newly diagnosed autism/OCD

not a bot. just a blog to vent about mental health things. and my special interest is safety.

[housegoblin]

help

[autisticsideblog]

Having moral OCD and using tumblr.com makes you go from "I am the only person correct about (insert topic)" to "I think my followers should be allowed to legally hunt me for sport"

[gatheringbones]

I love your agreeable and amenable and flexible nature and how none of your wants and needs ever get priority and how nobody even knows what they are to begin with and how you never start or engage in conflicts and never express even mildly unsavory opinions and get along with everyone from every conceivable group, that’s so trustworthy. hey quick question. do you happen to have an enormous pressurized reservoir of rage and resentment you feel like you can’t ever analyze or express because that would break the rules for the kind of person you are and if so, do you think a lifetime of squashing it down might ever backfire?

[livelovelaugh-777]

[thekidsfromyestergay]

This was on a post about how it's ignorant and privileged to wear headphones in public and I fear its already become a part of my vocabulary. Must everything harbor a moral failure.

[pangur-and-grim]

accepting the whole autism thing has actually brought me so much calm, because when I was kid everyone seemed instinctively repulsed by me and I never understood why. ESPECIALLY the adults! which is a little fucked, because who are you supposed to go to about bullying if the teacher is participating? and even my family members seemed disgusted by me on some level, so I was like a cartoon parody of a human being where my closest friends were my pet rats. but reading studies on autism now, and learning about the double empathy problem, and about how neurotypical people ARE repulsed by autistic people in an uncanny valley sort of way and DO dislike them upon first encountering them (unless, ironically enough, they’re told that they’re autistic) - that’s actually been so cathartic. especially now that I’m older and have an okay-ish handle on masking, and so am no longer live in a nightmare world where literally everyone in my life seems icked the fuck out. I don’t have to discount my early memories. I can be like ohhhhh yeah that’s just something that happens. I didn’t do anything particularly bad and it’s not that I wasn’t trying, I was just born with the cursed sigil on my forehead. like ohhhhh they were reacting to the curse, ohhh okay, cool cool, that’s actually fine. I’m actually alright with that.

[json-derulo]

"you were always such a good kid! we never had to worry about you :)" thanks! you actually should've, though. like about this specifically

[lunamonchtuna]

to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.

[infiniteoreos]

undiagnosed autistic people will be like "I don't get upset when my routine changes though!!" and it's because they've built a set of if-then loops in their head to pick from one of 6 different strict routines and they do get incredibly upset when they're unable to keep to any of the 6 scripts. I'm john normal

[girlmostlikely]

You literally have to just get over yourself every day

[autisticsideblog]

when you pass someone in the hall and fail the three-part quicktime event of

remembering their name

timing their name with the "how are you?" "good good how about-" before you walk past each other out of earshot

having the correct facial expression

[autisticsideblog]

yes I love my autism no I would not be the same person without it, obligatory tumblr disclaimer.

But I fucking hate this shit. I hate having to soothe and coddle my stupid body otherwise I can't function. My life is a constant management game where my every action is to counteract The Buzzing(TM) in my chest and if I fail I have a meltdown. I hate that every job is too hard for me. I hate that I'm a horrible imposter in my current job role, doing maybe half the work my neurotypical coworkers do. I hate being lazy, I hate having to stare at a wall and rock myself for three hours to actually get to do my hobbies. Hyperfixations are fun until they're gone and without one to replace it your left beating against the walls of your skull, begging to be let out.

[sluttyquarantinetheory]

The most horrifying thing about being a human is that no matter how intelligent you are or how much customer service training you have, nothing will stop you from being the idiot customer on occasion. At some point you won't read a sign or you'll misread a menu or ask the dumbest question a human has ever formed and there is nothing you can do to prevent this. It will happen. Accept it and continue on your way as one of today's dipshit customers.

[natalieironside]

Due to my weird childhood and my weird brain, I have this very unhelpful compulsion to conceal Everything I do from Everyone. I Cannot be observed performing any action, no matter how mundane. My nervous system is convinced I'm gonna, like, Get In Trouble for eating food at dinnertime or sleeping in my bed at bedtime.

I've taken to asking myself, "Okay does this task actually require subterfuge or am I stealing a balloon on Free Balloon Day"

[natalieironside]

I see from the notes that we're all havin a normal one 👍

[hjdjdjdjdjc-deactivated20260221]

a lot of my autism masking is just making myself more palatable for other people and my therapist said "does spock make himself 'more palatable' for others?" and had me promise to keep unmasking like:

[cipheramnesia]

I know everything is shit fucked sixteen ways before lunch time, but it remains a fact that you should not trust anyone who wants you to feel like the whole world hates you all the time. That's a person trying to sell you something, swallow you whole, or bleed you dry. Especially those times when it feels like they're right.

No one wants anything good from you who wants you always feeling scared and hated. They will wear you out and leave you in the bin the second fashions change. Things are extremely high levels of fucked, but you are not hated like that. It's scary and isolating but you are not alone like that. Worst case, come and shiver like a wet dog with me, I won't say anything and we can dry out.

[cipheramnesia]

I think this is being taken as a generic positivity post, but it is very much meant to be cautionary. Now more than ever we are easily manipulated by our own justified anger, which is reason enough to always force yourself to pause a minute, five minutes, to consider if something is worth your anger, if it's even true or just upsetting.

[astrangeghost]

i loooove character trope thats like.hold on

^^^character that literally cant see themselves as nice and thinks that theyre somehow fooling everyone around them into thinking theyre nice and feel really bad about it . vs their friend who sees them for who they are