the almighty loaf

I have a lot of regrets

[hobnob-69]

Oh man living in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife and owning a large automobile fucking slaps

[hobnob-69]

Oops wait not my house

[hobnob-69]

Not my wife either

[hobnob-69]

Where’s my automobile where the fuck am I

[lesbian-toddhoward]

an asparagus looks on in horror as their four adopted children encourage his tomato husband to commit mass suicide

[peoplegettingreallymadatfood]

[poison-liker]

official ranking of every turtle emoji on emojipedia

a beautiful friend. a wonderful smile. i will protect this perfect tortoise with my life. thank you.

just a cool and good turtle, going about its business. keep doing you, turtle.

simple, minimalistic, well executed. a solid turt.

a unique perspective on the humble turtle. it takes guts to break the mould like this. bravest turtle on the list.

a cool stylistic approach, but kinda lacking in personality.

the shading is really badly done, but the fundamentals are quite solid. an adequate turtle.

this is just the twitter one but less friend looking.

“turtles… they’re sort of weird and blobby, right?” - apple emoji designer, 2016

the style is very good. extremely well rendered. but unfortunately, this turt’s fuck ugly. look at its face. this turt is no friend of mine.

fisher price.

utterly disgusting.

[lonelytreestump-deactivated2018]

My girlfriend sneezed and I accidentally said shut the fuck up instead of saying bless you

[sushie-moved]

honestly i dont even play an active role in my life shit just happens and im like oh is this what we’re doing now ok

[onlytwitterpics]

[onlytwitterpics]

[liquidcoma-deactivated20160903]

[namelesswarning]

two royal guards block your path

[alienpapacy]

one only tells the truth, while the other only tells lies. both pay 20 for a gram

[jmmiy]

[nutmylkboy]

my boyfriend made me leave because i haven’t stopped watching this video.

[fuzzy-robot]

this is the most important video of my life

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

cute date idea

we go to the botanical gardens. u point at all the plants u like. i eat them

[memeseverdie]

This is the only day you can reblog this

[chestking]

here lies the best grindr conversation I’ve ever had

[gotitforcheap-deactivated201611]

[officialjiggly]

i thought i was the only one who noticed this

[poolboydivision]

found an old birthday card

[littlexfairytale]

please destroy it in the fires of mount doom

[tittytron]

How to get laid:

this picture

[twitterlols]