America Explain

I once spent $45 on a hand drawn picture of Kanye West as a police officer and that's my only accomplishment

[starei]

there's good in this world, and I found a little bit of it in you

[omnybus]

The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil

[travesty-majesty]

OP this is such a raw line what the fuck

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[fleetwoodsushi]

I cannot get over this omfg

[supreme-leader-stoat]

GIRLBOSS

[r4cs0]

I thought that was Amy Schumer wtf

[shittymoviedetails]

In The Departed (2006), Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg play two different characters— a subtle nod to them being two different actors, despite my wife being unable to tell them apart on the first viewing of the movie.

[dunsalien]

op this is the funniest post you’ve made yet

[mirubida]

Hi my name is Cruella Dark’ness Dementia Raven deVil and I have split dyed ebony black hair (the other side is as pale as my skin) that reaches my shoulders and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also an orphan because Dalmatians pushed my mom off a cliff. I am gunna b a fashion designr.

[thyrell]

pride flags this pride flags that. president kennedy has been shot and all you people can talk about is flags

[daglout]

jfk assassination pride flag

[guerrillatech]

[computationalcalculator]

The Cancellation of Socrates - Jacques Louis David, 1787

[hollowtones]

????????

[astrodael]

[kaijuno]

I live in Michigan and it’s been like 85 and humid for the past week and I’m gonna fucking snap

[dankmemeuniversity]

[cringe-sonicoc]

[gengarshade]

I remember finding out that the person was going “is this allowed” to the girl bc the ‘guy’ in the photo is actually a realistic sex doll called a “sinthetic” that she was on a date with. They cost thousands of dollars.

That fucked me up

[nobodylikesasecret-deactivated2]

i did not need to know that

[helloitsbees]

[necessarybeing]

@spelviin why would u hide this in the tags lol

[transmedicalism-saves-lives]

I found the listing for him if y’all want, he’s the Gabriel model from Sinthetics.

[okayysophia]

Godforbid🤢

[bitterbadfem-harpy]

That girl brought her sex doll into a panera bread

[terfinesse]

every addition to this thread feels like a punch in the face

[bluepotion-12-cal]

[meghanmclovin]

You know what’s really hot? Not having to guess someone’s feelings or intentions

[stevenrogered]

[biblicallyaccurateangel-deactiv]

Yeah

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

oh thank god 

[regionalatbest]

i think that the "i do not control the ____" memes are generally tame and do not lend enough credence to the genuine absurdity of the original line that is

[queer-flesh-simulacrum]

This serves much the same purpose just fyi

[tuesdayisms]

[springfieldusa]

[sighinastorm]

Happy 155th anniversary to President Lincoln being fine.