I have to force myself to look up when I cross the road, because I
I’ll cross right over it into death
To give up the chance I have, the
Rather than just surviving
On nothing but the dogged grit of an animal with nothing to do but exist until it doesn’t.
Just like my skin sometimes
I was only six days clean anyway
So it’s not that much of a setback
But it’s the thought that counts I suppose
The thought behind the art
Is what makes it after all
There would be such a fuss
Good thing they don’t, because
I can’t be bothered with the drama
By those who don’t give a fuck
Instead of asking if I’m okay
Will say they know I’m not. That they know I
Half wish I wasn’t breathing
Half wish I could stop half wishing and commit
Anything at all but this mindless walking
Walking from one day into the next
All the way into tomorrow and the next day
Or any idea where I’m going
And I know I’ll get there someday
But what if everyone has already left?
Swap places with another person
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
My mother tells me I need to
Like, thin thin, not just slim
Because I have to be alive
Because the words can’t find their way
My muscles and sinews and veins
And they would never escape
Because they’re trapped in my mind just like me
Or any idea where they’re going
And I’m wiping the tears off my face
But they’re not really mine
And as soon as they’re gone I look normal again
Because I don’t tell them
Because you can’t not be fine
In a world that expects you to be.
Will be the only way anyone