Momma's ADHD Child

My parenting journey with a son who has ADHD.

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Extraordin-Not

Award ceremony epic fail. G wasn't recognized for any achievement in academics, sports, music, art or social/volunteer work. Breaks my heart. I feel I failed him.

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I've been wanting to get G off meds before he even started it. We already have some suggestions in place, but we're going to implement the other recommendations more over the summer to get him "ahead" for middle school. When I say "ahead," for him it means "in sync with his peers." #adhdproblems #adhdchild I've been delaying behavioral therapy and CBT. I brought up the topic with his pediatrician. She immediately gave me recommendations, but it's been a year ago and now the paper is nowhere to be found. 😁 #adhdmomproblems We're also going to both take our supplements daily (not when remembered to). I've set our smartphone alarms in the AM that's labeled: "Vitamins." I think that should help! Adding to our fish oil and MV, we'll be taking iron, calcium, zinc, vitamins C and B6. Costco is going to have a run of vitamins in the next hour! 😝 I've become too relaxed with our diet and have caved in to the poor-college-student-high-carb diet. I'll get on top of our meal plans. Today is a great day to start anew. #motivationhigh This is me at my determined state. We will get through this without medication. He's been on it for 3 years now and I think that's long enough. I'm praying he'll outgrow ADHD (as I've heard other people say... but always wonder, is that possible?!?); if not, then I'm not waiting until later to find another way to treat ADHD symptoms. It starts today! I'm appreciative of this article/slide show (link above). #simplethingsinlife

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State standardized testing is nerve racking. Every year we go through this and every year he surprises me. He's so intelligent, receiving high scores as evidence, but he's so hindered by his symptoms of ADHD. I may put so much pressure on him and I wonder if he feels the stress. He gives me stress for sure. I wonder what he feels as I tell him he needs to do well and show others how intelligent he really is. We pray to God and look to him for guidance and hope. Today, I feel so insecure and my worry is so all-consuming. I have this wretched feeling in my chest. I try to constantly pray and ask Him to grant G with knowledge and wisdom.

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"I didn't know what was wrong with him." -Ignorant

"There's nothing wrong with him! He loves life and has a thirst to discover his surroundings" was my comeback with a smile and a sharp attitude. This is the first person I had to defend G from. Unfortunately, this is the second time from this person who is a leader figure. He kept talking about G as if G is handicapped and mentally slow. He's not! He is a child with attention issues who gets bored easily; who takes risks and tries to understand his surroundings through the primary sense of touch; who knows what he wants to do and has the determination of a bull; who finds humor in any situation; and who forgets what's said because his mind is already interested in the next task. G is G. Funny. Playful. Unpredictable. Determined. All his strengths are what makes him the life of the party. The person who makes us smile while we're having a bad day. The one who comes up with a plan and keeps things interesting. There truly isn't EVER a dull moment when G is around. His family loves him. His friends appreciate him. His teachers care about him. I'm just praying that all his teachers will be understanding, encouraging and well-equipped to handle a student with spunk, zest and curiosity.

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Discovering Essential Oils

I went to an essential oils party, because I love to learn about medicines and remedies. Being in the health field, we always push meds because it's proven to work and cure ailments... but everything synthetic always has potential side effects. You just have to outweigh the odds. Anyway, my curiosity trigged, I wanted to learn about natural oils and the benefits it could bring to health living. I may come off as a sales person, but BOY! I truly believe in them!!! It's been two weeks since I used it on myself (mom-tested before anyone else) for migraines, allergies, muscle pain, fatigue, stomach pain. I've gotten positive results and it's been mom-approved! Well... My son has ADHD and is on Vyvanse to help him concentrate and conform in school. He gets mood swings towards the end of the day when his medication starts to wear off. He also can't focus on his homework or after school activities because by 4 pm the medicine has reached its proposed effects. He has a hard time getting to and then staying asleep. At most, he gets 4 hours of restless sleep. No matter if he goes to bed at 8:30 pm or 10 pm, he cannot get to sleep. When he finally sleeps (whatever time that is), he wakes up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for hours. He just watches the hours tick by. All these are his words. He's smart. He's playful. He's unpredictable. He has a love for excitement. He hates taking the medication, because he said it makes him bored!!! I want to take him off the medication so my boy can be his natural self without the symptoms of ADHD. Heck! I wanted to take him off medication before he even started it, but I know he needs it for his daily routine. Well, I've just started the essential oils protocol for ADHD last night and I can't wait to take him off medication completely! I'm very hopeful he will benefit in a healthier, natural way of living while being free to show his zest for spunky adventures.

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I can repeat myself over and over again until I'm blue in the face. My son doesn't learn his lesson. Neither does my husband. Gah! ADHD definitely isn't an excuse. Rather, it's an explanation of the behavior. As a parent, it's my job to ensure my son (and other children) are taking responsibility for his actions. Some parents who don't have experience with ADHD don't understand the dynamics. It's simple really. I feel this article told it well... and to forgive is essential -- even if you don't have ADHD.

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Much Needed Hiatus

With all the busy-ness of a jam-packed schedule, we all need and deserve a break. I try to get G involved in after school activities so he's not idle, bored, or causing mischief. He also needs to get all that energy out in a productive way... But boy, am I tired!!! And so is he! For spring break, we've just been relaxing with no agenda at all. Spontaneity is on our calendar. A blank slate. No more G has to be here. No coordinating carpooling. No rushing to get to a place on time. None of that. A much needed hiatus we all deserve.

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My son, the Mis(ter)understood.

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Trouble even at Scouts

It didn't occur to me to explain to the patrol leaders at scouting about G's fun, lively character (or as they worded it "medical status"). I didn't mention anything because I didn't want him to be labeled or treated differently. I wanted him to start off a great boy scouting experience. Unfortunately, he was talked about and the leader begins with "I do not want others to discuss about my son, especially when he has certain behaviors." I think this is a misinterpretation or misrepresentation of the message he is trying to perceive. But, boy, am I heated! They discussed his immaturity, risk-taking adventures, lack of focus, inability to complete directions and tasks and inability to follow direct commands as given by his leaders. Then they say he cannot participate in canoeing, because of his risky choices. Again, my boy is denied. Told he isn't able to participate in an activity he's interested in. Implied that he's too much to handle. I hurt for him. For his rejections. For his loneliness. I fight for him, but will he fight for himself? Is this an ongoing battle he will have to face alone? Will he be rejected constantly? If I don't fight for him, will he? Do I have to teach him to fight and stand up for these negative nay-sayers? He's misunderstood too often by outsiders. He's curious and loves adventure... not someone whose "unexpected behaviors are risky." He's discovering his interests and knows what he desires... not "easy to become negative" or disrespectful. He's learning social skills at a different rate than others and needs time to grow... not someone with "bad behaviors." As I discussed with his leaders G's skills and talents, I don't feel I justified his greatness. I'm still very hurt for him.

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No medicine?!? Now what??

Since the new year, our insurance company changed some policies and conditions. Now my son can't have his medicine until the doctor verifies that we've tried other alternatives. Frustrated. Worried. Annoyed. He can't get his medicines! We're fresh out. He hasn't had it since Friday. He has tests, assignments and work to catch up on. He's so behind. What do I do? My head is spinning. I'm so frustrated for my son. How can he succeed when we face these barriers? WTF!

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I'm sad for my son.

How do I protect him from the negative misfortunes that bestow him? When he cries to me that his friends ignored him at lunch, how do I nurse his wounds and comfort him -- when I really have an urge to curse those who hurt him?

G has ADHD and has been getting in trouble at school lately for the choices he's been making:

-talking at inappropriate times -incomplete hw assignments -reading logs and tests unsigned

School is terrible for labels. I wonder if he's labeled "the naughty kid" in class, because when he was explaining to me how his days have been, the story sounds like a stereotype, scapegoat, ADHD label.

G was blamed for calling out in class while a movie was on, and the students said it was G, however, it was his best friend. His best friend even said it was him who made the noise, but all the students ganged up on G and said he was lying. So the teacher said, "I don't believe you." He got written up.

G also said he saw a student steal candy from the rewards jar multiple times. G explained that one day he was having such a bad day (failed tests after multiple attempts, kids ignoring him again, etc.) and took it upon himself to grab a piece of candy out of the jar. The teacher caught him in action and assumed it has been G depleting and stealing the candy ever since. G admitted that if he were the teacher, he would assume the same thing.

Another instance was when he was blamed for whistling in class during lesson. G said he didn't do it (this I know is true, because he doesn't even know how to whistle), but the students blamed him again. This time, the culprit didn't have the courage to fess up and G took the fall again. He was written up. The teacher kept inquiring if it was G or not, but he kept denying it. Then during lunch time, the kids wouldn't speak to him. G said they ignored him when he tried to have conversations. He cried to me as he told the story.

If G is actually perceived as the "naughty kid" in class, of course, they'll blame him for any naughty action that stirs. Someone spilled milk on the floor... oh it must be G. Someone wrote on the desk, oh it must be G. Someone stole my pencil from my desk, oh it must be G again!

It's not fair.

Labels. Scapegoat. Stereotype.

Instead of getting crying with him, I listened. I listened for an hour as he confessed his hurt. Inside I was crumbling. I felt my heart gnawing with sympathy for my baby, who I couldn't protect. How could they be so cruel to such a sweet boy? How do I help him through his pain? How do I make this better?

I chose, instead, to talk about trust and deception. I told G it's so hard to build someone's trust, but it's so easy to lose it. We talked about how he may have lost his classmates' trust (as evidence by them blaming him for those instances).

Thoughts and comments would be great right now. I can't even sleep, because my baby boy is hurting this way!

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17 Things Boys Need from their Moms

Children need many things from their parents. They need stability, protection, nurturing, and love. They also need other things, different things from each of their parents. I have seen several suc...

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"A" for Effort

Sometimes I feel it’s like the blind leading the blind in this chaotic house we call home.

When I’m at work, my husband has to manage the kids’ busy schedule in and after school, homework, projects and dinner.

By the time I come home, the house is a scene straight out of a cartoon… The dishes are piled up to the ceiling; but my heart warms to know he prepared a meal as evident in the food splatter on the stove and in the microwave. The dining room table is scattered with papers and books, and covered with markers, pencil marks and eraser leftovers; but homework is half done. The floors are trailed with dirty socks, unlaced shoes and the day’s worn jeans; but the kids are usually in pajamas and already bathed. Chatter bounces off the walls about gymnastics, art class, scouts, or karate, which lets me know that my husband was able to drive them to the appropriate destination — and back.

My husband and I suspect he has ADD. We see the same symptoms our son battles with on a daily basis. However, my husband was never diagnosed, whereas my son has.

The half done tasks are symbolic of my mister’s incredible effort to be a father with ADD. His disorganization, response to stress and inability to complete tasks in its entirety weaken him; but his immense effort to keep at it and make sure the main tasks are completed absolutely warms my heart.

Some days he gets too overwhelmed and nothing is done. Other days, just like the one described, are a result of effort.

Although we live in cartoon-chaos, every day is interesting. My husband and son make sure I’m always on my toes. So it’s important to me to look at the overall picture. Some days, the scattered, messy details may hinder my ability to look at the effort made; but if they’re making the effort, I should do the same.

Nov 19th, 2013 10:50am

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ADHD Awareness Month

In honor of raising awareness this month, I’ll be blogging about and dispelling myths of ADHD. It’s a misunderstood condition and often undiagnosed. Many undiagnosed adults struggle with symptoms of ADHD and can’t understand why they have problems balancing a checkbook, are constantly late, and feel overwhelmed with a multitude of choices.

Oct. 2, 2013 8:46 am

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Game On: Picking Sports for ADHD Children

For children with attention deficit, not all sports are created equal. Here, find ideas for the best sports and activities for ADHD children and learn how to determine if a team or individual sport is best for your kid.

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The beginning...

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in summer of 2011.

I will never forget when his second grade reading teacher shared her thoughts with me one day towards the end of the school year.

She waited in the car rider pick up line with my son and asked me to pull up to the front and park. She jumped in to the front passenger seat and shut the door gently. She looks at me in all seriousness and said:

G is a wonderful boy, but he's struggling in reading and I don't think he will do well in third grade. He will start FCAT next year and the material will get harder. I feel the best course of action is to retain him one more year. He might do better.

My heart stilled, my jaw dropped and I couldn't catch a breath. I instantly teared up as I gripped the steering wheel. I cried to Mrs. M and told her the situation we've been battling for years...

Since first grade, my husband and I noticed his inattentiveness, lack of organization and coordination, his inability to keep on task and to complete chores. His first grade teacher Mrs. B would constantly call us in to conferences for incomplete assignments, not following directions and disrupting class because he was so fidgety. Knowing these signs and symptoms, I didn't want G to go on medication, because I thought it was something we can monitor, struggle through and deal with. Some parents and children do.

But that word: 

retain

was such a vile, despicable sound to my sensitive ear. And out of shock, I tried to ignore it but she stared at me. I had to say something. What I essentially asked for was a second chance for my son. I begged and pleaded for him... for me... I felt as if I failed him because I didn't get him the help he needed. I felt I didn't give him the tutoring, the medication, the tools he needed to succeed. So as a mom, I defended him. Asking for another chance to prove I can do this right for him.

His pediatrician officially diagnosed him with ADHD. He also had a Psychoeducational Evaluation to see where he tested... if he had a learning disability and what-not. His IQ test indicated G was above average (thadda boy!) I also sought a tutor for the summer who understood the circumstance -- G was to retest before the new school year to see where he would be placed: second or third grade. His tutor, Mrs. R, worked hard with G throughout the whole summer.

Everything aligned, he retested one week prior to school reopening! The principal, his tutor, his second grade homeroom teacher and reading teacher were all standing outside his testing room. With all the support, he came out of the room with a scared look. They scored it instantly and everyone cheered as if he won the Super Bowl! Wonderful news, he gets to struggle with his cohorts another year.

That was the beginning of his diagnosis. His earlier battles with his learning disability. His struggle between his inattention vs. his desire to do well in school.

I write this blog to document our fight against ADHD. We will conquer his condition and see him succeed!

But mainly, I write to allow myself to let off some steam, because this fight is exhausting and I need to let others know they aren't alone in this battle. We are struggling together towards the same goal:

To help our children become as successful as we hope/pray them to be.