'til death do us part

𓋼 please keep breaking my heart 𓋼 𓋼 icon by dumbbitche 𓋼 𓋼 header by horreurscopes 𓋼

[audrey-drew]

hi! i’m astra / eli and my pronouns are they/she/he! i am 28 years old. here’s some more info about me!

🪐 nonbinary

⭐️ taken! 6/22/17

☄️ autistic + adhd + did

🌑 physically & mentally ill + disabled

🔭 mobility aid user (manual wheelchair & crutches)

🚀 i bite ableists :)

🛸 other members of my system will post pretty frequently.

🛰️ current hosting part(s): Rose & Vriska [PT: Rose & Vriska]

👾 quick links:

blog links (under construction) & ask box

[i-said-im-a-fucking-star]

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

[scorebug]

[flowercrowncrip]

A quick guide for trans people who are using/ forced to use the disabled toilet due to transphobic bullshit in the UK when you wouldn’t otherwise need to do so. From a transgender wheelchair user who has given this topic a lot of thought.

Remember you are a guest in this space. I don’t know a single person who would rather you shit yourself or get assaulted than use the disabled toilet, but please remember that these toilets are built and designed for disabled people after a huge amount of campaigning and activism.

Don’t touch or move things you don’t need to. If you’re not familiar with how things work or why they are where they are just leave it be. The position of a bin might not mean anything to you but it could be really important to a wheelchair user who needs to change their tampon. Don’t touch things like grab rails either – while they’re fairly tough and you’re unlikely to cause any damage it’s not impossible and if you don’t touch it, you can’t break it.

Related, but important enough to have its own point: please don’t touch the red cord. Do not tie it up, do not wrap it around anything, don’t tuck it behind a bin. Don’t touch it (The only exception to this is to untie a cord that’s been tied up) If the cord doesn’t fall freely to the floor it could prevent a disabled person calling for help in an emergency. If you’re worried about accidentally pulling it there’s almost always at least one reset button in there with you. Press that and it cancels the alarm.

If possible allow other people waiting to go first. A lot of disabilities, both visible and less apparent, can cause problems with incontinence, urgency or pain that make it difficult for someone to wait to use the toilet. If there’s someone else in the queue and you are able to do so, offering to let them go first might really help them out.

If you want to get a radar key, get it from disability rights UK or give a small donation to a disability charity (again only if you’re able to). I’ve seen a couple of trans orgs giving away free radar keys and it’s unclear how they are being sourced. Knockoffs are common but only “real” RADAR keys are from Disability Rights UK and any profits help fund their charity work. Bear in mind that most disabled people also have to pay for these keys which are about £5. (Disability Rights UK say their keys are to be sold to disabled people or organisations only, this is a legal thing they have to say about VAT relief. There is no real way of following up how disabled someone who buys a radar key is because you don’t need to claim any benefits to be eligible for VAT relief and keys are a low value item that isn’t worth anyone looking into when things like adapted cars exist. Be gay, do crime, support disabled people having rights.)

Know the difference between a standard accessible toilet and a changing places toilet. Don’t use a changing places toilet if there is any other safe option. These have a different symbol and are bigger and fitted with extra equipment for severely disabled people and our carers. That equipment is more sensitive than anything you’ll find in a standard accessible toilet so if you do find yourself in one touch nothing. Especially don’t move the hoist (lifting equipment) as it can cause it to run out of power and make the whole space functionally useless if it’s not in the right space on the track. (To be fair this is an unlikely scenario as there aren’t that many of these toilets, but just in case)

Don’t suggest renaming accessible toilets. They’re primarily there for disabled people who can’t use an alternative, and disabled people will be looking for an accessible toilet. For most spaces you can look for an accessible toilet and have a good chance of finding a gender neutral space, but that doesn’t work the other way around. Calling it an “inclusive toilet” or “gender neutral toilet” tells me absolutely nothing about whether my wheelchair will fit.

[dustbunnyaac]

People really just lose all awareness of your body when you're a wheelchair user. When I'm at the grocery store, I have close calls constantly, and it's on me to dodge pedestrians who I seem to be invisible to until they sometimes literally trip over me.

I've been almost run over several times by drivers I could make eye contact with at crosswalks. I've been openly scolded for not moving my grocery cart fast enough when the person scolding me was blocking my way to my cart. I've had people ram their grocery carts into mine because I couldn't stop fast enough and they didn't "realize" I was there.

None of this happens when I can walk.

"It's not their fault" FAQ under the cut

Q: Maybe they didn't see you because you're not at eye level!

A: In my chair I'm about the height of a third grader. People don't ram their grocery carts into third graders. If someone is paying so little attention that they almost run someone my height over, they are an active danger to children, too.

Q: Maybe you were moving too fast!

A: I literally never go full speed indoors or outdoors because of this issue. I am regularly outpaced by small children walking when I am in stores because of how prevalent this issue is.

Q: Maybe you're hard to notice!

A: My wheelchair is bright, sparkly green with rainbow spokes. I have a headlight and a tail light. I am not.

Q: It was just an accident!

A: Yeah, sometimes, I'm sure it is. I would be a lot more sympathetic about that if it wasn't a coin toss if they'll just run off (sometimes bumping into me while they do) or if they'll start aggressively blaming me because they feel bad about it and externalize that shame as anger at me.

This is a real response that happens constantly.

Q: I'm sure other people would step in!

A: People will sometimes step in when I am sitting somewhere unable to get past. When I can speak and say "excuse me," people usually even notice me and move out of the way while apologizing (it's not that deep). Or someone else will notice and get the attention of the person ignoring me.

When I can't speak I've spent several minutes waiting for a car to move out of the way of a wheelchair ramp as I wave both arms to alert the driver I need it. I've had people raise their voice at me, a stranger, to scold me for being in their way, while other strangers just look away.

Sometimes someone will come up to me after and say they thought about intervening but just didn't. Usually with an excuse. I try to be gentle but I know that if I tell them I forgive them they won't step in next time either.

No one has ever deescalated between me and an aggressive person yet.

Q: Maybe they have a disability which makes it so they literally can't notice you!

A: Every blind or visually impaired or hard of hearing or deaf person I have ever run into or has ever run into me has been really normal about it. Usually they'll tell me they ran into or didn't notice me because of X sensory disability, we'll both apologize, and we go our separate ways.

Q: I don't like this post because I've done this and it's not personal I was just [focused/distracted/day dreaming/stressed]

A: Don't do it again. If I take this in good faith, I've already explained how doing this stuff is also putting children in active danger.

I would also ask you to really consider what you're feeling. When we've done something in the past and learned it hurt others we often feel shame or embarrassment. These feelings make it harder for us to learn and recognize how we can be better community members to the people around us.

[ishowdespair-deactivated2026012]

[audrey-drew]

will get to messages soon. work and medical stuff is a lot rn but i promise I will get to them

[spacebeans-art]

rocky have sharpie bath incident

[hedgiihog]

i like when mary and armando act silly too

[thefriendlypigeon]

❤️💙💛GRACEFUL💛💙❤️

⭐[my social media links]

[exemiin]

am i sitting in a tin can

far above the world

[groupthinker]

something to consider

[tankycinna]

Post Hangout Feedback Form

Was I weird?

Are you sure?

What was the weirdest thing I did? Be as detailed as possible.

How could I be less weird in the future? Be as detailed as possible.

Do you have any complaints or feedback regarding my behavior? Be as detailed as possible.

Would you be open to hanging out again in the future?

Should I give you some space after this? If yes, for how long should I avoid you?

Was I weird?

Are you absolutely sure?

I'm sorry.

[b-0-ngripper]

[godisafujoshi]

Fuck the haters. I believe in you

[nick-nonya]

woa

[bathroomcube]

[achillesinhighheels]

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and i'm losing sense of time

[oeing-oeing-clay]

wow dude jts so awesome that your car is loud as fuck and smells worse when it drives past. thags fucking epic man. i really like how it hurts to listen to you drive past and it scares people. thats awesome man. i really like your car that makes a loud as fuck fart sound. fucking epic dude

[kosmogrl]

at the end of the day the day ends