A Quick Brain Dump
Ok so I just have a lot of thoughts in my head and want to get them out. This is also very chaotic and not in any order.
I am at a place where i feel lost, lonely, and stuck. I do not love my job anymore but do not want to quit because I work for a good friend of mine and I also have no idea what I would want to do next. I know eventually I would love to own a bookstore and run book events. I also feel like I have friends but I do not have a best friend anymore I am close to. I feel like my two closest friends before are drifting away but maybe it is me who is drifting away. I am struggling mentally and i think part of it is because I have lost my love of life. I need to move out of my parents house because its a low key toxic environment but cannot afford it even with a roommate. I also do not get paid consistently and that is very stressful. I do not feel good unless I am extremely productive. My boss also cut me from full time to part time. I am getting to the point where I feel numb to life and that is not the point or the way I want to live. I am also 24 and never had a boyfriend or been on a date and that stresses me out but the thought of dating gives me so my anxiety. Part of me wants to leave everything move to a new place and start over. How does leaving my currently life and going somewhere new alone not give me anxiety and kinda gives me piece but a date... makes me want to puke from anxiety??????? Maybe it is because I know moving is not actually an option. I have no idea what to do, what I want to do, who I want to be. Part of me wants to cry but what is the point. I think this is also why I decided to create new socials under a hidden name where I post about the things I love and fangirl about like I did back when I was in high school.
Am I crazy or is this normal?
