Advice to a Younger Introvert
- You don’t have to be academically inclined or some intensely deep thinker to be an introvert. The world isn’t neatly divided into bookish loners and party animals. Some extroverts love books and ideas, some introverts don’t. Don’t feel you have to be Van Gogh to ‘make up’ for being an introvert.
- Introversion comes with both strengths and weaknesses. In some fields it gives you advantages, in other fields disadvantages. It is not an excuse to avoid developing social skills.
-Think of socialising like exercise. Too much will exhaust you, not enough is bad for your health. Schedule socialising into your timetable.
- Also, like exercise, you dread doing it before you start but once you’ve gotten into it you start to have more fun.
- You run the risk of isolating yourself when you’re sad/on school holidays. The problem with isolating yourself is you don’t always realise you’re doing it, or realise the damage it does to your mental health so if you get sad/tired/irritable and you don’t know why, it could actually be a lack of people. It’s a balancing act, but as you mature, it gets easier to balance.
- Socialising doesn’t mean you have to go clubbing or make small talk. Quality time with friends and family, one-on-one, counts. Invest time in a few relationships, pay attention to them, nourish them until they blossom.
- When it comes to socialising, either explain to your friend it’s a one-on-one thing or specifically plan something that only two people can do/something that can’t be expanded to more people without prior notice, like cooking dinner or playing video games. It sucks when people bring along someone you don’t know without telling you first and leave you feeling left out. Third wheeling is not your friend.
-If you’re at a party and you’re overstimulated by loud music/bright lights/crowds/chatter, don’ t lock yourself in the bathroom for long, but maybe save some time recharging by switching the lights off in the bathroom and taking deep breaths, like an improvised floatation tank.
-but don’t forget to lock the door, otherwise people might walk in and wonder what the hell you’re doing standing in the dark.
-When it comes to class participation, quality counts as much as quantity. Don’t fret if you’re not speaking a lot, so long as what you’re saying is concise and useful to class discussion. Teachers do actually notice these things.
-If your voice isn’t loud, that doesn’t mean people won’t listen. If what you have to say is valuable, you’ll get more attention than you think.
- Public speaking is a necessary evil, but it gets better with practice. Introversion needn’t stop you winning that oratory prize.
- Introversion is about being differently social, not anti-social. Remain polite and courteous. Holding the door open for people is a nifty habit to get into because it allows you to show respect and concern to others without you needing to talk.
-If you want a book about introversion, by an introvert, Quiet by Susan Cain is a psychological treatise, a history, a biological explanation, a sociological examination and a defence all rolled into one.
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