This Is My Face

I'm using this blog to track my progress and experiences while taking Accutane.

[atel0ph0biac]

This is how my skin looked a couple of days ago immediately after washing my face! It got a lot less irritated after washing. I’ve continued to follow my regimen EXCEPT I dilute the sulfur wash with a mild cleanser and have been using it every other day instead of daily. My skin has been feeling pretty soft since it’s been peeling and the endless breakout that was happening on my left jaw for two months FINALLY stopped generating! My skin is still dryer than normal but in the morning I’m able to gently exfoliate some of the flakiness away just using cool water and rubbing softly with the tips of my fingers. It still looks a little weird under my makeup but whatever!

Let’s talk side effects of the spironolactone.... yes I have been peeing a lot. Makes sense because it’s a diuretic. Sure. Whatever. But also what the fucking fuck my boobs went up almost a whole cup size and get a little bigger every day. LMFAO. I looked it up and yes, breast growth can be a side effect. Honestly I’ve had small boobs forever so it’s a nice change, but they’re also a little tender. Also I had no idea that boobs could be this heavy???? Ladies r u guys ok????

But yeah that’s all I have for updates!!!!

[atel0ph0biac]

Here’s some of the pink irritated spots I was talking about! It’s calmed down a little and it isn’t so dry since I switched moisturizers and started icing my face between applications. The skin that’s pink is crazy smooth though????? Like smoother than my skin has ever been! So even though the redness and irritation has been a bitch I’m actually pretty excited to be able to continue using the sulfur wash again! I think that I might try mixing it with cetaphil cleanser to dilute it if my skin has another reaction like this. I haven’t use it in over two days and it’s still pretty sensitive.

[atel0ph0biac]

WOW so I’m just going to acknowledge that I was very wrong about continuing to use the moisturizer with salicylic acid in it. Last night before bed my face felt like it was on FIRE even after applying the moisturizer. When I woke up today my face was crazy dry and where the skin peeled already (basically my entire cheeks and a little of the rest of my t-zone) was pink af. Honestly it looked like I had a chemical peel or something. I followed the morning regimen as my dermatologist suggested but borrowed my mom’s moisturizer instead of using mine. I also had to put an ice pack to my face for about 40 minutes after applying moisturizer before I could even bother with makeup. I also had to use a green concealer because there was no way I was going to be able to focus at work if I didn’t put in the extra effort. I still was pretty dry but it looked way better than it did when I woke up.

After my 8 hour shift my skin had gotten a little flakier. I read on the directions of my bottle of sulfur wash and it mentioned that I could use it less frequently than every day if irritation occurs. I feel pretty sure that the sulfur wash (plus the salicylic acid in my moisturizer) is the cause of the irritation on my cheeks/t-zone, because I haven’t even put any of the tretinoin on those areas (only jaw area). So I decided to (VERY GENTLY) remove my makeup with micellar water and washed my face with a store brand Cetaphil cleanser. I also bought a store brand CeraVe moisturizer after work. My face is still pink in the areas it was before and still pretty sensitive, so I went back and forth between patting a layer of moisturizer to pressing an ice pack on my face for about 30 minutes. I read that applying tretenoin creams after moisturizing at first can help the skin adjust (I think it’s called buffering?). After about a full week or so of using it I’ll use tretinoin before the moisturizer. My face is a lot less flaky after giving it some desperately needed TLC, but I know it’ll probably be sensitive and pink for at least a couple more days.

I also went ahead and ordered a new liquid foundation from Bare Minerals last night. I was considering getting matched at Sephora but honestly I don’t know how I would feel about letting someone get too close to my skin like that right now so I just used my best judgment. Shrugs

[atel0ph0biac]

Hello! I went to my new dermatologist last Friday. I’ll admit, I was ready to go in there and refuse to try anything for my breakouts unless it was a second round of Accutane - because I’ve been through the trial and error of trying so many different regimens and I remember how disappointing and stressful it can be. But this new dermatologist took a look at my recent breakouts (mostly on my jaw on the face and a little on my back). I explained to her that those were never my problem areas when I had acne before, and that they were actually the few places I could count on to stay relatively clear.

She explained that my body is likely overproducing androgens (male hormones, hooray!) because acne around the chin/jaw is caused by hormonal imbalances. She recommended a strict skin regimen:

Morning:

1. Cleanse face with sulfur wash (bought at pharmacy - prescribed). She stated that this cleanser helps a lot with oily skin (thanks, dad the extra sebum pairs great with the emotional abandonment). I use a small amount and gently massage for 10-20 seconds. The first time I used it i massaged for 20 seconds and my face felt a little irritated after, so I’ve just been doing it for 10 seconds since yesterday (the instructions stated specifically to reduce massage time if it felt too irritating). Oh! I can also use this cleanser on my back in the shower. I haven’t done so yet because I keep forgetting.

2. Gently wipe affected areas with clindamycin swabs (bought at pharmacy - prescribed). These basically look like the little cotton rounds that you might use to remove your make up except more exfoliating and thinner. I was actually surprised by how many of them there were in the little package, so I feel like they’ll probably last a while. I can also use these on my back and the little pads are so saturated with the medication that I just swipe on the affected areas of my face and then use the other side of the pad for my back (on my back I get some breakouts between my shoulder blades).

3. She recommended Cetaphil as a moisturizer but I really like this moisturizer I already have but it’s basically the same thing. It’s an oil-free face moisturizer by Clean & Clear and also has .5% salicylic acid. The printed regimen she gave me only says not to use any OTC retinoids and this moisturizer is AMAZING so I don’t feel guilty about not switching to Cetaphil or CeraVe.

Evening:

1. Cleanse face with sulfur wash (same as above) after removing makeup. I soak cotton rounds with Bioré’s baking soda cleansing micellar water. It’s supposed to be good for combination skin and it never makes my skin feel worn or dried out!

2. Five minutes after washing face, apply a pea-sized amount of tretinoin cream (bought at pharmacy - prescribed) to affected areas. I’m supposed to start off using this only every other night for the first few weeks before I start using it every night. Retinoids (like sweet, sweet Accutane) are super drying (as are the other products my dermatologist prescribed) and I’ve already started the Flake Phase. As much as the flakiness makes me wanna, I don’t know, DIE, I’m trying to remember that it is also my friend because it’ll help my pores stay unclogged and the cell reproduction will help reduce hyperpigmentation over time. (Still, can’t say I haven’t smirked at the thought of sweet death)

3. Moisturize (same as above).

4. Take 50 mg of spironolactone once every night before bed (bought at pharmacy - prescribed). This is kind of the big finale! So, since this dermatologist suspects that my body is overproducing androgens, she prescribed the spironolactone since it works to block androgen receptors. I did some reading online and it’s also apparently prescribed to help heart failure, liver disease, and high blood pressure. It’s a potassium-sparing drug so my dermatologist has also given me a lab order for a blood test to check my levels. I didn’t really understand what she was talking about during this point of the visit but it’s probably fine lmao. Oh also spironolactone is a diuretic so it looks like I’m going to have to get over my pee shyness sooner rather than later.

The last thing that she recommended was to switch the foundation I’ve been using for a mineral foundation so that it won’t clog my pores. I didn’t know this, but she told me that mineral makeup sits on top of the skin? I’ve used True Match mineral powder before and liked it okay, but I don’t think powder is my thing because I like fuller coverage. I’ve been using Fit Me liquid foundation and setting it with its matching powder. But recently I found out that Bare Minerals has liquid mineral makeup so I’m thinking about buying it! I would want to actually have my skin tone matched by someone at Sephora if I’m going to buy a higher quality make up.

So I have a follow up appointment in mid-December. The dermatologist stated that she wants to avoid putting me back on Accutane because of my history of depression. But honestly, Accutane didn’t affect my depression when I used it the first time so if things aren’t looking better (literally) at my follow-up, I might request a prescription since it worked well for me in the past. I’m also going to ask her about the sustainability of this regimen because some of the reviews I’ve read about spironolactone had complaints about immediately breaking out all over again once discontinuing the drug. Ya girl is looking for long-term results and I can’t say I would be thrilled if I would have to take a prescription for my acne like.......... indefinitely. I don’t know, it doesn’t sit well with me lmao. THAT’S ALL FOR NOW will probably post photos in a few days I guess

[atel0ph0biac]

Guess who’s back with more acne! Yeah, it’s me. I ended my fifth month of Accutane on October 5th, 2016. My skin has been fairly predictable over the last two years, and getting on Accutane drastically changed my relationship with my skin/self. Lately though, my skin has been really unpredictable, sensitive, and oily. I’ve started feeling insecure walking around again and definitely don’t feel comfortable going anywhere without foundation. I don’t even like being around my significant other without cover up on. I know that my skin is still WAY better than it ever was pre-Accutane but I’m still feeling disappointed and annoyed, to say the least. So, I’ve made an appointment with my dermatologist to discuss starting a second round of Accutane. I know that my skin really doesn’t look all that bad, but it’s slowly gotten progressively worse over the last two months, so I’m really hoping that I can just stop these persistent breakouts before they get any worse!

I meet with my dermatologist this Friday, but she is new at the office (my old dermatologist retired). In the past I tried EVERYTHING before I got on Accutane, including oral antiobiotics, topical treatments, light treatments, diet changes, exercise, really EVERYTHING. So I’m feeling a little nervous that this new dermatologist is going to try to get me to try different strategies before letting me start a second round. Hopefully that won’t be the case! Other than some minor side effects (dry skin, sore joints, chapped lips) I had a pretty positive experience with Accutane the first time.

Anyway, I’m probably going to update again after my appointment this Friday and then on a weekly basis from then on! Wish me luck people, time for round two 🙄

[atel0ph0biac]

I’m having my first “”“breakout”“” since coming off of Accutane! Before these guys popped up I didn’t have more than one zit at any point in time, so I’m a liiittle bit sad that four popped up all in one night, but I haven’t let it control my mood like I normally would have before. I mean obviously I would rather not have a breakout but it isn’t the end of the world and I’m able to recognize that!!!

It’s partially easier than it used to be since this is literally a FRACTION of the breakouts I had on a DAILY basis before I went on Accutane. These are all really small, not at all painful, and only on the surface. Most of my acne before Accutane was cystic and deep, so I almost feel grateful to be honest.

I know that I’m ovulating right now according to my period tracking app, so it’s possible that this little breakout is because of hormones. Or it could be the result of a lack of sleep or stress from finals week approaching! Or honestly it could be all three things lol.

Either way just thought I would share for other Accutane users will know what they might be able to expect post-Accutane! :)

[atel0ph0biac]

I’M DONE WITH ACCUTANE!!!! My webcam doesn’t really show all of the hyperpigmentation I still have, but I’m sure that a lot of it will fade over time. After a decade of struggling with waking up to worse and worse skin every day, I can’t even explain how amazing it is to wake up and know that my skin looks just as it did the day before. Not having acne saved my self esteem (although I still struggle from time to time, everyone does). My whole life is different now that I don’t have acne and I am so happy!!!

If you’re thinking about taking Accutane, definitely consider the side effects first. Brittle nails, dry skin, bloody noses, bleeding chapped lips, dry eyes, blurry vision, night blindness, dandruff, sore joints, .......it’s a pretty extensive list. Luckily I only needed to take it for five months and for me the pros outweighed the cons.

I’m going to be trying this skin brightening toner from Aveda to hopefully even out the hyperpigmentation of my skin a little faster, so I’ll probably still post updates from time to time with improvements on that. Good luck friends!

[atel0ph0biac]

I'm really excited that my treatment on Accutane is nearing its end! I have some anxiety about it too though, for fear of my acne coming back. But I'm mostly excited that my lips aren't going to be looking like a couple of dried up orange slices for much longer, lmao. Look at these bitches. A gIANT section of my bottom lip peeled off today and it burns no matter what I put on it. But! At least it's temporary and my lips will be back to their soft little selves in due time. Otherwise, skin is looking great!!! I feel beautiful all the time and have virtually no anxiety at all when talking to people anymore. Life is so much better without acne!!!!

[atel0ph0biac]

GUYS. I JUST REALIZED A SIDE EFFECT FROM ACCUTANE THAT I NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED. I used to be a nail biter until I got this really great nail hardener that made my nails so strong I literally COULDN'T bite them off. The picture with my (real!!!!) nails is from about eight months ago. I started Accutane very shortly after I got hired at my job, where I deal with a lot of good so I'm washing my hands constantly. Over the months, my nails have gotten thinner and weaker and keep peeling away. I figured that the change was due to having to wash my hands at work all the time. But!!! I just looked it up and retinoids (aka Accutane) are a known cause of... You guess it. NAIL BRITTLENESS. So while I'm semi bitter at Accutane for making my nails look like a 12-year-old boy's, I'm also grateful that once I'm off my medication in about a month (wow!!!!!) I'll get to look forward to my nails actually being pretty again! So if you're on Accutane or thinking about it, prepare to either wear acrylic nails all the time OR to have some pretty rough-looking nail beds lmao

[atel0ph0biac]

Holy guacamole!!!!!!! I have about five weeks left on Accutane and I am so happy with my appearance! I've had one blemish since the last time I updated, on my chin. It's already on its way to healing and it popped up two days ago! My marks have been fading more, too. I still have some insecurities with the texture of my skin (not easily seen in photos) on my cheeks, because I used to get cystic acne there constantly. But honestly, it isn't that noticeable and I'm probably just being a little hard on myself. I haven't experienced any extra funky side effects, and I've actually noticed the closer I've come to the end of my treatment, the less my usual side effects affect me. My lips are still chapped but they're nowhere near as bad as when I first began Accutane, and same goes with my skin dryness. My ankles and back hurt occasionally but the pain is minimal and manageable (especially when I increase water intake). I can't express how glad I am that my dermatologist recommended that I go on Accutane. I struggled with acne for a decade trying all kinds of treatments and at-home remedies to no avail. My confidence has improved so much and my social life is completely different. I'm a little anxious about when my treatment ends because I'm afraid of my acne coming back, but if that happens I'll deal with it when it comes. For now I'm enjoying clear skin!!!

[atel0ph0biac]

Progress photo update!! I took these yesterday but was too preoccupied to actually post them. I’m about 3.5 months into my accurate treatment - 40 mg a day twice per day. I have two active blemishes - one on the right cheek and one on the left side of my face. The one on the left looks worse in the picture than it actually is in real life, though. I’ve noticed a few things about my skin lately: 1. Less breakouts, period! I used to wake up to anywhere between 5-15 new blemishes every day. My skin is so much more predictable now and I am so much less stressed, which probably has helped with my skin getting clearer as well. We all know by now that stress can exacerbate acne! My blemishes pop up maybe once or twice a month and it’s always three or less. 2. My blemishes heal so much faster!!! I had one near the bridge of my nose the other day and after two days it already stopped being inflamed and is healed now. 3. My blemishes are SMALL. I used to get really deep blemishes (especially around my period) that would sometimes take over a month to heal, and some would flare up in the same exact spot several times. Now all of my blemishes are just surface acne and sometimes even go away overnight just while I’m sleeping.

I am so excited about the changes in my skin and can’t stress enough how much better my life is without worrying every single second about my acne. I even go to work with my acne marks showing a lot of days. I’m really optimistic about my results being long-lasting. I’m looking forward to seeing how much my older spots will have faded by the time I finish my treatment entirely! I really can’t complain much. Side effects are pretty stagnant, nothing crazy. Just a little dry and occasional soreness.

[atel0ph0biac]

When I get off Accutane I swear I'm going to experiment with so many fun-colored lip sticks because I won't have to worry about standing out and having people notice all my flaws

[atel0ph0biac]

Progress photo day! I obviously just showered and also moisturized right before I took these, so my skin looks a bit red and my hyperpigmentation is more noticeable. After about 20 minutes or so, my skin looks back to normal. But!!!! There’s not an active blemish in the house right now! Everything on my face is just hyperpigmentation, so when I put on my makeup my skin looks entirely smooth. I even went out to eat with a love interest without face makeup on yesterday and still felt pretty good about myself.

Side effect updates:

I had a bloody nose a few days ago, but it only lasted a couple minutes. I’m not sure why this happened though, because the inside of my nose hasn’t been dry at all, that side effect went away about a month ago. Oh well!

Still some ankle pain going on, but it isn’t that bad. Maybe a 2 at worst on the Richter scale. I’ve been experiencing some lower/middle back pain though - I’m not sure if it’s just from working a lot, having bad posture, and sleeping in odd positions (because I’ve always had SOME back pain because of these three things) though. Accutane could be a partial cause, but for the most part I can work through it. The other day though, I avoided getting out of bed for almost an hour because of how sore my back felt. But today, I don’t seem to have any back pain at all. I’ll keep an eye on it and remember to keep my dermatologist informed. REMEMBER that if you’re taking Accutane and experience any side effects at all (EVEN ones you don’t think are serious or ones you don’t really mind) let your dermatologist know at your follow up appointments! It will help them correct your dosages and make sure the drug isn’t having any severe adverse effects on your body. I know it’s just an acne pill, but it really is hard on the body, so don’t take this medication lightly!

Dry skin and Accutane go hand-in-hand, but mine hasn’t been as bad as it was when I first began the treatment or even as bad as it was last month! This goes for the skin on my face, lips, and the rest of my body. My favorite face wash to use is Cetaphil, which is really gentle and doesn’t have any dyes or scents or anything like that. I also never go a day without using my CeraVe moisturizer. I like using it all over (face and body) while I’m still wet from my shower to lock moisture in. Another Accutane blogger had recommended this lotion and it is AMAZING. I can’t express it enough. I’ve heard a lot of different recommendations for lip care while on Accutane, but what I prefer the most is Carmex. Chapsticks and lip balms always seem to accentuate the dryness of my lips and make them look cakey and funky, but Carmex seems to last longer and almost looks like a gloss! My lips also stay the most hydrated feeling when I keep up with using it. Before Accutane, I LOVED wearing different lipsticks every day, but with my lips as cracked and peeled as they are, lipstick just doesn’t look all that great, so having a glossy look to my lips seems to be the next best thing. But it’s also about preference! I’m just stating what works well for me and what I’ve found with trial and error.

That’s all for now! Good luck to any Accutane users/future users. :)

[atel0ph0biac]

Finally a visual update on my skin! My spots have gotten much lighter since starting Accutane, though I'm hopeful that they'll be a lot more faded this time next year. I've got a few active spots, one on each cheek and a couple around my jaw. I can't complain much. I wake up feeling beautiful every day, even if I do have a few blemishes. I'm starting month 4 today! My skin has been less dry than it was when I first started Accutane, same with my lips. All I can say is MOISTURIZE, HYDRATE, and CARMEX. Not really any other funky side effects, but I did get a bloody nose this morning. It ended in a couple of minutes though so I'm not concerned. Very happy with how my skin is turning out, and I know that happiness radiates from my attitude. I can feel myself being more pleasant to be around and less of a pessimistic drag. Accutane is seriously changing my LIFE and I fucking mean it.

[atel0ph0biac]

My face!!!! Is so!!!!! Smooth!!!!! I've never worn bronzer or anything like that because it always would just accentuate my acne, but now that my complexion is getting better I went for it today, and I love how dewy and glowing I look. Makeup is becoming fun again and not so much an obligation and I'm so happy. Ahhhhh

[atel0ph0biac]

When my skin was really broken out, I used to hide from everyone when I first woke up until I had put my foundation and concealer and everything on. When my acne was REALLY bad, my foundation routine alone took almost half an hour. I had to use a primer, green concealer, regular concealer, several coats of foundation, a powder to match my skin tone, translucent setting powder, and a setting spray. I was so meticulous about it and to be honest, it probably didn't look good having all the makeup caked on my skin. But now that my skin keeps getting clearer thanks to Accutane, putting on makeup isn't the first thing I do anymore. I can let people see my face as it is, and it's such a huge relief. I do like to wear makeup though, so I still wear foundation and such to work and social events. But my routine is really easy, I don't even use a mirror when applying my foundation because my skin has become so much more predictable! I just do a layer of foundation all over, a little extra touching up on my cheeks (this is where most of my acne marks are) and then I'll use a powder that matches my skin tone to set it. If I know I'll be going out drinking or dancing or something, I'll take it the extra step and use a setting spray too, but that doesn't happen often. I can do my entire makeup routine (foundation, shadow, mascara, everything!!!) in just 20 minutes now. My whole life is getting so much easier and I'm so much less stressed and anxious all the time. Yeah, I still get a couple of blemishes here and there and my treatment isn't over yet, but I'm still very optimistic about the results being long-term. I can't express how grateful I am that my dad provides health insurance for me so that I could afford to take this medicine. Even though there have been some funky side effects along the way, managing them all has been pretty doable. Though others I'm sure have experienced worse side effects than I have, so I want to say that I'm also grateful that I haven't had any extreme reactions to it. I feel so much better about myself lately and even though I still get a little hard on myself and have my downs like everyone else, I'm so glad that I decided to start taking Accutane. Lmao I'm sorry that I'm ranting with positivity, this is mostly for myself. But if anyone is curious about Accutane, I recommend talking to your dermatologist about it because it really has changed my life SO MUCH in just three short months.

[atel0ph0biac]

This is a picture of me and a friend from last night - I’m on the right. Before I started Accutane, I NEVER would have posed for this picture. Pictures (especially with people with beautiful skin like my friend Emma on the left) were my worst enemies. But I didn’t even think anything of it! I just smiled like I meant it and I think I look really beautiful. It means so much to say that about myself, and I hope anyone struggling with acne or body dysmorphic disorder is able to one day say it and mean it about themselves too. Granted I’m wearing makeup in this picture so you can’t see my acne marks, but you can see how smooth the surface of my skin is - not a bump in sight. (The thing on my left cheek looks like a blemish but it's actually a dimple lmao) I’m really really happy.

I just had my follow up for my third month on Accutane too! My dermatologists are very optimistic about how well my treatment is going. This week I suffered with what appeared to be pink eye, and it’s almost gone now, but my male dermatologist said it could have been a side effect of the drug, so he’ll be giving me a prescription for eye drops when my blood work comes out clear. He said I should only be on Accutane for 2-3 more months. I was going to post progress photos today but forgot to take them before I put on make up. I always forget! Anyway, I currently have NO active blemishes! Just a couple that are a little flaky while they’re healing and they’re really not noticeable. My derm recommended that I start taking vitamin E with each pill that I take (I’m 40 mg twice per day) to lessen the dryness of my eyes, lips, and skin.

Very happy with the results so far and I hope that they will last!