Dear Distance

A Chronicle of a Long Distance Relationship US to England LDR Dating since 10/05/14 Married 10/21/17 Closed the distance 11/19/18 Main: the-wonder-kitten I follow back on my main blog :)

[awaytotheuk]

I don’t post on here a lot. And I think every post I’ve posted recently has started out like that. But I kinda just need to rant a little bit tonight, I hope that’s okay. I’m not looking for sympathy. Or like, words of encouragement. I’m just here to rant about things...I guess.

Obviously 2020 is a shit show. I’ve been trying to have a baby for a year, that’s been stressful. And more and more, as much as a dumpster fire that my home country is right now. I just want to be there.

I thought this was my new home. But it isn’t. I don’t know if it ever will be. I don’t know if I want to give it a chance to be? I wanted it to be home but my home was a person as cliché and gross as that sounds. But everything I am is just screaming to go back.

I feel immense guilt when I think about all we have been through to get me here, and then just wanting to go back. I romanticized the shit out of living here and it’s just not what my soul needs. It’s a personal thing. Nothing against England. Hell there’s a lot of things I love about this country. A lot.

I don’t feel like my soul belongs here. I know I’ve only been here for almost 2 years and a lot of people wouldn’t say that’s long enough. There aren’t any immediate plans to go back to the states. So I’ll be here for a while. But my heart and my soul tell me this isn’t my permanent place. This isn’t where I will thrive. But I’ll be here for a while and we have come to terms with that. We being my entire being; heart, body, soul. We just have to wait.

So think I’m stupid or crazy or just not giving it enough time. Think whatever you’d like. This is how I feel.

[awaytotheuk]

I really suck at Updates.

Honestly though, not much has happened since my last life update.

The most exciting thing is that Rob and I are trying to have a baby. Which at the moment seems to be a lot more work than we thought. It’s been almost a year and no such luck. We keep trying though.

Rob enjoys his job at Amazon, and I’m still at the pet store. We just go day by day. Next summer we have to apply for my next visa so we are currently saving up for that. I don’t really use Tumblr as much as I thought I would when I started this blog.

Ontop of trying to have a baby my mental health hasn’t been all that good. So I don’t really post any original content. I come to tumblr to kind of mind dump, when I’m disassociating. When I’m just in mental limbo.

I post to my Instagram frequently, although it’s mainly just selfies 😂 if you want to follow me, go for it. My user name is wonder_kitten.

I’m really sorry this update is really boring. I just don’t have a very exciting life 😂😂

[awaytotheuk]

It is OCTOBER

My, my how times flies. So basically the only things new:

Rob has a new job (not sure if I actually posted about that yet) that he really likes, and has room to climb the ladder which he plans on doing

and

We tried to make a baby but it didn’t happen. I wasn’t surprised that it didn’t happen but I really wanted it to. So we are going to keep trying until it does happen. I’ve been pretty obsessed over the fact that it didn’t happen this past week, and I keep seeing pregnant people everywhere now. And my anxiety has been a massive bitch about it because sometimes I’ll think “well maybe I can’t have kids because this should have worked!” But then I have to remind myself that it doesn’t always happen the first few times and it was only a few times that we tried. I have a colleague who told me it took her three months of trying and I also know people who tried for years. So basically it’ll happen when it happens and my anxiety can stfu.

We’ve had the last week off and it’s been glorious, I really don’t want to have to go back to work but the bills don’t pay themselves around here!

[awaytotheuk]

💗💗💗💗💗💗💞💞

☺️❤️

[awaytotheuk]

We got our pictures done recently! These are two of my favorites 😍

[awaytotheuk]

Highlights

Hello friends! I haven’t posted because...many reasons:

1. I work...a lot.

2. I haven’t been on tumblr in so long it’s basically a new planet for me.

3. I kinda forgot about this blog which I promised I never would which makes me a horrible liar.

In conclusion this is why I’ll never be internet famous because my content is trash.

Basically here are some highlights from my UK life (I like lists!):

1. Rob got a new job. He starts Friday, I am terrified and hope it goes well because it meets the financial requirement without my job added in or forcing him to work over 40 hours a week. So basically when I comes time to apply for my second visa, we good on the financial requirement side.

2. We are waiting now until next year to get pregnant. The company I work for doesn’t do paid maternity leave until you’ve worked there for a year+ so until March we won’t be trying for anything. If it happens, it happens we won’t be devastated. But we’ve made it almost 9 months with only one month I had to take a pregnancy test so I’d say we are pretty good at not getting pregnant.

3. I am really homesick. I wake up every morning wishing we could move to the states. I feel like this is normal for an immigrant.

4. I have been sick at least once every month since I’ve moved here. I just got over a chest infection, and I’ve had a cold every single month. The winter months I could understand, but this spring and summer sickness is totally shit.

5. I really don’t have anything to put for this number because that’s about it for highlights. I’ve made some friends but they are basically just my coworkers, which is totally cool but I haven’t hung out with anyone one on one besides Rob since I moved. I really miss my best friend.

That’s it for now my friends. I hope you are all doing well ❤️❤️

[awaytotheuk]

What am I up to these days.

Working. Constantly. Rob and I are always at work! Which is good but at the same time I’m already burnt out and I’ve only been there for 2 months.

Been thinking a lot about careers. I do enjoy my job but I don’t see myself being there for a long time. I want a career. Something I can settle into. Something a bit slower paced.

Things are good, though. I’m starting to feel like England is more and more like home. It’s always felt like a home to me, but now it’s feeling like home.

We have been planning and talking about when we want to start our family. In a few months we are going to kind of start trying, that way if I do get pregnant I’ll be able to get full maternity leave from work 😂 ALWAYS have to consider that.

I’m scared of the whole process, really. The baby having process. I’m scared of all the extra steps we will have to take because I’m american and also all the extra steps we need to take when it comes to my visa extension.

It’s still 2 years away but it makes me paranoid! I constantly think about all the things we need to get sorted. Trying to add my name onto bills that are already established is a lot harder than I expected.

Anyways that’s a small update. I’m exhausted so it’s time for bed ❤️

[awaytotheuk]

Random Update!

I’ve gotten so shit at updates, y’all I am sorry.

I got a job! It’s retail, I work WAY more hours than I’m supposed to, I like the job itself just not how much I’m working, and my feet are killing me.

I know, I know, I know. “It’s a job! You’re making money! You should be happy!” Yeah I am. But my feet shouldn’t be suffering like this. Oh well right? Just keep pushing on?

Ah well, it is what it is. Just thankful I had today off and tomorrow off. I’ll be happy when I get my next paycheck.

There really isn’t anything new besides that. In two weeks I have to be fitted with a 24 hour blood pressure monitor because my BP is always high and they want to see why. I’m fat, that’s why but eh whatever they wanna do, I’m going to let them do it.

Rob is good, he’s working, I’m working, we are hardly ever home at the same time 👍🏻 but that’s life.

I miss my family so much. My mom is struggling to cope without me. She does have my uncle living with her though and he’s decided to clean up his house and move in with my mom for good so that will be good for the both of him. He’s been happier since he moved in for the winter and she won’t be alone which is a very good thing. I just miss seeing her every day. I wish I could have my husband and my mom but we can’t all get what we want.

So hardly any news is good news right? ❤️

[awaytotheuk]

these days

I’ve been desperate to find a job lately. I’m getting tired of the same thing day in and day out. And my poor husband just wants to relax on his day off. He’s supposed to have two days off a week but lately a lot of his coworkers have been taking holidays and apparently he’s the only one that can cover shifts so he’s been doing a lot of six day weeks. Which is putting a strain on a lot of things.

But, my hard work is starting to pay off. I had a phone interview today, and the recruiter liked me so much I have an inperson interview on Friday. It isn’t anything special and it is part time but it’s better than no job at all. I’m praying my heart out that I do well at this interview. We need the extra income very badly.

I’ve started taking pills to help me lose weight. I am at my wits end, so this was my next option. They’ve helped, but now I’ve hit a sort of plateau. Last week I didn’t lose any weight, but I also didn’t gain any either. So that’s a better outcome for the week than gaining anything back. Still makes me sad and disappointed a little bit, even though I keep trying to reassure myself.

I’ve just been a bag of emotions lately. I miss my family and friends so badly. And my cat. I’d give anything to give my cat a giant cuddle. I wish I could convey to him that I didn’t just abandon him for no reason. I know he’s just a cat, but he’s my cat.

I’ve also been exhausted. I sleep so often during the day but I can’t sleep at night. I realize it’s because I sleep during the day, and I’m struggling to get my sleep pattern back to some semblance of normal.

I pray that I get this job. It isn’t many hours but maybe it will get me back to feeling more like myself.

[awaytotheuk]

Wowie

So I know I haven’t posted in a loooong time. And it’s just basically from lack of anything interesting happening in my life Lololol

Recently I’ve been going to the doctors a lot just to get a record going. I (most likely) have high blood pressure, because of my weight, so I get to be fitted with a 24 hour monitor soon. And then on Monday I will be meeting with my GP to discuss weight loss things. Fully expecting to be told what is good to eat, what isn’t, and that I need to exercise, so I am 100% prepared to hear all of that. Again. But at least I’m trying, Hahahaha right?!

Another super interesting thing happening in my life is our sofa saga. We ordered a wonderful sofa from a company here because it was on sale and since we only have a one bedroom flat we don’t have much seating in our living room so we got this decent sized corner sofa. Well the day came for it to arrive and, luckily it comes in pieces already, and the delivery guys try to bring the bigger piece in first and it doesn’t fit through the front door. Rob and I went into full panic mode because they can’t bring the damn thing into our house, and it’s on finance so we can’t just take the other pieces and figure out what to do with the big piece, plus that would look like crap. So they had to take it back to their distribution centre.

The good news is, they have a company who dismantles the items and puts them back together in our house. The bad news is we have to pay for this to happen. Which is all set up. So hopefully we will finally have a sofa next week. Currently we have no sofa since we got rid of our crappy old one in anticipation of the new one.

See how exciting my life is?! Lolololol

I do have an appointment in a couple of weeks to get my National Insurance Number so when I finally find a job (still haven’t yet...yaaay...) I’ll be in the right tax bracket. So I guess everything is going as well as it can.

I’m super home sick, I miss my mom and my best friend so much. Miss my cats more than I can even express, but we are happy. Trying to get on this normal life train everyone else seems to be on.

That’s an update! Sorry to any of my followers that were wondering if anything super exciting has happened. ❤️❤️❤️

[the-wonder-kitten]

I need a fucking job.

I feel 10000000000% useless.

[awaytotheuk]

I really only need something for like two days a week right now tbh.

[drinkspill-deactivated20210201]

2017 better be nice to my mom

[drinkspill-deactivated20210201]

2018 better be nice to my mom

[drinkspill-deactivated20210201]

2019 better be nice to my mom

[awaytotheuk]

I reblog this every year and if the year doesn’t start listening I’m gunna LOSE IT.

[awaytotheuk]

I never thought I’d feel so lost here. Previously on my other visits I felt right at home. I felt like I belonged here. I still do, but at the same time I do feel very much out of place. I have gotten better since I first arrived. Today was the first day I actually went out and did stuff without my husband. Granted I was with my mother in law, but I still went about town without him. Also I went to the shop to get electric on my own so that was good. The cashier was excited because I could tell he had been wanting to talk to me since I’ve been here, but I’m always with Rob so he probably feels like he can’t say anything lol he asked me a bunch of stuff about being from America.

I still get quite flabbergasted when people are visibly excited about me being American. Now I know how Rob feels when we are back in the States and people gush about his accent.

Anyways I am very stressed out about the prospects of job hunting. Back home I never struggled to find a job because I always had interviews to places I applied to, or I had friends who could get me a job. This time it’s a bit hard. I WILL NOT work at Dominoes with Rob. Nope. But there’s a new hotel opening in town and they are posting for housekeepers so I’m thinking I’m going to apply and hope for the best. I have plenty of experience in housekeeping.

Also I’m getting set up with a doctor in two weeks. Excited about yet another medical professional telling me I’m over weight and then not helping me understand why I can’t lose weight even though I do try, quite hard actually. So that’ll be fun.

So all-in-all I suppose this is just quite normal for anyone who moves to a new area. I’ve never left my moms house until I moved here.

I’m feeling quite down on myself in that I didn’t further my education after I got my associates degree. I feel like all the knowledge I once felt I had has just all gone. At one point in my life I felt that I was quite smart but now...I feel like a total moron.

So those are the things I’ve been going through. Just normal things.

I hope everyone had great holiday season! And I hope 2019 brings you everything you’ve been working your ass off to achieve ❤️

[awaytotheuk]

Sorry I’ve been so quiet on here now that I’m in the UK.

I’ve got a lot of things I still need to do. Like get a bank account and sign up with a GP. Also gotta get a NI so I can try and find a job. Which is incredibly daunting because I’m scared shitless to work over here.

Hopefully I can find a place that will give me a chance, even for a couple of weeks to get my foot in the door. I probably won’t start looking very closely until the new year to avoid any tax issues for this year.

I just dunno.

I’m in a funk. I thought that everything would be wonderful, but I was wrong.

Don’t get me wrong! I love being here. I love being with my husband and my family over here. But I’m overwhelmed and scared. I’ve never had to get a job over here so that’s my main issue. I feel like I’m a free loader and I hate that.

[the-wonder-kitten]

Next stop: Philly. Where I get to sit around for 2 hours. . . . . . #goinhome #philadelphia #flying #americanairlines #travel #longday #ukbound https://www.instagram.com/p/BqVj9wSnJgI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15zi3d68bc09q

[awaytotheuk]

Its moving day! Say a prayer all my flights leave and arrive on time and that my bag doesn’t get lost. Seriously...pray for me because that is my biggest fear right now 😭

[awaytotheuk]

Y’all please pray that none of my flights get delayed tomorrow. Please pray that everything goes exactly to plan. 🙄 stresssing.

[awaytotheuk]

Tomorrow is my last full day here.

It’s been real Michigan but I gotta bounce.

I’ve lived in the same house since I was like 3...

So for like a good 24 years...

Wowies.