those christmas lights, light up the streets down where the sea and city meet. may all your troubles soon be gone. oh christmas lights, keep shining on.
I would like to send out a very special thank you to all of the extremely talented writers and artists who took the time to create something for this holiday inspired event.
I hope all of you enjoyed all of the lovely work, and I look forward to perhaps hosting this again, next year!
“…And Daddy, I made a friend! His name is Teddy and he’s the nicest boy ever!” The 5 year old looked up at his father with big green eyes, a smile stretching across his features. “He’s my bestest friend,” He seemed to nod with complete satisfaction as he gripped his daddy’s hand.
All Dean could do was laugh softly and smile enthusiastically at his son. “Oh yeah? First day here and you already made a friend? Put it here, bud,” He held up his fist at the little boy’s level, grinning when Noah brought up his own in a fist bump.
The boy smiled, his large backpack bouncing on his back with each step he took; he was a pretty small kid, especially for his age. He was tough though, which was one thing Dean admired about him. That, and he was his exact clone in mini-form; freckles littered the span of skin between his cheeks and over his nose, and his hair was the same sandy color as Dean’s. It was obvious that they were father and son; to everyone.
Dean was glad he had bought a house so close to the school; it gave him a chance to personally pick up Noah every day and the little boy seemed to already like walking to and from with his father. Though, they both knew today wouldn’t be so fun, since the moving van was finally coming and Dean would most definitely have his little boy working on coloring pictures to decorate the new fridge.
Ushering Noah into their new kitchen, he helped him take his coat and backpack off, finding a knife in one of the many boxes sitting in the kitchen, using it to cut up an apple for his son, who was already sitting at the table, eager for some kind of food. Dean would normally turn his nose up at the fact that he was giving Noah an apple for a snack, but fatherhood had changed him.
“I’m going to go bring in the rest of our stuff. You just stay in here and eat your snack, and then you can go color in the living room; I put your crayons and paper on the little table, okay?” He raised an eyebrow and laughed slightly as his son just nodded, his mouth busily working on a slice of his snack. For a brief moment, it reminded Dean of Noah’s mother, and he quickly had to retreat out to the front before he let his thoughts drift too far into the familiar territory.
It was just the two of them in the small house; and after Jo had died, Dean had put most of her things in a storage until he was ready to face the memories. This meant that not much had really been brought to this new place, and he knew they would definitely need to go shopping to get some warmer clothes for Noah, especially since it was winter already and Christmas was creeping up.
It was after carrying in a few of the heavy boxes that Dean leaned against the UHAUL, taking in a deep breath and sighing, letting his shoulders slump slightly. It was weird; being on his own with a 5 year old. He was the only one left to raise the little boy, and it would take quite a while just to get used to that thought.
When he finally realized he was staring, Dean swallowed thickly, “—Uh, no. No, there’s really not much. And it’s cheaper just to do it myself. More manly, too,” He gave a small smile to the stranger, shrugging.
The other male just laughed, “Well if ya’ insist. Guess you’re m’new neighbor. ‘M Benny, n’ this is my son,” He held out his free hand, which Dean took, shaking gently, somehow finding his throat dry and his breath almost stolen from him. But then the man’s southern accent came out again and Dean almost lost it; “Ya’ sure ya’ don’ need some help, suga’? It wouldn’t be no problem at all.”
Dean was about to speak up, when he heard the front door of the house open and Noah came running up, “Teddy!” The little boy jumped up and down, before tugging on Dean’s sleeve, “Daddy, that’s my bestest friend I told you ‘bout!”
The little boy that Benny was holding onto had a similar reaction, laughing and waving at Dean’s son with a wide smile on his face.
Dean watched as Benny crouched down to Noah’s level and smiled, holding out his hand. “Hi, Noah. Lil’ Teddy here tol’ me all about the fun ya’ two boys had today. I’m his Papa, Benny.”
Noah smiled politely at the man, and giggled, “Teddy told me lots about you! Like how his name is Theodore but you calls him Teddy Bear!”
Benny just laughed and smiled, standing back up, ruffling his own son’s hair, “Yes, that’s certainly right. He’s my lil’ Teddy bear cub.””
Dean gave a small laugh at the exchange between his son and Benny, before looking to Teddy, holding out his own hand, “Hi, Teddy. I’m Noah’s daddy. I guess you and him are neighbors now, huh?”
Teddy nodded shyly, before turning his attention upwards, “Papa, can Noah come over for a little bit? Please please?”
“Well I don’t see why not, but that’s up to his Daddy, lil’ one,” He looked to the man opposite him, smiling when he received a nod. “I’ll tell ya’ what; you boys can play in the yard and we can watch Mr. Strong Man over here finish up his lifting; since he seems to not want help.”
The green-eyed brunette rolled his eyes; this seemed like the kind of neighbor he could definitely get along with, and at least he was a father himself.
It was two weeks later that Noah and Teddy went on Christmas break, leaving Benny and Dean’s hands completely full of the rambunctious little boys. The two were near inseparable now, especially since they spent almost every single day together. Dean had learned that Benny owned a local diner, and most days of the week he only needed to go in at night to make sure everything was running smoothly. He knew Dean needed to earn his place at his new job at the garage, so the blue-eyed man took on the responsibility of watching Noah whenever Dean needed to work. Needless to say, the brunette was glad the other was his neighbor. Benny had even been a great help in assisting Dean with unpacking and organizing the new house; which he had been procrastinating on.
By December 24th , almost all of the boxes were unpacked in Dean and Noah’s home; no thanks to the great amount of help that Benny had provided. The boys were playing upstairs, since the first thing Dean had unpacked was his son’s toys. Benny was sitting cross-legged on the ground, taking the contents out of a box while Dean got them something to drink.
“—She really was beautiful,” Benny was holding a picture of a gorgeous blonde in his hands when he heard the voice, jumping slightly and twisting his head around to look up at Dean, who handed him a glass of water.
After thanking him with a nod, Benny gave a small smile, “Very beautiful. Tha’s her, huh?” He hadn’t meant to ask the question; since he knew what it was like to have a deceased loved one mentioned. But curiosity seemed to completely take over at that moment.
Dean sat down on the ground near Benny, setting his glass of water down next to his leg and just nodding, closing his eyes for a moment. It was hard to see pictures of Jo, have the memories flood back to him of how amazing of a women she was; how amazing of a wife and mom. Even worse, though, was that even if Noah looked like Dean, he acted like Jo; he was the perfect representation of them both. And as Dean sat there looking at the picture still in Benny’s hand, he suddenly realized that this would be their first Christmas without Jo. Just him and Noah. He had already bought his son as much as he could, but it still wouldn’t be the same.
Benny could sense the emotion that seemed to overtake the male next to him and reached a hand out to place it gingerly over his arm, “Dean? Didn’t mean t’bring her up. ‘M sorry, darlin’.” He set the picture down next to his knee, trying not to pay attention to how Dean’s eyes seemed to follow the picture, looking at it like it was the most precious thing in the world.
Taking a few deep breaths, Dean tore his eyes from the love of his life, to meet Benny’s soft blues. He forced a small smile and shook his head, “It’s alright, Benny. Forget it. Just uh, had a small moment there. But it looks like we’re almost done with these last few boxes. I think I’ll finish them up myse-“
He was cut off by the sound of two pairs of little feet running across the wood floor, before the two little boys halted and looked at their fathers. Teddy, the more quiet of the two, walked over to Benny and smiled, “Papa, can Noah sleep over with us tonight so Santa can leave Noah’s presents at our house too?”
Benny raised an eyebrow at his son, tilting his head to the side slightly. “Oh, I don’t know about that, lil’ cub. ‘M sure his Daddy wants to spend tonight and tomorrow mornin’ with him, just like you n’ I do, hm?”
Meanwhile, Noah had already crept over to Dean with a cute smile on his face, “Daddy, please can I? I don’t think Santa will be very mad at me, right?”
The brunette male bit his lip slightly, trying to figure out how to answer his son. “Bud, I thought maybe we could watch Rudolph tonight, like we used to do with Mama. Don’t you want to do that? And make hot chocolate?”
“But Mister Dean, I has an idea. You and Noah can come do that with Papa and me! And then Santa can visit all of us and me and Noah can sleep in my bed ‘cuz there’s lots of room and you and Papa can sleep in his bed because his bed is really, really big,” Teddy looked from Benny to Dean with a toothy grin.
Dean looked to the boy’s father, but Benny was just laughing, before shaking his head, “Lil Cub, why don’t you go help Noah clean up his room so I can talk to his Daddy, okay?”
The two boys wore matching frowns, but both of them turned around to go back to Noah’s room to clean up the multitude of toys scattered about.
Once they were gone, Benny turned back to Dean with a gentle smile, “—Ya’ know, I really don’t see why ya’ two can’t spend Christmas Eve with us. I mean, don’cha get me wrong, if you n’ your boy have a tradition, we don’ wanna break that,” He locked his gaze with Dean’s green eyes now, the gentle smile still remaining on his lips, “But I also know what the first Christmas without the wife is like, n’ I’d hate for ya’ to go through that alone, Dean. We’ve got a guest room ya’ can sleep in, n’ we’d more than happy t’have ya’ both.”
The gentle manner of Benny’s word combined with the soft gaze of his eyes had Dean nearly speechless – and he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He knew Noah wanted to spend Christmas with him, but he had also made a new friend, and after losing his mother, it was probably good for him. He needed a friend that wasn’t his old dad. And Benny was right; he really didn’t want to spend Christmas without his wife, so maybe being at the other’s house would ease the pain a little. The other man was good company, and even though they had shared a few intense glances and gazes, Benny hadn’t tried anything; Dean wasn’t ready for that.
Biting down on his lip slightly, he thought for a few moments, before his shoulders came up in a shrug, “—Sure. I’ll probably just end up watching cheesy movies and drinking hot chocolate if I’m alone, anyway.” He sent Benny a gentle smile, clearing his throat slightly.
Benny’s smile seemed to grow considerably and he nodded once, before turning slightly towards the hallway, “Teddy, help lil’ Noah pack some clothes, okay? Him n’ Dean are gonna stay with us tonight!”
The only response that came from Noah’s room was a series of excited yells and the sound of two little feet rushing around the room in a hurry.
Dean shook his head and laughed softly, before looking to the picture that Benny had set down. He stood up and picked it up, looking at it for a moment, before setting it right in the middle of the mantle above the fireplace. “Think it looks good right here?”
“Looks beautiful,” Benny smiled and stood up, picking up the two glasses of water they had both set down on the ground.
As Dean turned around and saw the other still looking at him, he knew maybe it would be nice to spend tonight and tomorrow with the pair; and it would definitely keep Dean from half-assing his Santa abilities once Noah was asleep.
Before the 4 even headed over, Teddy had warned Dean that ‘Papa is a good cooker!’, and the man silently decided to be the judge of that.
It turned out that the little boy was completely right; Benny had cooked all 4 of them the most delicious soup that had ever hit Dean’s palette. Even Noah, who despised vegetables as much as Dean, enjoyed the bowl of soup, and was almost considering more before Dean brought up that he could make them all hot chocolate – from scratch. It was something the man had been doing ever since he had married Jo, and just like Teddy had been excited about his Papa’s food, Noah was overjoyed when he learned his Daddy would be making hot chocolate. Luckily, Benny had all of the necessary ingredients, and soon enough all four were sitting in the living room drinking from their cups, watching Rudolph.
“Papa, deers can’t have red noses,” Teddy had stated, twisting around on Benny’s lap to look at the man, who only shook his head and laughed softly. He brought his free hand up to poke his son’s nose, “Sure they can, lil’ cub. Jus’ like you can when ya’ get all cold outside.”
Only a few minutes later, Noah was now twisting around to look at Dean. “Daddy, is that a big white gorilla?” Dean laughed after taking a small sip of his hot chocolate, “No, bud. That’s a sasquatch. But he looks like a gorilla, huh? Good job.”
The questions continued until both little boys were fast asleep in their father’s laps; Teddy curled into a ball and Noah sprawled out like Dean was his own personal bed. Taking the boys to bed and getting them both tucked in to Teddy’s bed took little effort, and soon both men were slowly tiptoeing out of the bedroom and back out into the living room to clean up the hot chocolate mugs.
“Hows ‘bout ya’ go next door n’ grab your lil’ boy’s presents, and we’ll play Santa when ya’ get back?” Benny smiled at Dean as he finished up washing the mugs and the dishes from dinner. “I don’t think they’re wakin’ up anytime soon.”
Dean cleared his throat slightly, and nodded. “—Alright. I mean uh, I wasn’t able to buy too much for him but..yeah, I’ll go get what I have.” He took his keys out his pocket and gave a small wave to Benny, “Be right back.”
It didn’t take too long for the green-eyed male to retrieve the 3 or 4 gifts he had wrapped earlier in the week, and he almost felt bad as he looked at the small packages in his arms. Noah was the kind of little boy who was always thankful for whatever he got, but Dean still always felt bad; he wanted to get his son as much as he possibly could. Maybe part of it was because the boy now had no mom and he wanted to make sure he still felt loved.
After locking his house, he headed back over to the house next door, being as quiet as possible as he walked inside. He heard small noises from the living room and followed them until he saw Benny organizing a couple presents under the tree. “Hey, darlin’. Everything go okay?”
Dean felt his heart flutter slightly when Benny called him ‘darlin’, before reminding himself it seemed to just be something he did without realizing it. When he saw the array of present that Benny was laying out, he felt even worse about the small amount he had gotten his son. “—Yeah, yeah. I got everything.”
With a smile, the blue-eyed male looked up, “Alright, why don’t ya’ set them over here by the other stuff?”
Nodding, Dean walked over to the spot Benny was referring to and neatly set the gifts under the tree, before seeing another gift with Noah’s name on it that definitely wasn’t something he had bought.
“Teddy wanted to get his ‘bestest friend’ somethin’, n’ I didn’t wanna tell him now,” Benny gave a soft chuckle as he stood up and went to fixing a couple loose ornaments on the tree. “N’ don’t ya’ worry if ya’ didn’t get anythin’ for my boy. He told me that his present was getting a best friend right next door.”
Sighing gently, Dean reached up to rub a hand over his eyes, “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, Benny. I wasn’t able to get Noah very much and I don’t want him to get all jealous of Teddy’s toys. I mean, he’s not really like that; he’s really appreciative and he knows his manners but-“
“Dean, hush. Please?” Benny crossed his arms over his broad chest, “Darlin’, half of that stuff ain’t even Teddy’s. Those are jus’ some things I need t’ship out to some family. Jus’ wanted the tree to look good. And besides that, we both know the boys are gonna end up sharin’ whatever they get with each other. The gift part is such a small piece; did ya’ see how happy them two boys were to be together tonight with us? N’ not only that,” He took a couple steps closer to Dean, “I have never seen ya’ smile so much before. I don’t regret inviting ya’ both over, and I don’t think you do either.”
Dean was about to respond, but found himself almost lost in the other man’s gaze. In fact, tears began to build up, but soon stopped when a soft pair of lips pressed against his own. He wasn’t quite sure what possessed it, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t fidget or try to move, but instead just closed his eyes and let Benny kiss him; once, twice, and once more. However, when the lips finally parted, the tears went back to gathering at the bottom of his eyelid.
“—Dean,” Benny breathed, “Oh goodness, ‘m so sorry, Dean. I know ya’ probably aren’t wantin that right now. ‘M so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
The smaller brunette shook his head, lifting his hand up to wipe at his eyes. “Benny, it’s okay. It’s alright. That was…that was really nice; but you’re right. I’m not really ready for that. At least…not yet.” D
The other man nodded, “‘Ts okay, I completely understand,” Benny cleared his throat and gave a small smile, “We should probably get some shut eye, before the little ones decide to wake us up.”
Dean just nodded, before helping the man turn off the lights in the house, before following him to the guest room, which was right across from Benny’s.
“Jus’ changed the sheets, n’ it should be pretty warm in there. I’ll see ya’ in the mornin’; probably bright n’ early seein’ as we got two lil’ ones now,” Benny’s sweet accent was like music to Dean’s ears, and the male just nodded.
“Alright. Thank you, Benny. For everything,” He stated quietly, “—Goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning,” He gave a small wave, before walking into the guest room, closing the door halfway before stripping until he was left in an undershirt and a pair of sweats he had brought with him.
Climbing into the bed, there was something poking at the inside of his gut; but he couldn’t put his finger on it until there was nothing else to distract him; it was still the first Christmas since losing Jo. In fact, it had only been 2 months now, and the pain was still fresh. It still hurt to know that she wouldn’t be there to see their little boy’s face in the morning, so bright and full of life even if he had suffered as much loss as Dean had.
As he began to fall asleep, tears cascaded down his face, and wouldn’t seem to stop. They were accompanied by quiet noises as he shut his eyes tight, trying to get them to stop. Somewhere between ‘half asleep’ and ‘almost there’, Dean was only slightly aware of the pair of strong arms that wrapped around his middle. The warmth that pressed against his back, the gentle hand that rubbed up and down his back; and the soothing words that were whispered into his ear. It was comforting, and he did nothing else but let it happen. For once, he let someone comfort him without pulling away.
Both men were woken up by the boys at about 7am, and instead of questioning why their fathers were asleep together, they figured if they had slept in the same bed, so could their Papa and Daddy.
The rest of the morning was spent opening presents and watching the boys play with their new toys; which they both willingly shared with each other.
Dean occasionally glanced at Benny, who always seemed to be looking at the same time; and all they could do was smile at each other, as if silently agreeing that maybe being neighbors was something they both needed.
this is my winter song. december never felt so wrong. because you're not where you belong. inside my arms. ❤
Dean stares into Benny’s eyes, his heart weighing heavily in his chest. On the computer screen, Benny smiles at him, hangs his head, and then the image freezes.
“Benny?” Dean says. He reaches forward and lightly moves the mouse around, nothing happens. Next to him, his daughters stir, and his oldest, Elizabeth, sighs loudly.
“This is stupid, dad. It keeps freezing,” she says with an angry huff that only a nine year old can muster. She folds her arms across her chest and frowns at the computer screen.
On his left, Mary looks up at her father and places a little hand on his arm. “It’s okay, dada, Lizzie is being a meanie,” she says stoically.
He can’t help but smile and he turns to her, placing a hand behind her back and pulling her close to him. He plants a soft kiss on her forehead and she giggles.
“Dada!” she whispers.
Dean looks down at her, into her green eyes and he smiles. “Why don’t you go play for a while? And get your things ready so we can go out into the snow?” he asks.
She smiles and nods. She pushes herself up on her tip toes and presses a kiss against her father’s cheek before running off.
“No running in the house, Mary!” Dean says sternly. He listens to the little thump of her feet as she heads to her room and he shakes his head with a sigh. He turns back to the computer again and closes Skype completely, hoping that maybe a reboot would work.
While the program loads, he turns to Elizabeth. Her large blue eyes are trained on the floor, her hands wrung together, uncomfortably. He gently reaches forward and takes her hands in his own, slowly unknotting them.
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispers.
Elizabeth looks up at him, tears in her eyes and she shakes her head. “It’s not, dad. It’s almost Christmas, and papa isn’t home. And…I miss him. It’s not fair. Sarah’s dad came home for Christmas, why can’t mine?” she asks.
Dean is at a loss for words, so he simply pulls her into his arms and hugs her tightly. “This is…tough…for all of us, and you’ve been so strong, Lizzie,” he says soothingly.
“I’m tired of being strong, dad. And I’m tired of missing him,” she says into his shirt.
Dean pulls back and looks down at her. He tenderly wipes the tears from her eyes and kisses her forehead. “I know, pumpkin. We’ll get through it, okay? I promise,” he says. “You know I love you, right?” he says.
Elizabeth nods and looks up at him. “Yes,” she replies quietly.
“What’s that?” Dean asks, pointing to something on her shirt. She looks down and when she bends her head he lightly reaches up and brushes her nose with his finger. “Made you look,” he says with a laugh.
Elizabeth rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Dad,” she says, embarrassed.
“What, it worked!” he says.
Elizabeth shakes her head and grins at him. “I’m gonna go play now,” she says as she wriggles out of her father’s arms.
“You finished all your home work?” he asks gruffly.
“I’m on winter break, dad!” she says with a grin.
He misses Benny so much, it has become a steady ache in his chest. He knows he should be used to it by now, used to waking up in an empty bed, used to waking up without the familiar weight of Benny pressed up against him. He should be used to waking up without the sugary sweet mornin’ darlins’, and the warm kisses seared onto his shoulder blades. He should be used to talking to his husband on a computer screen, it’s been almost six months, Christ, it shouldn’t be this hard, but Christmas had a way of rolling in, like a tornado, and blowing down all of the walls he had built around his heart.
He wants to think it’s the cheesy songs and the Christmas tree blinking downstairs in the living room, but he knows what it really is, it’s the look on Mary and Elizabeth’s faces when they realize that they’ll be spending a second Christmas morning in a row with only one parent there to help them open presents. It’s the look on their faces when they catch him staring out the window, sipping a cup of lukewarm coffee because he can’t be bothered to warm it up after it has gone cold. It’s the feel of them, reaching out to hug him, to comfort him, because as young as they are, they realize how much Dean misses Benny, how much he misses having him around.
He sighs and fiddles with the mouse again. He hits the call button and waits patiently for Benny to pick up. “Come on, come on,” he mutters below his breath. The computer makes a little beeping sound, the screen flickers and then Benny is there, smiling at him again.
“I think we lost the signal there, sugar,” Benny drawls.
Dean breathes a sigh of relief and he nods. “Yeah, we did,” he replies.
“Where are the girls?” Benny asks.
“They went to go play. I’m gonna take them out in the snow for a bit,” he says. An awkward silence falls and Dean looks down. “They miss you, a lot,” he says.
Benny sighs. The sound of it is scratchy through the little speakers and Dean looks up.
“Dean you know I would be there if I could,” he says.
“Damnit you don’t think I know that? It’s just hard, okay? Without you here,” Dean says. He feels his fingers curl into a fist and he’s glad Benny can’t see it.
“I know, believe me I know. I want to be there more than anything in the world, Dean. I want to…I miss you so much. And I miss the girls, I miss hearing them laugh and just…waking up next to you. But I gotta do my duty,” he says.
“You and your duty. What about your duty to your family?” Dean snaps, letting his irritation get the best of him.
Benny sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. He looks tired, Dean realizes, falling back into caretaker mode. His heart aches and he shakes his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
“I know. It’s okay, sugar. I miss you so much,” Benny whispers.
“Me too.” They fall silent once more, Dean, unsure of what to say. There are words sitting heavy on his tongue, so many things that he wants to say to Benny, but he knows he can’t. He knows that if he starts to unload his problems and worries on Benny, it will only make him distracted, and maybe that distraction will come round to bite them all in the ass when he was in combat, so he keeps his mouth shut, slaps on a weary smile and starts telling him about Mary and how she pushed a bully down in the snow last week at school.
Benny laughs loudly at this, and it warms Dean’s heart to see him smile. He wants nothing more than to make Benny happy, so he continues to tell him stories about the girls until Benny has to leave.
“Shit, I gotta run, babe,” Benny says.
Dean swallows thickly against the knot forming in his throat and he nods. “You be safe out there,” he mumbles.
Benny nods and looks down. “I will.”
Dean clenches his jaw and blinks back against the tears burning at his eyes. “You had better come home in one piece, soldier. For your girls, and for me,” Dean whispers fiercely.
“You know I will, chief,” Benny says with a sad smile.
“I love you,” Dean whispers, the words rolling easily off his tongue. He remembers back to the first time he had whispered those same words to Benny, back when they had both been young, on the night before Benny had been deployed for the very first time. He remembers how the words had left his lips then, how they had hovered in the air between them for a moment, before Benny had pulled him into his arms and whispered them back to him.
“I love you too,” Benny says with a smile before signing off.
Dean takes a deep, steadying breath and closes his eyes. When he gets up, he turns off the computer and gets his things together to take the girls outside.
+
They play in the snow until their faces turn red with cold. He manages to forget for a while, that Benny isn’t here with them, and he looses himself in the chill, helping Mary and Elizabeth pack snow to make a snowman. Mary runs inside and returns with one of Benny’s caps and she hands it to her father.
“Let’s make papa!” she says excitedly.
Dean laughs, watching as the smoke curls in the air in front of him and he nods. He lifts her up and watches as she perches the cap daintily on the snowman’s head. Elizabeth disappears and comes back with a pair of blue marbles for the eyes and an old scarf to drape around the snow man’s neck.
They spend a good amount of time fixing him up. Mary collects twigs for his arms and they stick them in the sides, laughing when they realize that one is higher than the other. When they’ve finished, they all step back and stare at the snowman.
“See, dada, papa is here with us,” Mary says with a smile.
Dean feels tears prickle at his eyes again and he scoops her up in her arms. “I’m going to cook you for Christmas dinner if you keep up with this cuteness,” he teases.
She squeals in delight as he squashes her and she worms her way out of his grasp, running away breathlessly.
Dean turns to Elizabeth who has been staring at the snowman, a curious expression on her face. “You okay, baby?” he asks.
She shrugs and scrapes some of the snow with her boot. “It’s not him,” she says simply. She walks away from him, her boots crunching heavily on the ground.
He feels something cold wrap its fingers around his insides. It squeezes down on his lungs and for a moment, he can’t breathe. He stares at the snowman and then looks away.
Elizabeth was right. It wasn’t him at all.
+
Days pass and they hear nothing from Benny.
Dean can’t help but assume the worst, and he constantly finds himself absentmindedly logging on to Skype, watching and waiting for that little bubble to pop up on his screen, telling him that Benny was online. He puts on a brave front for the girls, he smiles and laughs and plays Christmas music for them. They make hot chocolate and sit together and watch Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer a little under a hundred times. He tucks them in to bed at night with stories about princesses in castles and they fall asleep reluctantly with fairy tales dancing in their heads. He stays with them for a while after they have drifted off, tenderly brushing hair out of their eyes and watching them as they slept, hoping that they were having better dreams than the ones he had been having.
+
The silence continues, and soon, Christmas eve is upon them. Presents appear, wrapped under the tree, cookies are baked and soon, they all find themselves on the couch, clad in warm pajamas, watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas, while soft Christmas carols play from the radio in the kitchen. Dean dozes off and when he wakes up, the girls are both fast asleep next to him, curled up under blankets like little kittens. He smiles and yawns and squints at the clock.
It’s midnight. “Merry Christmas to me,” he mumbles under his breath.
That’s when he hears it, the all to familiar tinkle of keys outside the front door. Heart racing in his chest, he glances at the girls before walking up to the door. He waits, with baited breath, and when the door opens, he covers his mouth with his hands.
“Ho, Ho, Ho,” Benny whispers with a grin.
It takes Dean a full minute before he launches himself into Benny’s arms, pressing his mouth against his husband’s cold lips. Benny drops his bag and it lands on the floor with a soft thud. He wraps his arms around Dean’s waist and pulls him closer. They remain like this for a few minutes, taking in each other’s faces, enjoying the feeling of being together again.
It’s only when Dean pulls back, he realizes that Benny is wearing a Santa hat and he shakes his head. “What the hell?” he whispers. “What are you doing here?” he asks.
Benny cocks an eyebrow. “You want me to go back?” he asks.
Dean rolls his eyes and punches his chest lightly. “Don’t be an ass. I thought you said you couldn’t come home?” he asks.
Benny shrugs. “I lied?” he says with a shrug. Before Dean can open his mouth to argue, Benny dips down and captures his lips once more, kissing him and effectively shutting him up. “Merry Christmas, sugar,” Benny whispers.
Dean grins. “Merry Christmas,” he whispers back.
From behind them, they hear a pair of soft gasps, and Dean turns around only to see his daughters rubbing their eyes, yawning, and staring at the both of them.
Mary squints at them and frowns. “Dada, are you…kissing Santa Claus?” she asks.
“What?” Dean asks, and then he laughs, when he remembers the hat perched on Benny’s head.
It’s Elizabeth who realizes that it’s Benny first and she takes a tentative step forward. “Papa?”
Dean moves to the side and Benny opens his arms. “It’s me, Lizzie, Mary, Merry Christmas babies,” he says. He drops down to his knees and the girls scream and run into their father’s arms.
“Papa!” Mary squeals. “Papa I thought you were Santa Claus!” she says excitedly.
Dean laughs and shakes his head. He watches as Benny plants scratchy kisses on his daughter’s cheeks, and as they melt into his arms. He swallows against a knot forming in his throat and he sends up a silent prayer, thanking whoever was listening for sending his husband home.
After they all spend some time together, they tuck the girls into their beds, and finally head to their room, where they both collapse on the bed, falling asleep almost immediately, wrapped up in each other’s arms.
+
When Dean wakes up the next morning, he panics. There is someone else in his bed, someone sleeping behind him, someone with an arm carelessly flung around his waist, their chest pressing against his back. He flips around and when he sees Benny’s bright blue eyes staring back at him, he sighs.
“I thought it was a dream,” he whispers.
Benny smiles. “Ain’t a dream, sugar,” he says. He leans forward for a kiss and Dean moans into his mouth. “I’m afraid it’s very real,” he teases.
Dean hums happily and snuggles closer to Benny, reveling in the warmth of his husband’s body and his solid presence next to him. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he chokes out.
Benny nods and nuzzles him. “I’ve missed you more,” he whispers.
“Impossible,” Dean groans out when Benny brushes a hand against his soft cock.
“Possible,” Benny drawls as he slips his hand into Dean’s boxers and gives his cock a light squeeze. Benny watches as Dean closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip while Benny strokes him beneath the covers.
Dean’s breath hitches in his throat when Benny rubs a finger across the slit of his cock, and his body jumps. He lets out a soft moan and buries his head in Benny’s chest. He comes with a grunt, spilling onto Benny’s palm. His body twitches as he comes down from his orgasm and Benny continues to stroke his sensitive cock.
“Fuck,” Dean whispers.
“Mmm, I’ve missed that,” Benny says.
“Let me return the favor,” Dean whispers.
Benny laughs and shakes his head. “Later, sugar,” he says.
Dean frowns. “Why?” he asks.
Benny lifts an eyebrow and then a few moments later, Dean hears it: the thumping sounds of his two children running down the hall.
“Merry Christmas!” they both shout when they open the bedroom door.
Dean and Benny stare at each other for a moment before bursting out in laughter.
“It’s good to have you home,” Dean whispers, kissing him quickly.
Benny grins. “It’s good to be back, sugar,” he says with a wink.
“Presents!” Mary shouts.
“Alright, alright, we’re coming,” Dean says.
“Well, one of us is,” Benny whispers into his ear.
Dean smacks him on the arm. “Benny,” he says through his teeth.
“You know you love it, sugar,” Benny drawls.
Dean shakes his head but he laughs. He can’t say anything because he knows it’s true.
She makes her bed every morning, cleans up all her toys, and sometimes even helps Daddy cook dinner. She always remembers her manners and Miss Missouri says that she's the nicest four year old in the whole wide world. Even better than Daddy or Uncle Sammy when they were her age!
On the computer, Papa told that good little girls get extra special presents from Santa and Annamarie knew her present was going be awesome this Christmas.
She just knew Santa was going to be impressed with how nice and good she was this year.
"Are you ready to go meet with Santa?" Daddy asks when the pretty lady elf comes to tell them that Santa is finally ready to see them.
"Yes!" Annamarie says excitedly as she jumps up and down. Even though she's so excited that they are butterflies in her tummy she makes sure to hold Daddy's hand because that's the rule whenever they go outside. Daddy says he gets lonely when he doesn't have her hand to hold. "I've been waitin' for years, Daddy."
Daddy laughs as they walk to Santa's big, pretty chair and Annamarie smiles. Daddy has a nice laugh and Annamarie wishes she could hear it more. Daddy doesn't laugh as much when Papa's gone.
Santa waves as they walk up to him and Annamarie waves at him.
Daddy scoops her up and Annamarie giggles excitedly as they go over to Santa. Daddy gives her a kiss on her forehead and settles her on Santa lap.
"Okay baby, tell Santa what you want for Christmas," Daddy tells her and he steps to the side, taking out his phone for pictures.
"Hi sweetie, what's your name?" Santa asks with a kind smile and his eyes twinkle just like Papa's.
"Annamarie!" she tells him and Santa laughs at her enthusiasm.
"Well Annamarie, aren't you excited! Have you been good this year?" Santa asks as he bounces his knee a little bit.
"I've been very good!"
"She has," Daddy chimes in proudly and Annamarie beams up at Santa. If Daddy says she was, there's no way Santa can't make her wish come true.
Santa smiles back at her. "Tell Santa what you want for Christmas, Miss Annamarie."
Santa's smile is gone and Annamarie hears Daddy suck in a deep breath. Daddy only does that when he's surprised and not in the good way. Like the time when Annamarie found a dead jellyfish on the beach and poked at it.
"Is your Papa far way?" Santa asks and he sounds confused. Santa shouldn't be confused, Annamarie thinks, he's supposed to know where everyone is and when they go to bed.
"Really far away! He's in the middle of the ocean," Annamarie tells him and Santa just blinks at her.
"He's in the navy," Daddy's deep voice cuts in and Santa looks a little uncomfortable.
"I don't think I… Is there anything else you'd like, Annamarie? Maybe a new baby doll or a Barbie?" Santa asks.
Annamarie shakes her head violently. "No, I got lots of babies. I want my Papa. You're the only one who can get him."
Santa looks sad and when Annamarie turns to look at her Daddy, he looks sad too.
"Annamarie, it's time to go," Daddy says as he walks up to her and she doesn't argue as he helps her down off Santa's lap. Daddy thanks Santa, makes Annamarie do the same, and with held hands they walk away from Santa's chair.
"I don't like Santa," Annamarie says as she kicks at the floor.
"Me either," Daddy agrees with a sad smile. "I'm sorry baby, I know you were excited to see him."
Annamarie doesn't say anything but all she could think of was that Papa was a liar. He said that Santa could do anything.
Santa's just a big, ol' phony.
…
"She asked Santa to bring me home?"
Dean rubs at his eyes and sighs. "Yeah, should've seen her face. She really wants you home, Benny."
Even though the connection is lagging and grainy, Dean can see how completely heartbroken Benny's face is.
"Shit, I shouldn't have said that. Benny, I'm sorry."
Way to kick a man while he's already down, Dean Lafitte.
Benny gives him a tight smile. "It's okay, sugar. I wish I could be home too."
Dean doesn't know what to say. He could say he wants Benny home too or that he misses him but he doesn't want to hurt Benny's feelings anymore than he already did. It's obvious that Benny's eating himself alive not to be able to make home for Christmas time and that Annamarie's only wish is to have him to come home.
Dean wants to fix this but he just can't do it this time. He can't just swoop Benny from the ship and plant him in their living room, not matter how badly he wants to. Benny has a commitment to their country and despite how many times Benny says it isn't true - his job comes first.
It sucks but Dean's just going to have to deal with an upset little girl and lonely nights. He's done it for nearly a decade and he's just going to keep doing it, even if it sucks.
Dean gives Benny what he hopes is a reassuring smile and says, "you wanna talk to Annie?"
Benny agrees and it takes everything in Dean not to break down when Annamarie starts sobbing as soon as she sees Benny's face on the computer.
Dean has to cut the Skype session when it's clear that Annamarie won't calm down and Benny looks like he's about to burst into tears too.
After tense "I love you's", Dean cuddles Annamarie tightly and hides his wet face into her curls as she sobs into his chest.
Dean can't think of a way to fix this and he can't help but think that it's going to be a pretty shitty Christmas for the Lafitte family.
…
The days leading up to Christmas have been a royal pain in his ass. Once Dean and Benny broke the news that Benny wasn't going to be home for Christmas, Annamarie quickly became moody and sullen. While she wasn't having any temper tantrums, she would moodily stare at the TV and she started crying at night because she misses her Papa so much.
It's breaking Dean's heart and he doesn't know how to make it better.
They bake cookies together, Dean takes her to see the newest Disney princess movie, and to the zoo to help her take her mind off of the fact that Benny's not coming home. It helps a little bit but she's still withdrawn and not as happy-go-lucky as she usually is.
He hopes that the pile of presents addressed to a Miss Annamarie underneath the tree will change that a little bit.
Dean's not looking forward to Christmas morning and on Christmas Eve, his heart shatters to a million pieces when Annamarie gives up on Santa and instead starts praying that somehow Benny will be home for Christmas.
To make things worse, Dean hasn't been able to get a hold of Benny either. All he'd gotten was an e-mail saying that Benny wouldn't be able to contact him for a few days. Apparently, the guys on the ship wouldn't be able to get internet access for some reason.
It's times like these that Dean really hates being a military spouse.
That night, Dean goes to bed with a heavy heart and Annamarie tucked into his bed because he can't stand the loneliness anymore.
He's about to break down in prayer that Benny will come home soon too.
…
It's four in the morning on Christmas day that Dean jolts awake with the feeling that something isn't right.
He sits up, eyes darting across the dark room and everything seems to be in place. Annamarie is sleeping peacefully next to him and there isn't any axe murderers hidden in the shadowy corners.
Just as he's about to lower himself back down, he hears something.
And shit, it sounds like someone is trying to open the front door.
Dean eases himself out of bed and heads for the gun safe hidden in the closet. No way in Hell is someone going to break into their house with his baby in the house.
With his Colt in hand, he tip toes down the hallway and his heart beat pounds in his ears when he sees someone step into to the house, obviously trying to be quiet.
Dean's ready to yell at the guy and shoot him when the Christmas burglar turns on the lights. He's dressed in dress blues and holy fuck is that -
"Benny?" Dean whispers and when the burglar turns to look at Dean peering around the hallway wall.
"Hey sugar," Benny greets warmly and his face turns to a comical look of confusion and amusement when he spots the Colt in Dean's hands. "Were you gonna shoot me?"
"I thought you were a - never mind," Dean says and rushes at Benny, wrapping his arms around his husband and kissing him for all he's worth. God, they haven't kissed in months. When Dean manages to pull himself back for some much needed air, the confusion hits him in full force. "How'd you get here? I thought you couldn't come home? And that you were in the middle of God knows where?"
Benny smiles, big and wide and full of mischief. "I might've told you a little white lie. I had Christmas off the entire time."
"You - you little shit." Dean splutters. This whole fucking time Annamarie had been crying because she knew her Papa wasn't going home and Dean feeling like shit too. Dean doesn't know if he should be angry but he'll act on it later because all that matters is Benny's home. Safe, in one piece, and smiling.
Dean will punish him later.
"I love you," Dean tells him as he pulls him into another kiss. "But I'm so kicking your ass later for lying to us. You broke Annamarie's heart."
Benny has the decency to look guilty. "I know, I'm sorry sugar, but I wanted to surprise you."
"Well you got that right," Dean huffs and he hugs Benny again because he just can't get enough of it. "You should go surprise Annamarie. She's in our bed."
"I can't wait to see her," Benny says and with a quick peck to Dean's lips, he's all but skipping to their bedroom.
Dean smiles brightly when he hears Annamarie's sharp scream of "Papa!" and Benny's joyous laughter echoing throughout the house.
Looks like Christmas ain't going to be so bad after all.
Dean had been in a bad mood for months now and Sam had noticed. Everybody had noticed. Things had been going fine, in a manner of speaking. As well as it could go between them with their line of work, but Dean's mood had definitely sunk to a new level of low. At first Sam couldn't figure out why. They were all safe in the bunker, the two of them, Cas, Kevin and Charlie, with Crowley under wraps, during the lead up to Christmas--which they had all agreed to make a big deal of this year--but his brother had not seemed too enthusiastic about it. To an extent Sam got it, neither of them had any really fond Christmas memories, but this year they were all going to make the effort to change that, for everyone's sake.
It had happened while they'd been planning what they would cook for their Christmas dinner in the kitchen; which went reasonably well other than the arguing over who would do the actual cooking, when Sam got down to what was bothering his brother. Dean had stormed off when Cas insisted that he could do all the cooking, without any assistance. It just seemed to rub Dean up in a way that nobody could explain.
After an awkward pause, which seemed to go on forever with many glances passed between Charlie, Kevin and himself, Cas had gone back to making the list after watching Dean go, shrugging off the hunter's reaction by putting it down to a bad mood, Sam got up to follow him. Dean hadn't gone far; with the missing out of his adolescent years Dean had turned into quite the typical teenager, and had gone off to his room. When Sam entered he found the hunter poking around with his things, busying himself with the pointless task of making everything in his room (which was always impeccably neat) nice and tidy.
"Dude, what the hell?" Sam said, not bothering to properly introduce his presence. "What's going on? Why'd you storm off like that?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Dean said, finally settling himself down onto the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands. He knew the conversation was coming, whether he liked it or not. He might as well be sitting down for it.
"Come on," Sam said, sitting down next to his brother. "Tell me, what's up? We're all trying here, to make this a special day for everyone. I know you might not like it, and that we've never really done Christmas before, but I feel like we've got to for their sake, especially for Kevin--"
"I know, I know," Dean said, cutting his brother off. He sighed. "But it's not everyone, is it?"
Sam shrugged. "What do you mean?" He caught the corner of Dean's eye, and his brother sighed again, standing up and fidgeting his way towards the door. He looked as if he were about to leave but then spun on his heels, at the last moment, to reply to his brother.
"Not everyone is here," Dean said quietly. "Not everyone that I want to be here."
Sam nodded, looking up at Dean to show that he understood. They'd lost nearly everyone they'd ever known and loved. Christmas was the time of year normal people remembered all those that they'd lost, it was no wonder Dean would be feeling that too.
"I know," he said. "But we should try to focus on who is here. And I know that Cas is being a bit unreasonable with the whole him doing 'all the cooking' but he'll realise just how stupid that is when it comes to it--"
"Don't," Dean interrupted him.
"What?" Sam asked confused to what exactly Dean was getting at.
He had a feeling that he'd only just begun to scratch the surface of what was wrong. Sure, he understood that Dean missed people, Sam missed people too. There were a lot of people to miss. But with Dean getting agitated by the smallest things like the cooking, even to be riled up by being reminded of it… Sam knew his brother well enough to guess that there was something else.
Dean sighed, not answering. Instead he punched the wall behind him with a tight fist. Sam let him get on with it, knowing that Dean was on the edge of giving in and telling him what was wrong. Eventually the older man sighed, eyes downcast at the floor as he responded.
"It's just... when we were talking about all the food and the cooking... I don't mind Cas doing it all, I don't, it isn't that..." Dean said, exhaling. After a pause he continued: "It got me thinking and... and remembering... It reminded me of the last time that somebody had cooked for me, you know? Like properly sat me down and cooked for me, and not because they had to."
Sam shrugged. Unless they were eating out, having someone cook intimately for them was a rare luxury. "And?" he prompted. "Unless it was me, Charlie, Cas or Kevin, I don’t know who you’re talking about."
"Dean..." Sam started, about to go off on one. He stopped himself and started again. "Okay," he sighed. "You were close; it's okay to miss him."
Dean nodded, grateful for the recognition of his feelings. He felt stupid for admitting all of this to him, but if anyone was going to even try to understand what he was feeling it would be Sam.
"Hey, it'll be okay though, right?" Dean said, clearing his throat. "He's gone, I get that. I'll be fine. I better, uh, I better go apologise to Cas."
Sam half-smiled as Dean left the room. His mind was racing. He knew how much the vampire had meant to Dean, and it killed him a little that he hadn’t been able to convince Benny to come back, out of Purgatory, with him when he'd had the chance.
Sam knew that he might just have to do something to about that.
15th December
Needless to say, things were still a little icy between Dean and everyone else, even after apologising for storming off. Nobody asked Dean any questions, after a quick shake of the head from Sam. Not a lot else was achieved that evening, although Castiel did agree that it was probably a stupid idea for him to think that he could cook the entire Christmas meal on his own. He agreed to have Dean help, or even take over. It was the next day that Sam had finally broke to the others what had been wrong, and what he was planning to do.
"Let me get this straight," Castiel said, squinting as he tried to make sense to what Sam had said. "You want to go back into Purgatory, a place filled with monsters and horrors, nearly all things that you've run into before, so that you can retrieve one of these monsters, despite the fact that they refused to leave with you the last time he had the chance to?"
"Yeah," Sam exhaled, looking around the breakfast table at all the widened eyes staring at him. Castiel’s words probably hadn't helped him in attempting to bring them all round to his side of the matter. Dean wasn't up yet, and it was a miracle in itself that Charlie and Kevin were.
"May I ask another question?" Castiel asked, "As well as this one and that last?"
"Sure, go for it," Sam said, leaning back in his seat.
"Are you insane?"
"No," Sam groaned, closing his eyes. "Maybe,” he added, “But that's not the point. The point is, this is something that's clearly been eating away at him for a long time now, and I want to do something to stop that."
There was a brief moment of silence. Castiel seemed convinced, or at least no longer willing to make more of an argument out of it, and Kevin and Charlie both seemed to be considering the proposal further.
"Benny..." Kevin began, coming to the conclusion that he needed more information before stating whether or not he thought it was a good idea. This was Sam and Dean; they were prone to taking risks for each other, even when not necessary. Sometimes their risks didn't pay off, but more often than not they did. Besides, with the Winchesters the pattern seemed to go that the bigger the risk the more likely it would play out. "I'm not one hundred percent sure I know who that is."
"Benny... Isn't he that vampire who helped Dean through Purgatory, and he had a thing for?" Charlie said. "Which I don't know too much about," she added quickly when she saw the look Sam, and Castiel, gave her.
"Oh right, yeah," Kevin nodded. "He's mentioned him once or twice." He paused. "Is he really worth risking your life... well, our lives for?"
"Look, I admit that when he was first up here I didn't trust him," Sam said, glaring at them all in turn. "But you should have seen Dean's face when I told him that Benny hadn't come back up with me. He was upset… the most upset I’ve ever seen him, and I've noticed other things since then too... Benny… Benny means a lot to him, more than I've seen Dean care about anyone in a long time; not that he doesn't care about any of you--"
"It’s just that none of us are someone he's in love with," Charlie finished, and then put her hands up in front of herself in defence. "Come on, we all know that that is what this is all about."
"Dean is in love with the vampire?" Castiel asked. It was certainly news to him. "Are you sure? I would have never come to that conclusion."
"Yeah, yeah I think he might be," Sam said, laughing bitterly to himself. "I mean, that would make a lot of sense." He paused. "You didn't notice that? You spent the most time with either of them. I guess it doesn't matter."
"I thought we weren't allowed to let people get close to us like that?" Kevin quizzed, knowing that this was different somehow, or that it had to be for Sam to be so determined about it. He'd never seen Dean get gooey eyed over anyone other than Sam, and that was definitely different, he hoped.
"We all found each other and are close," Sam pointed out. "Anyway, this isn't just anybody..." And he couldn't explain it anymore than that. He didn't know what it was Dean and Benny had. All he was sure of was that the two of them were close in a way that he'd never seen Dean be close so anyone else before.
"It's Benny," Castiel said, finishing his sentence. "I'm sorry, Sam. I don't think I'll be any use in your quest in trying to get the vampire back. Without my powers I feel utterly useless."
"Fine," Sam said, deciding not to mention that he felt like that the reason Cas seemed reluctant to help actual had nothing to do with him being powerless. "Does anybody else feel like they won't be of any help? Ideally I'd like all of your help... but if that's too much to ask."
"I guess that I don't have much of a choice," Kevin said, picking up his coffee, which was now cold, and finished it in one. "You've always got me researching one thing or another."
Sam glanced over at Charlie. "Sounds like an adventure!" she said when their eyes met. "Besides, it'll be fun to see the guy that Dean is in love with."
"Great," Sam said. "We'll start on it as soon as possible then."
"Start on what?" Dean yawned, stumbling into the kitchen and getting himself a cup of coffee.
"Getting the Christmas tree!" Charlie said, standing up abruptly as Dean came in. "And decorations and presents!"
"Oh, you're still on that," Dean said, sitting down. "Anything you need me to do?"
"Pick up a tree," Sam chimed.
"And get baby all dirty?" Dean protested. "No."
"Take a different car," Sam sighed, holding his forehead.
"No, baby would get jealous," Dean said, stealing a piece of bacon off of Castiel's plate and eating it before getting up. "I'll pick up your tree."
The rest of that day was spent focused on the tree. What size it would be, where they’d have it, if they should get one for each room, whether they should decorate the whole of the bunker, were just some of the discussions they had before Dean went out to buy one. Charlie complained that, when Dean did bring back the tree, he hadn't bothered to pick up any decorations for it, to which he replied that they already had a real life angel to put at the top of the tree, and what else could they possibly need? Castiel had replied, confused, that he was neither, an angel and that he would not be able to balance on the top of the tree even if he were.
Reluctantly, Dean had gone out again, only this time with everyone else, to pick up decorations. Charlie was in charge of what to buy for the bare tree, and they ended up buying more decorations for the rest of the bunker. Dean complained that there wasn't enough room in the car with everything they had bought, as well as everyone else, but even he had fun later on when decorating the place.
"We should get a tree for each room," Charlie said, as she and Kevin put a star onto the top of the tree that they already owned.
"I'm not sure how Dean would feel about that," Kevin said, nodding towards the older Winchester who was sitting down and watching them work.
"He'll come around," Charlie said with a wink.
16th December
The next morning that was, nearly, exactly what happened. Sam sent Dean off to buy more trees, and decorations, as a means to get him out of the bunker. Castiel offered to go with him to help, with the logic that there would still be plenty of room in the car for them both. Dean agreed. Before they left, he whispered, not so subtly to Sam that he'd "Send them all a message when they were on their way back" which he punctuated with a wink.
The time was put to good use. With the three best researchers unleashed upon the internet, old archives in the bunker and the local library, the old Men of Letters would have been put to shame. However, finding a way into Purgatory, which did not involve a reaper or one of them being in the presence of an exploding Leviathan, was near impossible. Sam did not know where to start. The last time Dean had disappeared he had done little to no research on how to get him back. They were all about to give up, or at least take a break, when a small breakthrough was made.
"I think I've got something," Kevin said, pointing at the page of the old book he was reading. Sam and Charlie instantly went over to him. Neither of them could recognise the language that Kevin appeared to be reading.
"Great," Sam said, though still confused, "What exactly does it say?"
"I don't know," Kevin honestly answered, "But the writing it is in is very similar to that of the tablets... not the same, of course, but super similar. Enough, at least, for me to make out a few of the words... Like here--" He tapped the book. "--this says something about Purgatory... and here--" He tapped again on a different part of the ocrumbling page. "--this says something about loved ones and passing over... There's also something about blood, a possible spell, but that's all I can make out."
"Good job," Sam said as Kevin collapsed backwards into his seat.
"Hey, I think I need to take a break... seriously, it’s the holidays and you guys still have me working on stuff," Kevin complained, rubbing his forehead.
"This is for the holidays," Sam insisted. "This is for Dean--"
"I'll make us all some hot coco," Charlie said, interrupting him, as she headed towards the kitchen. "What?" she said in response to Sam's face. "It is the holidays. Besides, we could use a break."
Sam shook his head in disbelief as Charlie left. Then again, they could all use a rest, especially after this small advancement. He sat back down after patting Kevin on the back again. "Good job," he repeated, knowing to give praise when praise was due. "So, mysterious language which you can only get glimpses of..." he began, "I know you might not like this but I think we should get some extra help for this."
"I'm sure Cas will help us if we explain to him why we need him," Kevin groaned.
"That's not what I meant," Sam said, "That's not who I meant."
"What? Who else do we know who could help us with something like this--" he paused as it dawned on him. "Sam, no! I am not asking him for help."
"You don't have to," Sam reassured him, "I'll do it. I'll ask."
"Ask what?" Charlie said, coming back into the room with a tray and three mugs of hot coco.
"Sam wants to ask Crowley for help," Kevin informed her. "I think it’s a bad idea."
"Crowley?" Charlie asked, putting the tray down on the table. "Oh, the demon you guys have locked down in the basement, dungeon, place? Well... if you think it'll help?"
"I don't want to ask for his help!" Kevin said, pulling the book he had been reading closer towards him. "I'll just do it."
"Okay..." Charlie said, glancing from one man to the other. They both seemed exhausted, but an argument seemed like it would ensue quickly if she didn't step in and do something. "How about you write out what it says first on a piece of paper, then Sam can take that down to Crowley while you still try to decipher it? Wouldn't hurt to have two sets of eyes looking over it anyway, right?"
"Fine," Kevin said, grabbing hold of his notebook and a pen. Sam was about to agree when he felt his leg vibrate.
"They're on their way back," he announced after checking his phone. "Can you take this to your room, Kevin?"
"Sure," the young man sighed, reluctantly putting his things under his arm as he readied to leave.
"I'll bring you your drink," Charlie said, following him out the room with his, and her own, mug. Sam all but collapsed into the chair behind him once they had.
17th December
More trees had been bought, and so had more decorations. It was the perfect distraction for Dean, and the others, as Sam made his way down to Crowley to try and force him to read the spell. Kevin had handed him the slip of paper early the next morning, in a state that showed that he hadn't had any sleep. Sam assumed it was because he was trying to crack the code before asking for the demons help, but, if he were honest with himself, Sam wanted to double check anyway. It was fortunate that that’s what he had planned, because when he checked what Kevin had translated he saw that he had found nothing new. What had been handed to him was nothing more than the same transcript that had been found in the book.
With everyone busy either eating breakfast, sleeping, or preparing to put up the new trees, Sam was easily able to slip down to the dungeon to where they were still holding Crowley.
"Moose," the demon greeted before Sam had even turned on the light. "What brings you to my lair?"
"Got a job for you, Crowley, seeing as you've got nothing else better to do with your time," Sam said, slipping the piece of paper over to the demon.
"What's in it for me?" Crowley asked, forcefully pushing the scrap of paper off his table.
Slowly Sam reached down to pick it up and flattened it out on the table again. "I need you to tell me what this says," he said, pointing at the foreign words on the page.
"And why do I need to do that?" Crowley asked, eyes glancing down at the piece of paper before folding his hands over it.
Sam sighed. "Because you're the only one who can," he admitted. "At least, at the moment you are."
"Hm, you've got your 'Prophet of the Lord' working on this one too?" the demon questioned, a twinkle in his eye. "How is my favourite honorary Winchester?"
"He is," Sam informed him. "But I bet you could beat him to it."
"Appealing to my ego," Crowley said, turning the page around so that he could read it. "Oh well look here... trying to get into Purgatory? Haven't you boys learnt your lesson about trying that one yet?"
"So you can read it?" Sam asked, ignoring the latter of what the demon said.
"Of course I can, this is trivial," Crowley said, screwing up the paper and looking back up at the hunter. "What I want to know is, what are you trying to do achieve by going back into Purgatory? Not harvesting souls again, are we? Because we both know how well that went last time, and, to be honest with you, Samantha, I don't fancy living in a world where Dick is around."
"Neither do I," Sam said. "If I tell you what I'm planning, will you tell me what this says, how to get in and out of Purgatory?"
"Depends," Crowley replied, not giving any other response or sign of interest.
"On what?" Sam asked, although he was sure he already knew the answer.
"On what I get in return," Crowley said, leaning back, as best he could, in his confined chair. After a pause he added, "Did I hear you right? Is this you planning a solo mission?"
"If you mean without Dean, yeah, but the others are helping me work this one out," Sam said, clenching his jaw. "I'm planning on going back down there to bring someone back."
"A monster?"
"A friend," Sam said. "A friend of Dean's."
"Don't kid me, Sam," Crowley chuckled, "You boys don't have any friends."
"You're wrong," Sam replied calmly. "Now tell me, what will it take for you to translate this for me?"
"Well..." Crowley hummed, "Perhaps we can talk about my conditions down here? Wouldn't hurt to get a bit of fresh air… or some exercise."
"I can agree to letting you get some exercise, but there is no way I am letting you go outside," Sam replied.
"Fair enough," Crowley said with a shrug, "How about a conversation with my dear friend Kevin? Not about anything in particular, just a nice little catch up."
"Sure," Sam agreed reluctantly. "Now tell me--"
"And a little chat with this supposed friend that you're bringing back up here," Crowley interrupted, "Whether or not you do come back."
"Fine," Sam said, putting a fresh piece of paper and a crayon down onto the table. "Translate it, now."
"First I want to talk to Kevin," Crowley said, ignoring the things that had been placed in front of him.
"Fine," Sam said, taking back everything that he'd put out in front of the demon. When he fetched Kevin was less than impressed about being a part of the hunter's deal with the demon.
"Are you any closer to translating it?" Sam asked him, rubbing his forehead. He knew from the beginning that this was never going to be easy, but when they had a lead it was frustrating to not be able to get on it.
Kevin groaned. "No," he admitted. "But I really don't want to talk to him."
"It'll only be for five minutes," Sam promised, "And I'll be right outside."
Eventually Kevin agreed. They had to dodge past Dean, with Charlie, as they made their way down to the dungeon. Charlie did a great job in diverting Dean's attention, suggesting they play some video games together for a while, and then see if they could get Cas to have a go. Sam got Kevin down to Crowley in one piece, and he got him out again in one too.
"What did he want to talk to you about?" Sam asked when the young man came out.
"I don't want to talk about it," Kevin snapped, cradling his arm, heading back upstairs. "I'm going to go and play video games with Charlie and Dean. I hope Crowley translates it for you."
Sam nodded his thanks, though he wasn't sure Kevin saw it. Quickly he headed back into the room and slammed the pieces of paper and crayon back onto the table. "Translate it," he ordered.
With a sigh, the demon did. Sam left the room with the promise that he'd let Crowley get his exercise just as soon as they got their friend back here. Benny could even escort him on it, the hunter thought as he headed to his room to read over the translation.
Sam hadn't even made it down the hall to his room when he was stopped by his older brother. Hurriedly he hid away the translation and answered questions on why he'd been acting so strangely recently. It was clear that Dean knew something was up, and he was concerned as to why Sam wasn't telling him what it was. However, the younger Winchester managed to weasel out of giving his brother any specific details as he agreed to join the others to play whatever game it was they were all playing. It wasn't until the next morning that Sam got a chance to read over the demon's translation.
18th December
Sam grumbled to himself as he read over Crowley's translation. The demon had included a picture of a reindeer, as well as what looked like a self portrait on its back. He wasn't sure how much of it he could actually believe. Other than that it seemed simple enough. Sam knew the symbol that it required, there had even been a copy of it in the book, and the riddles about the blood weren't all too difficult to answer.
The blood from the fallen wasn't difficult to obtain. Castiel was more than willing to give a vial of his blood over, although he warned Sam that he did not advise he try to get back into Purgatory.
"I'm doing it for Dean," Sam argued at the protest from the former angel. "Even you must have noticed how badly he’s taking this holiday season? Or at least you'd understand why he could be happier? We're all here together apart from Benny, and the two of them were close. You saw how close they were."
"Closer than I am with Dean?" Castiel asked, to which Sam only shrugged.
"I don't know, maybe? Have the two of you been going off together recently, alone? Or made up excuses to why you're disappearing out every now and again?" Sam enquired then shook his head rapidly. "Don't answer that.” Of course Cas would have no idea what he was talking about. He no longer had access to Sam’s memories, and wouldn’t know that these, and a few other choice phrases, were excuses Dean had used to sneak out and visit Benny when he’d been alive.
Dean had used to disappear for a couple of days and not give any proper warning to where he was going. Sam already knew. His thoughts were only confirmed when Dean would return, smelling of sex and with bite marks and bruising on his neck. He did a lot to pretend that he didn’t notice, and Dean never said anything about it. But Sam knew that he and Benny were close. Close and, from what he could tell, deeply in love.
"No, we have not experienced anything like that." Cas replied anyway. "In fact, when we were given the chance to honour a human tradition, which involves the hanging of a certain plant from a doorway, which must occur when two people stand under it, he seemed less than interested to even get close."
"Right..." Sam said, trying to imagine Cas and his brother under mistletoe, and whose idea that had been--his money was on Kevin, though it could have easily have been Charlie, he only wished that he'd been the one with the idea. "Anyway, thanks for this. Now we just need the same thing from Crowley and then we're all set."
"You're welcome," Cas said, smiling at the thanks. Then his face grew a grave. "Are you sure it is the blood of that demon you need?"
"Yeah," Sam replied, "I mean it would make sense, Purgatory being the waiting room for the souls who still haven't been decided on, whether they're going up or down... It’s the place where that can be decided, at least in some lore. But the translation seemed set on using the blood of a fallen angel and a cured, in our case partially cured, demon. I don't know if I'd agree on that after being there…”
"Nor I," Cas said faintly. After a pause he continued, tapping his knuckle against the table he sat at. "Let me see to Crowley. I shall get what you need."
Castiel gave Sam no time to question his motives, however, as he swiftly left the room. Under an hour later the ex-angel returned to hand Sam with a vial of Crowley's blood.
"It would have been easier to attain if I had had my grace," he admitted as Sam looked at the blood, impressed that it had taken so short a time to get it.
"Good job, Cas. Did he want anything?"
"Crowley?" Castiel replied, shaking his head. "No, bargaining tactics were not used to obtain that."
Sam thought it best not to ask any more questions; which turned out to be for the best as Dean then walked into the living space.
"What've you got there?" he asked just before Sam had the chance to hide away the vial.
"Nothing," Sam said quickly, and Cas just shrugged as Dean looked at him for an answer.
"Fine," Dean said, though Sam was certain that it wasn't 'fine', and that this was something that his brother would bring up again fairly soon. "Anyway, we were thinking of going to do some last minute gift shopping if you both wanted to come?"
"Sure," Sam said, knowing it would seem suspicious if he declined. "I haven't got you anything yet."
"Nor have I," Cas chimed, following Sam out of the room.
19th December
Sure enough, the next day Dean cornered Sam to ask him what the vials of blood had been about. Apparently 'it’s nothing' wasn't an acceptable answer. It ended with Dean warning him in being careful with whatever he was trying. The rest of that day was spent in individual rooms wrapping their last gifts for one another. All it did for Sam was serve as a reminder of how difficult his plan to get Benny back really was. He also didn't get a chance to go through with the ritual that day, there was nothing he could send Dean away to do without causing suspicion. Besides, Kevin was taking a well deserved break, and Charlie was assisting in teaching Cas some of the other customs people had for Christmas, which was a treat that Sam just didn't want to miss.
By the end of the day they had baked gingerbread men--well, two gingerbread hunters, who happened to be brothers; a gingerbread woman; a gingerbread prophet of the lord and a gingerbread angel--learnt a number of Christmas carols, which had been Kevin's idea as he enjoyed playing them on the cello and insisted that they all sing along, and wrapped up (almost) all their presents. Sam also used the new found Christmas cheer, of togetherness they'd experienced, to his advantage by suggesting to Dean that he take Cas to hear a some real Christmas carollers sing the next day. Therefore giving him the chance to do what he had to to get down into Purgatory and, hopefully, bringing Benny back. Castiel seemed enthusiastic for it, although he didn't seem to grasp onto the concept of why he was suggesting it. However, partially due to the company, and the slight drunkenness caused by eggnog, Dean agreed to it.
"You're not going at it alone tomorrow," Charlie said, getting Sam on his own as they filtered out of the room to go to bed.
"Thanks," Sam nodded, smiling as they left the room together. "I could really use your help."
"I know," Charlie replied, "That's because I'm awesome."
Sam chuckled, finding no reason to argue with that. They said their goodnights and then went to bed; Sam knew that they would all need their sleep.
20th December
It didn't take much to get Dean and Cas out of the bunker the next day, Kevin decided to join them... even though he knew what Sam and Charlie were planning to do. Sam and Charlie agreed that it was probably for the best that he weren’t there either.
"Are you ready?" Charlie asked once they'd made the passage for the blood to pass down.
Sam nodded. It had been agreed that he would be the one to venture down into Purgatory, and Charlie would keep an eye on the flames.
"Ready as I'll ever be," Sam said, pouring the blood into the passages of the symbol. "Are you?"
"Sure," Charlie said, though she sounded a little nervous. "Wish I could go down there with you, but I'm looking forward to meeting this Benny."
"Trust me, you don't want to go down there with me," Sam said, lighting the match. "Besides, I need you up here to help make sure I get back up okay. I hope you get to meet Benny, wouldn't want this all to be a waste."
"It won't be a waste," Charlie assured him, "From everything you've told me about him... He and Dean seemed--"
"Close?" Sam suggested.
"I was going to say in love," Charlie giggled.
"That too," Sam agreed, bowing his head a moment.
Finally he lit the blood which glowed white. Smoke began to rise and it infected his lungs. Sam coughed as the smoke engulfed him; closing his eyes when he felt them to sting.
"Looks like it worked," he said as he opened his eyes, expecting to still see Charlie in front of him. Instead the familiar setting of Purgatory surrounded him.
The skies were grey, and the forest around him teamed with life. There was a throbbing in Sam’s arm. When he inspected it he wasn’t at all surprised to see the familiar symbol scorched in to it; glowing in the same way the flames had.
"Right..." he mumbled to himself, "I guess when that goes out I get dragged back." He paused, checking his surroundings for any immediate danger. "Better get to work."
As ever, a human in Purgatory drew the same amount of attention as fresh shit with flies. It did not take long for the monsters to begin to swarm onto Sam in a similar fashion. He had, of course, come down prepared, and, if he were honest with himself, it actually felt good to do some good, old fashioned, killing the obvious bad guy again. Though this wasn't something he focused too much on. Sam's main focus was finding Benny. After that it would be in persuading him to come back up with him.
As expected, it didn't take long for Benny to seek out Sam like the rest of them had. The only difference between Benny, and the other monsters, was that he recognised the scent of the human in their presence.
"Sam Winchester," the vampire greeted, removing his weapon from the back of the head of a werewolf which had been about to pounce on the hunter. "If I hadn't seen stranger things I would not believe my eyes. What've y'got your sorry soul down here again for?" Benny asked, shaking Sam's hand forcefully.
"Benny..." Sam sighed, happier than ever to actually find the vampire alive, sort of, and functioning. "You made it? Last time I saw you you were pretty outnumbered."
"Yeah, still here," Benny said, opening his arms. "Though I got t'say, 'm on more people's blacklists than I'd care t'think 'bout. Now, tell me, what're y'doin' back down here? Don't need me to show y'the way out again, do you? Thought you'd have that one in the bag by now..."
"No, no, I've got a way out," Sam said, showing Benny his arm. Even now the symbol was beginning to fade.
"I see," Benny said, though it was clear that he didn't understand the concept behind the spell. "An' you're back here because...?" He'd asked three times now, with no proper answer from the younger Winchester. "How's Dean?"
"He doesn't know I'm here, but he's the reason I'm here," Sam explained. "Benny... listen, he needs you. That's why I'm here, to try and persuade you to come back up there with me, for him."
"Y'tellin' me y'risked your life t'come back down here, riskin' your life, jus' so y'could ask the likes of me t'go back topside?" Benny asked. "For the sake of your brother? Your brother don't need me, Sam. He needs you, an' if he knew that you were down here doin' this..."
"Yeah, I know, he'd flip a switch," Sam said, attempting to hurry the scolding along. "But I don't care, and do you know why? Because I would do anything for him and this is just one of those things. He needs you, Benny. I know he does. I don't have enough time to get into it now. But please, if you just came back up with me I could."
"I don't see what needs explain'," Benny said. "Y'know I chose t'stay down here. Think you'd let me have that one."
"I know you did, Benny, and a part of me understands why," Sam exhaled, checking his arm. "But for whatever reason you thought you had to stay down here for... whether it was to do with your own reasons, or concerning Dean, I can tell you that we can work on it, and that he wanted to work on it with you. One more chance, Benny, that's all I'm asking. I can't believe this even worked--" He held up his arm. "--but it did, and now I don't want to waste the opportunity. If you don't understand why he needs you then I can explain when we get back up there... and then if it’s too much again, if you want to come back here... Well, I could help make that happen and never bother you again."
Benny was silent. There were no words, at that moment in time, which could describe how he was feeling or how insane he thought that this all was. "Fine," he said finally, the memory of Dean coming vividly back to him. "I'll go with you, an' when we're back up there you get to explain t'me precisely what's goin' on here... 'cause if there's somethin' wrong with your brother that only I can help with--"
"It’s something like that," Sam said, taking out his knife and cutting his arm. "Thank you, Benny."
Those were his last words to the vampire before sealing Benny’s soul safely into his arm. It had been just in time too as the symbol on Sam's arm faded completely away. Suddenly everything went blindingly white, and Sam had to cover his eyes. When he opened them this time around he was back in the room, in the bunker, with Charlie.
"Did it work?" she asked, after pulling Sam into a tight embrace.
"Yeah... yeah..." Sam said, pulling up his sleeve to show her his glowing arm. "I need a car... How long was I gone?"
"About an hour," Charlie replied, beginning to clear away the mess they'd made. "So he's in your arm or...?"
"His soul is," Sam explained, "That's why I need a car, to put his soul back into his body, which is buried close by to where the portal out of Purgatory usually opens up."
"Okay, is it far?" Charlie asked, "I mean, do you have enough time to get there and back today?"
"No, I don't think so," Sam mused, "You're going to have to stay here and make up some excuse for why I'm not here when Dean gets back."
"Sure," Charlie said, "I can do that. I guess I can do that. No, of course I can. Um, are you going to go now?"
Sam nodded, already heading out of the room to the garage. "I'll be back soon," he called out behind him, and he planned to be.
21st December
The drive back to the bunker was the thing that Sam remembered the most. Sure, resurrecting Benny was one thing, but spending the entirety of the car journey back to the place he had come to class as home was something else. If anything, it was the perfect opportunity for Sam to explain himself and tell Benny why he'd risked what he had.
"He's in love with you," Sam blurted out, cutting Benny off from badgering him about precisely why he'd been brought back.
The sun was rising, and they were nearly back at the bunker. Sam hadn't slept, and this discussion between them was getting tiresome.
"Come again?" Benny said, he had almost been stunned into silence.
"Dean he's... he's in love with you," Sam sighed. "You know, I hate to be the one to tell you. Really he should have been the one to spill it. But you know what he's like... an idiot sometimes, especially when it comes to feelings and that sort of stuff. Anyway, I just thought, 'hey, maybe this Christmas one of us can actually get to spend it with someone they're in love with?' And that someone, for him, is you."
"The angel..." Benny said, ting to connect everything together. "He got back okay... that's who I remember Dean pining after before. If he's back here now, what good am I t'him when he's--"
"Who, Cas?" Sam interrupted, shaking his head. "Right, yeah, maybe he was once. But, and I mean this in no disrespectful way to either of them, Cas isn't right for him even if Dean ever did come to terms with... that whole thing, which he didn't. But you, Benny... You didn't see his face when I told him you didn't make it back from Purgatory the last time. He was heartbroken, I could see it. And frankly, he hasn't been the same since. I mean, we've got this little, sort of functioning, family thing going on and he's just not in to it... not as much as I thought he would be... And I hate to admit this too, but you're the thing that's missing from it."
"Y'seem pretty sure of yourself," Benny grumbled, leaning back in his seat and staring out of the window.
"Of course I am," Sam said, a little smug. "I'm his brother. Dean should know better now than to try and hide this sort of thing from me. I'm always going to know, or find out."
"Sure he'll appreciate y'doin' this?" Benny asked his voice faint.
The vampire was coming to terms with just how much he actually meant to the absent hunter, a feat he'd never thought he'd succeed in. Dean had always been concerned by something else, someone else, or at least it had always seemed so. But from what he was being told now... Perhaps he should have gone back with Sam that first time. That way he would have been able to have spent time with the other hunter, rather than remember him while fighting for his life down in Purgatory. At least down there Benny knew what was real, being topside had never felt real, and this news wasn't helping with his perception of reality. And maybe that was why he felt slightly bitter.
But this was Dean, and Benny had found that he could never deny that man anything.
"I sure hope so," Sam laughed. "Hope he sees it as one of the best Christmas presents that I've ever gotten him."
"You want to wrap me up in paper an' stick a bow on me, that it?" Benny chuckled.
"We'll see..." Sam said softly. "We'll see."
Before stopping at the bunker, they agreed that it would be best if they dropped him off somewhere else for a bit, with one of Sam’s spare cell phone.
"Don't want t'be seen before Christmas day," Benny said, forcing himself to sound cheerful. "An' I got a lot of things I need t'sort through."
Therefore, when Sam parked back up into the bunker, alone, there was no obvious reason to why he had taken off.
"Where the hell were you?" Dean questioned as soon as he saw Sam. "You can’t take off like that, alone, without talking to me first."
"Why?" Sam asked. "I’m a grown up, Dean. I had a few things that I needed to sort through for Christmas. No big deal."
"No big deal," Dean repeated with a grumble.
To him it was a pretty big deal, but there was no way he could tell Sammy that without sounding controlling. Besides, being so close to the holiday the last thing he wanted to do was start an argument. "You missed a lot yesterday, anyway," he said, changing the subject. "We all went into town to see these Christmas lights. I know I said that I'd thought we'd overdone it in here, but boy was I wrong."
"Maybe we could go again later?" Sam suggested sleepily.
All he wanted to do was get some rest before explaining to Charlie, Kevin and Cas where Benny was. However, he never got the chance. Going back to Purgatory had really taken it out of him, and he slept through until the next day; much to the dismay of Dean, who had never seen his brother sleep for so long without any sort of trouble being clearly over his head.
22nd December
Charlie was the first to ask Sam exactly what had happened, and question why Benny wasn't with him.
"I got him back okay," Sam reassured her. "He's just not here at the bunker. If you want to meet him, I could tell you where he is, and give him a call to tell him that you were going to? In fact, I might ask you to... He might need some blood to keep him going, you know?"
"Oh god, Sam, I'm not letting a vampire drink from me," Charlie protested.
"No, no, I mean, I think that we could get some and let him have it that way... I don't mind doing the donating," Sam said, to Charlie's relief.
"Okay, cool, do you mind if Kevin rides along with me?" she asked, "I think it’s only fair as he was the one who found the ritual into getting him out, and he spoke to Crowley when he clearly didn't want to."
"Sure," Sam groaned, his head hitting back down against his pillows. "Just don't let Dean know where you're going. I think I might be under house arrest today."
Charlie could easily agree to that, and, once Sam had bled himself a little, she and Kevin left (with the excuse of needing to get some air) to go and meet Benny. The vampire had been left in a room at the nearest motel so as to stay safe and out of sight. It was a grotty looking place from the outside, but it fit the bill well. When they knocked on the door, which Sam had told them was Benny’s; it took a while to get an answer. Eventually the vampire came to the door, still slightly disorientated from what he’d been through, and let the two of them in.
None of them met the expectations they had set up for each other. Charlie hadn't been expecting somebody who looked so rough, and Kevin had still had other preconceptions of what a real life vampire actually looked like. Benny was surprised by them too. A part of him was concerned that the Winchesters had willingly let a young lady and man, who appeared to be just coming out of adolescent, join them in the crazy that they called life. Then again, with the knowledge that they were glad to meet him, not show any sign of fear, and even learn that they'd helped Sam bring him back, he knew not to judge them at face value.
"I would offer you somethin' t'drink, but I wasn't left with anythin' in," Benny said, offering his company a seat each.
"Oh, that reminds me!" Charlie said, getting up before she had properly sat down. "Sam wanted you to have this." She handed him the cooled container he’d bled in to. "For, you know, drinking."
Benny took the container, studying it, before knocking it back in one. "S'ppose I'll be able to thank him for that soon," he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "So, you're here t’welcome me back here, or what?"
"We came just to meet you, really," Kevin said, shrugging. "To see who we worked so hard to bring back, and risk so much for." The words came out icier than he had intended them to, but Benny took no offence to it.
"It was a risk," the vampire sighed, "'m sorry that the both of you got dragged into it."
"Well it was, but hey, it paid off!" Charlie said in an attempt to lighten the mood. "We got you back here for Dean, and now we'll all get to see the look on his face when he see's you again."
"Yeah, there is that," Kevin agreed, sounding enthusiastic. "Dean will be thrilled to see you. He might even forget to ask what we went through to do it."
Benny nodded, unconvinced that he was worth all the trouble they had all seemed to have gone through. "It will be good to see him again," he admitted quietly. "Feels like forever... Never thought I'd get the chance to see him again, y'know?" Benny shook his head, the disbelief still apparent. "Not even sure that he'd want t'see me... might not be the same as the memory he had."
"Trust me, a chance to see any loved one again is a blessing," Kevin said bitterly.
"What Kevin means is," Charlie began, "Dean has really missed you, more than I've ever seen him miss anyone before. I mean, everytime I tried bringing you back up in conversation and he just, sort of, shut down... and from all I've heard Sam talk about you and him... I dunno, it just seems like he needs you."
Benny nodded again, taking in everything that had been said. "Y'better be gettin' back now, hadn't you?" he said, standing up. "Now, I don't want it t'look like 'm kickin' y'both out," he chuckled, "But I really don't want t'keep you here any longer than y’need t'be."
"When are you going to come back with us?" Kevin asked as he got up. "Sam said Christmas but I think you should come back before then... I mean, it would be better for you to stay with us there rather than here."
"We could come pick you up tomorrow," Charlie suggested, "Or ask Sam to. I agree that you should be with us."
"That's very kind an' thoughtful of y’both," Benny said, opening the door for them. "Perhaps that would be for the best."
23rd December
It didn't take a lot to persuade Sam to go and pick up Benny earlier than planned. Sam figured that the vampire would probably feel more at home with them anyway, and it would be unnecessarily cruel to keep him away any longer. Therefore the next morning, the first chance he got, he drove down to where Benny was staying. The vampire was happy enough to greet him, and was even happier when the hunter offered him a cool pack filled with blood bags.
"I bled an animal," Sam explained as Benny offered him a seat, gratefully sucking the content out of one of the bags.
"Thank you kindly," Benny replied. "Nice of you t'be thinkin' 'bout me like this."
"You met Charlie and Kevin?" Sam asked with a small nod. It was returned by Benny, who was far more interested in his blood rather than the conversation between them. "They talk to you about you coming back with us, um, today?"
Benny nodded again, putting down the bag filled with, what tasted like, pigs blood. "Sure did," he said with a half smile, "Funny folk you an' your brother are runnin' around with now. Not t'say that's a bad thing. Y'really look like you've both got this little family thing goin' on."
"Yeah, yeah we do," Sam confirmed, "And we want you to be a part of it."
Benny hummed. "Playin' that old tune again, eh?" he said, standing up and busying himself with putting away the other bags of blood. "Bringin' me back here for the sole purpose of makin' your brother happy... Did y'ever stop t'think 'bout what I wanted?"
Sam was quiet for a moment. "No," he admitted, feeling shame fill his stomach. "No, I didn't... and I'm sorry about that, I am. But, in my defence, you agreed to come back up here with me. In those few seconds where a decision had to be made, instead of staying there, like you did last time, you chose to come back. And if that doesn't tell you something about what you're feeling then I don't know what will."
Now it was Benny's turn to stay quiet. What Sam had said was true, he had chosen to come back, and perhaps he had come to regret not doing so in the first place. Yet Benny still felt like he hadn't had a proper say in the decision, and that wasn't something that sat well with him. The only reason for his existence being dependent on only one other was a mistake that he didn't want to make again. These thoughts, or the negativity of them, seemed to come across to Sam in the silence.
"I don't... I don't want to push you into it anymore than I already have," Sam finally said, thinking careful over what his next words should be. "So I would understand if you didn't want to come back with me, us, today or ever."
Benny stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the hunter. "You mean that?" he asked.
Sam nodded.
"I might need some time t'think it over," Benny said, sitting back down opposite the hunter. The room was small, but it was just big enough for the two of them. "As much as I'd love t'see your brother again, 'm not sure how well 'm gunna fit back up here... 'm sorta startin' to regret it, y'know? An' that's not on you. You jus' wanted t'do somethin' that'd make your brother happy." He sighed. "Only thing is, I don't know if 'm really the one who can make him happy."
"I understand," Sam replied, coughing as he stood up. "If you want, I could come back later? If you’re not here I’ll take that as your decision, I could even leave you directions of how to get to the bunker if you ever change your mind?"
"Sounds good," Benny said, with a decisive nod. "I'll see you later."
"Hopefully," Sam added. "I hope to see you later."
When Sam left he had no idea what to expect when he came back. It was hard enough to leave with Dean growing ever more suspicious, but Sam hoped it would all pay off. So when he rolled up to the motel room, and didn't get an answer, he jumped to the conclusion that Benny had made his decision. Disheartened, Sam drove back to the bunker. After everything that he'd done, they'd all done, to bring the vampire back he couldn't help but feel irritated. He wasn't sure how to break the news to the others, although he was happy that Dean hadn't found out about any of it. There was no reason for Dean to ever find out. Thank god for small miracles.
24th December
"Wake up, Sammy!" Dean shouted, banging on his bedroom door. " I need to talk to you."
"What time is it?" Sam groaned, checking his clock. He barely had time to sit up when Dean came bursting through the door.
"Late," Dean replied, "Or late according to your standards. Listen, Sam, we need to talk."
"You said that," Sam yawned, stretching, "About what?"
"About what you've been doing these last few days," Dean said loudly. "All of you, you're all up to something and thought I wouldn't notice. What do you think I am, some sort of idiot?"
Another knock came at the door. "What's going on?" Castiel asked, concerned, "I heard shouting."
"Nobody's shouting," Sam said. "It’s okay; we're all alright in here."
"No, no we're not," Dean said, turning to Cas. "Something's been going on between you all, and I want to know what it is."
Cas shot Sam look. He didn't like lying to Dean, and Sam knew it. "Yes, actually, something has been going on," he began, and Sam could feel the panic rise in his gut. "We... I thought it would be a good idea if we brought someone back to you in time for Christmas."
"Brought someone back?" Dean asked. "Like, from the dead?" He spun back around to Sam. "From the dead?!" His voice rose. "Do I have to begin to tell you why that is not a good idea. Cas, I thought you were better than that, you should have known better."
"Well, actually, Sam did," the ex-angel lied. "Sam knew how bad an idea it was so he talked me out of it."
"And the others?" Dean prompted.
"Ah--they had no idea," Cas continued. "It was just between Sam and I. No one else had any idea..."
Dean nodded his understanding. "Okay... good," he said, shaking his arms as he headed towards the door. "Don't see why you couldn't have just told me that in the first place but..." Dean stopped as he came to the door, turning round to face them both. "Who was it that you were thinking of bringing back?"
"Oh, uh, it doesn't matter," Cas said, smiling awkwardly, "We didn’t try, so why does it matter?"
"Because I want to know," Dean said.
"Bobby, it was Bobby," Sam cut in as he saw Cas begin to struggle with giving a reply.
"Bobby?" Dean repeated, "Sam, we put him to rest, alright? And we went through a lot of effort to do it. I don't see why either of you'd think bringing him back was a good idea."
"Well I didn't, so," Sam said, "You're right."
"Damn right I'm right," Dean said as he left. "Anyway, time to get up, Sammy. Charlie and Kevin have breakfast ready."
***
The rest of the day was spent in merriment, or the closest any of them had been to it in a long time. By evening they were all sitting around the Christmas tree in the living area, exchanging ghost stories, and drinking. The idea of Benny was nearly completely out of Sam's head when they heard a loud knock. They all froze.
"Who the hell could that be?" Dean asked, shooting up and grabbing the gun, that he kept on his person at all times. "Who else knows we're here?"
Sam swallowed and shrugged. "No idea," he said. There was a small light of hope in him that it could be Benny, but he didn’t want to jump to any more conclusions.
"Stay here, all of you," Dean ordered, heading to the main door. "Sam, come with me."
They got to the door, and Sam had to push Dean out of the way to make sure that he was the one to open it. His brother took it as a gesture of protection, though it filled him with annoyance. Relief filled Sam’s face when he saw who stood outside, slightly damp from the recent rain.
"Sam, what the hell?" Dean complained, grabbing his brother to pull him away from the open door. However, when he saw who was standing there, in a large overcoat, everything seemed to stop. "Benny...?" Dean choked, "Is that...? That can't be you."
"Y'sure 'bout that, brother?" Benny asked, eyes sparkling as he smiled, stepping into the safety of the bunker, being sure to close the door behind him. "It’s good t'see you again."
"Benny," Sam said, shaking the vampire’s hand. "You... you changed your mind? I'm glad you came--"
He was cut off as Dean all but flung himself into the vampire's body. "Benny... It is you. How did you--? How'd you get back up here?"
"Hush, now, darlin'," Benny said, handing Sam the bag he'd been holding so that he could put his arms more firmly around the hunter. "'m here, that's all that matters. I bought some presents for everyone." He explained, pointing at the bag he'd handed Sam, when Dean stood back. "That's where I must've been when you came back yesterday."
"Wait, what?" Dean said. "You did this?"
"Yeah," Sam said defensively. "And I know all you said about not trying to bring people back, and everything, but I noticed how upset you've seemed recently and--"
Dean shook his head, stopping him from going on. "Sam, don't... don't worry about it," he said, bringing the taller man in for a hug. "Thank you," Dean muttered, though there was a part of him that knew it had been an incredibly stupid thing to do. He'd save the scolding for a later date. Right now, right now he was still trying to make sense of what was going on. "So," Dean coughed, as he stepped back, "You bought gifts?"
"It’s Christmas ain't it?" Benny asked, patting Dean's arm. "Come on, let's go give them out. I know that Christmas Day is tomorrow, but that don't mean y'can't have at least one gift the night before."
"Sounds good to me," Dean said, pointing Sam to go first so that he could hold Benny's hand without there being any questions.
The others greeted Benny nearly as happily as Dean had, though not with quite as much enthusiasm. The vampire gave out his gifts: an iPad for Sam, a silver necklace for Charlie, a gold ring for Kevin and a silver chain for Cas. He and Dean knew that they were each other’s gifts to the other. Once these gifts had been received Dean called it a night and practically forced everyone to go to bed.
"Christmas tomorrow," he announced, pushing Sam out of the room. "Santa won't come if you're not in bed."
"Santa doesn't exist," Sam said, "You told me that."
"Just go to bed, Sammy," Dean said, pulling him back for a second to mumble into his ear, "And thank you… thank you so much."
Everybody said their goodnights and Dean was finally left alone with Benny. "It was thoughtful," he said, turning to the vampire, "Getting everyone a gift like that, you didn't have to do that."
"I felt like I owed them," Benny said as he joined Dean by the door. "From what I've heard, it was a group effort to get me back here."
"Yeah, I guessed," Dean said, glancing down at the floor. "Come on, let's go to bed. You're bunking with me."
"Lookin' forward to it," Benny said as Dean led out of the room to his own.
As everyone else slept, Dean and Benny stayed the majority of the night awake. They found that they had a lot to catch up on.
25th December
At first, Benny wasn't sure about joining Dean in his bedroom. However, it didn't take a lot to persuade him otherwise. After all, Dean had his, extremely talented, mouth to help win Benny over. There were promises of a better life, a family, and many kisses to go with teach one. Dean was eager to show Benny just how much he appreciated him coming back, and Benny was bent on expressing to the man how much he had missed him.
It was one of the best Christmas Eves either of them had ever had. The next morning, Dean woke to find himself butt naked and crammed up right next to Benny. He grinned as he watched the snoozing vampire, kissing his bearded chin. Benny twitched and opened his eyes, smiling as soon as he saw whose was looking down at him.
"Morning," Dean said, rubbing Benny's chest. "Sleep okay?"
"Best night's sleep I've had in a long time," Benny replied, taking hold of Dean's hand and kissing it gently, "You?"
"Same here, best sex I’ve had in a long time too!" Dean smiled, settling back down into the other's arms. "I'm happy you're here."
"'m happy too," Benny answered honestly. He put a finger to Dean’s lips at the mention of sex, kissing the man’s neck as if to warn him what would happen if he kept that sort of talk up.
As it went, they didn't get out of bed until Benny smelt burning, and Dean was reminded that he and Cas were supposed to be cooking the Christmas dinner together. Thankfully Benny agreed to help, and they managed to save the turnkey from being completely destroyed, though the vampire was quick to point out that he didn't need to eat so it didn’t matter to him if they ruined the meal.
Eventually Cas and Dean were ushered out of the kitchen so that Benny could cook alone. As much as he joked about it, he didn’t really want any of them to go hungry. Every now and again Dean flitted back into the kitchen to check that everything was going okay, and to make sure that Benny was still there. Each time he knocked Benny reassured him of his existence by softly kissing an area of his upper body.
By late afternoon Christmas dinner was ready to eat, even with all the disruptions Dean had been the cause of. Sam and Kevin had laid the table, and Charlie had been in charge of mixing and making drinks. She'd even made sure to mix Benny's champagne with a little bit of blood, just to help ‘keep him going’. There was applause as Benny presented the main course. Most of the dinnertime conversation was centred around how good the food was, and how Benny was enjoying it to be back topside; as well as the mention that he'd have to meet Crowley, which was news to Dean, and walk around somewhere with him.
After dinner, and desert, everybody went back to the tree and opened the rest of their presents. There were a lot of apologies to Benny for not having anything to give him, but he shook it off. Bringing him back to Dean, and welcoming him as one of their own in their little family set up, had been enough for him: although there were plenty of promises for presents to him for next year. There were high hopes that they'd all make it until next year. In reality they all knew that moments like this couldn't be wasted. But they were all happy.
Once again, Dean and Benny were the last two up and awake. It was all too easy, when the others weren't around, for Dean to sit in Benny's lap and curl into his body. And Benny was only too happy to oblige to the man's every whim.
"I love you, you know that?" Dean mumbled lazily into Benny's ear. "I mean... I'm really mad at them all for what they risked to bring you back. But I'm glad you're back. I love you, I do, and I'm happy."
"Seems like you've had one too many glasses of Baileys," Benny chuckled, running his fingers down Dean's back. "Come on, darlin', let's get you to bed."
"No... no..." Dean protested, pulling the vampire down as he sprawled himself out on the couch. "I'm gunna sleep here."
"No you're not," Benny said, effortlessly picking the man up as he stood.
Dean groaned, though his heart exhilarated as he realised that Benny was carrying him to his room. The vampire picked up on the changed heart rate instantly and grinned.
"You didn't say it back," Dean complained when they reached the living room’s door. He had his arms draped around the Benny's neck, and he was smiling contently to himself.
"What's that, darlin'?" Benny asked as they came to Dean's room. He kicked the door open, then shut, before heading to the bed. "Y'think I don't love you?" Benny asked, helping to get Dean out of the Christmas sweater that Sam had bought for him. "You'd be wrong," he continued, taking off Dean's boots and then his own.
Soon the two of them were lying comfortably next to each other. Dean had his head on Benny's chest and the vampire's fingers were gently pulling at his hair.
"Dean..." Benny murmured when he thought the hunter was asleep. Dean groaned his response. Benny chuckled. "I love you, suga, I hope y'know that?"
"Mhm," Dean grumbled, burying his head further into Benny's side. "Merry Christmas, Benny. Thank you... for everything."
"Merry Christmas, brother," Benny replied, being sure to check that there was enough blanket covering his love. "No... thank you, for everythin'. G’dnight."
Dean drops his keys next to the toaster and leans forward to rest his elbows on the kitchen countertop, rifling through the newest stack of mail. Water bill. Health insurance update. Dean’s lip curls distastefully as he tosses them into the basket where he knows Benny will find them later. Another card urging him to “Subscribe now!” to Men’s Health Magazine that goes immediately in the trash. The latest random cat postcard from Cas, a Christmas card from Benny’s office, a notification that Dean has a package waiting for him at the post office.
He’s just started flipping through his issue of Autoweek when he feels a pair of arms slide around his waist from behind. Dean smirks. He’d known Benny was there, of course. He might not technically be a hunter anymore, but a lifetime of watching his back with a healthy dose of essential paranoia means he always knows when he’s not alone.
The arms tighten around him and Benny presses his chest against Dean’s back, their stubble scraping against each other as Benny mutters in his ear, “So I know what I want for Christmas.”
“Hello to you, too,” Dean returns, unaffected. He turns the page of his magazine.
Dean plops the magazine down on the counter and hangs his head. “We’ve been through this a million times, Cujo. We’re not getting a do-”
Dean turns to look over his shoulder just in time for Benny’s mouth to close over his, trapping his lips and effectively cutting off what would have been his million-and-first assertion that they didn’t need to share their living space with some mutt. Dean can’t for the life of him figure out why Benny is so insistent about it, except for the fact that Benny apparently gets along pretty well with dogs. Oh and the ridiculous theory Benny had voiced that having a dog around would help Dean “manage his PTSD” or some psychoanalytical shit like that. Dean thinks Benny might’ve gotten that idea from Sam, although he doesn’t remember the conversation very well. He shut it down pretty damn quick.
Dean twists himself around until their chests are pressed together, enjoying the feel of Benny’s teeth tugging on his bottom lip for a moment before pulling away. Only to find himself staring into a pair of wide, watery puppy dog eyes with enough manipulative sorrow to rival Sammy’s.
Dean laughs and reaches behind him to pull Benny’s hands from his lower back, slipping out of his grip and over to the fridge. “It’s still not happening, however poor and pathetic you may pretend to be,” he throws over his shoulder as he pulls open the door and roots around for a beer.
Before he can straighten up, the bottle’s being pulled from his hands and he finds himself once again surrounded by a wall of vampire, one giant hand at his back and another in his hair, Benny’s chapped lips moving against his own. “Oh come on, sugar,” Benny whispers. “Who doesn’t want a little,” Kiss. “tiny,” Kiss. “innocent,” Kiss. “baby puppy?” Kiss.
Dean’s fairly sure he means to say ‘me,’ but his witty response gets lost somewhere along the way when Benny’s tongue slides past his teeth and licks ever-so-gently at the roof of his mouth. Dean’s stomach writhes pleasantly and he twists his hands in the front of Benny’s shirt, at which point it’s suggested they move the conversation to the bedroom, where thoughts of puppies and presents are all but forgotten.
-
“Babe, come on, get up!”
Dean lazily swats away the hand shaking his hip and cracks open an eye, only to slam it shut again against the rays of obnoxious sunlight streaming through the bedroom window. He hears the sink turn on in the bathroom and cautiously opens his eyes again to peer at the alarm clock.
6:47am
Dean groans and rolls over to see Benny leaning against the bathroom doorframe, smirking over at him as best he can with a toothbrush shoved in his mouth. Dean rubs a hand across his burning eyes and asks groggily, “Why, in the name of all things decent, are you waking me up before 7 o’clock?”
“Wuh gnahn kwishmat tweef shropnit,” Benny says, rolling his eyes as toothpaste froth drips down his beard and turning back into the bathroom to spit.
But Dean knows what he’d been trying to say. He slumps against the mattress and sighs inwardly. He’d forgotten about Christmas tree shopping.
-
Dean looks between them. Then tilts his head and squints at the one of the left. Then the one on the right. Then back again. Maybe if he moved back a bit more...
“Dean. My hands are gonna freeze to these trunks and you will be personally responsible for any damage that occurs as a result.”
“I told you to bring gloves,” Dean shoots back, glaring at Benny, who is currently acting as the prop stand for the two trees they’ve narrowed it down to.
Benny shakes his head in exasperation. “I didn’t think we’d be out here that long. You didn’t even wanna come, for cryin’ out loud.” A spark of amusement lights in his eyes. “I didn’t expect you to start channelin’ an interior designer or somethin’...”
Dean shoots him another glare and pulls his coat tighter against the chill. “Fine,” he says, crossing his arms. “That one.” He tilts his chin towards the left one. “I don’t get why we need a damn tree anyway.”
Benny sets the rejected tree to lean up against the rail again and flexes his fingers with a grimace. “Because,” he says, “Christmas was always a real big deal for my family.” He gives the tree in his hand a once-over, then his smile goes a bit soft around the edges as he meets Dean’s eyes. “And I want my first one with you to be special.”
Dean’s pretty sure his heart melts a little then.
So of course he grunts noncommittally and mutters something about freezing his ass off as he trudges away to pay for the tree, his boots crunching in the snow.
-
After a slightly brutal bungee cord incident, a nearly-broken toe, and a living room full of pine needles, they finally manage to get the tree into the house and perfectly positioned. Benny is just fastening the last tree stand screw into the trunk, Dean standing back to make sure it’s straight, when his voice drifts up from under the branches.
“Babe, can you go preheat the oven to 375o?”
Dean stares down at where Benny’s broad torso disappears into the foliage and blinks. “Why?”
“Because I wanna bake a cake to congratulate you for being the most ornery motherfucker on the planet,” comes the sarcastic reply. Dean rolls his eyes and heads into the kitchen.
When Dean steps back into the room a minute later, he’s greeted with a ball of fabric to the face. He manages to catch it before it falls to the floor, and he holds it up to examine it. It’s a Christmas sweater. A sort of ugly Christmas sweater. With asymmetrical snowflakes and a weird color scheme and reindeer that look like they’ve gone too many rounds with the Abominable Snowman. Dean frowns and lowers the shirt to see Benny standing next to the sofa, wearing a similar sweater and a smirk that Dean has a bad feeling about.
“What exactly are these?”
“Sweaters.”
“Yes, thank you, Nancy Drew. I meant where did they come from and why do we have them?”
Benny shrugs and puts his hands on his hips. “I found ‘em in one of the boxes I brought back from Carencro. My mama made ‘em back in the day.”
Dean raises an eyebrow and looks at the sweater in his hand. “They’re, uh...beautiful.”
Benny snorts. “They’re hideous. But,” he holds a hand up, “it’s a tradition.”
“To look like you were in a knitting accident?”
“No, jackass, to wear them while bakin’ cookies,” Benny explains as he begins picking up stray branches that had broken off the tree on the way in. Dean looks back toward the kitchen where he’s just turned on the oven for a heretofore unknown reason, then looks back at Benny, who’s crouching on the floor with a handful of pine needles.
“You have an illness.”
-
Apparently Benny’s idea of “baking cookies” involves less of a look-we-can-just-pop-them-right-out-of-the-packaging-and-into-the-oven approach and more of a won’t-it-be-fun-if-we-make-them-from-absolute-scratch philosophy which, when it inevitably devolves into a slightly barbaric food fight featuring lots of flour and chocolate, Dean has to admit is probably the better way to go about things. Also the sweaters are kind of ruined (which most people would thank God for but since Dean knows better, he sends positive vibes out instead to that one Greek god he and Sammy met a while back who hadn’t been a complete asshole).
It had been the most fun the two of them had had in a while, despite the massive clean-up effort afterwards, and Dean had ended up decorating most of the cookies, which he’s secretly proud and maybe even a little delighted about. Possibly because Benny had said they looked perfect or something like that.
They taste pretty great too, Dean thinks, as he chews on the top hat of one of the snowman-shaped cookies and stares up at their new Christmas tree with a hand on his hip.
“What are we supposed to decorate this thing with, by the way, Mr. Festive?” Dean asks Benny, who’s busy attempting to extract his head from his mother’s flour-covered old sweater.
After a moment, Benny emerges victorious from his prison of yarn and tosses the shirt onto the back of a nearby chair. “That,” he says, smoothing his hair down and moving across the room toward the supply closet, “has already been taken care of.” He throws open the doors and bends down, shoving boxes out of the way. When he stands up, he has three cases of ornaments and two boxes of string lights piled in his arms. He smiles at Dean. “Picked ‘em up after work on Friday.”
“Of course you did.” But Dean can’t help but smile. He shakes his head and goes about opening up the first case of glittering gold ornaments while Benny finds a music station on TV that plays all the old Christmas songs he remembers from before his time in purgatory.
When they’re done, their nondescript little pine looks like something out of a freaking holiday catalogue. An effect made even better when Benny plugs in the string lights and turns out the lamps, covering the room in a soft glow that seems to give off a sense of a quiet sort of peace.
It hits Dean then that this is his tree. His and Benny’s. This isn’t a friend’s house, or a school lobby, or some pathetic attempt at holiday spirit for his baby brother’s sake in a dingy motel room. He’s standing in his own living room next to someone he loves, in a house he shares with his Christmas-obsessed...what? Dean isn’t quite sure. Not boyfriend, not exactly. Benny is more than that.
Dean would never in a thousand years have pictured himself here. There’s a small twinge of pain when he imagines what his father’s reaction would be. Here he is, John’s eldest son, baking Christmas cookies and living with a man. Dean wonders what his mom would think, if she’d be disappointed or if she’d just be happy for him.
Sam is. Happy for him, that is. Dean had worried about that at first. Made himself sick about it, actually. But Sam had just said “Man, as long as it’s what you want, I’m good.” Dean hadn’t been sure if he’d ever loved the kid more.
He sneaks a glance at Benny and feels a little flutter deep in his chest. Benny looks...well, like a kid on Christmas, staring up at the tree, lights reflected in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips. Dean’s family had never been much for the holidays. Well, after Mom had died, anyway. There just wasn’t need for it. But Benny...this is a special time for him, which makes it special for Dean. A little overwhelmed, Dean slips his hand into Benny’s and squeezes. Benny just squeezes back and pulls Dean closer, pressing a kiss to his temple.
-
They order in that night and end up in front of the TV with a container of moo shu pork and a few eggrolls, eventually settling on watching the old claymation version of Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Dean vaguely remembers watching bits of it as a kid and decides he’s curious enough to sit through it.
Pretty soon, though, Benny’s laughing at Dean, who’s sitting straight up, staring incredulously at the television set.
“Santa’s a freaking douche!”
“Don’t get your panties in wad, sugar,” Benny chuckles, “it’s just a kids’ movie.”
“Exactly!” Dean throws his eggroll down in outrage and grabs the remote, snapping off the TV. “It’s a kids’ movie, Santa Claus isn’t supposed to be some biased, self-centered dick. He’s supposed to eat cookies and fart rainbows or something.”
“Rainbows?”
“Shit, I don’t know, rainbows are magic, aren’t they?”
Benny grabs the remote from Dean’s clenching fist and flips the TV back on, pulling Dean to rest against him and rubbing a hand up and down his bicep to soothe him. “I have faith anybody who watched this didn’t end up too emotionally scarred.”
“You don’t know that,” Dean mutters darkly.
“Shh it’s okay,” Benny whispers into Dean’s hair. “Lemme watch, I wanna see how it ends.”
-
When Dean wakes up, it’s daylight. He’s still on the couch but there’s a quilt tucked around him and he can hear Benny making toast in the kitchen.
By the time he manages to roll out of bed and shuffle into the room, Benny’s settled at the table, sipping coffee and looking over the morning paper. Benny glances up at Dean over his mug.
“Mornin’, princess. Up to shoppin’ today?”
Dean blinks through his sleep-haze and stares at Benny for a moment before lumbering forward and grabbing hold of Benny’s sleeve, pulling. “C’mon. Up.”
Benny tugs his arm back and laughs, pulling Dean down to settle somewhat unsteadily on his lap. “And where is it that we’re goin’ in such a hurry, sleepin’ beauty?”
“The hospital,” Dean grouses. “Your alarming disease has gotten exponentially worse and I’m starting to worry.”
Benny chuckles softly and nuzzles his nose into Dean’s neck, resting a hand on his bare thigh. Which, of course, is when Dean realizes he’s not wearing any pants.
“You stripped me while I was asleep? Perv,” he grumps, looking down at his boxers.
Benny huffs against his neck. “Well sorry, for tryin’ to make you more comfortable, chief.” He emphasizes the last word with a poke to Dean’s ribs. Dean grabs his wrist and pulls his body slightly away from Benny’s.
“Oh no, don’t you dare start that, I fucking swear.” Benny smirks and before Dean can react, there’s an arm securing him fast around the waist, a hand tickling mercilessly at his belly. “Benny! S-...ha! Stop!” Dean wiggles madly to get free, but Benny lets out a bark of a laugh and just holds tighter. “Benny-y-y-y!”
A second later, Dean loses his balance and topples to the floor, Benny landing none-too-gracefully on top of him. They’re both laughing now and Dean closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath. When he opens them, he’s staring straight into Benny’s blue eyes and there’s a look in them, like they’re staring at the most precious thing they’ve ever seen. Benny smiles.
Dean smiles back and leans up to capture Benny’s lips with his own.
-
Dean stretches his back and rolls his shoulders as they walk into the crowded mall. “We’ve got to stop doing it on the kitchen floor,” he complains.
Benny shrugs. “Your fault, kiddo.”
“My fault?” Dean rounds on Benny. “How is my fault? You’re the one who can’t control his super-human strength or whatever.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have to worry about that if you weren’t such a sexy bastard, now would I?” Benny smirks and strolls past Dean, leading the way to the upper level stores.
It takes a grand total of three hours to get their shopping done, a feat Dean is exceptionally proud of when taking into account all the time Benny spends puzzling over “modern-day gizmos” like he always does when they’re out in public. Benny, of course, insists they have one last stop to make and Dean finds himself being reluctantly dragged into Pet Palace where, whaddaya know, there are puppies. An overabundance of puppies.
There are some pretty adorable ones, Dean’s got to admit, but he seriously doubts he’d ever be caught dead staring at an animal with the level of hopeless adoration on his face that he sees on Benny’s. Good God, if there were ever a man who wanted one of those mutts more than Benny Lafitte.
After twenty minutes, Dean manages to pull Benny away from the cages and out into the freedom of the windy parking lot.
-
Christmas comes a week later.
It’s one of those rare mornings when Dean and Benny wake up at the same time and stay in bed awhile, just lying next to each other. They make breakfast together and sit close at the table, knees bumping every so often. They take their coffee into the living room and settle on the couch with the few presents they have for each other, and when everything’s been opened they turn on the TV for a while. After about half an hour of some Western film that Dean doesn’t really pay much attention to, he nudges Benny’s thigh and says he’ll be right back. He gets up and slips quietly down the stairs to the basement.
When Dean comes back into the living room, his arms are full of squirmy 7-week-old bullmastiff puppy.
-
Benny eventually stops kissing Dean’s face when everyone arrives for dinner.
Cas, of course, has an entire conversation with the dog, which Garth claims he can understand due to an animal communication class he supposedly took. Sam’s and Charlie’s girlfriends don’t stop rubbing its belly and cooing at it for at least an hour (neither does Sam, for that matter). Adam’s still a bit wary around dogs of any size, but he manages to scratch its ears once or twice.
Benny, for some reason, immediately shoots down Dean’s idea to name it Dr. Sexy.
-
Later, when they’re in bed with Not-Dr.-Sexy curled up at their feet, Benny pulls Dean to him, back to chest, and places a kiss against his skin, just below his ear.
“Thank you, Dean.” Benny whispers. “I mean it. He’s perfect.”
Dean sighs quietly. “You’re very welcome. You’re cleaning up the poop, though.”
Benny chuckles and noses the little hairs at the nape of Dean’s neck. “Fair enough,” he says, wrapping his arm fully around Dean’s stomach. “By the way, I know what I want next year.”
“Mm?” Dean hums, already drifting off. “And what’s that?”
Dean came home to find the small house filled to the brim with Christmas cheer. He could even smell sugar cookies in the kitchen. When he went to investigate, he saw Benny bending down and taking a tray out of the oven.
"What’s happening here?” Dean asked his boyfriend.
“Christmas is happening,” Benny said, setting the sheet of cookies on a cooling rack. “I know you never really celebrated growing up, so I figured I’d give you a real Christmas.”
“And this how my papa bear celebrates?” Dean asked, his voice teasing.
“You know it, sugar,” Benny pulled Dean in close and kissed him. He tasted sweet.
“You’ve been sampling, haven’t you?”
Dean took a bite and practically moaned it tasted so good. “I had no idea you could bake,” he said, mouth still full.
“Where do you think all those pies came from?”
“You mean those were home made?” Dean was shocked.
“You think I would feed my baby store bought crap? Speaking of pie, this one should be cool enough to eat.” Benny turned and replaced the cookie with a pumpkin pie from the counter He handed it to Dean before grabbing two forks from the drawer and shooing Dean into the living room.
Dean took in the decorations more fully as he sat on the couch. The tree was covered in an odd assortment of colored bulbs, cartoon characters, multiple Santas and even a few angels. There were lights strung around the room, and stockings hanging over the TV, one of them emblazoned with a golden “D.” Dean felt the sofa sink down next to him and fell slightly toward Benny who handed him a fork.
They turned on “A Christmas Story” and dug into the pie. They finished the whole thing before the film was half over and Dean sent Benny to get them some beers. “You’ve seen this before; I haven’t" he said when Benny tried to protest.
When Benny returned, he sat sideways on the couch and practically forced Dean to sit between his legs. “You’re lucky I’m too tired to argue,” he said with a fake pout.
“You love cuddling with me,” Benny said, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist and nuzzling his neck.
“I do,” Dean agreed, “But I like it better when I can cuddle back.”
“Just shut up and watch the movie. You’re missing the best part.”
Dean watched as the dad pulled a plastic leg out of a giant crate and put a lamp shade on it. Benny began rubbing circles on Dean’s stomach, and Dean drifted off to sleep in the soft glow of the twinkle lights.
He woke up as he was being carried to the bedroom. “You could have woken me up you know.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Benny laughed. They had stopped moving and Dean opened his eyes and was staring straight up at a sprig of mistletoe. “Please tell me you know this tradition,” Benny teased.
“Of course I do,” Dean said, pulling Benny down for a small kiss. Benny pulled back slightly.
“I love you,”
“Love you too, Benny. Now let’s get to bed.”
“Whatever you say, sugar,” Benny laid Dean down the bed and crawled under the blankets. Dean wrapped himself around his boyfriend and counted the days until Christmas. Seventeen. He had seventeen more days of cookies and pies and mistletoe kisses and then he would finally get to give Benny his gift. He could learn to do Christmas.
The air is cold, colder than he remembers as it cuts into his skin and lungs. God has breathing always been this painful? Or is the air just heavier here in Purgatory the second go around? Benny’s entire body spasms, eyes jerking open to a world dark but colorful. Snow falls from the sky in light clumps that are nothing like the bundles of ash Purgatory rains down. He knows from just this blurred glance that he isn’t where he was, with vampires tearing into him and draining him dry as Sam sprinted for the portal.
He closes his eyes again and turns to his side, groaning miserably at the pain wracking his body. Every muscle feels locked down and worn. A searing heat touches his cheek and he tries to lift his arm to bat it away, but with no effect. Ringing fills his ears worse than after a leviathan touching down but over it he hears something warm and hearty, a laugh. It takes a moment for syllables creep through into anything he can understand and when they do he opens his eyes again, wondering how he didn’t see the other man there. The man who glowed like pure wildfire in the gray desolation of the monster afterlife.
Bright green eyes look down at him, glassy with tears and full with a smile. His throat aches, sticks to itself with how dry it is. “Dean?”
♦ ♦ ♦
More than five goddamned minutes. That’s how long it takes before Dean can help him haul his own fat ass into an upright sitting position. Everything is heavier now, the heat of Dean’s presence at his side, his clothing, the air he breathes, even his own hands and the heart in his chest. It’s almost like he can feel his own blood and he’s surprised when he notices that he can no longer smell Dean’s. As the pieces start to come together in his mind Dean is still guiding him, touching him and pulling him to stability.
His breath floats away from him in thin clouds, mixing with Dean’s then dissipating into the snow-filled wind. The puzzle finally becomes a whole picture and he looks at Dean in disbelief. “Dean, I’m… am I?”
“Human? Hell yeah.” Dean’s grin turns proud and wide, his eyes sparkling. “Which means we gotta get you outta the cold. I didn’t get you brought back just so you could die of fucking hypothermia. C’mon, Brother, let’s get you on your feet.”
He feels like a foal that’s been dropped on the ground before his time, stumbling and wobbling as he tries to find his balance. The world looks so fucking different now, feels different. He doesn’t have powers augmenting his perception and it’s jarring. Dean holds him up and keeps him close, offering support as he finds his legs. Standing upright doesn’t take nearly as long as sitting upright, which saves whatever tiny scrap of his pride he has left. The snow crunches under his shoes and he finds himself shivering quickly, new body heat melting the snow as it cakes to his clothing. Dean rubs his back and reassures him with soft words, but never pressures him to move faster.
“Don’t worry, Brother, Baby’s heating works miracles.” The car isn’t parked too far from them, just along the side of whichever podunk state route highway this is. Dean goes so far as to try and help him into the car, but he grumbles and fits himself in just fine, thank you. Smug bastard that he is, Dean just laughs and skips off to his side of the car.
It’s only now, as Dean gingerly slides into the driver’s seat, that Benny notices Dean’s not wearing any sort of real coat. A heavy henley shirt and a thick flannel, but nothing made for actual snow. He’s got more of a coat in his old jacket but Dean doesn’t look even a third as cold as he is. Just more of that same old warmth, he supposes.
♦ ♦ ♦
The drive back to the motel is silent for the most part, though it’s comfortable. Benny takes deep breaths, closing his eyes and focusing on the way his lungs burn when he pulls in too much air. It’s a vulnerability he hasn’t felt in longer than he can remember.
Dean says nothing as they navigate icy roads, just stares ahead and keeps them on the pavement. He has no idea even what state they’re in. It doesn’t look like Maine, not in the slightest. Whatever Dean’s done to get him out, he sure did it on his own terms. But really, Dean’s always done things on his own terms.
As caught up in his own thoughts as he is, he doesn’t even realize when they’ve reached the motel until the engine cuts off. Dean claps him on the shoulder and smiles, eyes lingering on him before getting out. Benny takes another breath and follows, grumbling softly because the car was actually pretty damn warm. All he gets from Dean is soft laughter, eyes crinkling as they look over a broad shoulder at him. Luckily the room is warm, too, or Benny might’ve said fuck it and gone and slept in the damn car. Let Dean drive him wherever.
Off in the corner is a small tree with lights and tiny ornaments. Sitting beside it are at least three bottles of whiskey and Benny huffs out an amused breath. Dean grins lopsidedly and shrugs. “Wanted to kick this off right.”
Benny nods and meets Dean’s eyes. “What exactly’re we kickin’ off?”
Dean stands a bit straighter and swallows hard, deep green of his eyes turning sharp. “I promised you I was gonna fix things. I keep my promises, Brother.”
They stand in silence for a moment before Benny smiles softly and nods. “Yeah, you do, don’cha?”
The sharpness fades from Dean’s eyes, his lips loosening into a smile as he steps forward and starts pulling at Benny’s wet clothing. “Need to get you outta this and into something dry before you catch cold. You’re human now.”
Benny puts his hands on Dean’s, halting the hunter’s motions. The air is tense between them, loaded. “How’d you do it, Dean?”
Dean licks his lips and takes a breath, hands still clutching Benny’s jacket. “I got some friends, a couple owed me some favors.”
“What kinda friends you got that can bust into Purgatory and bring a vampire back human?” Benny’s almost afraid of the answer.
“Reaper kind.” Dean’s hands slide up to cradle his jaw, his entire body swaying forward until their foreheads rest together. “Don’t worry about it, Brother. I handled it and you’re back now. You can belong here this time around.”
Benny’s throat is tight, jaws clenching when he hears the deep sincerity of Dean’s words. He feels guilty as hell for what he did, staying behind when he and Sam could have fought through the ambush of vamps. At the time he didn’t feel like he had another choice. Cowardly as it was, he knew he wouldn’t see Dean again, which meant not seeing the disappointment in his face when he learned Benny wasn’t coming back. He never expected this.
The first press of Dean’s lips on his is soft, unsure. His voice trembles on a whimper before he pressed back desperately into the kiss, totally willing to accept whatever Dean wants to give him or take from him. He owes this man everything. Dean slides his jacket off and makes quick work of his suspenders and undershirt. He shivers when his skin meets the air, slightly chilled despite the warmth from the registers along the floor.
They pull apart so Dean can take his own shirts off, letting them fall to the floor without sparing a glance. The fever of Dean’s body puts the room’s heaters to shame and makes him feel like he’s gonna catch fire. There’s a glint in Dean’s eyes as he works both their belts by touch alone, smirking when their pants fall. Dean backs up and kneels to get them both out of their shoes. Benny feels like he’s running ten miles behind everything, his mind slow to catch onto things and his body even slower to respond. It’s gonna take a while to get used to this human business, but he knows Dean will stand with him the whole way.
♦ ♦ ♦
There are two beds in the room, but they only use one. Both of them are clad in boxers and socks and Benny’s only mildly curious about how Dean so easily guessed his size. The liquor is opened and poured but has yet to be drank and Christmas movies play on the local access channel in an unending block. Benny feels warm, happy, cared for. Dean sits at his side with an arm around his shoulders. It’s the closest he’s felt to anyone in two lifetimes.
It’s somewhere in the middle of Die Hard that Dean turns to him, a small smile on his lips that makes Benny’s heart skip, now that it can. He’s helpless to do anything but be pulled into the kiss that follows that private grin. Dean moans softly against his mouth and moves until he’s straddling Benny’s thighs, one arm hooked around the back of his neck. Benny wraps both of his arms around Dean’s torso, crushing their chests together and making it so their hips are perfectly aligned.
Dean shifts and pushes the line of his cock against Benny’s, moaning around the tongue he’s sucking on. While he didn’t anticipate this when they first sat down side by side, he can’t say he’s really all that surprised. This feels like it was always going to happen. Everything they left unsaid in that far off alleyway is being said here, expressed in the push of their tongues and lips and in the way Dean moves like he wants to ride Benny through the bed. That’s not such a bad idea, but it’s gonna have to wait. He knows he won’t be able to let Dean go long enough to get the prep done.
When he moves to Dean’s neck and bites he almost wants to sob with relief. There’s nothing. No hunger or second set of teeth itching in his gums. He opens his mouth wide and sucks hard, definitely leaving a hickey, but Dean doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest. All Benny tastes is skin and sweat. Any doubt lingering in the back of his mind that this is anything but real is snapped away, leaving nothing but the knowledge that Dean really did yank him back out.
He throws Dean down against the mattress and quickly follows, looming over him like the predator he isn’t anymore. Green eyes and a pretty mouth are all he can see, all of it smiling up at him.
Dean cups the back of his head and reaches into his underwear with the other hand, gripping his dick and pulling it out. “There you are.”
His voice is soft, pouring into Benny’s head and making the pounding of his heart that much more obvious now. The hickey on Dean’s neck is already dark as hell and Benny smirks before diving down to give it a kiss. Dean hums and starts jacking him off, legs floating up until they’re wrapped around Benny’s waist. Benny goes down to his elbows and shoves his hand between them, only to have Dean let go of him and bat it away. He lifts his head to question it, but Dean kisses him and drags light fingers all across his thick shaft.
Every vein is traced, rough calluses dragging along and making Benny groan. They part just enough to breathe, Dean’s other hand flexing against his scalp, rubbing until Benny relaxes above him. “Don’t worry, Brother, we’ll do me after.”
Benny nods and rests his head against Dean’s shoulder, both of his thick forearms bracketing the hunter’s head. Dean grips him firmly again and starts off slower, tugging his cock and massaging the head on every pass. Heat unfurls in his gut, balls hanging heavily and hips giving stilted pushes into the circle of Dean’s fist. The whole while Dean’s other hand rubs the back of his head and all across his upper back, touch heavy and urging his muscles to loosen from battle ready tense and acknowledge the safety around them.
His whole body feels like it’s melting, pleasure soaking his limbs and mind as Dean works him over so damn easily. Normally he’d be suspicious of anyone having this kind of power over him, but this is Dean. He allows himself to let go, mind not filled with anger and the need for revenge or the worry of what happens now. All he lets himself feel and think about is the way Dean smells, his senses so dull that all he smells is Dean’s sweat and soap. Dean’s skin tastes like skin, no undercurrent of blood making him high.
Little whispers fly into his ears, making every twist of Dean’s hand on his cock feel that much better. “Gonna get you set up right this time, Brother, keep my damn eye on you.”
Benny chuckles and groans, turning his head and panting against Dean’s mouth. His dick throbs hard on every pass, muscles of his legs shaking. Dean’s nails bite into the skin at the back of his neck and his hips snap forward, he’s so close to spilling.
“There we go, Brother, c’mon, Ben, come for me.” Dean kisses him, still lightly scratching him.
His new pulse throbs in his cock and all it takes is Dean thumbing under the head for the sparks to catch in his veins, mouth open wide as he moans unrestrained for Dean to swallow. The fine trembling in his legs spreads through his whole body, arms shaky like they’re gonna give out while Dean milks him. Weak, needy sounds fill his throat as he dives into another kiss.
Dean accepts it all, legs tight around his waist and hands steady. While he’s grateful to be human, he isn’t much fond of needing to break his kisses with Dean just to breathe. When he looks down he sees Dean smiling at him fondly, eyes bright and happy. Happier than he thinks he’s ever seen and the fact that he knows he’s put that look there fills a good bit of the ache that’s always kept his chest hollow.
It’s Christmas, Benny is human again and he’s so damn warm, surrounded by tidal wave that is Dean’s fierce love. He takes a deep breath, lungs burning and eyes filling with overdue tears. “Thank you, Brother.”
Dean cups the side of his face and nods. “Promised myself I’d get you out. I keep my promises.”
Benny chuckles and blinks his tears back. “You and that friend thing.”
The smile on Dean’s face falters a bit, eyes flicking down to Benny’s mouth, then back up to his eyes. “Actually it’s, uh, me and that family thing.”
Another slow moment passes between them, the air heavy and hot. It’s Christmas and two warriors have come home.
Dean turns the present around in his hands, making sure the gold and red wrapping paper was as neat as he could possibly make it (which, honestly, wasn’t all that neat.). He knew it would probably just get ripped apart when he gave it to Benny, but he wanted it to be nice. It was sappy but Dean wanted this Christmas to be perfect. It was the first he and Benny were spending together, and honestly, the first that either of them had celebrated in way too long.
Dean sighed, and slipped the present under their tree. The tree wasn’t anything impressive. It was shorter than Dean, with some patches of needles missing, and decked out with decorations from the dollar store down the street, but it was the first tree Dean had had in over thirty years. Even longer for Benny. They’d picked it out together, and they’d decorated it together.
The front door opened, and Dean turned to see Benny stepping in, grocery bags clutched in hand. “Grocery stores are practically empty,” he says, smiling at Dean as he slips into the kitchen of their apartment. Dean follows him to help put up their last minute groceries.
“Knew it would be. It’s what we get for waiting til Christmas eve,” He declares, grabbing the bag of flour and some cans, carrying it to the pantry. “I hope we’ve got enough stuff to make Christmas dinner.”
“Honey, I’ve made Christmas dinner with a helluva a lot less,” Benny retorts, walking up behind him and wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist, kissing him just behind his ear. “Don’t you worry. I was even able to find some stuff to make a salad for your brother.”
“Well, it’s a start,” Benny says, letting go of him to put away the last few groceries. “There weren’t any hams or turkeys left, but I got some ground meat. Think meatloaf would be okay?”
Dean nods, “Yeah. Not really Sam’s thing, but it sounds like the kind of thing Cas would like.”
“That’s what I was thinkin’. Hot wings is the kind of guy who likes some good ol’ comfort food.” Benny balls up to grocery bags and tosses them in the trash. “Now, c’mon. You promised to show me some modern Christmas classics.”
“Modern for you is stuff my dad grew up on,” Dean rolls his eyes, before shrugging his shoulder in a way that said c’mon as he walks into the living room. “I already added Rudolph and How the Grinch Stole Christmas to our Netflix queue,” He said, falling down on the couch and grabbing the remote. Benny stood by the couch, looking down at the Christmas tree. “What is it?”
“Thought we weren’t gonna do gifts, sug?” he says, tilting his head towards the present Dean had put under the tree. Dean looked embarrassed for a moment.
“I know...but I remember mentioning you mentioning how much you wanted this,” Dean explains, leaning over and grabbing the present. “I would have done it anyways, so I figured I’d give it to you now.” He holds it out. “You can open it early, if you want.”
“I didn’t get ya anything,” Benny says, taking the present and turning it over in his hands.
“Would it be corny to say I don’t need a present if I’ve got you?” Dean says, trying to crack a joke. He’s never been very good at this kind of stuff. Benny smiles, leaning down and kissing the top of his head. When he straightens up, he turns the present over to the bottom side, carefully pulling apart the tape and shining paper. He opens up one side and reaches in, pulling out the leather bound book inside. Benny furrows his brow, staring at the cover.
“You got me a photo album?” he asks.
“Open it.” Dean orders. Benny raises an eyebrow but goes along with it, gingerly opening up the photo album to the first page. He stares down at it for a long moment, before looking at Dean.
“Is this...what I think it is?” he asks. Dean nods, patting the couch beside him. Benny sits down beside him, staring back down at the old, sepia toned photograph. It was of a family, four boys ranging from three to twelve, a woman smiling and resting her hands on the eldest two boys’ shoulders, and next to her stood Benny, looking almost exactly like he does now, the smallest boy propped up on his hip.
“I remember you saying how you wish you had pictures of your family and all that,” Dean shrugs. “I...uh, remember when I went to visit Sam a couple of weeks ago?” Benny nods. “I actually went to go see Elizabeth -she's good, by the way. Completely over this whole thing that happened - managed to convince her to let me copy a bunch of old pictures. Didn't ask many questions, though most people I revisit after hunts don't.” Benny is quiet for a long moment, carefully turning each page and looking at each photo as if they were the finest work of art.
Dean chances a look up at Benny, and for a moment he thinks he’s royally fucked up with this idea. Benny is crying. Not a bawling, ugly sob, but just a track of tears rolling down his face and disappearing into his beard. “Thank you,” Benny murmurs, voice just a little broken. “This is the best gift anyone has ever given me.” He wraps an arm around Dean, pulling him close. “Still feel bad that I didn’t get you anything.”
“You’re here every day. You put up with my shit, that’s the best gift I could ever get,” Dean declares. “And, don’t you dare let Sam or Cas know I said that.”
“Oh what? Don’t want them knowing you’re getting soft in your retirement, darlin’?” Benny jokes, squeezing him playfully. He rests his head against Deans.
“I’ve gotta better idea than some kids movies,” Dean says, “Tell me about your family.” Dean motions to the album. Benny adjusts the album on his lap so that Dean can see the pictures.
“My wife, Eliza, she was a pistol…” He starts, pointing to the woman in the picture. Dean settles against Benny, continue to spending the rest of the evening listening to him talk about a life lived long ago.
I am very excited to announce a very deanbenny christmas! we have several very talented writers and artists who will be posting their art to this blog according to this schedule (schedule).
everything will be deanbenny and christmas themed! please spread the word, and keep a lookout for the tag: a very deanbenny christmas for all the lovely fics and artwork that will be posted in the next 7 days.
we could use a couple more artists, if anyone is interested :)
