I went to Katsucon with you in February. While I did have fun, I was for the most part not in the right head space to be in such a crowded, and loud environment. I originally thought this would be a good time for a small break from my life to enjoy this beautiful con. However, I couldn't enjoy it as much as I would have liked. I was on my period, I had especially bad cramps all weekend, and I was depressed.
On our way back home waiting to board our flight, I decided I'd browse twitter for a bit. Almost immediately I saw something that I couldn't bare to see and got upset. Generally when I get that upset what I need is separation and time alone. I clearly said I wanted to sit by myself during the flight, and you were fine with that. You texted me as one point if you did anything wrong. I said no, it has nothing to do with you I just need my space. I was pretty quiet and on my thoughts the rest of the way home.
After saying goodbye, I left, got home, and just stayed in bed.
I skipped my classes for the day so I could calm down and take a breather.
I had intentions to message you that it wasn't your fault I was upset, and that I appreciated everything you've done for me. However, I have a lot going on in my daily life and I am human and I forget things. I wanted to take a long hard break from social media and talking to anyone but a few strangers online. So I ended up not talking to you for 2 months, which tbh isn't rare for me. I'm not a big texter and if you're truly my friend you would understand that. Unfortunately you didn't and you thought I ghosted you, which is fair thats how you feel and i can't deny that. But I didn't have to talk to you, I didn't really feel like it. I needed some isolation and I owe you no excuses why tbh. You should not expect me to express myself the same why that you do. You are someone that is happy with human connection and validation and closeness when you're hurt. I am not. I am distant, I need my own space. I don't want someone hawking over me when I'm upset and I need you to understand that. I appreciate when someone wants to stick around when I'm upset or invite me over to hang out, but it is not wanted or necessary. That's one of the reasons why I almost always say no when someone tells me to hang out with them when I'm upset.
It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to process my emotions at my own pace, instead theres this feeling of 'no omg stop being sad, you can only be happy, let me force that upon you.' kind of mindset that I don't like.
It's making me realize that we are probably better off as not being friends anymore, because I am actually tired of being forced to fit this mold.
I don't think it'll be hard to move on, I think what will be hard are the connections we had with other people that I still want to see. I can't see you trying to turn me into this awful human being in their minds, and I wouldn't do the same for you. So hopefully we can still share friends without some stupid fucking drama happening.
