Sorry In Advance

The shitty side of me.

[awolchelsea]

What have I done

[awolchelsea]

I really did feel so cute.

[awolchelsea]

Do you need a break from me? Some space? A little time to step back and maybe realize you miss me. I do a lot for you and it never seems like enough. I just hope one day you realize how much I do and how much different your life would be without me. I don't want it to be too late.

[awolchelsea]

I don't believe you when you say you don't share my feelings. I don't believe that you don't love me. When you say you want me to be happy I am calling bullshit because I've told you a hundred times that it's you. You make me happy. And I won't take your cop out. You leaving me isn't for me. It's for you. It's selfish and it's for you.

[awolchelsea]

Reading through what we were in the beginning is killing me. I still love you with every ounce of my being. And I know you don't feel the same anymore. I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know what made you change your mind. I'm so sorry that I'm not enough anymore. But you'll always be it for me. I do not say that lightly. You are the only one I've ever felt this for. And you'll always be the only one.

[vxtacy]

[awolchelsea]

I'm going to throw up

[awolchelsea]

Why am I constantly losing it over you? This needs to stop. I'm overwhelmed right now. I can't sleep. I just need you. I need you to say a few nice words. I need a promise. a commitment. I need to not be so afraid that you're going to leave me at any moment. I'm driving you away with my own paranoia.

[awolchelsea]

Winter is good because I get to wear sweaters. And sweaters mean my arms are covered. Winter means that no one is going to question my sleeves and inadvertently call me out. Winter means I can hide my marks.

[awolchelsea]

I just need to give you a little time and a little space. You'll come around. You told me you would. You can't lie to me. I can't lose you.

[awolchelsea]

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I keep staying up all night. My mind is racing. I haven't done this in a few months. I mean here and there, yeah. But this has been consecutively for a week or two. I'm afraid I'm about to fall back into a low.

[awolchelsea]

I feel like everyone hates me because I want to spend time with my boyfriend when I finally get my house. We are all paying the same amount. I should be allowed to have him over as much as I want. I'm sorry if you guys don't understand how hard this is for me to not see him. I'm not compromising my happiness so you guys can feel better. I shouldn't feel bad about this.

[yourlady0fsorrows]

when you’re alone, you have no one so you make yourself your foundation. you tell yourself you’re worth it, you tell yourself you’re pretty enough. but ever since I’ve been with him, I stopped telling myself these things, expecting it from him. but he doesn’t keep my self-esteem at healthy levels, and I stopped trying because I didn’t have to be my only support anymore… but I guess I was wrong. and sure I could go back to being the only one to tell myself I’m worth it but the fact that I’m with someone and have to do it myself, really just tells me I’m not.

[awolchelsea]

My love for you is endless.

[awolchelsea]

I have to be honest. I have to breathe and be okay with the fact that I said that. Honesty is important. I don't want to come across as a crazy girlfriend or lose you but it wouldn't be right if I wasn't honest about this. I have to remember that I matter too. My feelings are absolutely valid and if I lose you over something so ridiculous it wasn't meant to be.

[awolchelsea]

I felt super cute in this pic from a few weeks ago but I never did anything with it so here it is.

[awolchelsea]

I have been on the verge of tears all day. I don't want to take it out on you. I love you so much but something is terribly wrong with me. I don't want to go to sleep upset, but I don't want to stay up and risk saying something I'll regret.

[awolchelsea]

A part of me will always be sad about you. I've been thinking about you a lot tonight and I don't like it. I don't want you back. I don't want that lifestyle of yours. I was scared for you most of the time. And I was scared for me. That's no way to live. Wherever you are tonight I hope that you are happy and I hope you are fulfilled. I hope your scars are healing and I hope you've found a new way to silence your demons. A part of me will always love a part of you. And I will always wonder about you. I will hope that you are okay and that you've found some kind of peace. You deserve to be content.