AWINTERSWOLF is an independent, mutually exclusive writing blog for GRRM's Cregan Stark. Book based, with heavy HOTD and headcanon influences. +18 only. side blog to swordskill.
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AWINTERSWOLF is an independent, mutually exclusive writing blog for GRRM's Cregan Stark. Book based, with heavy HOTD and headcanon influences. +18 only. side blog to swordskill.
CARRD.
icon and edit by the lovely jacaeryse!
i hate cregan i hate him so much this guy cannot talk about his feelings even if you put a gun to his head
His prince’s smile was as deadly as poison. As potent as acid, all it did was melt and gnaw on his resolve. Jacaerys’s affections were a hungry wolf and all it had done in the last few moons of his presence was lick clean the resistance that still clung to his bones. Cregan was a man unmoving, and a word many men would grasp for when describing the wolf of the North was resilient. Not even his late lady wife, Arra, had undone him so. It was not to say Cregan did not hold some love for her, then and even now, but his affections had been restrained to those one may hold towards a friend. He cared for her, as deeply as a man could, yet she roused little in him. Their union and his son was one marked by a certain duty, and Cregan had always been a man of duty, even as a whelp. And yet his feelings of duty had begun to wean. Was it not a sin to feel such things? Perhaps so, many would declare such a thing, and boldly too. Cregan held the Old Gods close to his heart, as befitted a Northman, and yet he could not bring himself to part with his base emotions. The Old Gods had never materialized before him, had never caused a spur in his heart or lit a flame in his belly that refused to extinguish no matter how much he tried to smother it. Yet Jacaerys had. The prince had been nothing but steadfast since his wretched beast had first landed in his courtyard.
It was angering, almost. Jacaerys did him as easily as if he were unwinding a thread from a spool of wool, and it warred Cregan's thoughts. Perhaps it was purposeful. Royals liked to play their games, and no matter how desperately he may like to think otherwise, love had not brought Jacaerys to the North. War had brought him here, and Cregan and his men merely served as a step for the Queen to tread upon so she may reach her throne. A large step, but a step nonetheless. It caused a strange twinge within his chest whenever he thought of it in that light. Had the Usurper not seized the throne, Cregan would have never seen Jacaerys’s face. That made him uncomfortable, that perhaps the relationship he had cultivated may not have even existed, had things been just slightly different. And yet a strangely hopeful side of him wondered if, just maybe, this behavior that Jacaerys presented to him was not so purposeful. Perhaps it was real. It felt real. Felt so real, that Cregan could reach out to touch him and he was assured that he would not pull away. He hoped he would not pull away. Cregan did not dream often, and yet lately, his were filled with visions of soft touches and murmurs of things he could not hear, but comforted him nonetheless. Some nights, he thought he may be dreaming of Arra, but most nights he was positive it was Jacaerys he dreamt of. No woman nor man he knew had eyes so gentle nor hair so dark, and damn his gentle eyes. Damn him, and whatever game he played, if any at all.
Cregan could see his lips moving whilst he talked, but whatever words he spoke fell on deaf ears. His voice was little more than a distant hum, a delicate lullaby that would have made him sleepy, had he not been so unpleasantly hot and flustered beneath his eyes. Cregan had taken a hope-filled note that Jacaerys hadn’t touched a drop of ale, but the torchlight gave a gleam to his eyes that suggested he may be drunk on the thrill. And yet, Cregan did not feel thrilled. What settled in his belly was hardly a thrill or even lust, but something akin to… confusion. He ought not be doing such a thing, cozying up with a prince before his people. He ought not be doing these things or feeling these things, but he could not help it. Gods, he simply could not help that Jacaerys set his heart ablaze. Jacaerys even had the gall to touch him. It was not a touch meant to be shared between men, yet he did it anyway. He laid his hand onto his chest, chest above the rapid stuttering and throbbing of his heart. A startled, strangled sound began in his throat, and only sinking his teeth into the soft, velvety flesh of his inner cheek stopped it. He could hardly think of his actions before he was moving, settling his own hand above the prince's hand, fingers twitching as if he wished to lace together their fingers. “Not likely.” He replied, and his voice sounded strange and breathless to his ears. “Yet I may be inclined to bite.” His throat went dry and tight at his own words, and he found himself inclining his head towards Jacaerys, exhaling forcefully through his nose like the breath of a dragon.
"It's unbecoming to tease a prince." Jace replies, watching as Cregan settles one of his large paws over his own. They fit perfectly together. Two broken pieces joined together once more. "If you don't bite I'll be compelled to do so, and dragons can be quite ferocious." Jacaerys didn't know that he would be able to stop if he indulged himself. He had spent his entire life restrained, weighted down by his duty as heir to the throne. Courting Cregan Stark had been of his own volition, and the prince desperately wanted to consummate their budding relationship. With the wolf looming over him, Jace bravely stepped forward into still unknown territory. It infuriates the prince that he has to step on the very tips of his toes to even try to kiss Cregan. He licks over his lips, shuts his eyes, and anticipates what would be his very first kiss. If only Cerwyn hadn't called out to Cregan below. Over the music he can hear the man stomping upstairs to gather his lord and their prince. Jace stumbles backward, face flushed with color and embarrassment. Not that they had almost been caught, but that he had thrown himself so willingly to Cregan. "Aye. What's taking you two?" Cerwyn stood at the top of the stairs, looking over the pair who looked absolutely mortified. Jace falls back into his princely air quickly. It was as if he hadn't been willing to risk it all for just a taste of Cregan moments before. "I had misplaced my sword. Cregan was helping me find it." He comes up with a quick excuse that he knows Cerwyn won't question. "Now lead the way, ser." Jace follows after the man, giving a smile of acknowledgement to Cregan who would no doubt have to gather his wits. Jace had discovered that the northern lord was a lot more sensitive than he let on. Being nearly discovered by Cerwyn of all people would have shaken Cregan to his core. Downstairs Jace fell into the revelry without skipping a beat. He joined in on a dance, that required switching partners often. When he spots Cregan he tugs the man onto the dancefloor, refusing any objections. The bards sang loudly, strumming their lyres, and beating their drums while the crown prince dance amongst his people. Jace's attention didn't stray from Cregan from long. Even while a pretty maiden twirled with him, he thought of the northern lord. They would catch each other's eyes while dancing with another, and Jace silently promised that he would return to Cregan in time. Hours passed, and finally the inn was quiet. Several wolves were asleep at the bar, while others had taken to bedrooms and to their own homes. Jace, on the other hand, stood outside of Cregan Stark's room. He opened the door slowly as to not make noise before stepping into the dark. "My Lord?" Jace calls out into the gloom, stepping out of his shoes so that he can climb upon his bed. There is a massive shape on the bed, one he can only assume is his wolf. "Going to bed already? I'm sorry if I wore you out." Jace teases, settling a hand upon Cregan's shoulder. His mouth is dry, knowing what will happen well into the early hours of the morning. "But if you'll indulge me, ser. I would very much like to be held by you."
Unbecoming. A fitting word, he admitted to that fact begrudgingly, and yet Jacaerys had no right to chastise him for teasing. That was all the prince had done to him since he had first climbed from that wretched, fire-breathing beast of his, smoke wrought around its horns whilst the prince made demands of him as if he held the leash of the wolf. He does now, a more willing part of him whispered. Internally, he strangled that thought till it fizzled out and died, as it ought to. In the beginning, the teasing had been scarcely more than amusing to Cregan. He was never the type of man to enjoy games, and that was what he had reduced Jacaerys and his behavior to. Games. Games played by a delicate, hot-blooded prince who knew nothing of him, his people, or what a single shred of hardship looked like. Cregan still clung to his virtue with a grip so tight it ought to hurt his fingers, and he had to wonder when it had begun to ebb away. Perhaps the virtue had faded the moment Jacaerys came to Winterfell, his skin smelling of smoke and dragon, his hair swept and pulled by the wind, his eyes dark with a determination that Cregan was forced to respect. Maybe the virtue had weaned when they had first gone hunting together. The young lord had made quite a skilled shot, embedding his arrow clean through the eye of an impressive buck, and Jacaerys had praised him for it. He could recall it as clearly as if it had been a mere moment ago. The prince had appraised his shot, and had rested his hand upon his bicep. His touch had been light, but the weight of it was like lead. He could almost still feel the touch, engrained into his very flesh. Once more was Cregan forced to realize how easily Jacaerys undid him, and he swallowed back the bitterness of the consideration that, perhaps, his virtue had never been there to begin with.
“I would like to see that ferocity.” He heard himself saying, his voice a low, cool husk. His grip tightened, squeezing Jacaerys’s fingers harder than intended. His eyes drag down the litheness of his body, settling on his feet, and how he has to stand on the tips of his toes to be able to reach his face. He had not noticed the stark height differences between them, and yet it made his throat go dry and his belly feel as if someone had lit a fire inside of him. He watched with a hungering intensity as Jacaerys ran the muscle of his tongue over the points of his canines, licking over his lips. If Jacaerys had tried such a daring move even a mere few weeks before, the outcome would have been led down a much different, more defensive path. But Cregan could not find it within himself to act that way. Maybe the man he thought he had been was gone, burned up to a cinder in the prince’s heat. His body moved without accord, tilting his head downward in a manner that made the muscles in his neck sore, but the soreness was a mere afterthought. Their noses touched, just barely, before they were rudely interrupted. He felt his face swelter with heat as he pulled back his head, shoving Jacaerys’s hand down his chest, feeling a tremor run up his spine as his fingers just hardly grazed the firmness of his stomach beneath the layers of his clothing.
For once, Cregan was grateful for Jacaerys’s ever-running mouth, as all Cregan could do was gape and flush like a maid. For a man that Cregan deemed one of his closest friends, Cerwyn surely had hellish timing, something he would brood over for the rest of the night, to the lord's displeasure. He forced his face into a stern mask, furrowing his brows at the suspiciously cheeky smile that Jacaerys dared to give him whilst he trailed behind Cerwyn as they descended back down the stairs. For a moment, all Cregan could do was stand in the hallway and process the madness of what had just happened, before roughly dragging a hand over his flushed face and trailing behind them. Jacaerys seemed to like to tease him, as he dragged him into a torturously handsy dance, and even whilst he danced with a woman for a short moment, fair of face as she may have been, he traitorously felt nothing. Not even a stirring, as other men may have felt. It frightened him, but he would not allow himself to be frightened of a foolish thing such as feelings.
The night offered Cregan solitude, but no answers to the questions that swirled freely about in his head. The hour grew late, the moon glowing ghostly white in the black ink of the sky, and all he could do was stare out of the window and ponder. Pondering on everything. On him, on Jacaerys, on his late wife who he had believed he loved. He had loved her, perhaps once. Perhaps it was love of a different breed. He sat on the edge of his bed, cloak grasped in his hands, boots unlaced, gloves tossed unceremoniously to the side somewhere, tunic untucked and unlaced, allowing the cool air of the night to kiss at his skin. His teeth ground together as the door opened, the hinges whining with age and wear. He turned his head, eyeing Jacaerys through the thick of the night. He could not see him, but the moonlight allowed him to see the dark blotch of his form in the darkness. His heart leapt up into his throat as the prince climbed into his bed, settling his hand onto his shoulder. Cregan forced out an exhale, the sound shaky as it escaped his lips. His hands fisted in the material of his pants, thinking. Debating. This was wrong, and inappropriate of both of them, yet it had been so long since he had shared his bed, since he had truly held anyone. And once more, he caved to the prince, bowing to his every ask and demand. “As you wish.” He replied, forcing his words into a low whisper as he allowed his arm to slide along Jacaerys’s torso, settling hesitantly onto his hip.
All this fault fell on the shoulders of Jacaerys, not that Cregan would ever allow himself to bare his deeper feelings to him. Not that Cregan thought the prince unworthy of knowing, he could hardly admit to himself that it was the opposite of that. It was a strange sense of… fear. A thought that would have caused him to laugh a mere few moons before, but it was now his startling, new reality. His new reality of longing. Longing for someone he could not have, or perhaps he could have Jacaerys, but never truly. An affair of that nature would never be looked upon with a kind eye, and Cregan knew that, and had known that for weeks. No matter how much Cregan liked to imagine him otherwise, he was not such a dolt that he could forget that Jacaerys was a man. Prince of Dragonstone. Prince or princess, what royal would abandon their crown in favor of some icy, stern Northern lord? Not one with their wits about them, surely, and Jacaerys had a steady head on his shoulders with a deep sense of purpose that even he could admire. Admire, albeit quietly. Whatever gods had played their hand in his creation must have looked down upon and found some twisted, sickening amusement in making this way. Cregan would always have a tender spot in his heart for the Norrey girl, his late wife, his late friend, but her memory was but a whisper now. Some nights, when the day had tired him and worn him down to his bones, he could almost see a sliver of Arra in Jacaerys. The eyes, perhaps. Maybe the smile. The tenderness was the emotion he thought most likely.
If only Jacaerys could know how deeply and terribly he undid him. Cregan’s resolve was little more than a spool of yarn, and every night and every day was another thread pulled loose, more of his restraint pulled impossibly thin. So thin, it had begun to fray and twist at its edges. Cregan had, for the better part of his life, been surrounded by other men. Men his age, men his seniors and men his juniors. Maesters and soldiers, bannermen who were once sworn to his father, now sworn to him. He had known many men in his life, yet none had made him feel quite so soft and taken aback as Jacaerys did. At first, he had blamed the tenderness on their friendship. On the camaraderie that he had not wished for, but the prince and his constant company had caused anyways. He had thought that he had allowed himself to soften, that the close contact of one he called friend had stiffed Lord Stark and instead brought out the man beneath the lordly facade. In the beginning, perhaps that had been the case. Yet Cregan had never thought of any friends in the light he thought of Jacaerys. He had never once pondered about the softness of their skin, if his sun-kissed flesh bruised as easily as he may have hoped. If he would blush and shy from him like a delicate maid, or if he would look him in the eye like a man might. Cregan had never looked upon his friends and desired to make any of them his lady. Perhaps the solitude had finally begun to fray and rot his typically steady mind. Perhaps he missed his dear Arra more than he allowed himself to admit. He did miss her, in certain aspects. And yet, what was the mere ghost of a girl in comparison to a living man who could see through the lord to the man beneath?
Nothing. He tried to think, his self-reassurance feeling as weak and flimsy as straw. It is nothing. Perhaps before. Once, it had been nothing. But he did not feel nothing anymore, he felt everything. Jacaerys continued to stroke his thumb against his wrist, his touch bordering on intimate. His fingers were warm, but Cregan felt nothing but heat. Heat that spread across his cheeks like a splatter of blood, that tinged the tips of his ears and seeped all the way to his Adam’s apple. Perhaps if Cregan was less composed, if a few tankards of ale had loosened him up, he would have gripped the back of Jacaerys’s neck. He would have liked to scruff his neck as if he were some misbehaving pup, he would like to see the look of astonishment on his face. Perhaps he would nick at his throat with the point of his canine tooth, or perhaps he would just smash their lips together to see if his lips were as soft as they appeared. The fantasy made his breath catch, and the hitch in his throat made his fingers twitch. Without hardly looking or feeling, his index finger shifted, scarcely brushing their fingers together. The touch was as gentle and fleeting as a summer snow, but it burned all the same. “It would be impolite to cast out a prince.” He reasoned gruffly, though his heart was once again set ablaze with every word he spoke.
The smile that was offered to him was shy, but no less… cute? Cregan could hardly find the word for it, he was too busy watching every movement being made. The lanternlight made the deep, rich hues of his irises look like amber. Or honey, perhaps. If he looked hard enough, he swore he could see tiny flecks of gold. Perhaps he would allow Cregan close enough to see. The skin of his wrist felt cold as ice once Jacaerys pulled away, and if they were alone, Cregan surely would have taken hold of his hand. “If you had overstayed, you would have been halfway to Dragonstone by now, prince.” He husked out, a strangely reassuring statement from a man typically described as cold and formidable. In an awkwardly boyish manner, Cregan tipped his head ever so slightly to the side, a single streak of dark, chestnut brown hair falling across his brow. “I would like to see you try harder.” He murmured quietly, leaning ever so slightly forward so Jacaerys may be the only one to hear the severity of his words. This close, he could smell him. Something that Cregan could only describe as a salty seabreeze mixed with the essence of flowers. A stray thought made him question if his scent would be as strong if he could nestle his nose into his hair or in the crook of his neck.
"It would be very improper." Jace agrees, a smile playing on his lips. Do it, Cregan. Cast me out so that I might never return. Before I do something we both regret. Jace wouldn't need the help of ale to act upon his whims. He was restrained by gilded chains, forever forced to play the pristine and perfect crown prince. Being so far away from Dragonstone, outside of the shadow of the brewing war, Jace was compelled to act boldly. Even if the act of rebellion was as small as taking Cregan by the wrist, Jace felt more alive than he ever had in his entire life. When Cregan returns the touch, it takes all of the prince's strength to not become a puddle upon the floor.
Jace's own fingers twitch, compelled to take the hand that was so close to holding his own. How much large would Cregan's hand be than his own? Everything about the wolf was absolutely singular. He towered over the crown prince in terms of stature, and could command a legion of wolves with a booming voice. Jace had heard Cregan issue orders in that northern accent in a way that made him weak in the knees. He was blushing now. Jace could feel the pink color staining his cheeks and flushing all the way to his ears. He hoped it wouldn't be noticeable in the candlelit glow of the inn.
He lets out a huff, " I've a feeling you wouldn't put up with bratty princes. How fortunate are you that I am nothing of the sort. " Jace responds, mouth going dry as Cregan tips his head down at him. Gods. He was handsome. If Jace had been taller he might have been able to meet Cregan's gaze head on . Instead he had to crane his neck upward to marvel at the winter wolf. The act was humiliating in the best of ways. One day he would rule the entirety of the seven kingdoms, yet the gods had decided to make him so slight. Cregan had the build that a proper king should have. Tall, muscular, and sure of himself. Jace had the build of a Targaryen, and that should have been enough. He was much prettier than Alicent's brood and couldn't deny that his body was perfect in its own right.
" Careful, Cregan. You'll bite off more than you can chew. " Jace settles a hand upon the man's chest, just over his heart. He can feel the soft rhythm of the man's heartbeat beneath, and the sensation comforts Jace. This was bold. Too bold from the subtle glances and fleeting touches that they had both employed thus far. But Jace needed to know that Cregan shared his interest. The wolf could have just been playing the part of a polite host, indulging Jace no matter what his indulgences were. " Unless you don't mind having a mouthful. I certainly wouldn't. " And Jace was going to lay it on thick. If Daemon Targaryen had taught him anything it was to act with absolute certainty and deal with the reprocussions later.
His prince’s smile was as deadly as poison. As potent as acid, all it did was melt and gnaw on his resolve. Jacaerys’s affections were a hungry wolf and all it had done in the last few moons of his presence was lick clean the resistance that still clung to his bones. Cregan was a man unmoving, and a word many men would grasp for when describing the wolf of the North was resilient. Not even his late lady wife, Arra, had undone him so. It was not to say Cregan did not hold some love for her, then and even now, but his affections had been restrained to those one may hold towards a friend. He cared for her, as deeply as a man could, yet she roused little in him. Their union and his son was one marked by a certain duty, and Cregan had always been a man of duty, even as a whelp. And yet his feelings of duty had begun to wean. Was it not a sin to feel such things? Perhaps so, many would declare such a thing, and boldly too. Cregan held the Old Gods close to his heart, as befitted a Northman, and yet he could not bring himself to part with his base emotions. The Old Gods had never materialized before him, had never caused a spur in his heart or lit a flame in his belly that refused to extinguish no matter how much he tried to smother it. Yet Jacaerys had. The prince had been nothing but steadfast since his wretched beast had first landed in his courtyard.
It was angering, almost. Jacaerys did him as easily as if he were unwinding a thread from a spool of wool, and it warred Cregan's thoughts. Perhaps it was purposeful. Royals liked to play their games, and no matter how desperately he may like to think otherwise, love had not brought Jacaerys to the North. War had brought him here, and Cregan and his men merely served as a step for the Queen to tread upon so she may reach her throne. A large step, but a step nonetheless. It caused a strange twinge within his chest whenever he thought of it in that light. Had the Usurper not seized the throne, Cregan would have never seen Jacaerys’s face. That made him uncomfortable, that perhaps the relationship he had cultivated may not have even existed, had things been just slightly different. And yet a strangely hopeful side of him wondered if, just maybe, this behavior that Jacaerys presented to him was not so purposeful. Perhaps it was real. It felt real. Felt so real, that Cregan could reach out to touch him and he was assured that he would not pull away. He hoped he would not pull away. Cregan did not dream often, and yet lately, his were filled with visions of soft touches and murmurs of things he could not hear, but comforted him nonetheless. Some nights, he thought he may be dreaming of Arra, but most nights he was positive it was Jacaerys he dreamt of. No woman nor man he knew had eyes so gentle nor hair so dark, and damn his gentle eyes. Damn him, and whatever game he played, if any at all.
Cregan could see his lips moving whilst he talked, but whatever words he spoke fell on deaf ears. His voice was little more than a distant hum, a delicate lullaby that would have made him sleepy, had he not been so unpleasantly hot and flustered beneath his eyes. Cregan had taken a hope-filled note that Jacaerys hadn’t touched a drop of ale, but the torchlight gave a gleam to his eyes that suggested he may be drunk on the thrill. And yet, Cregan did not feel thrilled. What settled in his belly was hardly a thrill or even lust, but something akin to… confusion. He ought not be doing such a thing, cozying up with a prince before his people. He ought not be doing these things or feeling these things, but he could not help it. Gods, he simply could not help that Jacaerys set his heart ablaze. Jacaerys even had the gall to touch him. It was not a touch meant to be shared between men, yet he did it anyway. He laid his hand onto his chest, chest above the rapid stuttering and throbbing of his heart. A startled, strangled sound began in his throat, and only sinking his teeth into the soft, velvety flesh of his inner cheek stopped it. He could hardly think of his actions before he was moving, settling his own hand above the prince's hand, fingers twitching as if he wished to lace together their fingers. “Not likely.” He replied, and his voice sounded strange and breathless to his ears. “Yet I may be inclined to bite.” His throat went dry and tight at his own words, and he found himself inclining his head towards Jacaerys, exhaling forcefully through his nose like the breath of a dragon.
The North did not often see princes, it saw heirs to thrones that laid leagues away even less. Even lesser did princes charm a lord reputed as formidably stern as Cregan. Charmed. Cregan had grown to dislike that word. It implied softness, that his heart was easily opened by a mere set of calculated words that came from a smooth, silver-tongue. Cregan had reputations to uphold. Reputations that he was not cruel, but instead stern and closed off. The Wolf of Winterfell opened his heart to few, and prince Jacaerys had been one of many to be barred from the tenderness that lay beneath his ice, and yet he begrudgingly found himself being charmed. When had the politeness ebbed into friendship? Into camaraderie? Into something else he dare not put a name to? A gradual decline, he would like to believe, for none would believe that Cregan Stark had grown lonely. Lonely in a way that he kept to himself, tightly held and refusing to allow anyone else see it. He was not a man who desired for glory, grandiosity or gold, yet his desire for a true friend was the only thing just beyond his grasp. Jacaerys, however, was within his grasp. The way his prince behaved, he wondered if perhaps the prince was all too eagerly in his grasp.
Their friendship was unlikely, but that made it no less strong. The North was well known as being a reserved region. The South could play its games and have its scandals, for Cregan always believed the North was best when it held its own. Jacaerys was, admittedly, not the type of man Cregan would normally seek companionship in. When he had first come to his gates, sliding from the back of his dragon with all the grace of a cat, he had almost immediately decided that their meetings would be curt. He had no interest in whatever wars were fought over a chair, and he had held even less care for whatever pampered, perfumed princes that were sent to woo him. These people knew nothing of him. Of his people, his religion, his mere way of life. He could not fathom why good men should march off and die for dragonlords, why any man should. He had half a mind to scruff the back of Jacaerys’s neck and send him sprawling in the snow, to send him back to Dragonstone, or whatever sweltering hellhole he had come from. Cregan was intelligent to know what consequences would come from laying his hands upon a prince, but he was now haunted by the wish to lay his hands upon Jacaerys in other ways.
Other ways he would not acknowledge. Could not acknowledge. He could not, and neither could Jacaerys. If Cregan recalled correctly, his prince was already betrothed. Promised to another. The simple string of words grated on his nerves, made his jaw clench so tightly it was a wonder his teeth had not cracked from the pressure. Promised to another. As if a man could truly hold any promise, no matter how dire it may be. Another, and oh how that word truly grinded away at his resolve. Jacaerys seemed to be enjoying himself here in the North. As far as Cregan could see, anyhow. He had never been a man easily versed in the art of reading people, but he could hold hope that Jacaerys had found some delight in a place he no doubt thought of as an icy, barren wasteland. He liked it enough to stay as long as he had thus far, why not stay? Cregan would not be displeased by seeing him day-to-day, by having him always in arms reach. By having him closer than arms reach, if the gods were truly willing. The crypts beneath Winterfell were warm enough, and he held enough affection for Jacaerys that he would not even mind his ever-miserable dragon remaining in his crypts. Let the beast stay beneath Winterfell, Cregan thought. Whenever Vermax and his rider were reunited, Jacaerys never stayed on the ground for long. He seemed to prefer his dragon to horse, for Cregan could not blame him for, but that did not disparage the feelings of irritation whenever Jacaerys was not within his direct line of sight.
Jacaerys seemed to give his smiles to Cregan with ease, and he found himself grasping at the thought of what other facial expressions his mere presence could bring to his face. Grasping, but he would never hold onto it. He was once again forced to think if Cregan was alone in his feelings, or if perhaps Jacaerys felt them too. If he kept them as tightly to himself as Cregan did, or if he felt nothing at all. If he merely thought of Cregan as a steppingstone, a savage man who would live and die for his mother leagues away from here. He would be delighted to show Jacaerys how savage he could truly be, but he was less delighted at the idea that Jacaerys may see him as nothing at all. Cregan easily took up a room, demanding respect and attention without having to utter a word, and even Jacaerys’s imagined disrespect was enough to bring about a sourness in the back of his throat. It sat there like bile, but he dared not wretch it up yet. Not here, where eyes and ears were everywhere all at once. Jacaerys spoke, but he hardly heard whatever words came off his tongue, instead he was too busy peering at his face. A delightful lad, truly. He would like to touch his hair, to thread his fingers through his thick, dark locks and feel the softness of them beneath his skin. It would be so easy to manuever and force his head any which way, but he was curious if Jacaerys would get cross with him if he did such a thing. Cregan would like to see him displeased, and whatever attitude that came with his displeasure would be dealt with as well.
He had grown distracted, too busy staring at Jacaerys and his perfect face that he had hardly noticed him grasping at his wrist. The contact startled him, as if he had stepped back outside into the cold. His hands were not as soft as he had expected, and he supposed that the sword he kept at his hip was not just for show. His hands were not so soft, but his touch surely was. The back of his neck erupted with heat, pale skin steadily giving way to a warm, pink flush that painted over the apples of his cheeks. He hoped it would not be too noticeable, or if it was, he did not expect any comment on it. Blushing like a maiden girl on her wedding night was utterly beneath him. Cregan forced a steady breath out through his nostrils despite his rabbiting pulse, his throat growing as dry as a Dornish desert. “I am, as is expected of me.” He replied gruffly, and his own voice sounded strange to his ears. “You seem eager.” He continued, his touch feeling like a burn, but he could not bring himself to pull away. “I imagine that you have grown tired of my company by now.” He said it with a huff of laughter, but he expected (and hoped) that he would deny it.
Jace doubted that he would ever truly tire of Cregan. There would soon be a great distance between them, one that would make him long for Cregan. He had finally acknowledged that very same feeling the night prior when he had woken in the middle of the night and wished Cregan was there. Jace strongly disliked this feeling of longing that made his entire being ache. He didn't know why the northern lord inspired such feelings in the prince, and it did nothing but irritate him. This irritation was softened by thoughts of Cregan's stern expressions, and that gruff northern accent. He realized, laying upon the cold floor, that he was swooning over Cregan like a maiden. There were worst fates than being attracted to the same sex, Jace supposed. Like being a bastard, for instance. He cursed the gods for giving him yet another unsurmountable odd to overcome. This was all Cregan's fault, really. He could have gone his entire life denying his attraction to the same sex, thinking of those errant thoughts as nothing but passing fancies. Now there was no denying it. His heart surged when standing in close proximity to Cregan, and he wanted desperately to touch him. To be held by him. To be kissed. Jace had already pondered what it must be like to kiss a mouth unfamiliar with any sort of expression. It must have been uncomfortable, he reasoned. For he hadn't seen Cregan do much more than smirk. Their own concerns over what the other felt were distracting them from the truth, and their undeniable pull to one another. But in this moment, standing a few steps behind Cregan, Jace had dared to touch him. It was a reverent touch, no matter how fleeting. Beneath his fingers he can feel the other's warm skin, and the pulse beneath. Jace follows that wrist up an arm so powerful not even the lord's tunic could hide it. His eyes travel upward past mighty shoulders and a thickly muscled neck, settling upon Cregan's boyishly handsome face. Jace finds himself drawn to the soft pink that blossoms on Cregan's cheek. Absently his thumb strokes the other's wrist while brown eyes meet stormy grey. He steps closer, leaving only a few inches between them now. Jace wasn't thinking. He couldn't with Cregan looming over him like a formidable beast. "I'm very eager. You're a gracious host, my lord. I'd be a fool not to indulge myself." And he so desperately wanted to indulge. Jace reluctantly eases his fingers of their hold upon Cregan's wrist. "Truth be told I don't think I will ever tire of you, my lord. You've led an interesting life and have treated me with nothing but kindness. Any other lord might have cast me out upon hearing my demands. Yet you've done no such thing." Jace gives his wolf a shy smile, "It is I who worries that I have overstayed my welcome. But I can't leave, not yet. Not until I've won you over." There's a short pause, "I'm wondering if I have? Or must I try harder?"
All this fault fell on the shoulders of Jacaerys, not that Cregan would ever allow himself to bare his deeper feelings to him. Not that Cregan thought the prince unworthy of knowing, he could hardly admit to himself that it was the opposite of that. It was a strange sense of… fear. A thought that would have caused him to laugh a mere few moons before, but it was now his startling, new reality. His new reality of longing. Longing for someone he could not have, or perhaps he could have Jacaerys, but never truly. An affair of that nature would never be looked upon with a kind eye, and Cregan knew that, and had known that for weeks. No matter how much Cregan liked to imagine him otherwise, he was not such a dolt that he could forget that Jacaerys was a man. Prince of Dragonstone. Prince or princess, what royal would abandon their crown in favor of some icy, stern Northern lord? Not one with their wits about them, surely, and Jacaerys had a steady head on his shoulders with a deep sense of purpose that even he could admire. Admire, albeit quietly. Whatever gods had played their hand in his creation must have looked down upon and found some twisted, sickening amusement in making this way. Cregan would always have a tender spot in his heart for the Norrey girl, his late wife, his late friend, but her memory was but a whisper now. Some nights, when the day had tired him and worn him down to his bones, he could almost see a sliver of Arra in Jacaerys. The eyes, perhaps. Maybe the smile. The tenderness was the emotion he thought most likely.
If only Jacaerys could know how deeply and terribly he undid him. Cregan’s resolve was little more than a spool of yarn, and every night and every day was another thread pulled loose, more of his restraint pulled impossibly thin. So thin, it had begun to fray and twist at its edges. Cregan had, for the better part of his life, been surrounded by other men. Men his age, men his seniors and men his juniors. Maesters and soldiers, bannermen who were once sworn to his father, now sworn to him. He had known many men in his life, yet none had made him feel quite so soft and taken aback as Jacaerys did. At first, he had blamed the tenderness on their friendship. On the camaraderie that he had not wished for, but the prince and his constant company had caused anyways. He had thought that he had allowed himself to soften, that the close contact of one he called friend had stiffed Lord Stark and instead brought out the man beneath the lordly facade. In the beginning, perhaps that had been the case. Yet Cregan had never thought of any friends in the light he thought of Jacaerys. He had never once pondered about the softness of their skin, if his sun-kissed flesh bruised as easily as he may have hoped. If he would blush and shy from him like a delicate maid, or if he would look him in the eye like a man might. Cregan had never looked upon his friends and desired to make any of them his lady. Perhaps the solitude had finally begun to fray and rot his typically steady mind. Perhaps he missed his dear Arra more than he allowed himself to admit. He did miss her, in certain aspects. And yet, what was the mere ghost of a girl in comparison to a living man who could see through the lord to the man beneath?
Nothing. He tried to think, his self-reassurance feeling as weak and flimsy as straw. It is nothing. Perhaps before. Once, it had been nothing. But he did not feel nothing anymore, he felt everything. Jacaerys continued to stroke his thumb against his wrist, his touch bordering on intimate. His fingers were warm, but Cregan felt nothing but heat. Heat that spread across his cheeks like a splatter of blood, that tinged the tips of his ears and seeped all the way to his Adam’s apple. Perhaps if Cregan was less composed, if a few tankards of ale had loosened him up, he would have gripped the back of Jacaerys’s neck. He would have liked to scruff his neck as if he were some misbehaving pup, he would like to see the look of astonishment on his face. Perhaps he would nick at his throat with the point of his canine tooth, or perhaps he would just smash their lips together to see if his lips were as soft as they appeared. The fantasy made his breath catch, and the hitch in his throat made his fingers twitch. Without hardly looking or feeling, his index finger shifted, scarcely brushing their fingers together. The touch was as gentle and fleeting as a summer snow, but it burned all the same. “It would be impolite to cast out a prince.” He reasoned gruffly, though his heart was once again set ablaze with every word he spoke.
The smile that was offered to him was shy, but no less… cute? Cregan could hardly find the word for it, he was too busy watching every movement being made. The lanternlight made the deep, rich hues of his irises look like amber. Or honey, perhaps. If he looked hard enough, he swore he could see tiny flecks of gold. Perhaps he would allow Cregan close enough to see. The skin of his wrist felt cold as ice once Jacaerys pulled away, and if they were alone, Cregan surely would have taken hold of his hand. “If you had overstayed, you would have been halfway to Dragonstone by now, prince.” He husked out, a strangely reassuring statement from a man typically described as cold and formidable. In an awkwardly boyish manner, Cregan tipped his head ever so slightly to the side, a single streak of dark, chestnut brown hair falling across his brow. “I would like to see you try harder.” He murmured quietly, leaning ever so slightly forward so Jacaerys may be the only one to hear the severity of his words. This close, he could smell him. Something that Cregan could only describe as a salty seabreeze mixed with the essence of flowers. A stray thought made him question if his scent would be as strong if he could nestle his nose into his hair or in the crook of his neck.
unfortunate lack of jacegan centered fics on ao3. i might have to take one for the team and start writing them myself at this point
goth hockey player cregan and preppy political science student jace. are we all on board with this yes or yes
Jacaerys was an irritating creature in ways unexpected to Cregan. He had not expected himself to grow so fond of him, and so quickly as well. Targaryen’s were an infamously entitled, petulant brood, and Cregan expected no less from Jacaerys, no matter how common his features may be. Though perhaps a bit entitled, there was a good man within Jacaerys, and no matter how much Cregan wanted to turn his nose up at him and send him back home to his mother empty handed, he could not. He did not have it in his cold, frozen heart, though as of late the icy walls around him had begun to thaw. Perhaps that was another thing that Jacaerys thought himself entitled to. His very heart. Gods knew he already had it cradled in his palm, though unknowingly. Cregan prayed that he would not discover just how strong that hold was, lest he manage to use it against him. It was something that troubled Cregan, so troubling that he almost found it disturbing. Cregan, who had no care for the South nor the scandals it dabbled in or the wars it waged, yet he honored the oath his father before him made with a swiftness that seemed almost eager. Eager. He did not think himself as a man who grew eager for anything, yet here he stood, eager and ready.
The unbidden thought made his eyebrow twitch, the tension in his jaw and his shoulders mounting before being washed away. Washed away once more by Jacaerys and his delicate face and light, airy tone. Teasing him, it seemed, yet Cregan found himself feeling amused rather than insulted. However light, there was a deeper truth to Jacaerys’s words as well, and none recognized it better than Cregan did. Jacaerys was more clever than he allowed people to think, but he could see the flickering of a glint in his eye, or the gentle curl of his lips that made him appear more smug than pleased. So different they were, yet they got along as if they had known each other for years. Cregan was never the type to make friends quickly and easily, and yet it took a mere handful of weeks for the prince to squirm into his chest and settle heavily in his heart, a constant weight upon him. A pleasant weight, perhaps, but a weight nonetheless. Perhaps it truly was their differences that brought them closer together. That was the only answer Cregan was willing to verbally acknowledge. “Perhaps,” he replied tersely, the word lonesome and simple on his tongue, yet it weighed heavily, like a thick cloak yet to be unshed.
Cregan swore that he must have aged about 10 years whilst riding back to Wintertown. His men had many questions about what lay beyond the Neck, and Jacaerys seemed utterly delighted to answer any and every question thrown at him. Jacaerys seemed to enjoy talking, especially about things that concerned him, whilst Cregan was perfectly content with simply listening. His men battered the prince with questions throughout their trip, and he had never before seen a group of men talk so much. They asked Jacaerys about living in the South, about dragons and Kings Landing, of Dragonstone, and more bolder men questioned him about the Targaryen’s themselves. Cregan was pleased to not be the only one subjected to the prince’s rambling, and Jacaerys could, when prompted, ramble like no other. In any case, he was certainly pleased to hear the prince talk and not have him complain about the cold. The consistent questioning seemed to preoccupy him so much that he forgot about the chill, yet there was still a slight tremble to his shoulders. A subtle quiver of his body despite the layers of Northern attire he adorned, and Cregan swore he could hear his teeth chittering against each other from behind his lips if he strained his ears enough.
Cregan thought that Jacaerys must be a dragon, for he seemed entirely more lax and amiable when he wasn’t freezing down to his bones. Perhaps all he needed was to thaw out some, so he wasn’t so miserable. It was amusing to see the shift, however subtle it may be. As expected, the proprietress was delighted to see Jacaerys’s face again, as was she pleased to see Cregan’s, though he noticed his presence was much less celebrated than that of a crown prince. A bit hurtful, but expected. Jacaerys took to festivities like a dragon took to air, and he seemed to be entirely in his elements. Cregan, however, was a bit less eager, and upon arrival almost immediately sought the comforting silence of the rooms he and his party had been so kindly provided with. The action was a bit disrespectful, even by his standards, but no one would become ballsy enough to question his abrupt absence. None except Jacaerys, of course, who came knocking on his door with his gentle rapping and his posh voice. The chatter-filled trip to Wintertown had exhausted his desire to mingle with his people, but he was not the type to hide and treat his chambers like a shield to hide behind. He could imagine how Jacaerys looked from beyond the door. No doubt dressed in an elegant fashion, most likely with his hands clasped behind his back, or with his palm braced against the pommel of his sword. He could visualize the humorous gleam in his eyes, or perhaps the pout adorning his face. He, perhaps rudely, gave his prince no response at first, preoccupied with making himself appear as if he hadn’t come on the whipping winds of a snowy storm. Jacaerys’s comment about seeking another escort, however, spurred him into action faster than he may have liked to admit. Lord Cerwyn was a good friend to Cregan, but he was not the type to share his possessions so freely. He had been relieved to shed his thick, heavy coats and furs in favor of more loose clothing. Still warm and bundled, though for once not shrouded in a cloak. Try as he might to appear casual, there was no casualness in the swiftness in which he opened the door. The back of his neck felt hot, and he hoped it had not spread to his face. “Forgive me.” He offered, words ushered as if they may get caught in his throat. “I certainly cannot allow my prince, can I?”
Jacaerys was born with the innate ability to charm others. He had studied his mother all of his life, borrowing from her mannerisms and turns of praise. She was what he aspired to be one day: respected by her small counsel, surrounded by family, and adored by her people. When she reclaimed the throne he would stand at her side, winning over the public who would also come to think of him as the Realm's Delight. Jace had proven himself capable of charming even the most untrusting of lords and ladies. Cregan's slow acceptance of him and that of his men were proof of that. In a place like Winterfell where hearts were frozen over and dispositions made icy, a dragon was just what they needed.
For the entirety of their trip to Wintertown, Jace had filled the air with Valyrian legends, the history of dragons and the most exciting Targaryen adventures. Cregan's men had an unending reservoir of questions, and all listened keenly to their prince. While he spoke he would glance at the direwolf beside him, hoping that he was listening. If Cregan had been he had given no indication. Jace had trouble reading the northern lord and found himself vying for his attention. Every story, every history lesson, every joke was accompanied with a second long look of longing. It didn't happen often, but when Cregan actually permitted him a glance the prince found himself utterly enchanted. In these short exchanges Jace cherished the feeling of those stormy gray eyes upon him.
After days of traveling and hours spent talking, Jace wanted nothing more to collapse in bed for the entire evening. While it wasn't as comfortable as his bed in Dragonstone, it was much softer than the bedroll he had found himself upon during their travels. He had been given one that belonged to Cregan, making it impossibly large in comparison. Jace found that it had smelled like Cregan and this brought him a great comfort. On the cold hard earth of his own tent, Jace often imagined somebody crawling in beside him. Jace assumed his mind had conjured Baela up in a bid to bring him comfort. He was so far away from home, separated from Vermax, and utterly alone. His entire family was waiting for him at home, and he had yet to complete his objective. Luke must have finished his own mission by now. While nervous, Luke had all the markings of a fine lord. If Borros Baratheon was as smart as he thought himself to be, he would bend the knee to his mother so that he might be on the winning side of the upcoming war.
Rhaenyra must have squeezed Luke tight when he returned home with the promise of victory. She would kiss each one of his cheeks, and run a hand through his thick brown hair. It was childish of Jace to hope that his mother would greet him in the same fashion, but he wasn't a boy any longer. He was heir to the Iron Throne and exempt from such comforts. Another pang of loneliness. Another night Jace spent conjuring up a stranger to hold him through the night. Only that stranger wasn't his betrothed. When Jace imagined them they were much more substantial, towering over the prince with ease. Their hands were calloused, eyes brewing with a winter storm, and eager to hold him. They would lay down on top of him, capturing his face with a large paw. Their long dark hair would fall like a curtain around his face, making it impossible to focus on anything else. Jace would shut his eyes then, imagining their lips inching closer and closer to his own. His very first kiss. One made special by intrigue and suspense. Jace wanted to give it to him.
Even without a cloak, Cregan was gigantic. Jace was surprised that the wolf was able to step in and out of doorways without having to turn sideways. "Forgive you?" Jace offers a smile, "I'll consider it. After I've gotten a cup of ale and supper." He preferred a glass of wine to the inexpensive and rudimentary ale that was so easily available in the north. But it warmed his bones, and gave everything a soft edge. Jace could excuse that it tasted like swill, but the next time he visited Winterfell he would be bringing his own supply. Allowing Cregan to leave, Jace followed after his wolf. Downstairs the entire inn would be waiting for his arrival. He welcomed their adoration and fervor. Jace's arrival had been the most exciting thing that had happened in Wintertown since they caught an albino bear three winters ago. He pauses before they reach the stairs. Jace reaches for Cregan's wirst, catching it for a moment. "Are you ready to be social, my lord?" Beneath his fingers he can feel Cregan's pace quicken, and was that the sensation of warmth flushing beneath his fingertips?
The North did not often see princes, it saw heirs to thrones that laid leagues away even less. Even lesser did princes charm a lord reputed as formidably stern as Cregan. Charmed. Cregan had grown to dislike that word. It implied softness, that his heart was easily opened by a mere set of calculated words that came from a smooth, silver-tongue. Cregan had reputations to uphold. Reputations that he was not cruel, but instead stern and closed off. The Wolf of Winterfell opened his heart to few, and prince Jacaerys had been one of many to be barred from the tenderness that lay beneath his ice, and yet he begrudgingly found himself being charmed. When had the politeness ebbed into friendship? Into camaraderie? Into something else he dare not put a name to? A gradual decline, he would like to believe, for none would believe that Cregan Stark had grown lonely. Lonely in a way that he kept to himself, tightly held and refusing to allow anyone else see it. He was not a man who desired for glory, grandiosity or gold, yet his desire for a true friend was the only thing just beyond his grasp. Jacaerys, however, was within his grasp. The way his prince behaved, he wondered if perhaps the prince was all too eagerly in his grasp.
Their friendship was unlikely, but that made it no less strong. The North was well known as being a reserved region. The South could play its games and have its scandals, for Cregan always believed the North was best when it held its own. Jacaerys was, admittedly, not the type of man Cregan would normally seek companionship in. When he had first come to his gates, sliding from the back of his dragon with all the grace of a cat, he had almost immediately decided that their meetings would be curt. He had no interest in whatever wars were fought over a chair, and he had held even less care for whatever pampered, perfumed princes that were sent to woo him. These people knew nothing of him. Of his people, his religion, his mere way of life. He could not fathom why good men should march off and die for dragonlords, why any man should. He had half a mind to scruff the back of Jacaerys’s neck and send him sprawling in the snow, to send him back to Dragonstone, or whatever sweltering hellhole he had come from. Cregan was intelligent to know what consequences would come from laying his hands upon a prince, but he was now haunted by the wish to lay his hands upon Jacaerys in other ways.
Other ways he would not acknowledge. Could not acknowledge. He could not, and neither could Jacaerys. If Cregan recalled correctly, his prince was already betrothed. Promised to another. The simple string of words grated on his nerves, made his jaw clench so tightly it was a wonder his teeth had not cracked from the pressure. Promised to another. As if a man could truly hold any promise, no matter how dire it may be. Another, and oh how that word truly grinded away at his resolve. Jacaerys seemed to be enjoying himself here in the North. As far as Cregan could see, anyhow. He had never been a man easily versed in the art of reading people, but he could hold hope that Jacaerys had found some delight in a place he no doubt thought of as an icy, barren wasteland. He liked it enough to stay as long as he had thus far, why not stay? Cregan would not be displeased by seeing him day-to-day, by having him always in arms reach. By having him closer than arms reach, if the gods were truly willing. The crypts beneath Winterfell were warm enough, and he held enough affection for Jacaerys that he would not even mind his ever-miserable dragon remaining in his crypts. Let the beast stay beneath Winterfell, Cregan thought. Whenever Vermax and his rider were reunited, Jacaerys never stayed on the ground for long. He seemed to prefer his dragon to horse, for Cregan could not blame him for, but that did not disparage the feelings of irritation whenever Jacaerys was not within his direct line of sight.
Jacaerys seemed to give his smiles to Cregan with ease, and he found himself grasping at the thought of what other facial expressions his mere presence could bring to his face. Grasping, but he would never hold onto it. He was once again forced to think if Cregan was alone in his feelings, or if perhaps Jacaerys felt them too. If he kept them as tightly to himself as Cregan did, or if he felt nothing at all. If he merely thought of Cregan as a steppingstone, a savage man who would live and die for his mother leagues away from here. He would be delighted to show Jacaerys how savage he could truly be, but he was less delighted at the idea that Jacaerys may see him as nothing at all. Cregan easily took up a room, demanding respect and attention without having to utter a word, and even Jacaerys’s imagined disrespect was enough to bring about a sourness in the back of his throat. It sat there like bile, but he dared not wretch it up yet. Not here, where eyes and ears were everywhere all at once. Jacaerys spoke, but he hardly heard whatever words came off his tongue, instead he was too busy peering at his face. A delightful lad, truly. He would like to touch his hair, to thread his fingers through his thick, dark locks and feel the softness of them beneath his skin. It would be so easy to manuever and force his head any which way, but he was curious if Jacaerys would get cross with him if he did such a thing. Cregan would like to see him displeased, and whatever attitude that came with his displeasure would be dealt with as well.
He had grown distracted, too busy staring at Jacaerys and his perfect face that he had hardly noticed him grasping at his wrist. The contact startled him, as if he had stepped back outside into the cold. His hands were not as soft as he had expected, and he supposed that the sword he kept at his hip was not just for show. His hands were not so soft, but his touch surely was. The back of his neck erupted with heat, pale skin steadily giving way to a warm, pink flush that painted over the apples of his cheeks. He hoped it would not be too noticeable, or if it was, he did not expect any comment on it. Blushing like a maiden girl on her wedding night was utterly beneath him. Cregan forced a steady breath out through his nostrils despite his rabbiting pulse, his throat growing as dry as a Dornish desert. “I am, as is expected of me.” He replied gruffly, and his own voice sounded strange to his ears. “You seem eager.” He continued, his touch feeling like a burn, but he could not bring himself to pull away. “I imagine that you have grown tired of my company by now.” He said it with a huff of laughter, but he expected (and hoped) that he would deny it.
TOM TAYLOR as CREGAN STARK HOUSE OF THE DRAGON 2.01 A Son for a Son For @sylasthegrim and @thenameswinter99
targ supremacist jace... jace with white hair.... jace with violet eyes.... jace with targ features please save me
Cregan had made it an act of defiance to not befriend the prince, to not have his warmth melt away the ice that bordered around his heart in a protective film. The maesters would no doubt write of Cregan and the stoniness of his face that he wore upon his face as often as he wore Ice upon his back, but Jacaerys could see him as anything but. He would see Cregan for who he truly was, a man still in the midst of youth and saddled with responsibilities and oaths much bigger than himself. Cregan believed that Jacaerys could see cleanly through the formidable Lord Stark and instead saw the more solemn man beneath. Cregan had sought to deny the prince any camaraderie, any friendship, but the delicately featured prince and his captivatingly warm eyes had ensnared his very soul. He had sworn it to himself that he would seek no solace in the company of a spoiled, posh prince who sought out only Lord Stark and the men he could supply. It worried him that he could scarcely recall when the polite hospitality gave way to quiet fondness that spurred his heart into frantic beating whenever he happened upon Jacaerys’s company.
Cregan had sworn that oath to himself, and it was the only one he could not keep. It was an unfortunate, almost cruel twist of irony that not even Cregan could fail to see. It was all he saw, truly, and he felt increasingly disturbed to think that he may be the only one to harbor such affections. Harboring such affections for someone of the same sex, no less. It was a strange prison, one of his own making, and one of his own undoing. As Jacaerys haunted his thoughts come morning and come night, Cregan could not truly tell what he felt. If this was mere friendship misinterpreted, or if his emotions held weight. Some nights, it was anger that dug its nails into him, and he would tell himself that, come morning, he would send the prince away. Tell him to fetch the dragon that found a home within the crypts beneath his castle and command that he not bring promises of war to his gates and act as though he or his mother had any rights to claim his host. Those words of anger were never spoken, instead to be tucked away in a shadowy crevice of his mind to be dwelled upon, but never spoken of or acknowledged.
It would displease Cregan to send Jacaerys away. He would not admit it, not even to himself, but it would sadden him as well. More scarcely would he admit to himself that he wished for Jacaerys to stay longer. He would even allow Vermax to make his lair in his crypts, if it meant Jacaerys could stay. A silly hope, fleeting as it may be. He was once again forced to remember the reason for Jacaerys’s arrival, and he would have groaned at the recollection had Jacaerys not been by his side. His expression reflected his troubled brooding, a distinct tension in the line of his jaw, a slight furrow to his brows and careful narrowing to his icy grey eyes. Cregan had allowed himself to be more tender before Jacaerys, but the formidable lord many knew him as still resided in him. He was interrupted from his brooding by the familiarity in Jacaerys’s light, airy voice, though his words had a delicate and teasing edge to them. His pinky brushed his hand, and his shoulders stiffened immediately, though his face remained impassive. The touch was curt, hardly there with even less unspoken words behind it, but it set his blood ablaze and heart thumping frantically inside his chest regardless. His face felt hot the moment their fingers touched, and he would revert to the Faith of the Seven if it meant the heat in his skin would go unnoticed.
“I find great pleasure in denying you.” He responded brusquely, and a man who was any less acquainted with Cregan would certainly fail to notice the humor in his dry, gruff words. His additional words, however, brought not even a trace of a smile to his face. More than anything, it brought forth a frown. Jacaerys merely meant to tease, Cregan was not so thick in the skull as to not see that, but the teasing only inflamed his irritation. He did not dislike him, surely the opposite, but he would soon rather open up his own belly upon the blade of his sword than admit to that, no matter how true it may be. “I do not dislike you, my prince.” He stated, his tone as unyielding as the Wall they still walked upon. He spoke as if he was still unsure of the prince, speaking as bluntly and gruffly as he had when Jacaerys had first come to Winterfell. The next emotion that rose in his chest could only be described as awkwardness, one that was so unlike Cregan that it felt foreign. His words disappeared in the wind, and he observed out of the corner of his eye as Jacaerys tucked his arms within the confines of his cloak, making himself appear even slimmer than he already was. Cregan was unused to the presence of lithe, pretty-faced men. Fleetingly, he wondered if Jacaerys was perhaps a flat-chested girl who merely cut off her hair. The heat in his face and the warmth in his belly would be easier to explain had Jacaerys been a maid, not a man.
It did not surprise him when Jacaerys voiced his desire to leave and return to Winterfell. Cregan may be used to the Wall and the unyielding cold that accompanied it, but Jacaerys was no doubt frozen down to his very bones. Guests' rights was a tradition held in high regard in the North, and what sort of host would he be if he allowed his royal guest to freeze? Cregan certainly preferred Jacaerys with his skin healthy and warm, not cold and tinged blue. He had some desire to return home, but he had surely enjoyed himself whilst at the Wall, as he typically did. His little one, Rickon, would surely be missing his father. “As you wish.” He replied, curiously obedient for a man who normally had so little desire to indulge himself in any festivities.
Jace didn't want to gloat, but he knew he had would eventually win Cregan over. He had a natural talent for charming others, and could be quite persuasive when he needed to be. But Jace had asked nothing of Cregan but to uphold the oath of his father, and to give him a tour of the north. Where he was once certain that it was physically impossible for Cregan Stark to even smile, he now had the man cracking jokes. To any other ears those words would have been taken quite literal. Jace had spent enough time with Cregan that he picked up the slight inflictions and the wrinkle of his eyes. "Tis' a relief to hear you say that." He says with a little smile that illuminates his entire face. "I must admit that I was worried we wouldn't get along. For we're quite different, you and I." Jace points out, finding that those differences only made their friendship that much stronger. Those gruff qualities that might make any other prince turn their nose at Cregan utterly captivated Jace. Cregan's aloof demeanor had driven him mad, compelling Jace to linger about him in a bid to get more than one word replies out of the wolf. "Perhaps it is our differences that made it possible for us to become such quick friends?" Jace ponders out loud, uncertain if Cregan would actually respond or just grunt at him. Either would have been fine to the prince who spoke enough for the two of them combined.
En route to Wintertown, Jace maintained conversation with Cregan's entourage while riding beside Cregan. They had plenty of questions about Targaryens, Dragons, and King's Landing. Most of these men had never left the North, leaving Jace as their only point of reference for the world beyond. He was happy to fill the air with answers and conversation. Jace was also certain that Cregan was relieved to not be the subject of the prince's constant rambling. When they finally arrived at Wintertown, Jace was all too eager to escape from the cold. The Smoking Log welcomed the prince, Cregan, and their party with open arms. The proprietress of the Inn was excited to have Jace back, and promised him a banquet and dance in his honor. He had assured the woman that the gesture was entirely unnecessary, but gave into her wishes when his stomach started rumbling. Jace found himself excited to rub elbows with the people of Wintertown who flocked from all over. Cregan had told him that come winter the town would be completely transformed, filled with people and their livestock. Jace was thankful he wouldn't have to contend with a crowd of that proportion.
Once the sun has fallen Jace emerges from his room. He wore a dark colored tunic that was threaded with gold, and laced at the neck. Jace looked rather casual in comparison to his usual finery. Tonight he wanted to truly mingle with his subjects, allowing his mask of princely etiquette to slip. Standing before Cregan's door the boy gives a few short knocks. He can already hear clamor and excitement downstairs. The Bards have started playing a jaunty tune while the scent of fresh baked pies, meats, and other foods fill the air. Jace had grown accustomed to the cuisine of the North, and now craved it. It wasn't as extravagant as the dishes he was used to in Dragonstone or King's Landing, but just as if not tastier. The people of the north were used to dealing with less and made the most of it. Jace wanted very badly to go downstairs and indulge, but he couldn't without his escort. When Cregan doesn't answer right away Jace huffs. "It's dinner time, my lord, and I'm starving." He doesn't knock again, certain that his voice has carried through the door and toward Cregan. "Do hurry before I find Cerwyn and ask him to be my escort for the evening." Now that would make Cregan answer. Jace knew that the wolf wouldn't allow anybody else to watch over his prince.
Jacaerys was an irritating creature in ways unexpected to Cregan. He had not expected himself to grow so fond of him, and so quickly as well. Targaryen’s were an infamously entitled, petulant brood, and Cregan expected no less from Jacaerys, no matter how common his features may be. Though perhaps a bit entitled, there was a good man within Jacaerys, and no matter how much Cregan wanted to turn his nose up at him and send him back home to his mother empty handed, he could not. He did not have it in his cold, frozen heart, though as of late the icy walls around him had begun to thaw. Perhaps that was another thing that Jacaerys thought himself entitled to. His very heart. Gods knew he already had it cradled in his palm, though unknowingly. Cregan prayed that he would not discover just how strong that hold was, lest he manage to use it against him. It was something that troubled Cregan, so troubling that he almost found it disturbing. Cregan, who had no care for the South nor the scandals it dabbled in or the wars it waged, yet he honored the oath his father before him made with a swiftness that seemed almost eager. Eager. He did not think himself as a man who grew eager for anything, yet here he stood, eager and ready.
The unbidden thought made his eyebrow twitch, the tension in his jaw and his shoulders mounting before being washed away. Washed away once more by Jacaerys and his delicate face and light, airy tone. Teasing him, it seemed, yet Cregan found himself feeling amused rather than insulted. However light, there was a deeper truth to Jacaerys’s words as well, and none recognized it better than Cregan did. Jacaerys was more clever than he allowed people to think, but he could see the flickering of a glint in his eye, or the gentle curl of his lips that made him appear more smug than pleased. So different they were, yet they got along as if they had known each other for years. Cregan was never the type to make friends quickly and easily, and yet it took a mere handful of weeks for the prince to squirm into his chest and settle heavily in his heart, a constant weight upon him. A pleasant weight, perhaps, but a weight nonetheless. Perhaps it truly was their differences that brought them closer together. That was the only answer Cregan was willing to verbally acknowledge. “Perhaps,” he replied tersely, the word lonesome and simple on his tongue, yet it weighed heavily, like a thick cloak yet to be unshed.
Cregan swore that he must have aged about 10 years whilst riding back to Wintertown. His men had many questions about what lay beyond the Neck, and Jacaerys seemed utterly delighted to answer any and every question thrown at him. Jacaerys seemed to enjoy talking, especially about things that concerned him, whilst Cregan was perfectly content with simply listening. His men battered the prince with questions throughout their trip, and he had never before seen a group of men talk so much. They asked Jacaerys about living in the South, about dragons and Kings Landing, of Dragonstone, and more bolder men questioned him about the Targaryen’s themselves. Cregan was pleased to not be the only one subjected to the prince’s rambling, and Jacaerys could, when prompted, ramble like no other. In any case, he was certainly pleased to hear the prince talk and not have him complain about the cold. The consistent questioning seemed to preoccupy him so much that he forgot about the chill, yet there was still a slight tremble to his shoulders. A subtle quiver of his body despite the layers of Northern attire he adorned, and Cregan swore he could hear his teeth chittering against each other from behind his lips if he strained his ears enough.
Cregan thought that Jacaerys must be a dragon, for he seemed entirely more lax and amiable when he wasn’t freezing down to his bones. Perhaps all he needed was to thaw out some, so he wasn’t so miserable. It was amusing to see the shift, however subtle it may be. As expected, the proprietress was delighted to see Jacaerys’s face again, as was she pleased to see Cregan’s, though he noticed his presence was much less celebrated than that of a crown prince. A bit hurtful, but expected. Jacaerys took to festivities like a dragon took to air, and he seemed to be entirely in his elements. Cregan, however, was a bit less eager, and upon arrival almost immediately sought the comforting silence of the rooms he and his party had been so kindly provided with. The action was a bit disrespectful, even by his standards, but no one would become ballsy enough to question his abrupt absence. None except Jacaerys, of course, who came knocking on his door with his gentle rapping and his posh voice. The chatter-filled trip to Wintertown had exhausted his desire to mingle with his people, but he was not the type to hide and treat his chambers like a shield to hide behind. He could imagine how Jacaerys looked from beyond the door. No doubt dressed in an elegant fashion, most likely with his hands clasped behind his back, or with his palm braced against the pommel of his sword. He could visualize the humorous gleam in his eyes, or perhaps the pout adorning his face. He, perhaps rudely, gave his prince no response at first, preoccupied with making himself appear as if he hadn’t come on the whipping winds of a snowy storm. Jacaerys’s comment about seeking another escort, however, spurred him into action faster than he may have liked to admit. Lord Cerwyn was a good friend to Cregan, but he was not the type to share his possessions so freely. He had been relieved to shed his thick, heavy coats and furs in favor of more loose clothing. Still warm and bundled, though for once not shrouded in a cloak. Try as he might to appear casual, there was no casualness in the swiftness in which he opened the door. The back of his neck felt hot, and he hoped it had not spread to his face. “Forgive me.” He offered, words ushered as if they may get caught in his throat. “I certainly cannot allow my prince, can I?”
yearning
❥ “you just might be the single most gorgeous being i have ever seen.” ❥ “i want to be yours, and i’m trying to be deserving of it.” ❥ “a string has tangled itself around my heart, and it is pulling me to you.” ❥ “to say that being without you meant i would stop breathing would be an exaggeration, but to say that my life would end if you left, would be true to my heart.” ❥ “my heart aches with the knowledge that you are not mine.” ❥ “you have become subject of my prayer. your soul guides my religion.” ❥ “be careful with my heart, will you?” ❥ “my life has become moments spent with you, and waiting to reunite.”
Rhaenyra had sent Jace to the North with the certainty that he would accomplish his mission without fail. Thus far he had succeeded in the Eyrie and White Harbor. Winterfell was his last stop and had thus far proven the most difficult. Cregan had a duty to his people and he couldn't simply shirk his duties because a prince demanded it. Jace was made indignant of this at first, but now understood. If Cregan sent the bulk of his army Southward the entirety of the North would suffer for it. Every able bodied person was needed to ensure a successful harvest, and after traveling through Winter Town and the smaller villages surrounding Winterfell, Jace understood this necessity.
Yet, he still needed an answer. The Greens had considerable force on their side which Jace hoped would crumble beneath their web of corruption. One day the realm would see that Aegon had always been undeserving of the crown and curse his very name. With the entirety of the North behind them, Jace was certain that they could win. They would overtake King's Landing like a swarm of locusts, purging supporters of the usurper like a plague. That thought alone was enough to inspire Jace to persist in his work. He wouldn't leave Winterfell until he was certain that Cregan would uphold his oath. He couldn't fail his mother.
Walking side by side Cregan and Jace couldn't have been more different. Harwin Strong had been formidable, towering over ordinary men in both terms of height and stature. Unfortunately neither Jace or Luke had inherited these genes. Jace had always been short, slender, and his features made beautiful thanks to his Targaryen heritage. If only he had inherited the violet colored eyes and silver hair attributed to his ancestors. There would be no question of his lineage then. Jace doubted that it mattered very little to Cregan who had treated him as a prince without needing to be prevailed upon.
Jace had been impressed with Cregan in every facet so far. He had proven himself to be a capable leader despite his young age, and had made the North prosperous beneath his rule. Jace had seen his skills as a warrior and huntsman first hand, the former of which brought a blush to his cheeks. Cregan wielded Ice with so much ease that he made it appear as if the broadsword weighted nothing at all. How easy would it be for Cregan to pick him up he wondered? The stray thought makes his cheeks burn. Jace quickly wills the image of those strong arms scooping him up and off of the ground away before they can take hold.
Cregan's voice and a chilling breeze snap him out of his reverie. Jace makes a face, "You're playing a dangerous game, my lord. Denying a prince time and time again." He says in jest, "I might think you actually dislike me." Jace teases while his pinky brushes the man's much larger hand accidentally. It is a fleeting moment of contact, one that Jace quickly corrects. Before Cregan might even realize it Jace had already pulled away, hiding both of his arms beneath the thick cape he had been given in Winterfell. Jace had seen enough of the wall, and longed to return to Vermax who would be even more cautious of Cregan now more than ever.
"I do not mean to rush you, my lord. But if our business is settled here I would like to return to Winterfell. Your servants shouldn't have to put up with Vermax for so long." He knows that Vermax hasn't left the comfort of the crypt. It probably reminded the dragon of the caves beneath Dragonstone or the Dragonpit of King's Landing. "And I would very much like to visit Wintertown again on the way back. They promised me a night of song and dance if I ever did return, and I would hate to squander the opportunity." Vermax would have to go without his rider for a few weeks longer, but at least he would be comforted by the fact that Jace would be protected. He had northerners who had seen more combat than the guards of Dragonstone and had the finest swordsman in the realm at his side.
Cregan had made it an act of defiance to not befriend the prince, to not have his warmth melt away the ice that bordered around his heart in a protective film. The maesters would no doubt write of Cregan and the stoniness of his face that he wore upon his face as often as he wore Ice upon his back, but Jacaerys could see him as anything but. He would see Cregan for who he truly was, a man still in the midst of youth and saddled with responsibilities and oaths much bigger than himself. Cregan believed that Jacaerys could see cleanly through the formidable Lord Stark and instead saw the more solemn man beneath. Cregan had sought to deny the prince any camaraderie, any friendship, but the delicately featured prince and his captivatingly warm eyes had ensnared his very soul. He had sworn it to himself that he would seek no solace in the company of a spoiled, posh prince who sought out only Lord Stark and the men he could supply. It worried him that he could scarcely recall when the polite hospitality gave way to quiet fondness that spurred his heart into frantic beating whenever he happened upon Jacaerys’s company.
Cregan had sworn that oath to himself, and it was the only one he could not keep. It was an unfortunate, almost cruel twist of irony that not even Cregan could fail to see. It was all he saw, truly, and he felt increasingly disturbed to think that he may be the only one to harbor such affections. Harboring such affections for someone of the same sex, no less. It was a strange prison, one of his own making, and one of his own undoing. As Jacaerys haunted his thoughts come morning and come night, Cregan could not truly tell what he felt. If this was mere friendship misinterpreted, or if his emotions held weight. Some nights, it was anger that dug its nails into him, and he would tell himself that, come morning, he would send the prince away. Tell him to fetch the dragon that found a home within the crypts beneath his castle and command that he not bring promises of war to his gates and act as though he or his mother had any rights to claim his host. Those words of anger were never spoken, instead to be tucked away in a shadowy crevice of his mind to be dwelled upon, but never spoken of or acknowledged.
It would displease Cregan to send Jacaerys away. He would not admit it, not even to himself, but it would sadden him as well. More scarcely would he admit to himself that he wished for Jacaerys to stay longer. He would even allow Vermax to make his lair in his crypts, if it meant Jacaerys could stay. A silly hope, fleeting as it may be. He was once again forced to remember the reason for Jacaerys’s arrival, and he would have groaned at the recollection had Jacaerys not been by his side. His expression reflected his troubled brooding, a distinct tension in the line of his jaw, a slight furrow to his brows and careful narrowing to his icy grey eyes. Cregan had allowed himself to be more tender before Jacaerys, but the formidable lord many knew him as still resided in him. He was interrupted from his brooding by the familiarity in Jacaerys’s light, airy voice, though his words had a delicate and teasing edge to them. His pinky brushed his hand, and his shoulders stiffened immediately, though his face remained impassive. The touch was curt, hardly there with even less unspoken words behind it, but it set his blood ablaze and heart thumping frantically inside his chest regardless. His face felt hot the moment their fingers touched, and he would revert to the Faith of the Seven if it meant the heat in his skin would go unnoticed.
“I find great pleasure in denying you.” He responded brusquely, and a man who was any less acquainted with Cregan would certainly fail to notice the humor in his dry, gruff words. His additional words, however, brought not even a trace of a smile to his face. More than anything, it brought forth a frown. Jacaerys merely meant to tease, Cregan was not so thick in the skull as to not see that, but the teasing only inflamed his irritation. He did not dislike him, surely the opposite, but he would soon rather open up his own belly upon the blade of his sword than admit to that, no matter how true it may be. “I do not dislike you, my prince.” He stated, his tone as unyielding as the Wall they still walked upon. He spoke as if he was still unsure of the prince, speaking as bluntly and gruffly as he had when Jacaerys had first come to Winterfell. The next emotion that rose in his chest could only be described as awkwardness, one that was so unlike Cregan that it felt foreign. His words disappeared in the wind, and he observed out of the corner of his eye as Jacaerys tucked his arms within the confines of his cloak, making himself appear even slimmer than he already was. Cregan was unused to the presence of lithe, pretty-faced men. Fleetingly, he wondered if Jacaerys was perhaps a flat-chested girl who merely cut off her hair. The heat in his face and the warmth in his belly would be easier to explain had Jacaerys been a maid, not a man.
It did not surprise him when Jacaerys voiced his desire to leave and return to Winterfell. Cregan may be used to the Wall and the unyielding cold that accompanied it, but Jacaerys was no doubt frozen down to his very bones. Guests' rights was a tradition held in high regard in the North, and what sort of host would he be if he allowed his royal guest to freeze? Cregan certainly preferred Jacaerys with his skin healthy and warm, not cold and tinged blue. He had some desire to return home, but he had surely enjoyed himself whilst at the Wall, as he typically did. His little one, Rickon, would surely be missing his father. “As you wish.” He replied, curiously obedient for a man who normally had so little desire to indulge himself in any festivities.
The look of love 🧡
The Wall brought forth the true nature of men when faced with a force bigger than themselves. Fear was one more common than not. Discomfort was one often seen as well. Sometimes, intimidation. Few displayed such captivation when beholding the icy behemoth. The captivation upon Jacaerys’s face was a thing that bred curiosity within Cregan, and he dared to allow himself to feel pleased with the emotion. Rather captivation than fear or discomfort, though even the Warden of the North was not spared from the emotions the Wall invoked within men. Good friends was the wolf to the crows, and the Wall was a sight Cregan had grown familiar with. Familiar, but wary, as one may behave around a stray hound. At night, the wind beyond the Wall grew restless, howling and scratching at the icy barrier. Some nights, he believed the wind against the ice sounded like screaming, the despaired wails could scratch and claw at the Wall as it so wished but would never pass the threshold. For better or for worse, but most like for better.
Jacaerys had been a surprising, but not unwelcome presence in the North. It was to be expected, to his vexation. Cregan was uninterested in the South and whatever ridiculousness it harbored, but even the distant North had heard tales of unhappy dragons stirring, a stirring he had no taste in intruding, yet had been brought forth to the gates of his castle regardless. War has little care for the men it affects, be they common or noble-born. Jacaerys had been somewhat of a thorn pricking at his side, but not for the reasons most would believe. A begrudging respect and even more begrudging friendship had begun to bud, though not yet fully flower. In the throes of his youth and insistent on flexing his worth, Cregan had, in the beginning, remained politely distant from the prince. He had never been quick to make friends, and Jacaerys had not been intended to be the exception. And yet, the dragon did what it did best and exuded its flames. Exuded them so insistently and so hotly that they had melted the icy crust around his resolve and his heart alike, curtailing his restraint and working his way into his heart. There, that bud of fondness sprouted its branches and left the North's typically stoney-faced Lord feeling uncharacteristically… light. Cregan could not name the emotions that swirled in his chest and overtook his thoughts, he had always been a man with a slow and heavy tongue, yet he knew for certain that he felt them to such a degree it nearly took away his very breath.
Despite the iced wind gnashing its teeth against his flesh, Cregan felt those light and warm thoughts even now. Northmen had thick blood and thicker skin, used to the winter and all the iciness she brought with her, yet even Cregan felt her frigid embrace. Stood beside the prince, he observed Jacaerys quietly. The whips of wind had rustled his hair and nipped the apples of his cheeks till they were pink and flush, fresh snowfall flecking in the dark locks of his hair like stars may dot a night sky. Cregan was furthermore reminded that Jacaerys was entirely out of his element, a prince kissed by fire in a land that was seldom anything more than a place gripped by snow and wracked with famines brought on by the harshness of it. Jacaerys looked on the North not with distaste or scorn, but with an unfamiliar captivation that Cregan found a strange relief in. He could not tell if he felt only relief, or if the relief was another bud on the branch of fondness sprouting in his heart for his prince. He did not enjoy thinking of such things, it brought forth an unwelcome warmth to his skin that did not befit a lord that was described as formidable.
Jacaerys was the one to break their shared silence, speaking fondly of the vastness beyond the Wall, of its starkly white beauty outstretching far from what the eye could see. Breathtaking, Jacaerys said. Looking more closely, with the eyes of a man and not a lord, Cregan found truth in the prince’s words. It was beautifully breathtaking, in a way. Perhaps its beauty had always been there, perhaps Cregan had never bothered to look for it, though Cregan believed that Jacaerys had a stronger eye for beauty than he did. The wind whipped through his hair, biting his own cheeks and bringing on a soft, velvety pink flush to his skin. The wind reminded him of a low, whining howl. His line of thought prompted him to wonder if the howling winds was the reason House Stark bore a direwolf upon its banner. Cregan exhaled through his nose as if he had been withholding it, the warmth of his breath causing his exhale to turn to a lingering fog. He took the prince’s words to heart, giving a singular sharp, agreeable nod of his head. “Aye.” Was his response, so simple and clumsy sounding with his accent it caused a twist of discomfort in his belly. Cregan had a hand skilled with a blade, but not a tongue skilled with words. It took a man of meagre talent to wield a sword, but a man of great skill to wield words. To Cregan’s chagrin, he did not so happen to be a man of both.
Arriving in Winterfell had made Jace long for home. Vermax had disagreed with the frigid climate at once, having to be coaxed into landing with the promise that they wouldn't be there long. That had been three weeks ago, and Vermax was still very unhappy about the predicament. Jace was certain that if he lingered longer than necessary that Vermax might just abandon him. He sensed his dragon's discomfort, even now while standing at the height of the Wall Jace could feel it. There was a growing comfort in that uncertainty, one brought on by his close proximity to Cregan Stark. It was a silly, fleeting, and unfamiliar sensation that Jace couldn't place. He had never felt anything like it, and the complexity of it drove the prince mad. Jace would confide in Luke once he returned to Dragonstone or even Vermax once he visited him in the crypts of Winterfell. He could already imagine his dragon curling around him like a large dog. Jace would rest against his olive-green scales, telling Vermax of his journey to the Wall and of Cregan Stark. Vermax would feign interest, listening to Jace as if he could understand his unrefined Valyrian. Luke, at least, would ask questions and tease him over these budding feelings. Perhaps his dragon was the better choice as his confidante. "Aye." Jace had expected such a reply from Cregan who had proven to be a man of little words. This didn't bother Jace as there was comfort in silence. So often he was surrounded by courtiers and his own family that he seldom had time to think. Cregan allowed Jace to exist beside him without the constant need for conversation. When the Northerner did speak he did so with an unwavering certainty in that thick accent of his. Even that singular "Aye" had been dripping with it, and it made Jace swoon, for a lack of better words. Before those flowers can blossom within his chest he stamps them out with a metaphorical boot. He doesn't know what this sensation is, but he is familiar enough with fondness to know that this is something familiar. Jace has already been promised to another. Baela Targaryen would one day be his queen and they would have many children together. This felt different. Not born out of duty and having to be cultivated. Jace averts his gaze from Cregan who stood as tall and mighty as the Wall itself. His fingers curl around the railing while he gathers his thoughts.
One day he would be king. If he could convince all of Westeros that he was legitimate and just as deserving as every Targaryen before him. He had a dragon and that should have been enough. But that had still proven insufficient. His dark colored hair and chocolate colored eyes served as a constant reminder of the stain upon his reputation. Yet, that had mattered very little to Cregan. Far away from the machinations of King's Landing he had been treated like a proper prince. His subjects had all greeted him with respect, and in turn Jace appeared as the consummate picture of a prince. They would one day all look to him for guidance, and he wouldn't let them down. Jace imagined that he might even return to Winterfell where he would find an older and distinguished Cregan waiting for him. Jace turns away from the railing so they might continue their tour of the wall. "After you, my lord." He had already reminded Cregan of the oath his father had sworn to his mother, and was once again urged to compel him to fulfill that promise. Jace didn't want to diminish himself in Cregan's eyes by appearing insistent or demanding. He could be both of those things, certainly, but he had an impression to make. An impression that had nearly been a month in the making. "Next time we venture to the Wall, we'll fly upon Vermax. It won't take as long, and I would like to see how you fare in the sky." He says with a smile that makes his eyes twinkle. Jace doubted that Cregan would be a fan of being so high up on a beast that barely tolerated him. Despite his rider's own fondness for Cregan, Vermax treated the northerner with the indifference of an irritable housecat. Perhaps he recognized Jace's own feelings of uncertainty, registering Cregan as a potential threat. Jace was amused at the thought. There was still time for Cregan to deny him all, but Jace doubted it would come to that. By the time he left the north he would have secured their alliance and earned a lifelong friend.
A man of little words, yet the Warden of the North took quick notice of Jacaerys's acceptance of his silence. Cregan had never been a man to lash his tongue and bombard others with questions of pointlessness. Cregan was many things, but a driveller was nothing of his type. It was in a shared silence that Cregan believed that he enjoyed Jacaerys the most, that his prince was better when he sealed his lips and allowed the silence to speak for itself. The days could drag on at the pace of a lame horse, but the lame horse that was the days in the North had fallen into a pattern of trekking on a bit faster when Cregan could indulge himself in the company of his prince. An indulgence he kept entirely to himself, tucked away and never to be acknowledged by another soul that drew breath. Cregan was not often in the company of men his age. Lord Cerwyn was a close friend of Cregan’s, and his late ladywife had been a friend he held close to his heart even now, and yet his companionship with the prince did not feel the same. Was it a friend that brought his heart to stutter and clench in his chest as if he were gazing upon a pretty maid? He did not think so, but what was Jacaerys if not a friend. Cregan often found himself grasping and pondering for words, especially now.
It caused Cregan a great deal of discomfort to know that Jacaerys had not truly come to the North for him. The prince desired for his men and whatever army he could scrounge up for his cause in the dead of winter. Westeros was a land of power and politics, not emotions and tender hearts. Cregan, out of all, should know this better than any, yet he could not quite grasp why the reality bothered him so. He tormented over it late into the night when he would retire into his bedchamber, staring at the moonlight whenever it streaked through the windows. More often than not he wondered if Jacaerys had similar thoughts, or if the prince held normal thoughts within the confines of his mind, holding a mere platonic fondness for his lord. Cregan held no great care for any gods, but he wished damnation upon them for creating and sending him a prince with such amusing petulance and a delicate face. Delicate in the face as a maid, and the prince often brought on thoughts and feels as a delicate maid might.
The wind continued to whip at his skin, sending his hair lashing about around his shoulders like dark wisps of fog. The wind was as sharp edged as a blade, and Cregan had to turn his head to the side so it may not bite his cheeks till they were raw. Cregan watched as Jacaerys turned away from the railing, separating any man from a long and unfortunate fall. For a moment, Cregan was forced to stare at the back of Jacaerys’s head, gazing upon the dark, thick curls of hair that were not particularly Targaryen. It mattered little to Cregan, had the prince been one of pale hair or dark, but the whispered rumors of the prince’s parentage reached far, even into the typically uninterested North. Cregan cared even less for rumors, and he cared nothing for the truth of them. Jacaerys had come to him on a dragon, not by horse or ship. That was all the convincing Cregan had required. “After you, my lord,” Jacaerys had said, and that was enough to spur Cregan into motion, and he was quick to fall into step beside him, as quiet as the Wall itself.
Cregan took immediate notice of his prince’s choice of words. “Next time we venture to the Wall,” and it pleased him some to hear that Jacaerys may have intentions of returning. He would certainly enjoy reveling in his company again, but he would not have Jacaerys know how deep of a desire it was. Cregan, however, could do without hosting the prince’s dragon. An irritable creature, or so he could concur if the way the beast rumbled and growled whenever the wind kicked up or when the snow fell was as telling as he believed it to be. Jacaerys offered Cregan a light, airy smile when he spoke, and it made him curious if he was truly serious, or if it was a mere jest. Jest, he hoped. He let out a curt exhale through his nostrils, a bare trace of a laugh. Cregan had seen little of Vermax, thank the gods, but he did not believe that the dragon was particularly fond of him. A great, green scaled beast with wings of beaten copper, exuding flames like a man may exude air, and yet Cregan could only think that Vermax may truly be an old housecat trapped in a fiery, scaly prison. “An honor, no doubt,” he replied, amusement smothered by his polite refusal. He allowed his eyes to flit momentarily to Jacaerys's face, noting the gleam in the dark, chocolatey hues of his eyes. “I prefer myself on the ground rather than the sky.” He continued, allowing the icy resolve of his face to melt, the corners of his lips tilting in a barely perceptible trace of a smile.
07. sharing silence with them.
𝐧𝐨𝐧-𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 : open / accepting ⟢
The Wall had been as captivating as it had been intimidating. It stood as a testament to the might of the North and as a bulwark from everything that lingered on the other side of it. Jace had accompanied Cregan Stark to The Wall, traveling for three weeks all the way from Winterfell to the imposing structure. Aegon had stood at this very same spot once, looking over the vast expanse that had made Jace's breath hitch in his throat. Had the Conqueror felt that same sense of wonder and trepidation, he wondered? Jace wanted to speak but felt as though no words were necessary. Standing there beside Cregan, his cheeks rosy and their gloved hands nearly touching, Jace didn't want to ruin the moment. They had built a quick friendship together, finding they had many similarities despite being vastly different. Jace was often petulant while Cregan was as firm and aloof as Winter herself. Cregan had brought out traits in Jace that he had yet to discover, among them were new feelings still unfamiliar to the prince. He mistook them for fondness for the wolf. "Tis' hard to believe that death is abundant beyond the Wall. It's breathtaking." He says, breaking the lingering silence between them. Jace takes a step forward, hands resting on the railing that separated the prince from a long fall. He looks back at Cregan, beckoning him forward without a word so that they might admire the savage beauty of the wilds together.
The Wall brought forth the true nature of men when faced with a force bigger than themselves. Fear was one more common than not. Discomfort was one often seen as well. Sometimes, intimidation. Few displayed such captivation when beholding the icy behemoth. The captivation upon Jacaerys’s face was a thing that bred curiosity within Cregan, and he dared to allow himself to feel pleased with the emotion. Rather captivation than fear or discomfort, though even the Warden of the North was not spared from the emotions the Wall invoked within men. Good friends was the wolf to the crows, and the Wall was a sight Cregan had grown familiar with. Familiar, but wary, as one may behave around a stray hound. At night, the wind beyond the Wall grew restless, howling and scratching at the icy barrier. Some nights, he believed the wind against the ice sounded like screaming, the despaired wails could scratch and claw at the Wall as it so wished but would never pass the threshold. For better or for worse, but most like for better.
Jacaerys had been a surprising, but not unwelcome presence in the North. It was to be expected, to his vexation. Cregan was uninterested in the South and whatever ridiculousness it harbored, but even the distant North had heard tales of unhappy dragons stirring, a stirring he had no taste in intruding, yet had been brought forth to the gates of his castle regardless. War has little care for the men it affects, be they common or noble-born. Jacaerys had been somewhat of a thorn pricking at his side, but not for the reasons most would believe. A begrudging respect and even more begrudging friendship had begun to bud, though not yet fully flower. In the throes of his youth and insistent on flexing his worth, Cregan had, in the beginning, remained politely distant from the prince. He had never been quick to make friends, and Jacaerys had not been intended to be the exception. And yet, the dragon did what it did best and exuded its flames. Exuded them so insistently and so hotly that they had melted the icy crust around his resolve and his heart alike, curtailing his restraint and working his way into his heart. There, that bud of fondness sprouted its branches and left the North's typically stoney-faced Lord feeling uncharacteristically… light. Cregan could not name the emotions that swirled in his chest and overtook his thoughts, he had always been a man with a slow and heavy tongue, yet he knew for certain that he felt them to such a degree it nearly took away his very breath.
Despite the iced wind gnashing its teeth against his flesh, Cregan felt those light and warm thoughts even now. Northmen had thick blood and thicker skin, used to the winter and all the iciness she brought with her, yet even Cregan felt her frigid embrace. Stood beside the prince, he observed Jacaerys quietly. The whips of wind had rustled his hair and nipped the apples of his cheeks till they were pink and flush, fresh snowfall flecking in the dark locks of his hair like stars may dot a night sky. Cregan was furthermore reminded that Jacaerys was entirely out of his element, a prince kissed by fire in a land that was seldom anything more than a place gripped by snow and wracked with famines brought on by the harshness of it. Jacaerys looked on the North not with distaste or scorn, but with an unfamiliar captivation that Cregan found a strange relief in. He could not tell if he felt only relief, or if the relief was another bud on the branch of fondness sprouting in his heart for his prince. He did not enjoy thinking of such things, it brought forth an unwelcome warmth to his skin that did not befit a lord that was described as formidable.
Jacaerys was the one to break their shared silence, speaking fondly of the vastness beyond the Wall, of its starkly white beauty outstretching far from what the eye could see. Breathtaking, Jacaerys said. Looking more closely, with the eyes of a man and not a lord, Cregan found truth in the prince’s words. It was beautifully breathtaking, in a way. Perhaps its beauty had always been there, perhaps Cregan had never bothered to look for it, though Cregan believed that Jacaerys had a stronger eye for beauty than he did. The wind whipped through his hair, biting his own cheeks and bringing on a soft, velvety pink flush to his skin. The wind reminded him of a low, whining howl. His line of thought prompted him to wonder if the howling winds was the reason House Stark bore a direwolf upon its banner. Cregan exhaled through his nose as if he had been withholding it, the warmth of his breath causing his exhale to turn to a lingering fog. He took the prince’s words to heart, giving a singular sharp, agreeable nod of his head. “Aye.” Was his response, so simple and clumsy sounding with his accent it caused a twist of discomfort in his belly. Cregan had a hand skilled with a blade, but not a tongue skilled with words. It took a man of meagre talent to wield a sword, but a man of great skill to wield words. To Cregan’s chagrin, he did not so happen to be a man of both.