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@awkwardbandos
Louder for the people in the back š£š£
SLPT: Confuse those wine snobs by *hearing* the wine
so i told my mom about this post before she and my dad went on a trip to napa, and she was delighted to try this out
and apparently, when she straight-faced, lifted her glass of chardonnay to her ear and swirled it, she baffled the other winery-goers so much that they all instinctively did exactly the same thing. that sort of crowd-think, that you arenāt quite sure whatās right but youāll be damned if youāre mistaken for the plebian that you are
but watching that was enough for my mom to lose her composure, laugh so hard she cried, and spill the entire glass all over herself, in the process getting kicked out of the winery
so long story short do this at your own risk
so my little brother is 14 years old, and is turning 15 tomorrow
his birthday is 4/20
he has no idea why all our cousins (and myself) giggle at birthday parties when i say im going to blaze it(the cake candles). even his friends are in on this they showed up 3 years ago to his party and they goĀ āHahaha hey pedro happy 420ā³ and he repliedĀ āYea thanks thats my birthdayā to which they all apparently silently simultaneously agreed to not tell him anything and are also waiting for him to figure it out on his own
Heās a freshman in high school this year and has SOMEHOW still managed to not figure this out. I wonder how he will be told tomorrow Ā
@ anybody and everybody wondering, just came home and told him happy birthday and he took his xbox headphones off and just looked at me in the most legitimate serious face ive ever seen and said
āDid you know its national weed day?????ā
happy 16th birthday/national weed day jr
Happy 18th birthday little dude, you are now a little man
Happy 19th birthday Jr, people make this post an annual tradition apparently lmfaaooo
We all better live till then to celebrate this kids insane birthday
kittiesinthemorning:
I just donāt understand how this happened. But hereās a picture of a lemon from my backyard
WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK
when life gives yoĒ̻̬ĶĶĢ£Ģ̩̦͢ ĶŖĢĢĢŅ̳ĢĢĢŗĢlĶ̬̹Ģ̻̄ĶĢ„ĢĢĢĶ©ĢĶ„ĶeĶĢĢĢ Ģ£Ģ ĢĢĶ©ĢĢĢį¹ĢĢĢĶĢĢoĢ ĢŖĢŖĶ¤ĶĶn̵ĶĢ£Ķͧ̿ͧĶĢsĢ·Ģ ĶĶ¬Ķ«Ķ¦Ģ Ķ” ĢøĶͤĶŅ̦̺M̰̹ĶĶĶ®ĢĶ«Ķ Č¦Ģ»ĢĢ ĢĢĶĶĶĶKĢ Ģ»Ģ«Ģ¤ĢĢĶ„EĶĶŖĶ̱̤ĶĶ ĢĶĢ̬ĢĶÆĶĶ¢Ķ ÅĶ̦̩̳̣ĢĶ®ĶĶØAĶĢĶĢĢĢĢĢĶCĢ”Ģ ĢĶĶŖĶĢͤĶĶŖR̬ĶĶĶŖĢĶ ÄØĢµĢĶĢĢĢĢFĶĶĢIͬͧĢĢĢĶŖĶĶĢ“ĢŖĢ¤Ķ C̢̰ĢĶĢĶͬĢĢĢĢĢĢĢįøĢ¶Ģ ̰̳̩̳ĢĶĶ®ĢĢĢĢSĢ»Ķ̣̰ĢĢĶ
itās back
Satan lemon
every villain is lemons
And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the cityās attention an irregularity surrounding this summerās citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.
And now: The Weather.
This kind of looks like a Buddhaās hand to me
theyāre a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddhaās hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses?
@botanyshitposts do you know about this?
a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddhaās hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twistyĀ āarmsā are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddhaās hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.Ā
im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.Ā
@gallusrostromegalus
WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE!
The short version is that Citrus is a slutty, slutty genus of plants that can knock up pretty much any other member of the genus and uh⦠itās mots recent relative as of 7 million years ago, becuase why not. Usually that makes for tasty children like tangerines and whatnot, but sometimes Weird Shit happens.
All modern citrus are descended from Mandrin oranges, Pumelos and Etrogs, the latter being closest to lemons and which looks like this:
Itās big and lumpy and mostly pith but also tasty as hell so Ye Ancient Malay Archipeligo Orchard Guy gets to breeding these for more tasty innards, presumable inventing lemonade in the process.Ā YAMAOG also finds out that itās REALLY easy to seriously mess with the overall appearence of the fruit of these very inbred etrogs, and starts breeding all kinds of nonsense, like Bhuddaās palms, Modern Lemons and Grapefruit.
YAMAOG also noticed that in addition to the occasional ugly inbred mule child, you can also get really strange looking fruit if the tree gets sick, is malnourished, if any part of the flower is damaged, or if the weather just sucks that year.Ā In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch.
Looking at the Demon Fruit, my best guesses are
If youāve had weird-shaped fruits off that tree before, you might have a very strange hybrid tree like the dachsund-pitbull one of my neighbors owns.
If itās only the one fruit, and your tree is producing otherwise normal lemons, that particular flower or branch took some kind of damage or had a viral infection, which fucked up all the hormones and hence your lemon has gone all Ending-Of-Akira on you.
GOOD NEWS FOR BOTH SCENARIOS: unless the fruit looks like itās actually rotting, itās safe to eat!Ā weird fruit shapes in lemons pretty much never makes them dangerous, just maybe a bit more tart than usual.
Enjoy a nice glass of demonfruit juice!
Worcester, MA
Itās so beautiful! :ā)
I legitimately thought at first that those were baked beans and not peanuts. Which was quite the way of interpreting this.
Grand Central Terminal, New York, 1910.
via reddit
Thanos: H-
Wanda the second she was unashed:
The Starks really are something else huh? Saving two different universes all in the same week.
Thereās certain people that you cannot speak on specific topics with because they donāt have the range, the knowledge, the empathy or the depth, to even understand where the fuck youāre coming from.
Describing someone as ānot having the rangeā is gonna be my new insult for 2019
gamefreak is asleep; reblog dikachu
Tumblr staff is incompetent; follow me on twitter
The next time I see one of those āmillenials will be photographing the end of the worldā posts Iām gonna scream because let me tell you, I just went through a natural disaster and Snapchat literally saved peopleās lives. Thanks to snapchat I knew exactly what roads were flooded, what stores were open, what my HOUSE looked like (since I wasnāt there), and which shelters I could go to. People were snapping/tweeting asking to be rescued and THEY WERE. I didnāt get my news from the tv, I saw it in real time on social media and I will never not be grateful for that.
Millennials will surviveĀ the end of the world because we photographed it.
Also like⦠yeah no shit weāll be taking pictures of the end of the world, why do old people say that like its a bad thing? Itās called documenting, and people have literally always done it. When the Titanic sank, people were sketching it from the lifeboats. When Mount St. Helens erupted, a photographer named Robert Lansburg realized he was too close to possibly escape, so he took pictures until the last possible second, put his camera in his bag, then sheltered it with his body. The film was undamaged, and his pictures were groundbreaking contributions to geology, because obviously nobody had ever witnessed a volcanic eruption that close. The only reason any footage exists of the first plane hitting the world trade center on 9/11 is pure luck; a group of students were filming a documentary, and thought a plane flying into the city was interesting enough to film. If they hadnāt been outside at that moment, with the camera rolling, on a street with a clear view of the towers, there would be no visual record of the first plane.
Yeah. People document major events. Itās kind of what we do. Thatās not a bad thing.
I absolutely love that Thor wasnāt jealous or that he didnāt feel threaten that Steve could hold the Mjolnir. He was fucking excited. āI KNEW IT. WE ARE NOW THE WORTHY BROTHERS.ā