right, I’m sorry,” she said, holding the half look alike cigarette in her hand, as she gave him a sheepish grin, finally looking back up to him.

He laughed. "You're not going to do it right, but that's okay, I swear. No one can roll a good cigarette their first time." The smile on the girl's face before him made him smile a little wider, this time more genuinely, because she was finally in on it. He took the cigarette from her fingers, bringing it up to his lips and licking the paper so that it stuck properly together. His long fingers worked diligently to thin it out, letting tobacco fall between him and the much smaller body before him, until it looked ever so slightly better. He held it up for her, chuckling, "I wouldn't advise you to smoke it, but it's not bad for a first timer. Not that bad, at least." Finally leaning back against the brick wall again, the sophomore took his own cigarette from behind his ear and stuck it between his lips. "So you just rolled your first cigarette. How do you feel? Like a new woman?" He grinned at her behind the cancer stick, then dug out his lighter. He told himself that his addiction could wait until she had excused herself, but rolling a second cigarette just made him crave the first one more. He held up the lighter to his mouth, but glanced her way before letting a flame rise. "May I?"

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

Winnie’s brain turned as he listed off the instructions, as if her life depended on doing this correctly. Not that it would even matter after tonight, the girl didn’t expect a need to be rolling cigarettes showing up in her life anytime in the near, or far, future. She was thankful that he took her hand in his to get her into position; although her cheeks did burn slightly red at the touch, and she had to pray that the dim lighting would act as a curtain for her. It was tragic how quickly her cheeks would begin to flush, even over practically nothing, Winnie thought. She looked back up towards him, studying to see if there was any hint of joking in his voice. The girl didn’t understand how she was supposed to hold the paper still and make a nice, even line with her other hand. It was hard enough to keep her hands from shaking, and again, she hoped that Ander wouldn’t catch on to the slight wobble of the paper, but now she had to do this. She took the bag from his hand, gentle to make sure she didn’t lose the u–form of the paper. She struggled with opening the bag for a moment before hovering it over her roll of paper. The girl tried her best with making the line even, but it came out a little wobbly and larger in some places rather than others. She looked back up to Ander with concern in her eyes, “I d– don’t really know what it’s supposed to look like.”

Ander noticed how Winnie seemed unsure of how to act around him, like he was the big, bad wolf and she was the subject a cruel joke. He knew she didn't think of him that way, considering she had explained that she was easily nervous. But he still smirked when he noticed her hands shaking and the way she kept her eyes locked on the task at hand when their hands met, as if her life depended on not meeting his gaze. He was too observant to miss these things, but also intuitive enough to know that bringing attention to them wouldn't exactly make for a pleasant encounter. He watched as she struggled to shake remnants of the tobacco into the crease, smirking at her backwards technique, but shrugging when she looked back up at him. "I don't expect you to," he said, taking the baggie back from her and placing it in his back pocket again. "It's fine." Taking a small step towards her now, he took the hand that wasn't holding the paper, placing her fingers in position on the opposite side in the same way. He kept his hands on her hers as he warned, "This is the hard part." But then he took a step back, as if to get the full view, and motioned with his own hands whilst explaining. "You're now going to use your thumbs and middle fingers to roll the cigarette. Twist up and down until the tobacco is mostly compressed and when you feel like it resembles something close to a cigarette, tuck one side underneath the layer of the tobacco, so all of it's rolled inside the paper, and the other side of the paper is sticking up."

[astroander-blog]

nowinnie:

Winnie listened to Ander’s voice, trying to follow along to his words as he explained… whatever he was talking about; Winnie hadn’t had the slightest clue of what a filter was, how it was used for, or even what he was filtering. Her head tilted so she could see him, her body staying leaned against the wall. She gave him a half hearted shrug before finally responding, “I have no idea which would be better, so, I’ll trust you on it.” Her voice still had a tint of nervousness to it, she had seen the obvious ‘no smoking’ sign before taking a spot next to Ander. Things like this always made Winnie start to bubble up with nerves, no matter how hard she tried to push it down. It didn’t help that they were in some alley in the middle of the night, but looking back towards the boy, she figured he’d probably be a nice bodyguard. “Yea, sure,” she said, shaking her head more confidently this time. She took the small paper from his hand, observing it in her hands. “So, um, how do I do this?” she asked him with wide eyes and brows furrowed together in confusion, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Ander couldn't help but smile at the whole ordeal. He knew it would come off like he was smiling at her, smiling at her obvious innocence to the whole thing, and it was partially. But it was also because he wouldn't have offered if he couldn't find his own pleasure out of teaching someone how to roll a cigarette. It was like a right of passage, a part of life, a needed experience. He could remember his first time rolling a cigarette at fifteen in boarding school and fucking it up so horribly, it burned his lips and burned out after one weak drag. "Here," Ander said, tucking the baggie of tobacco under his arm and taking her hand in his carefully. "You're going to put your thumb near the bottom, your index finger on top of the paper, on the right side, and your middle finger holding up the top, to make somewhat of a u-shape with the paper." He instructed her as he gently placed each of her small fingers in position, then took the tobacco back out. "Then with your other hand, fill the center crease with tobacco; not too much, not too little. Sprinkle it into a thick line." His green eyes flickered under the dim light, holding the bag out to her and waiting to see how she'd accomplish the next steps.