Big Bi energy

this wretched site has a chokehold on me (affectionate❤️) | he/him | 21

[ofchaosgoddess]

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

[succulent-tendril]

im so tired i could sleep a horse

[arcane-strangeness]

wow i can't believe kane pixels backrooms said being aware of the problem doesn't solve it. That pathologizing your behavior doesn't excuse it or make it right. That positive change is difficult, and at times terrifying, but if you stay where you are you'll change anyways for the worse. If you let yourself stagnate and repeat the same actions over and over again you'll only dig yourself further into the hole, wear the groove deeper until the floor gives out beneath you. Repetition brings with it the loss of detail. You rip and copy and compress a file over and over again until it's more static than substance. You cannot live with your monsters. You cannot let your trauma define you. It will consume you.

[fragiledate]

the strongest bond is probably pad wings to themselves. the weakest is probably pad wings to your underwear

[dreamspacewanderer]

At the end of the day, who really are you if everything you know about yourself stems from the life of a person you're pretending to live as?

Edit with typed out text under the read more!

My name is Muto Yugi.

I like games. I like my friends. I like burgers. I have a grandpa at home who loves me.

My name is Muto Yugi.

I go to school everyday with my friends. I wake up at 5AM so I have time to do my hair.

My name is Muto Yugi.

I meet them everyday. We play games together.

My name is Yugi Muto.

I don't like the taste of burgers. I don't like eating.

My name is Yugi Muto.

I wake up at 1AM everyday. I sneak out through the window. There is this guard in my home that I don't know.

My name is Yugi Muto.

He grabs my arms and keeps me trapped in my home. He claims he's "worried" and that "I'm injured" but HES LYING!! HE WANTS TO TRAP ME INSIDE!!

My name is Yugi Muto.

The guard is wrinkled and says my name like he knows me. He's lying. It's a trick.

My name is Yugi.

My friends look at me funny. I don't like looking at them.

My name is Yugi?

I don't brush my hair. I don't wash my face. I don't go to school. Everyone is WATCHING ME at school. I don't know ANYONE AT SCHOOL.

My name is Yugi?

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING I'M ACTING DIFFERENTLY??!! I'M NORMAL!!

MY NAME IS YUGI??

I don't know what school is I don't know who you are stop looking at me STOP LOOKING AT ME ST-

MY NAME IS-

I seem to fall asleep for days at a time I'm dressed my face is washed my hair is brushed I'm fed. It is my captive doing it. They're forcing me here. They're keeping me here against my will. I have to escape I have to escape I have to escape I have to escape I have to escape I have to escape I have to escape I have to escape-

I DON'T THINK MY NAY NAME IS YUGI.

I don't recogniz recognise--I don't think I'm me wh--

Move eec each limb--the reflection isn't me

I don't know who I a--y myself. Please someon-

I DON'T THINK MY NAME IS YUGI

THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THA-

Sometimes when I wake up I'm a new version of me I haven't met and I don't remember where I am and I think. Like. I belonged somewhere far far away and got trapped here as a form of c o s m i c p u n i s h m e n t. Like. A sinner taken to the slaughter. And I stop sleeping and suddenly I realise these people I call my family are people I don't know OR love. But that's cruel right. And I wake up not remembering days. Weeks at a time. And suddenly the house I thought was mine feels like a prison and when I look in the mirror my face it changes every time and I feel sick and have to look away because that's not me.

And I begin fearing that I don't recognise myself in any of my memories and I dont recognise the friends the me I see in my memories fought so hard to get and I realise that I REPLACED HIM. I AM THE REPLACEMENT. And so I try to gamble my life away and I fill "my" body with meds and caffeine and I pity the "ME" I replaced so much that I run around and s l a u g h t e r everyone who ever hurt him because he deserves to rest in peace. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually dead and this is my afterlife but haha.

That has to be a lie right. Right. Please. Tell me I'm right. Who the fuck am I now? Him? M-

Why can't anyone just give me an answer.

To who I am. To why I am.

It's dark.

I'm scared.

My name isnt Muto Yugi.

But if that's not me..

Then who am I?

[ghostonthestars]

Having a traumatic childhood is weird.

I miss childhood. Just not my childhood. I miss the experiences I was meant to have. I miss the small glimpses in which I lived somewhat nice, average childhood experiences.

I miss all that I never had and I wish I could go back and have it.

But if I were able to do so, I wouldn't do it. I don't think I would survive all of that again.

I miss childhood.

[succubusboyfriend]

practicing self care less out of self love and more for the sheer logical reasoning of it’d be kinda stupid of me to expect myself to be able to function without proper maintenance

[stephexmachina]

always crazy 2 me when mothers dote on their misogynistic sons..... ma'am he doesn't like or respect u 💀

[jazzy-officia1]

something something markiplier wearing a gag something something

[autisicat]

Something something, Simon wearing a gag, something something

[brightside-brigade]

"I like it in here"

Okay. But its going to consume you.

"We don't have to change"

Okay. But it's going to consume you.

Eventually you have to leave. Eventually you have to run. And its painful and it's so much harder than staying in the comfort of what you know. In that house that stopped being a home years ago. Living memories you've replayed so many times over and over that the details are warping and becoming hollowed out corpses.

And it will consume you when you least expect it. You'll rot right there along with the building foundations and distort right along with your memories.

You'll have to run eventually, even if that's not how you're wired.

The window was never locked.

[nicholasmillergf]

thinking about the backrooms a little more and thinking about how when clark didn’t let go of all his worse memories, he became trapped in them and eventually killed by how he wouldn’t change, while mary managed to save herself by literally letting go of her traumatic memories (destroying the cement handprint against the pirate entity)

[mercymornsproxy]

When changing yourself is terrifying and hard and change means destroying your current self so you want to stay the same and the person who is meant to help change you says you can but never changing is only remembering worse and worse each time and it destroys you in a different way

[autisicat]

Just saw the Backrooms movie. So fucking disturbing and scary and horrific and soo good. I wanted it to end and not end at the same time. I never want to see it again. I'm so unnerved.

[autisicat]

On another note, it was so surreal seeing a therapy session take place in the backrooms. This whole movie was insane man

[autisicat]

Just saw the Backrooms movie. So fucking disturbing and scary and horrific and soo good. I wanted it to end and not end at the same time. I never want to see it again. I'm so unnerved.

[dwinkus]

its almost time for my next dose of candy

[cute-catts]

kitty car 🐱

[vaguely-concerned]

when I'm overlord of the universe I am banning 'the problem with X' style youtube titles and thumbnails. I have enough problems I don't need you to bring me more