[cannibalchicken]

[serethespider]

the tension between the genuine cleverness of the joke and the incompetence implied by putting it on two-sentence horror is what makes this for me

[assimilation-failure]

[sealedbeastnue]

“what time is it” you ask, i pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy”

[stars-bean]

Sherlock Holmes (2009) dir. Guy Ritchie

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

it's not glamorous, but it's also not honest work, and nobody needs to do it

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

very first reply knocks it out of the park

[maskdoll]

embarrassing: this girl thought that glory and honor were real things and has only now realized that her death will be nothing but feeding a meaningless meatgrinder

[abrightcrux-deactivated20250828]

a treasure found antiquing today

[thegryffe]

these?

[creepymutelilbugger]

no, i think its talking about the guy who tries to beat sonic hedgehog

[vforvalensa]

[hjartasalt]

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

[hjartasalt]

Daddy has five days left to live

[hjartasalt]

Daddy wishes to be cremated

[hjartasalt]

It's what daddy would have wanted

[hjartasalt]

Hi. Everyone else go home this is the only tag that matters to me

[yoursoftmachine]

my d.b. cooper theory is that the rapture happened while he was falling and he was the only christian worthy of heaven

[fluent-in-lesbianism]

I took a 6yo boy to his placement and as soon as I got him situated in the back he saw my SpongeBob driver’s license air freshener hanging on my rearview mirror. He asked if that’s really SpongeBob’s driver’s license and I said yeah it’s real. Then he asked where I got it if SpongeBob’s underwater so I told him I wore a helmet like Sandy and stole it from SpongeBob when he slept, and without missing a beat he goes “That’s identity fraud”

[neenarchive]

boys like it when you imprison them in the ornate birdcage that hangs in the centre of your lair

[neenarchive]

why do people keep tagging this as whump what is whump. is it the sound they make when they throw themselves against the bars of the cage because they love it in there so much

[robosuta]

What if.....

[ahotknife]

the enormity of my desire disgusts me

[lustloveandliarsx]

Strangling him with our red string of fate

[treecitysessions]

[radio-jupotter]

Wake up... A cup... get your tits sucked...

[bitemeilovewaffles]

IN MY MAKEUP FACE FUCK GET MY BAKE UP

[maidthings]

girls are asking me to "touch the demon inside of them." chill I haven't even had breakfast yet

[digi-log-conversation]

girls are asking me to "touch the brea st

[maidthings]

Unsentence mix my post at once foul harlot.

[crewdlydrawn]

se x my fo ot.