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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@avecham-blog
beep.
to do!!
abilities ( this is so overdue i am trash )
weekly check ins ( 05/02 - 05/09 / 05/10 - 05/17 / 05/18 - 05/25 / 06/01 - 06/08 / 06/15 - 06/16 / 06/23 - 06/24 - 07/01 add july, august, september, october, november )
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vacation = gotta work twice harder for any side muses, hence the inactivity here but i’ll eventually pick her back up.
it’s not always just them, sometimes it’s her and a millions of them in one. ave feels trapped in those moments, she feels as if she wants to be just her. she sheds away the skin, she screams and tears apart every little cells she’s pasted in hers. she pulls at the emotions, watches it all crumble, burns the memories. stays idle in what she is. it never lasts. because then she’s acutely reminded of why she’ll never be just ave. it’s because ave isn’t ave. what is ave, who is ave. is she the mother, the father, the daughter, the son, ave is nothing. ave cannot cry for who she’s not to return to her, because ave has no tears, ave cannot long for who she’s not to return to her, because ave has no feelings. no reality, no body. nothing. ave is no one.
@consilian :
HE REMAINS SILENT DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST because Daehyun knows better than to involve himself in a pointless discussion that will lead to him defending his pride (which is a very natural thing that everyone, regardless of gender, possesses) but recently, with the increase in supposed feminists and their rather aggressive ideas of established women as the dominant gender, he’s never really sure what to say anymore.
His last encounter with a woman of that type has ended in a not-so-nice way, and he isn’t eager for the situation to repeat itself, which is why he only flashes her a brief glare, as though that is supposed to be enough in order to get the female to fall silent once more. It’s less the idea of displaying power that he wishes to reflect, but more so the general idea that not everyone is like majority assumes to be and despite his reputation and image as an idol, Daehyun would like to believe he’s a decent person save for all the bitterness that constantly seems to seep through every pore of his.
So, instead of saying something that could be interpreted in a different way, he takes his sweet time in carefully phrasing something he then dares to throw at the female, “Are you angry with me, or why are you discreetly trying to upset me?” He’s known her for a while, which is also why he’s aware of the fact that he needs to think before he speaks up (which is something he has struggled with in the past but learned how to do upon debuting as an idol). “Because if you are, I’m not appreciating it and I’d like to know your reasons for doing so.”
A grin on, most of the times it’s not to edge, it’s not to upset as most of them seem to assume immediately. Soojung just likes getting any sort of reaction. If he’d laughed instead of glaring she would still be grinning, but he’s glaring and there’s nothing quite like finding something to tell back. She likes arguing she’s found, but not heated debate that only spurs people to end up more bitter than they were when they got in. But the questioning kind. She likes probing, with a gentle touch where she wants it and seeing where it can lead.
Sometimes feather like brushes can spark the most violent of actions. It’s all about who she’s talking with she’s found. It’s as if she’s relearning the world each time she gauges, throws in a word and watches them ponder over it before reacting. Like she’s been here forever to know that something will come, has to come, but she’s only been here today to see what came of it. But it doesn’t fail to leave her beaming. The grin has faded, but it’s apparent by the expression it has left on her features that the feeling it had. Mocking, amused, mischievous stayed behind with her lips parting to retort.
“Reasons, huh? I guess that’s human, we all want reasons for things, even I do too all the time.” She wears a moue as if she’s thinking it over, as if she has a reasons. She doesn’t, as a matter of fact she could have even let the incident pass by without so much as talking about the power underlined in it. But where there’s power and control Soojung wants to poke. She wants to challenge, to see where it came from. “But you seem to think that I had the most horrifying ones, perhaps to belittle you, is that it? I’m a woman and so much as mentioning something about your masculinity must mean I’m trying to make it shrink, ah,” A sigh, a smile pulling the corner of her lip as she lets her leg cross over the other, her hands falling on her knee, palm on palm. “That’s sensitive.” Besides she’s greatly appalled that he would think her so low as to try to discreetly upset him, or anyone for that matter. Why go to war if only to hide in corners before shooting your arrows, sneaking in behind their backs in order to stab them when they’re not watching? Not her style, she finds it petty.
His lips are dry. If anything was going to give him a disadvantage it would be that his lips were dry and he wanted to lick them but he knew that making them would appear odd and perhaps as if he had left something on his lips much like Napoleon. The licking of one’s chomps wasn’t exactly a thing that humans did so furthermore it distracted him (he didn’t want to appear strange!). But, if she was also in need of a distraction perhaps then her distraction would be more of a distraction than his distraction would distract him… to her.
Or something along those lines.
“If you wanted a distraction then you should probably become a mathematician or find a workbook at a store or online.” Sehun would suggest classes of sorts but perhaps that was going a little too far. But was it really too far to suggest spending someone’s time constructively in a way that benefits them? Most certainly not! Regardless, he had learned that sometimes people don’t always appreciate being told what they should be doing with their lives. At least not in such a major way.
People simply did not appreciate his advice.
Their loss.
When his area was clean of his things he felt a little bit more confident. ‘A drawing game…’ Perhaps it was because he was much larger than the table he sat at that he stuck out like a sore thumb. Just his luck. “I like having a clean space for when I work. A cluttered desk is a cluttered mind.” However, his things were just strewn about before so it wasn’t that he was completely averse to having things around him while he worked. It just had to be by his terms. “And yes… you can say that I’m competitive.” Some might say Sehun could be hyper-competitive but that wasn’t what she asked.
When she taunted him he shifted in his chair, growing a bit anxious and a bit frustrated with her words. “I’m still unsure if this is just at a draw or not. Do we spot out numbers to one another? At what point does someone lose for certain?” There weren’t enough parameters, there wasn’t enough setup… Sehun needed rules, order, and a way to find the end of the tunnel; a way to find out how to find the correct path to win. Sporadic and on a whim competition was not his thing. It made him uneasy and that made him unconfident… and that was no good for him. He leaned forward and his spot his eyes narrowing across the table at the woman. “I too, am growing older in this chair but I’m in no hurry. I like having things in place and knowing where I stand. My time really can’t be taken up for distraction’s sake unless I gain something from it… Bragging rights are only somewhat satisfying. Give me order and difficulty so I can see that the bragging rights are worth it.”
She’s humming, as if she’s considering. She’s not, she’s simply humming because she likes the way it rolls in her mouth, down the line of her tongue all the way to how it slides in her throat. She likes how her cheeks vibrate to the sound and how it almost feels like it’s lulling her to sleep. For a second Soojung wants to give up, but it’s a second where Ave pushes against her mind and locks herself in every corner she can pull. Now it’s really too late to give up.
“I like numbers.” She says once she feels it tight in her head, throbbing against her skull as if trying to find a way out. Soojung brings a hand to her forehead rubbing, it simply sits there against her palm, a heavy headache, pounding relentlessly and she shuts her eyes, takes in a deep breath. “Not math.” She has no will nor does she think it necessary to explain that moving requires energy, and by the time she would have made it home--she would have never made it home. It was either stay awake until it’s dark enough to walk out. Which would make it easier to slip unnoticed, fade into nothing but thin air and finds herself yet again in unknown territory, most likely.
Or try doing that in broad day light where anyone could see and yet again feel the murmurs of a ghost appearance where she would have found herself running short of strength. She doesn’t mind, in fact Ave likes putting these stories out there for the world to see. It keeps her ecstatic that in her own way she’s participating in humanity being aware that not all of them are just humans. Even though she’s not fully aware herself of what she is. It’s a blur, she’s everything and nothing all at once and more often than not she just leaves it to other people to define it. She’s given up on trying to recollect herself, find each pieces of the puzzle that is the void that she is.
“You’re thinking too much about it.” That must be the other source of the headache. It’s a lot harder to block what filters in and stays out when she doesn’t have total control over her ability. She’s frowning and rolling her eyes next when a sigh leaves her. “It’s getting tensed for me, have you ever just done something without wanting to know everything about it?” She fixes him with an inquiring gaze.
She has to make the headache go, but if it doesn’t, then she’ll have no other choice but to get up and walk outside. Or even more amusing, do it right there, right now, just simply make one with the wood of her chair before finding the nearest resting place that she can slip into. She feels like she’d want to see what he looks like when something doesn’t sit right in his reality. The tug gets harder and she straightens instinctively, quickly blinking away the tears they almost sprung out. Her body’s growing restless by the seconds, no longer finding interest in a distraction, nothing left to stir it away from its primary goal.
Sleep, sleep, sleep.
W - 03 ( 05/10 to 05/17 ) 2016
weekly check in ! new skin K.S ( mun note : what is a weekly check in paper? a file report that was stolen from the last lab she was held in. )
NAME : A . C MUTANT TYPE : A ( mun note : TYPE A ABSOLUTE CONTROL, TYPE H HIGH CONTROL, TYPE WWAVERING CONTROL, TYPE U UNSTABLE CONTROL, TYPE Z ZERO CONTROL, these will be explained thoroughly once i stop being too busy and get to it properly! note that this was how this lab worked in question, it doesn’t mean every files is this way or that every labs and professors/scientists/researches/doctors etc. did this. this is simply how i am making this one work. )
CURRENT SKIN ( mun note : obviously one cannot insert a gif in a handwritten file but have a reference anyway )
title : kim soojung age : twenty two years old work : a saleswoman in a clothing shop resides : in hongsik negatives : ( - ) neutral , manipulative , easily irritated , picky , impatient , bossy , stubborn positives : ( + ) loving , friendly , loyal , positive , charming , sociable neutrals : ( +/- ) feminine , independent , cheeky , curious , strange likes : clothes , shopping , sweets , movies , older men , beige , dogs , jewelries , challenges dislikes : whining , sports , horror movies , losing , ignorance , impulsiveness , horror movies
NOTED BEHAVIOR great speech, infiltrate any sort of conversation without sounding off and awkward. enjoys talking about anything clothes related. has a great perception of what a woman wants from the colors she wears. can be cold and detached from any situation. can hide her expression well. is not afraid to voice her opinion. never raises her voice no matter how angry or upset she gets. very dreamy, likes to have her head in the clouds. can be in a conversation without being there. is able to relate to anything anyone tells her. very compassionate. too compassionate. moody. has a change of heart every seconds. dreams of being a stylist. hates jeans. ( week 1 )
+she takes anything related to how she behaves with a good dose of irritation, she can’t be told what to do. it seems as if triggers a strong dislike in her and she responds with an uncharacteristic aggressiveness. she softens considerably in the presence of animals, she’s considering even adopting one. that might be a problem. she hates being told that she’s wrong even more when she is actually wrong. she’s taken a liking to drinking. ( week 2 )
+she doesn’t know what giving up means. that is when she sets her mind to something she wants to get it no matter what the consequences. although she’s quick to reflect on her actions and apologize if she’s gone too far. having her weaknesses being shown gets her embarrassed, it is the only thing so far that has managed to bring color to her face. plus it seems she’s taken a liking to yoga. it relaxes her. god knows she needs it. she refuses to walk barefoot, and always has to have socks on her feet if she’s not in heels. ( week 3 )
EXHAUSTION LEVEL ( mun note : exhaustion level refers to how much energy is the new skin taking out of her when the check in was made. ) [ high ] if high, subject must rest for more than eight hours a day. [ extremely high ] if extremely high, subject must rest for two days in a week [ low ] if low, subject must rest for eight hours [ tolerable ] if tolerable, subject can spend 24 hours without any sleep [ stable ] if stable, subject can lead any normal and healthy lifestyle chosen
COMPATIBILITY LEVEL ( mun note : how hard was it to blend in with the new identity, meet their needs, meet their emotions, not sound robotic with their speech, did it feel out of place, little things like that. ) [ high ] if high, then the skin may last for a year. [ moderate ] if moderate, progress should be made in next check in. [ low ] if low, progress can be gained or lost in next check in. [ unstable ] if unstable, subject needs to transfer to a new one or may endure several aggravating side effects.
FIELD NOTES ( mun note : strike means she doesn’t want to fill it up or doesn’t need to seeing as she’s doing it herself rather than someone observing her is doing it. field notes were basically the feeling a third party observing and interacting with the skin had. what was easy to notice, what wasn’t. what was like able, would they stick around? would they be good friends? )
COMFORT LEVEL ( mun note : how easy is it to handle the skill, what was hard at first, what was easy, what exhausts her, what comes naturally, what doesn’t. ) constant switch in emotions is the most straining. can’t seem to fixate herself on one for longer than an hour. is extremely fickle with it too. can’t seem to understand when people tell her what to do. only wants to do what she thinks is right and that was quite a hassle to handle. can’t eat everything. throws up when she swallows something she dislikes, causes quite a ruckus when the wrong food lands in front of her, that made for some embarrassing moment that she hated even more. easy to talk, finds her words easily, at least she can redeem herself with that. laughs easily. walks very carefully, she can’t go fast, it wasn’t easy to hold her pace. hard to get used to heels, she only wears high heels. ( week 1 )
+same as before, with even more constricting feelings when it comes to making decisions. she can’t seem to focus when it’s about mundane things, but only when it comes to clothes and coordinating styles can she make a choice without thinking twice. she’s stubborn and it flows in well, she stands her ground and that flows in as well. habits are installing themselves easily. shoes preferences have become an easy thing to handle. adjustment is showing progress. ( week 2 )
+it’s easier to sleep now. she used to stay up for way too long and not want to let herself fall asleep when it is needed in order to recharge. but since she’s started taking yoga classes, she falls asleep more easily and charging hasn’t been a problem these days. the skin transition seems to have gone smoothly, nothing out of shape, just regular normal level of exhaustion for where it is at. a month or so more and it should drop down to the low level if things go well. lost the comfort of flat shoes, that is going to be hard to unlearn again. ( week 3 )
PROFESSOR IN CHARGE : – SIGNED AND VERIFIED BY : –
Rarely does she get visitors. Simply because she’s rarely at her apartment. Lexi prides herself in being as far away from the suffocating walls of her own room until absolutely necessary. She avoids solace like a coward and she doesn’t care. That’s why when she is here the television illuminates every thing around her and she can focus on gore, cracking of bones to ignore the crackling in her ears and the breaking of her own bones under this mask she wears. She can’t shed in her own home but when she catches a reaction from Soojung, she’ll take it for the moment, smother it and remind herself nothing in this room can touch her. She’s not alone.
She laughs. She shoves popcorn in her mouth and curses every diet she’s ever had with the flick of her wrist. A fuck you she’ll probably throw away later but for now she wiggles her toes and points at the screen. “You’re going to miss the best part!” A whine. Unpracticed and raw, as raw as her voice can produce in it’s freedom. “It’s research.” It’s her simple response. Her simple lie.
A distraction? Not so much. “You’re the one who let me pick the movie I mean really. What did you expect? Oh! Oh! He’s going to melt his face!” Moments like this when Lexi caves to her herself she’s glad someone is there to witness the eruption and the descent. “Honestly why are you even sitting so close to the TV, sit with me.”
Soojung stops herself from rolling her eyes, the hand that she has on her mouth will not leave its place. Because her lips are agape and that is not a sight she wishes to show to anyone. Not even to herself. So if she has anything to say considering the fact that Lexi seems so amused by the clear shocking emotion written all over her face now, not hiding it anymore, it’s dark enough that at least that can pass by without being noticed.
“I let you pick the movie because I thought you would be a decent person with decent tastes.” It’s not even a lie, not even half a lie, she truly believed the other girl would have chosen something less--bloody and unspeakably disgusting.
She’s not even sure how she can stand eating while it’s happening. Granted though, Soojung would never actually dive her fingers in popcorn. She especially can’t stand the sight of it when it’s filled with butter and people just seemed to enjoy the grease of it. She can’t imagine how it must feel like on their hands later on. The cherry on top of it all? When they don’t wash those hands and decide to wipe it on their clothes. God, that does it for her. She was almost thrown out of a cinema because of the complaint she just had to let out at one of the customers. Well, it just seems like she’s the only one with some sort of common sense left in the world.
“I refuse, I’m totally fine where I am right now.” In fact she even drops her hand, swallows and straightens even more if that is possible before adding, “I might need a bucket to throw up in later.”
from souls to souls. ten days a warrior, one day a traitor, one year a maiden, nine years a prostitute
it’s as if jumping from dreams to nightmares, from nightmares to dreams. without ever knowing what the outcome of each will be. but being fully aware still that pieces of it will remain no matter what. once the conscious is formed and the mind has its own set ave sometimes loves being in the dark. behind the curtains when the skin closes its eyes and she can see. clearly. without it feeling like a dream. because dreams are not welcomed.
but the reality of everything she is and everything they think she was. it’s exhilarating, as if drinking in all the lives she’s lived is how she keeps herself able to stop dreaming and wondering, so that she can just breathe.
@estrnged :
He digs his pinky into his ear, aggressively itching it as he feigned disinterest to her words. Though he appreciated where this all came from – someplace caring, a place where she was somewhat worried for his general well being, there was a sting of agitation underlying his stoic demeanor. Living with this overbearing weight of dissatisfaction, of depression desaturating the world into monotonous gray, he was more than aware of the fact. It was all in his fucking head, wasn’t it? There’s still a piece of him that years to live, that wants nothing more than to pick himself back up and do better.
But some says he wakes up and cannot bring himself to get up even though he has work in ten minutes. He cannot bear the idea of being around other people. He cannot face the world sober and mentally whole. Everything is too loud, too present that it had to be dialed back into something bearable. It was killing him, everyone around him was aware. It was prominent in the dark circles under his eyes, his sluggish movements, detached conversation. Such a poor excuse of a life.
“Then how am I supposed to bulldoze it down?” He humors her, figures if she found herself wise enough to be giving unsolicited advice, then she might hold an answer or two. “I can’t just stop. It’s like all I’ve done my whole life is build this fucking…fort of sadness. Now you’re telling me to stop and do something else. It’s like….you don’t get it. It’s beyond my control. I try, I try really hard and it’s like no one even notices. But it just won’t stop.”
Questions, questions. Ones she surely has no answers to. Even if she did, Soojung would take too great of a pleasure in not giving them away. She likes it when people figure their things out by themselves. There’s no fun in giving them the right answer, the right path, the easy way out. If you’ve put yourself there, surely you’d know how to come out of it, like a big guy. But she has no answers right now, none that would fit what would satisfy him at least. She thinks.
The statement was not meant for him to change anything, she says just as much, “Do you need to try? I was just saying it because I was seeing it.” Not because she wanted him to grow antsy in his skin about her catching up on it. Or her sounding as if she’s reprimanding. Who is she to reprimand? When under her skin is still the lit buzz of the need to grab a drink and drown the feelings she can’t comprehend. She wakes up in sweat, with memories of events she hasn’t lived, or has forgotten. Then during the day, they’re gone as if nothing ever was. Life goes on as it is, and she’s just Soojung, bright, chatty, charismatic Soojung.
“You should reach the sky first before you think about destroying what you’ve built, don’t you think? I would like to reach the highest of my insanity in order to look down and tell them that I’ve won this war.” If the insanity turns into an infinity of castles that go past the clouds, then rejoice and drink in the kingdom that is yours only. It’s what’s important, isn’t it? You, yours, me, my. See it’s these things, these little details that are hers, but not her. Those ones that slip in her tone, turn it dry and heavy with experience. Make her gaze narrow in thought and her mind swirl around the possibilities. They also bring heavy headache during the nights. It’s these ones that the alcohol makes easier to let go of.
Sehun couldn’t help but repeat himself once more. “What?” The simple response trailed off as he tried to figure out what she meant, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. Sehun was by no means talkative except for when it came to things he truly cared about and in this instance he cared about winning. Winning was everything! Well… almost everything. He was one to go out of his way to find the best procedure and best advantage for himself. However, this usually involved drinking games rather than some spontaneous math challenge. He wasn’t even sure if this was a thing that happened in television or movies… did it? Maybe he should really branch from his usual favorites…
Clearing his throat he completely cleared off the table of his things and put them into his bag neatly so he would not be distracted… or if she tried to steal his things because he would be unsuspecting and focused during the competition. You never knew who was going to try to take your things! She could be a very sophisticated thief. “I suppose we could have it timed.” He gave her a quick nod. “I’m Sehun, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Soojung.”
Why did she want to do this? How was she so brazen as to go about approaching a stranger for such a silly thing? And what’s more, what was the prize? What was to be gained from competing because as far as he was concerned it was only bragging rights which was fine with him butt not fully worth it for a stranger unless she too valued the ability to brag? But then why would she want to brag about beating a stranger that she didn’t know the abilities of in the first place? Soojung was truly confusing him with the sudden challenge but he was already in too deep. He had to accept. “I do have one question, however: why? Why do you want to compete with me? Because there are a dozen or so other people here that you could have approached yet you came to me. ”
And then suddenly another thought came to his mind. Did they need a referee did they need someone to supervise this competition so that way if there was no confusion. Was there supposed to be some escalating back and forth. He’d rather someone else set up the rules and supervise however it would be odd almost as odd as approaching a stranger for a competition to ask a stranger to supervise that competition.
She laughs, it’s a clear and liberating sound. It springs form her throat with no reservation, even if the hand trying to muffle and hide the width of her mouth tells a bit about how it’s not often let free. It makes her lean in her chair just a bit more nonchalantly than she usually would, warmth quickly climbing up her cheeks as if she’d been pleased with the most amusing of words. It’s the lack of them that amuses her as it is. That and the tingling exhaustion is turning into something close to hysteria if she was right about the feeling.
She watches him move about as if he’s getting ready for war. It’s a click, a flash, she knows this feeling. It’s hard to grasp why she knows certain emotions. Her mind forgets, her bodies discards, it heals. But there’s something that holds onto bits that marked her. Getting ready for a challenge as if one’s going to war closes her features, makes her focus her gaze on the table for the longest. It’s one of the danger of fighting fatigue, the slipping in and out of the supposedly gone tidbits as if she’s walking through each dimensions.
“It’s a distraction.” The truth slips before she can hold it in, her arms fold themselves, fingers tight on her forearm as she sighs and tilts her head. She’ll start having dark circles soon, but it’s not time yet. “I have to stay awake and numbers help.” He’s a stranger either way, even with his name and his emotions slipping in within the cracks of her fingers. Cackling and mixing in with Soojung’s, he’s still a stranger. They all are, even the closest ones to what’s under her skin.
“Take it as a drawing game, I went for the one I saw first, you don’t look too bothered though.” If a little lost and confused from what she can gather. It makes her grin again. “In fact, I’d say you look ready to dive right in, you have competitive mind?” She likes opposing ones that seem to enjoy giving a fight just for the hell of it, even with simple things as mathematics. She’s not even sure if she’s going to hold it until she passes out. But she’s hopeful, she’s even more that her spine is straight and she isn’t slouching anymore. False sense of energy is always better than the constant weight on her back. Pressing and pushing until she caves in.
She’s glad for the stubbornness she feels instilled in her bones right now. “So, are you going to start or wait for me to grow old on this chair?”
W - 02 ( 05/02 to 05/09 ) 2016
weekly check in ! new skin K.S ( mun note : what is a weekly check in paper? a file report that was stolen from the last lab she was held in. )
NAME : A . C MUTANT TYPE : A ( mun note : TYPE A ABSOLUTE CONTROL, TYPE H HIGH CONTROL, TYPE WWAVERING CONTROL, TYPE U UNSTABLE CONTROL, TYPE Z ZERO CONTROL, these will be explained thoroughly once i stop being too busy and get to it properly! note that this was how this lab worked in question, it doesn’t mean every files is this way or that every labs and professors/scientists/researches/doctors etc. did this. this is simply how i am making this one work. )
CURRENT SKIN ( mun note : obviously one cannot insert a gif in a handwritten file but have a reference anyway )
title : kim soojung age : twenty two years old work : a saleswoman in a clothing shop resides : in hongsik negatives : ( - ) neutral , manipulative , easily irritated , picky , impatient , bossy , irritated positives : ( + ) loving , friendly , loyal , openminded , positive , neutrals : ( +/- ) feminine , sociable , independent , cheeky , charming likes : clothes , shopping , sweets , movies , older men , beige , dogs , jewelries dislikes : whining , indecisiveness , sports , horror movies , losing , ignorance , impulsiveness
NOTED BEHAVIOR great speech, infiltrate any sort of conversation without sounding off and awkward. enjoys talking about anything clothes related. has a great perception of what a woman wants from the colors she wears. can be cold and detached from any situation. can hide her expression well. is not afraid to voice her opinion. never raises her voice no matter how angry or upset she gets. very dreamy, likes to have her head in the clouds. can be in a conversation without being there. is able to relate to anything anyone tells her. very compassionate. too compassionate. moody. has a change of heart every seconds. dreams of being a stylist. hates jeans.
+she takes anything related to how she behaves with a good dose of irritation, she can’t be told what to do. it seems as if triggers a strong dislike in her and she responds with an uncharacteristic aggressiveness. she softens considerably in the presence of animals, she’s considering even adopting one. that might be a problem. she hates being told that she’s wrong even more when she is actually wrong. she’s taken a liking to drinking.
EXHAUSTION LEVEL ( mun note : exhaustion level refers to how much energy is the new skin taking out of her when the check in was made. ) [ high ] if high, subject must rest for more than eight hours a day. [ extremely high ] if extremely high, subject must rest for two days in a week [ low ] if low, subject must rest for eight hours [ tolerable ] if tolerable, subject can spend 24 hours without any sleep [ stable ] if stable, subject can lead any normal and healthy lifestyle chosen
COMPATIBILITY LEVEL ( mun note : how hard was it to blend in with the new identity, meet their needs, meet their emotions, not sound robotic with their speech, did it feel out of place, little things like that. ) [ high ] if high, then the skin may last for a year. [ moderate ] if moderate, progress should be made in next check in. [ low ] if low, progress can be gained or lost in next check in. [ unstable ] if unstable, subject needs to transfer to a new one or may endure several aggravating side effects.
FIELD NOTES ( mun note : strike means she doesn’t want to fill it up or doesn’t need to seeing as she’s doing it herself rather than someone observing her is doing it. field notes were basically the feeling a third party observing and interacting with the skin had. what was easy to notice, what wasn’t. what was like able, would they stick around? would they be good friends? )
COMFORT LEVEL ( mun note : how easy is it to handle the skill, what was hard at first, what was easy, what exhausts her, what comes naturally, what doesn’t. ) constant switch in emotions is the most straining. can’t seem to fixate herself on one for longer than an hour. is extremely fickle with it too. can’t seem to understand when people tell her what to do. only wants to do what she thinks is right and that was quite a hassle to handle. can’t eat everything. throws up when she swallows something she dislikes, causes quite a ruckus when the wrong food lands in front of her, that made for some embarrassing moment that she hated even more. easy to talk, finds her words easily, at least she can redeem herself with that. laughs easily. walks very carefully, she can’t go fast, it wasn’t easy to hold her pace. hard to get used to heels, she only wears high heels.
+same as before, with even more constricting feelings when it comes to making decisions. she can’t seem to focus when it’s about mundane things, but only when it comes to cloths and coordinating styles can she make a choice without thinking twice. she’s stubborn and it flows in well, she stands her ground and that flows in as well. habits are installing themselves easily. shoes preferences have become an easy thing to handle. adjustment is showing progress.
PROFESSOR IN CHARGE : – SIGNED AND VERIFIED BY : –
CL ^_^ ( cr elaineyjlee)
he doesn’t like for anyone to know where he lives, though he’s rarely here unless he has to be, he prefers to keep his connections far from home and the people he associates with only get bare minimum. he exhales sharply, simply stares as if he forgotten what he’s supposed to have said. maybe he should be more surprised to see her waiting outside, yet he isn’t. it’s been months since he saw her last, physically she looked the same, he finds her attractive even if she isn’t the conventional pretty; but she never feels the same. it’s counterproductive to ever try to get a read, a loop of nothingness and apathy and whatever else gray emotions buzzes between them in an everlasting cycle. a mirror reflection had been the best term for what he had experienced in her presence for four weeks straight, if he was the sentimental type, it would have been like connecting with another half – but he’s not and she isn’t. neither questioned it, but he knows she’s not normal. “i hope you’re not expecting me to wear that,” not a proper greeting, he leans against the doorframe, seemingly uninviting as he blocks her entrance in.
“i hope you expected me to take that as a joke.” she piques back with a smile, an eyebrow more or so arching up. perfect shape, rounded around her eye and more or so lined with fingers soojung has discovered yesterday could do wonders. she’s a pro at putting on her make-up as if she’s born this way. it’s only been two weeks ave reminds herself amazed at how quickly she picks on some of the most useless things in this life. “you’re wearing it, and if it doesn’t do, we’re getting you something else.” it’s not even an order, or anything. just a statement. she’ll get him where she wants him to be, not because he doesn’t want to or she wants to. but because she just will. “invite me in, come on, be nice, i dolled up for this.” she tilts her head, now trying to play it nice and gentle, as sweet as soojung voice likes to go. she likes to play it too high in these instance, one would think that the low quietness never came from her when she gets angry. two sides to a coin they say, right? lie with that straight face because no, she did not dolled up for this, she dolls up everyday for nothing and no one.
“What?”
That was as much as Sehun could manage to say because the sudden appearance of the woman surprised him altogether. Why did she come to him? Why did she want to challenge him on the spot to some math challenge that seemed almost organized for a child? Glancing around the rest of the café he could see no one else paying any attention to them and this only left him confused as to why she even noticed him out of everyone else. Sehun prided himself on being able to draw as little attention to himself as possible (the fact that this could be seen as a bad thing eluded him) so he wondered what made her drawn to him. Was it his very professional looking attire? Possibly he looked like he was the type to engage in such challenges.
He was and he wasn’t, so maybe her assumption wasn’t all that wrong after all.
Sehun was still staring at the woman, his mouth slightly agape as he tried to think of what to say next. “Why? And how?” That was a pretty good start wasn’t it? Slowly he put his bookmark back into his book and shut it carefully to avoid any damage or in any way appearing rude because of the sudden intrusion onto his time.
“I mean, how do you plan on making that a challenge at all? Will it be timed?” His expression relaxed as he stared at her still. He’d been challenged so even though he wasn’t too keen on doing this particular challenge he wasn’t about to back down. It’d be a shame to avoid a challenge—that was practically admitting defeat! “I just want to know the specifics first before I can accept.” And so he could weed out some sort of strategy before beginning.
“talkative, i keep bumping into men who only want to talk and do nothing.” she’s not mocking the act though, she’s here because she wants to be amused. was that sort of the goal? in fact she put herself right in this line of fire, now she has to take whatever it is that’s shooting and swallow it. at least there’s no bitterness in this one. it just holds curiosity, perhaps a lingering sense of bafflement, but barely caught, and she can do with this. more often or not, it makes her giddy like how she squirms on her seat.
but she knows the more she moves, the harder it will be to push exhaustion at bay so she stills at once and hums. “it could be timed, do you want it to be timed? it’s a good idea.” it’s a good idea to also know how long it takes her before soojung runs out of time, before her batteries shut down and she’s forced into a sleep she will welcome no matter what. she wonders for a second, ave does. if it’s okay to do so. most of the times when these things happened well--things as fading from human sight, they attributed it to her being a ghost. a spirit. something inexplicable. but it trapped some in laboratories, doing research.
others have gone crazy over the fact that they can’t grasp. the rest, the majorities? they just live with it and stop sleeping less. their personalities kind of take a complete 180 switch. let’s just say, they become even more human than they were at that moment and it’s just a traumatic experience altogether. soojung is pulling her phone out and holding it out towards him.
“i am soojung by the way, here this will help. you choose the timing. and directives, i don’t really mind, i just want to win.” to her him even asking all of these questions, responding, being talkative as she said, it means she has a green light. blinking repeatedly. there and it has her mouth stilled on a grin as she waits, expectant. she hasn’t had a mind challenge in awhile. soojung challenges a lot of aspects she hasn’t touched in awhile. the kind that leads to no chaos, at least not enough to cause a war anywhere but inside one’s mind.
When he woke up he could tell something was off.
By the time he had gotten to bed he was exhausted from having worked out late in the evening, only because an annoying early meeting that morning. Having his workout schedule messed up altered how he ate during the day and that left him having to reorganize everything. Jaehwa was by no means a stickler, but when it came to his workout regime he stricter than his superiors.
So he knew that he didn’t go to bed drunk from a night out.
And he knew that when he went to sleep that no one was in the bed with him, no one else besides his landlord even had a key to his apartment. This gave Jaehwa absolutely no explanation as to why there was additional weight on his bed.
Slowly, he rolled onto his back from his side, looking next to him at a smaller figure with short hair… a woman’s figure. He remained calm, breathing in deeply and exhaling to give himself an extra boost as he tried to think. He had to get up to run but this was clearly going to get in the way of that.
Sitting up he slowly got out of the bed to retrieve some sweatpants for himself and a plain t-shirt. Getting dressed was just step one. Step two was walking over to turn on the light so he could see properly without having rely on what little light entered the room from the window. And step three was…
“Wake up.”
Jaehwa’s hand was on the girl’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly as he stood on that side of the bed so he could see her face. Her clothing was all on which only confirmed that this wasn’t the result of some night he black outed and screwed around.
This was just some intruder and perhaps a really shitty thief. He hadn’t pinned down which one yet.
She doesn’t dream. She never dreams. They explained it once, that it was like being in a limbo. Between death and life, hanging on a thread, where nothing took over and her mind just shut itself letting the blank space of her walls cower her in a corner. There she thinks she sits until she opens her eyes again. Sometimes she looks wide awake while she’s recharging.
But most times, she’s learned to shut her eyes and not look at the emptiness around. Because when she’s awake she sees and is aware of everything around her. She doesn’t dream, but it feels like it and she hates it. She doesn’t want to dream.
What she does though, is wake up in a jump. Even if a feather had touched her cheek, she would have jolted. As if mediation had been interrupted too abruptly. But her skin feels whole and her eyelids aren’t heavy. If they were, Ave would have forced her way out of sight and disappeared wholly, fully into the sheets that she could feel under her.
It always takes her more than a few seconds to blink back to who she currently is, and in that moment there’s something quite akin to apathy sitting in her chest. A blank space of why, what, how and where. It’s the shell that’s slowly being filled up and then she’s sitting bright, Soojung is grasping at the sheets and pulling it over her as if she’s not fully dressed. It’s a precaution measure, she’s also glaring quite blatantly, As if her bed has been invaded. Wait, this feels nothing like her bed.
She’s quick to look around, assesses, frowns deeper, turns an accusatory glare at him. “What did you do to me?”
there is no specific point to rest on in a crowd, just too much to process. hypersensitivity is the result of his paranoia and experience of overwhelming situations, and all he feels is tense when an arm snakes around his. a sweep of his narrowed gaze summarizes the one attached to him as a mess of an accessory he almost shakes off. Attempting to save face means controlling irritated thoughts that run straight passed gritted teeth.
“You have a working mouth, don’t you?” Get yourself out of your own fucking shit is not an added thought, but revised, and then discarded. That sloppy grin and loud mouth of hers is probably what brought the problem here. He looks up toward the two men lingering behind them, boys almost, shuffling their feet but hesitant to approach when they see guards at the door just behind him. One free hand almost hesitates to motion security away, half-committed to helping the girl before he lowers his voice. “–they think you’re with me, so at least wait until after I leave. I don’t care if you pry off their fingernails one by one, then.” The other is curled into an unused fist attached to the arm she had taken control of. He resists knocking her on her ass for touching him abruptly. Her eyes hold more trouble than he cares to deal with. “There’s a stool right there if you’re finished clinging to me like a wet cloth. Even the wall to your left would enjoy your company more.”
it’s true that soojung has that air about her. the kind that would never let on that she sort of might be an emotional wreck. in a sense that she has no reign over their change whatsoever. work in progress would be scribbled all over her arms if ave was still in Lisbon, under the scrutiny of those who’d helped her categorize herself away from her identities. they would probably suggest a better one, to discard her and move on. but this instability is what makes her worthwhile in a sense. how even while intoxicated, ave can feel her pull away radically the moment such a thing as her needing something else to look less weak is mentioned. implied. or even worse, that she’s comparable to a wet cloth. or is it that ave’s the one that laughs? either way it’s soojung’s mouth opening and it’s her hands flying to her face, because even while as gone as she is, she’s still gentle in the way she handles herself. her cheeks are warm under her palms and one would think she’s embarrassed. if not for the unabashed laugh, that still doesn’t even quite hit the walls of the establishment.
“my bad, i apologize, i thought you could pass for a wall as well. too talkative to be one i guess.” she’s quick to pass her hands through her hair. she should what? show gratitude because they somewhat think she’s with him? him. who? who thinks himself the only reason why they’re not trying anything on her. granted she does feel the stillness in the room as if they’re just waiting for an opening. it’s cackling. it’s thrilling. “wouldn’t lower my standard this much, have you seen me?” the statement comes in a sigh, as if she’s more than dejected at the thought and she turns around to face the crowd, or well the guys who were trying to pull her out and hold her arms towards them. “please carry me out.”
