I hope you guys are ready for the most devastating, distressing Chapter of Please, Not Her (im not her) I am absolutely COOKING over here. If you wanna be tagged, please comment!!
⋆˚࿔ Summary: Eddie is your best friend and reveals that he has a date. You're very unsure about your feelings towards it, and you're desperate to find out why.
⋆˚࿔ Wc: 3.97k
⋆˚࿔ Tag list: @littlemissholy @vampz4lifee @oatmilkriver @thehousedeer @omgcopacabanastuff-blog @dreamerjj
⋆˚࿔ Tags: Best friends to lovers, jealousy, unknown feelings, oblivious!eddie, slowburn, fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, no y/n, stoner!reader, lmk if I missed any!
⋆˚࿔ A/N: CHAPTER 2!! <3 Oh my god this took me so long and I'm so so sorry LOL. Life has been lifeing! But HOPEFULLY I'm able to pop them out quicker. It also felt incredibly overwhleming because everyone loved Chapter 1 and I was very nervous that I couldn't make Chapter 2 as good and ended up hating everything I wrote but YOU KNOW- Anyways! I hope you guys like it! Please let me know what you think! P.S. If I didn't do the tag list correctly, please let me know!!
You struggled immensly to fall asleep. Thoughts ran wild through your head until soft sunlight spilled through sheer curtains. Every time you tried to close your eyes, another realization would ring in your ears and they'd shoot back open, frustration bubbling in your stomach violently.
You stared into your ceiling, body stuffed between your sheets and comforter. The silence was deafening. Your first thought was to pull out your old record player your grandpa bought you a couple of Christmas's ago, but truthfully, you couldn't manage to get up. It wasn't like music could fill the quiet the correct way, anyways.
The day replayed through your head over and over again, starting with the moment that you stepped into Eddies room. Maybe retracing your steps could give you better insight to what exactly set you off in the first place. It couldn't have been jealousy—what was there to be jealous of? Or maybe it could've. Maybe you were scared of being replaced. Maybe you were terrified of not spending every waking hour with Eddie anymore—it felt almost offensive to share your time with him.
But why? Why did you subconsciously feel like you had some claim on Eddie? And besides, both of you had other friends—most of them were mutual. Gareth, Mike, Dustin (though Dustin definitely was more of Eddies friend than yours), all perfect examples of other people Eddie was friends with and hung out with regularly. It didn't make any sense.
You began to think back at different important moments in you and Eddies friendship—times where you've stood up for him or he's done the same, and times that the two of you have sat in comfortable silence. You thought about looking at him, studying the lines on his face and the way his eyes darken when he's embarrassed. You felt an unfamiliar flutter in your stomach as you close your lids and see him flash across them, fingers intertwining at your chest.
The realization made your entire body shoot up so fast that the room spun, and you sat up, leaning on your arms behind your back, stomach twisting painfully and making you feel like you could throw up at any time.
It wasn't that you didn't want him happy, or that you were scared he'd get hurt. It should've been you.
At first, you internally tried to deny it. Explanations ran through your head about why you would even come up with the conclusion; you were protective and that was it. The last thing you wanted was for your best friend to get hurt. But it didn't feel right as you ran the thought through your brain again. What did feel right, was the realization that it was bound to happen eventually. One of you were destined to fall in love with each other eventually, but God, why did it have to happen now?
The setiments lingered, but somehow, you were able to fall asleep, and by the time you finally woke up again, it was already two in the afternoon. You groggily looked over towards bright red numbers, your alarm clock displaying your sleepiness.
You sat up in your bed, flipping through a Rolling Stones magazine to distract yourself from the pit in your stomach, but somehow, it only made your overthinking worse. Every time you'd finish a paragraph, his face would pop up again, smile carrying a venom that could only affect you. Frustrated, you slammed the magazine shut and chucked it across the room, watching it fall on a pile of dirty laundry stuffed in the corner.
Eddie never made you this angry before, and really, it wasn't quite him that you were angry about. He wasn't at fault—he didn't hurt your feelings on purpose. He would never do that, and you knew it deep down. It just felt so frustrating that the one person who you'd trust your life with is the person that you couldn't talk about these feelings with. Besides, you didn't even quite understand them. How could you explain that you might have romantic feelings for him?
You should've felt it earlier, you thought. Maybe there would've been a chance—maybe on the right day, at the right time, a confession could've turned into something, but it couldn't now. Not now, while Eddie is showing interest in other girls. For years, you were the only girl that Eddie had in his life for more than a week or two, and as selfish as it sounded, you weren't ready for that to change.
You thought back to four months ago, sitting in the back of Eddies van, feet dangling over the edge with the doors swung open. Eddie sat beside you, absolutely devouring the ice cream the both of you bought to celebrate his band booking it's biggest gig yet—Shout, the best dive bar south of Hawkins, and the hardest to sneak into when you're underage. You still promised you'd be there, even though you knew you'd have to save up for weeks to afford the fake ID to get in. You remembered being so proud of him, and the way the sun hit his face and made it shimmer against the summer heat, and the way his dark brown hair turned into a deep amber under the light, and how you would've done anything to stay right there in that moment for the rest of your life.
The phone on your bedside table erupted into a deafening ring and startled you out of your thoughts. Chest pounding—partly because of the sudden sound interuptting your deep thought as you stared into the drywall, and partly because you were sure of who it was—you stretched your hand up and picked up the reciever.
"Hello?" The way your voice crack made your face turn sour as you cringed, and you quickly cleared your throat to hide it.
"Hey, I haven't heard from you all day. You said you were gonna call me this morning." The sound of Eddies voice on the other end made you physically sick, stomach dropping and chest pounding.
Honestly, you did feel bad about not calling like you'd promised, but by the time you remembered, you were already too deep into your spiral to commit to it.
"Yeah, sorry, I just woke up a bit ago." Your brows drew together, voice groggy, and you shook your head as if he could really see it. "I didn't get to sleep until like, five."
He paused, and a rustle sounded through the phone before he spoke again, "Why?"
The question hit you in the chest more than it usually would, and you didn't exactly know how to answer it without feeling too vaunrable. "I don't know, I just couldn't sleep. It doesn't matter. Happy first day of spring break!"
A smile crept onto your face as you changed the subject quickly, hoping that it would work. Once Eddie chuckled into the phone, you knew that it was sucessful.
"Happy first day of spring break to you, too. You coming over today?" He asked, eagerness clear in his voice.
Your smile faltered slighty as you debated whether or not that was a good idea. Something about Eddie sensing your off (which he can do painfully easily) and pressuring you to talk to him about it made your anxiety spike immediately. It wasn't that you thought Eddie would force you to talk about what's bothering you, he's never done that, but the question still ached forcibly—what if he does?
But it'd be weirder if you didn't just come over.
"I guess…" A dramatic sigh exhaled from your nose with fake disappointment.
Eddie snorted a laugh, and it was almost as if you could feel him roll his eyes through the phone, "Yeah, yeah. Do you need me to pick you up?"
"I could use a nice walk, actually." Fingers tangled into the curled phone cord as a grin twitched at the corners of your mouth hopelessly.
"You sure?" For some reason, Eddie hated when you walked over to his place. He'd mumble things about it being unsafe and how you were better off riding with him, and you teasing him for caring too much.
"I'll see you in ten minutes, Eddie." Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment, a desprate smile tugging at your mouth, and you dropped the handset before he could protest anymore.
The walk to the trailer park didn't feel like a bad walk on most days, especially in the spring time. Something about treading down the side walk, eyes wandering through flowers sprouting in yards that would be gone by the morning felt internally peaceful for the shit going through your head. You imagined the next morning, the smell of fresh cut grass and morning dew and the air finally reaching the perfect temperature of sixty eight degrees. The wind blowing gently on your face seemed to calm the thoughts from the night before.
Until you walked up to Eddies front door and it looked as if it grew ten feet overnight. You reluctantly raised your balled fist and knocked three times, whincing at the amount of force you accidentally used, and like every time, the door swung open almost immediately.
Eddies frame appeared in the doorframe, dark curls falling gently over a black worn down band shirt, unlit cigarette hanging off his lips.
Every single time you looked into Eddies eyes, it felt as though the weight of the world lifted off of your shoulders, and nothing felt different this time. Your gaze flickered over his face, a sort of shock taking over your body for a moment, and to anyone else, you'd look like a total idiot standing in front of them and staring. In that moment, you couldn't help but come to the realization about how obvious it was the entire time, and your stomach dropped ever so slightly— just enough to send a shiver down your spine.
"Twelve minutes, by the way." Eddie stated simply, lighter in his hand raising to light the stick between his lips.
You let out a playful scoff, eyes rolling as you shoved past him and forced yourself into the living room, "Shut up."
"You can't make me." Eddie teased, smoke filling the space around him as he exhaled.
"I can try." You shot back, flopping down onto the tattered couch, coushins dipping under your weight as you shuffled a bit to find a comfortable position.
"Alright, sweetheart, what are we doing today?" He took a step closer, rubbing his hands together in anticipation, stupid grin plastered on his face lazily.
The pet name admittedly affected you more than normal—almost as if he knew, and it took an ungodly amount of internally reassurance to catch your breath again. You thought for a moment, attempting to shove ideas through the wall of anxiety in your brain. "Well, theres the park—"
Eddie groaned and cut you off, throwing his hands up dramatically, "Why is it always nature with you? Let's go… vandilize something, or take some old ladies purse."
A snicker left your parted lips—you were sure the last "idea" was meant as a joke, but you felt unsure about the first one. Your brows drew together and you gave him a look, "Yeah, Eddie, get me grounded before we're able to go anything for spring break. What about the arcade?"
A huff from Eddie sounded in front of you, "You know we're just gonna end up smoking and listening to music in my room."
A defeated exhale huffed through your nose, "Yeah, you're right. It's just…"
You pressed your lips together, trailing off slightly as you thought of how to word what you were going to say, "It's spring break! I wanna do something that I'll remember."
"What, is my room not memerable?" Eddies hand shot up to cover his chest offendedly, stumbling back as a scoff left his throat.
"Eddie, I've memorized every single crack on the wall, every corner that you have shoved your laundry—your room has been memorable." It wasn't much of a confession. Anyone with eyes could see how often you spent tangled in his blankets and talking to him about life or how awful your civics teacher was freshman year.
"Yeah, well…" He shrugged, "How about this." Eddie took another step towards you and crouched down, your gaze following him closely and stomach sinking just enough for it to be incredibly noticeable.
You raised your brows, fighting back a grin as his brown eyes soften ever so slightly, arms crossed across your chest as you anxiously waited for his brilliant idea.
"Today can be a chill day, and I'll take you somewhere cool before the week ends. Deal?" The way Eddie looked at you in this moment, iris' twinkling under the yellow light from the lamp in the corner, goofy grin on his face—it made your heart begin to beat quicker, banging against your chest as if it was trying to escape.
Something in his demenor made your breath hitch enough for your cheeks to turn a baby pink from embarassment. Quickly, you let the grin you were fighting paint itself across your face, and your shoulders slumped as you let out a defeated sigh. "Yeah, okay. Deal."
Before you could even finish your sentence, Eddies hands were clapping together and he stood up fully, reaching his hand out for you to take, "Come on, I'll roll up."
For a second, your eyes darted down to his hand, but shot back up almost immediately. You hesitantly took it, allowing him to pull you to your feet and practically drag you down the hallway.
Something about Eddies room always smelled the same, even years later—a mix of smoke and mildew and old blankets. They weren't pleasant scents on their own, but together, they were Eddie, and that alone felt enough for it to be the best scent in the entire universe.
Hand in hand, the two of you basically sprinted towards the bed, laughing as you flopped onto the soft mattress. At the same time, you turned your head to look at him, panting gently from the small amount of running you did through the hall.
"I'm gonna die in this room." You joked, words turning into more of an annoyed groan towards the end as a dry laugh escaped your throat.
"Hopefully." Eddie muttered, turning his gaze towards the ceiling, hands resting gently on his chest.
For a moment, things felt like they did before—before everything became so confusing overnight, before Eddie told you about his date, before you realized how complicated your relationship with him truly was. Laughter filled the room the same way it always did when you were with him, and God, something about the lines on his face as he smiled made butterflies erupt in a frenzy in your stomach. You couldn't help the aching feeling in your chest that urged you to reach out.
God, this is pathetic you thought, a quiet sigh exhaling from your nose. The urge to say something—anything—about how you were feeling screamed so loud you felt as though you were about to cry. But you couldn't. You couldn't cry and you couldn't say anything, because that would mean being honest. It would mean ruining everything—he wouldn't look at you the same, being around him wouldn't feel the same.
You didn't even realize how hard you were staring at him. The room fell quiet, and you could only assume Eddie was as deep into thought as you were as he fixated on the popcorn ceiling above him. You wondered what he was thinking about. Part of you thought maybe he could be thinking of you, too, but doubt planted itself deep inside of you the moment you decided you felt that way towards him.
"I can't wait for Saturday." Eddie broke the silence, head whipping to the side to look at you as the two of you laid across the bed, legs half-kicked off the foot of it.
"Oh, yeah? Why's that?" You blinked, a small smile creeping up your face.
"The date? I told you about it yesterday. You really need to stop smoking so much weed, dude." A snicker escaped his lips, and he nudged your foot with his own.
Your stomach dropped so quickly that it made you feel sick, smile faltering completely as the realization hit you. You're laying here on his bed, staring at him and thinking about all the ways you can tell him how you think you feel, and he's staring at the ceiling and thinking of another girl.
Another smile replaced the first one, but it didn't quite reach your eyes the way the first one did. You cleared your throat quickly, "Where are you guys going?"
"We're going to a show, actually. Some local band. She knows the guitarist, so we got super cheap tickets." Eddie raised his hands and waved them around to emphasize his words, oblivious to the raging fire weighing you down in your chest.
The smile on his face and the way his eyes lit up felt sickening. Desprately, you grasped at any memory you could of him looking at you that way—times where you'd passed each other in the busy school hallway, or when you'd sing and he'd look over at you from his gutair. It only made you feel worse as he continued to speak.
"You'll love her. I can't wait for you guys to meet." His head turned to look at you again, brows drawing together as he visibly noticed the way your expression turned, "You alright?"
Eddie propped his head up with his hand and turned slightly to the side to face you, a slight frown dancing across his face. You didn't look at him. Maybe you were ashamed, or you didn't want to immediately burst into tears and beg him to help you understand why you were so confused—but you knew that you couldn't do it. You wouldn't. The risk didn't feel worth it.
"I'm alright." You tried your best to throw on a reassuring tone as you spoke, but they came out weaker than you meant them, and you silently cursed yourself.
A moment of silence played between the two of you as you exceedingly grasped at something—anything you could say to make the moment less uncomfortable. Eddie blinked beside you, scanning your face before a quick and quiet huff exhaled from his nose.
"Alright." He muttered, letting his arm fall and returning to his former position on his back.
You watched in your peripherial vision as his hands fell back onto his chest and you exhaled a long sigh, "So… Wanna smoke?"
A weak smile twitched at the corners of your mouth and you turned your head to look at him, eyes softening slightly.
Excitment returned to Eddies face, and he glanced over and nodded vigorously, sitting himself up and reaching for his rolling tray almost immediately.
"Okay, hypothetically speaking…" You jumped up slightly, popcorn crashing into the side of the bowl in your lap as you turned your body to the side.
Eddie sat on the other end of the couch, smug grin plastered on his face, fingers twitching on the back of the couch as his arm rested along it. He glanced at you through the corner of his eye and hummed, one brow raising. A scream sounded from the TV that rested on a fold out table.
"If you and I were in that situation with no prior knowledge, who do you think would die first?" A vainglorius expression danced across your face, and you cocked your head to the side slightly.
"You. No doubt in my mind, it would be you." The words slipped from Eddies mouth immediately, earning a scoff from you.
A scruffy throw pillow found its way into your hand and you swung it at Eddie, catching him in the arm as the two of you errupted into laughter.
"What? You would! You'd start panicking and tuck yourself into a ball on the ground." The smug smile didn't leave Eddies face as he spoke, arms crossing across his chest.
"Okay, whatever." You waved your hands dismissingly, "How long do you think we'd last, though?"
"I could probably run for…" Eddie's face scrunched as he dragged out the last word, "About twenty minutes."
Eyes widened, you scoffed in disbelief, "Straight?"
Eddie lifted his shoulders and let them fall indifferently, humoring your shocked expression. He let out a small chuckle, a lingering smile emphasizing the lines around his mouth. God, you could look at that smile all day.
God, you hated it so much. You were sure you felt the same before you came to your frightening conclusion the night before, but it felt too obvious now. It felt stupid, really, how quickly your perspective of him changed.
"Eddie, when's the last time you ran for twenty seconds." A soft laugh escaped your throat and you watched as he rolled his eyes playfully.
"Shut up." He mumbled through a laugh, lifting his finger and motioning you to pay attention.
Your eyes returned to the TV, but your attention stayed behind. Guilt and shame filled your body like Eddie personally stood up and started to pour it in. For the past six years, you'd spent eighty percent of your time with him, and throughout all of those years, the thought of smashing his face into yours would've sounded completely absurd. The concept had never even crossed your mind, but now, it infiltrated your being and swallowed you whole, leaving nothing but lingering anxiety.
What if everything already fell apart? What if there wasn't a conclusion—no end to the itch you believed deep down would never be scratched? What if, six more years from now, you still looked at Eddie and felt the same echo in your chest where he should be? Even then, should he be? Would it even be realistic to think something wouldn't go wrong—that the entire thing wouldn't crash and burn the moment you were able to grasp it?
Questions and theories flooded your mind as you chewed on the inside of your cheek, chest rising and falling quicker than normal—nothing that would be considered noticeable, but enough to make you enormously self aware.
Another scream and a chainsaw starting up sounded from in front of you, followed by a raspy breath to your left. You glance over, gaze landing on Eddie through the corner of your eyes. His mouth fell slightly agape and his lids rested. Eddie fell asleep, and all of the sudden, you debated on whether or not to take your chance and run out of the front door. Sure, you'd hear about it later and have to come up with some lame excuse as to why you fled the trailer, but truthfully, relief in the moment felt better than what you had to do in the future.
As you made up your mind, your heart clashed against your chest violently, and with careful movements, you lifted your hand and swayed it in front of Eddies face, checking for any sign of conciousness.
A small spike of victory errupted in your stomach when he didn't move. Delibriately, your legs slipped one by one off the couch and you stood up fully, face bunching together as springs squeaked beneath you. Deep down, you felt pathetic for sneaking out of your best friends home because you couldn't regulate yourself, scurring like a rat underground in some subway because your feelings controlled your body instead of rationality.
But despite your hesitation, it didn't stop your feet from tip-toeing down the front steps and only slowing down after you were sure Eddie wouldn't run after you.
I’ve reread the first chapter to my new Eddie x Reader fic over and over again and I’m still struggling with writers block for this second chapter. It’s COMING I PROMISE 😭
⋆˚࿔ Summary: Eddie is your best friend and reveals that he has a date. You're very unsure about your feelings towards it, and you're desperate to find out why.
⋆˚࿔ Wc: 3.56k
⋆˚࿔ Tags: Best friends to lovers, jealousy, unknown feelings, oblivious!eddie, slowburn, fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, no y/n, stoner!reader, lmk if I missed any!
⋆˚࿔ A/N: This is my first fic ever that I'm actually posting on tumblr (and ao3) and the first fic I've written in a very long time, so please be nice! I also am not sure what most people prefer when reading a fic with multiple chapters on here? I've seen people post the first chapter and then link the ao3 link and I've also seen people add "next chapter" links and posting the chapters as separate posts, so please lmk what you guys prefer! The fic is also not done so pls be patient haha <3
You laid sprawled over Eddie's bed, stomach down and feet kicked up into the air in they're usual position as you picked at your nails. School had just let out for Spring Break, and you were ecstatic, especially after the day you had. It felt ridiculous that just one day of peace was impossible for you in Hawkins High, and as much as you tried to brush off snarky comments and being shoved in the hallway and look forward to the break, it bothered you. But the waiting was over. Two weeks of doing nothing but smoking weed and Eddie, your best friend in the entire world. There wasn't any way anything could bother you then. You were sure of it.
Eddie sat on the other side of the bed, rolling up for your second smoke of the day, bringing the joint up to his mouth and licking the edge gently to seal it.
Eddie introduced you to the wonderful world of marijuana when you two were twelve and thirteen. The memory of sitting in the woods behind Hawkins Middle, heart pounding as the paper burned between your fingers. Hesitation took over your body as your eyes flickered to Eddie, crouched down a couple of inches from you. You remembered the way he studied your face for doubt, and his hand gently taking the rolled cylinder as he sensed that you weren't sure.
"No, give it back." You protested. "You said yourself—no one comes out here. I'll be fine."
Truthfully, you had no idea if you were lying, but you were sure of one thing: the trust you had for Eddie. The part of you that screamed it was an awful idea, and that even though you were an outcast, you weren't a rule breaker flew out of the window the moment Eddie said he had to show you something.
He reluctantly stretched his arm back out towards you and allowed you to take it from his hand, and with one deep breath, you swallowed and let courage take over instead. With cautious movements, you brought it up to your mouth.
You had no idea how important that moment would be. Not only for the fact that now, being a senior in high school, you couldn't live a day with out it, but Eddie had implanted himself so deep into your life that day that you were sure nothing could dig him back out.
As he finished rolling, the two of you moved in sync. You sat yourself up and moved closer towards him, the bed squeaking and dipping lower under your weight as you rested against the wall. Eddie crossed his legs and placed the tray on the the comforter below him, routine settling in as his hands wrapped around the kitchen lighter.
Your shoulders dropped once you settled into a comfortable spot on the bed. Muscles that you couldn't even tell were tense relaxed—something about the familiar ritual alleviated your anxiousness in a way that you could only blame on Eddie.
School measured up to be exceptionally worse than usual. You shuddered at the thought of having to explain the large F on your chemistry test to your parents, even though in hindsight, it was completely your fault. Reruns on TV dipped into your study time the weeks leading up to the test, and as you tried to make up for your procrastination one day in advance, you'd convinced yourself to surrender your hopes of getting a good grade. It was future yous problem, and unfortunately, future phased into present, and you had to deal with the consequences. You hoped you could put it off for a couple of days, or maybe attempt to fake your moms signature again.
You didn't realize the way you stared deep into Eddies comforter until the sound of him clearing his throat snapped you out of it. You blinked, head jerking up and a short hum leaving your throat.
"Are you going to babysit that the entire time?" The corners of Eddies mouth twitched into a teasing smirk as his eyes darted down to the burning paper between your fingers.
Your brows drew together briefly before you extended it. He took it between his own fingers carefully and led it to his lips.
"What's up?" The tone in his question came out raspy as he held the smoke in his throat. It filled the air as he exhaled.
"Rough day." A dry laugh withdrew from your throat, though there was a lack of humor behind it. The lingering smile slowly dimmed as you exhaled a sigh.
Eddie arched a brow in curiosity, a spark of concern gleaming in his eyes as he stared back at you. An indication of reluctivity and worry fell evident in his question, "Do you… wanna talk about it?"
You shrugged casually, bringing your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around your legs. You paused, eyes running over the bleach stains on your pants you'd acquired from washing them wrong. "Not really. It's nothing new, just same ole' school stuff."
An understanding smile tugged at Eddies lips. Part of the reason you and Eddie clicked so fast was because you both understood how it felt to be perceived in a negative light by your peers. Conformity felt like the only way to fit in, and sure, you'd tried it for a while, but with every small slip up, the gossiping would resume. Eventually, you just learned to live with it. Eddie had dealt with it his entire life. Before you, he'd never fit in anywhere.
The burning cylinder between your lips heated up as you inhaled it deeply, smoke building up in your lungs and burning your throat, causing a raw cough to escape your throat; your face turned a deep red as you fought for air, eyes squeezing shut, head shaking side to side as you try to gain your composure.
"Ah, c'mon, you're being a baby." Something felt consoling within Eddies mockery, as if every time he did it, it was him subconsciously saying that he sees you. Most friends that you'd attained throughout the years strayed away from playful insults, instead focusing on the more favorable attributes.
But not Eddie. Eddie saw everything. Eddie knew everything.
A final cough cleared your throat, eyes rolling as an amused smile danced across your face, "Not my fault you have shitty weed."
Eddies arms crossed dramatically and a scoff left his mouth, but despite being "offended", a hint of amusement flickered across his face. "Well, I always provide it, and you haven't once contributed to our smoke sessions, so I wouldn't complain."
Your gaze met his as the words left his mouth, eyes running up and down his frame as a smug expression dragged across your face, "And that's how it'll always be, because you love me. I'm also broke, so there's that."
Brows raising, Eddie protested light-heartedly, "I am, too."
A gentle deflated sigh left Eddies parted lips, shoulders dropping. You watched as his lips pressed together and curled into an almost-smile, eyes darting back up to meet his stare.
"But yeah, it'll always be like that. Because I love you." Eddies head cocked to the side and lines settled near his eyes as he grinned sarcastically.
Even though they weren't rare, every time those three words left Eddies mouth, your stomach erupted into a sickening flutter. It was strange—the love you had for Eddie never fit in a specific box. He was your lifeline—your justification for your heart beating. You'd always joked that he was your platonic soulmate and the universe sent him down from some ethereal planet to save you.
Suddenly, an enthusiastic gasp sounded from beside you, followed by Eddies hands coming together in a loud clap.
"I have news. Really exciting news." He shifted slightly and leaned over slightly, his posture faltering.
"Oh, yeah?" The question left your mouth as your head dipped low, anticipation and a bit of skepticism filling your voice. Truthfully, you'd doubted heavily that he was about to spill anything revolutionary. Half of the things Eddie said to you made you question how he'd made it past the seventh grade. It was a big reason why you loved him, though—not because you felt better or smarter in any way, but because he was never afraid to be his true, authentic, embarrassing self around you.
"I…" Eddie started, dragging the word out. You watched as his hands slapped the bed repeatedly to mimic a drum roll, earning a playful scoff.
"Oh my god." You muttered under your breath, the words coming out as more of an exhale than a sentence.
"…have a date." Eddie straightened his back as a vain expression painted itself across his face, arms crossing across his chest smugly.
Involuntarily, your smile faltered for a brief moment, and you blinked twice slowly—for some reason, you couldn't pinpoint where the shock of his confession came from. Eddie had crushes on people before, mainly students at school who'd he never really spoke to, so it shouldn't have been a surprise once Eddie finally did find someone who was romantically interested back. Still, your chest burned an unfamiliar feeling—Jealousy? Envy? Anger? It didn't make any sense. You ran his words through your head again and again, and every time, it was as if the words "Eddie" and "date" didn't quite fit together.
Then came the guilt. Your stomach twisted uncomfortably as you wondered why you didn't feel happy. Eddie was your best friend, your better half, the one thing in this sick world that could ground you and bring you back to reality.
Eddie had crushes before. What was different about this one?
You thought that maybe it could be coming from a place of protectiveness. The memory of having to console Eddie over being asked out as a joke flashed across your eyes. You remembered the way his eyes puffed up from sobbing into his pillow right before you'd cautiously shuffled into his room. You remembered the anger you felt then—the way you'd marched over to her at recess, face red as fury pumped through your veins. It was the first and only time you'd laid your hands on another person.
That anger felt different to the feeling you felt boiling over in your chest. Your stomach twisted as he continued.
"She doesn't go to our school. She's home schooled, if you can believe it. I thought that only the Amish home schooled or something. We met at the music store. She was looking through a stack of records and I bumped into her like one of those cheesy romance movies you like so much." Eddies rough hand nudged your bare arm, skin burning under the playful gesture.
You could only blink, your brain attempting to process the information he was spilling out with that goofy grin slapped on his face. The way your chest burned fought harder than your silent reasoning you repeated desperately in your head. It was bound to happen eventually, and you'd been on a couple of dates, too. Eddie deserved happiness. You couldn't shake the guilty feeling that lingered with the burning in your chest. The entire thing seemed ridiculous—feeling such a strong physical reaction towards something so simple.
"Are you listening?" Eddies voice cut through your spiral like a knife.
You glanced up at him, eyes glossed over with something behind them that he couldn't quite recognize. You didn't mean to look at him like you were just told your mom died, but you couldn't stop it before it was already done. The realization that he noticed how off you were acting made you ball your fingers into fists. You shoved them into your lap quickly and exhaled a sigh to cover it up, because how do you even explain that?
"Yeah, of course I'm listening." A weak smile flashed across your face, but it didn't quite reach your eyes. The feeling of your heart crashing against your chest, thumping harder than you'd ever felt it before, drew all of your attention away from Eddies articulation, and the only thing running through your head now was the silent hope that he couldn't tell you were lying straight through your teeth.
Eddie somehow always knew. Most of the time, it felt as if Eddie could implant himself into your thoughts and dissect every single one like they were his own.
But not this time. Maybe he was too distracted going on and on about the date, or too excited to notice the way your demeanor changed the moment the words left his mouth. And what felt the most ridiculous was the fact that both instances seemed the worst—Eddie noticing or the fact that he didn't.
Eddie insisted on bringing you home, even though you repeatedly reassured him that you'd be fine walking. It wasn't out of the ordinary for Eddie to drive you home, but truthfully, being around him made it extremely difficult to think—and God, you had so much thinking to do when you got home.
You didn't have the energy to argue though, really, even if a nice stroll through Hawkins sounded nice to the alarm blaring in your skull.
Only an hour had passed since Eddie dropped his news on you, and still four hours until curfew. Usually, you'd stay with him from the moment that the school bell rung to early hours in the morning, but after spending the past hour obsessing over every interaction he described in detail with, what he described, his dream girl, you couldn't do it. Half of the time you'd spent concocting some reason to go home. The excuse was bullshit, of course, and something about the way Eddies brows drew together made it obvious that he knew you were full of shit. But you didn't care. Not really. You were freaking out, and you knew that being alone gave you the only shot to shut your brain up.
The passenger door swung open and you crawled into the van like it was habitual, and in some way, it sort of was. You'd spent so many hours in Eddies dingy van that the smell and the stains on the seats were a part of you. The two of you fell into the same routine every time—Eddie would make an effort to open the passenger door for you, mumbling something about being a perfect gentleman to get a rise out of you, you'd both make your way into your seats, and Eddie would remind you to rummage through the glove box and pick a cassette. Music always brought the two of you together, and blasting metal in the van so loud that you couldn't hear yourself think slowly became your favorite part of your day.
But that didn't happen. For the first time ever, you silently clicked your seatbelt and let your head fall and rest on the back of the seat.
Eddie followed into the van, taking his time (as always) to climb into the drivers seat. The engine roared to life as he turned the key. Something heavy lingered in the air, causing your stomach to twist violently. You wondered if he felt it, too, or if it was just another day for him.
As you stared up at the vehicle ceiling, you could feel Eddies eyes on you, scanning your expression with concentration heavy on his face. You blinked, and looked to your left to catch him in your peripheral. The outline of his fingers loosely on the steering wheel caught your attention. He obviously wasn't in a rush, and although you recognized that there wasn't anything wrong with that, you wanted him to rush, and something about how impatient you felt made you feel shameful.
"You alright?" Eddie asked, his voice dipping low in concern.
Here you were, bringing down the mood and sulking in his passenger seat, instead of enjoying the start of spring break like you'd spent weeks and weeks planning.
"Yeah, just really tired." The words sounded off as they left your mouth, your face crinkling up awkwardly. You lifted one shoulder and let it fall in a small shrug.
Eddies gaze lingered on you for a couple seconds too long before he stared back out the windshield. You knew that he knew something was wrong, and you also knew he'd ask about it later—but Eddie wasn't the type of person to pry, and for that, in that exact moment, you were eternally grateful.
The drive home fell uncomfortably quiet, the only sound coming from the rumble of the van engine and the same repeating clink that you'd begged him to get checked out months ago. You remembered the way he argued about mechanic pricing and time. The reminder almost earned a smile from you, lips twitching at the corners. You chewed on your bottom lip and your eyes burned as they stared out of the window.
Although the air around you both stayed consistently quiet, your brain wouldn't shut up. You didn't realize you could feel so many emotions at once—confusion, frustration, guilt. It all coated the inside of your stomach and stuck like it was permanent. But it couldn't be permanent. You couldn't feel like this around Eddie forever. You wouldn't allow it. Besides, at least if you could recognize or name the feeling, you could talk to him and maybe get to the bottom of it together. But how do you tell your best friend, the person that you'd trust your life with, that you're not happy for him? How do you willingly hurt him like that?
The other option it to ignore it. You could sleep it off and if things feel the same in the morning, you could pretend like the burning in your chest doesn't exist. That's it, you thought, pretend. It felt like the only logical way.
The brakes squealed and the van halted to a stop in your driveway. Staring through the windshield, you'd never been more happy to see those cream colored shutters—but somehow, that feeling made you feel sick to your stomach. On a normal day, when Eddie would drop you off, the two of you would sit in the van and soak up as much time as possible, smoking or passing the time with theories about people at school. You'd even kept one of your favorite body sprays in the back seat to hide the marijuana scent when you finally did decide to begrudgingly sloth up the porch stairs. If you were in your driveway before curfew, technically, you weren't breaking any rules. Eddie came up with that conclusion a year and a half ago, and the two of you absolutely ran with it, treating it as if it were scripture. You remember the way your parents tried to fight it, arguing about school nights and education being a more important thing to focus on, but after a couple of weeks, they just let it slide. It wasn't worth the fight, and to be fair, you were always able to come up with a valid counterargument.
The seatbelt clicked as you unbuckled it, and it shot back into the retractor quickly. Instinctively, you paused and breathed a sigh out of your nose. Moving even an inch felt like it was confirming something that you were deathly afraid of, and if society would allow it, you were sure that you'd stay right there in that van forever, living out the rest of your days sitting in the thick air surrounding the two of you.
But you had to go inside, eventually, and if it wasn't for Eddie, that process would've been painfully prolonged.
"Do you want me to walk you inside?" His voice cut through the quiet like a sword, shaking you out of your thoughts.
As your eyes shot over towards him, you felt your body immediately retreating, gaze faltering the moment it landed on his. Instead, it landed on the rings lining his finger. Under the flood lights shining through the windshield, they sparkled, silver and white light blinding you. Somehow, it felt better than struggling to look him in the eye.
"I think I've got it. If you come with me, you may never get home." A dry, humorless laugh left your throat, a lingering weak smile flashing as you glanced up to him.
"Why does that have to be a bad thing?" And there it was again, the sinking feeling—the pit in your stomach and that goofy smile that somehow made even the worst situations okay again.
You felt like you were about to choke, your throat constricting and only allowing a couple of words out. The defense in your voice startled you, though, and you could see the change on Eddies face as you spoke, "It doesn't. I'm just tired."
Eddie blinked twice, an almost stunned look on his face. It wasn't that you sounded mean per say, but unless you were joking back and forth, your tone always sounded gentle to him.
"Yeah, okay. Go get some rest. Will you call me in the morning?"
You couldn't contain your grin from the hopefulness in his voice. Your eyes flickered up to meet his again, and though your stomach never stopped turning, you whispered lowly, "Yeah. I promise."
I just watched Rick and Morty S9E1 last night and HOLYYYY SHITTTTTT?! The animation?! Evil Morty STRAIGHT OUT THE GATE?! This is ONLY E1?! I’m so so excited, and thank you so much pirating sites because I am not paying for cable 🕺
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
discoholicmusic
kianamaiart
andulkaphoto
jbbartram-illu
turnnoffyourmind
